This is the last time you do this in your life, you're slowly getting exhausting?

[Anonymous]

Was told this by my boyfriend when I bring stuff up that I don't like and I told him I don't wanna have it cause a problem later , I wanna be able to talk about things and be reassured and same with him and I said he should stop threatening me about ending our relationship and he said stop being exhausting then, if I don't talk about what's bothering me I bottle it up and it isn't a good thing for our relationship so I rather tell him and fix it or at least get reassured but he gets annoyed and doesn't like it, any suggestions on how to do something else instead that works for the both of us without starting an argument

Updates

+1 y

So I brought up something else again and he called me toxic, told me to grow up and said his done with this for now, says we can be friends

[Oliverlogan263]

Any girl would not be okay with a boyfriend talking to her like that. Threatening to end the relationship because you bring up valid concerns is super manipulative and controlling. A few things to consider:

- Healthy relationships involve open communication where both people feel safe and respected discussing issues.

- Bottling things up will only lead to bigger problems down the road. You're right to want to address stuff in the moment.

- Calling you "exhausting" for a very reasonable need is emotionally abusive. You don't deserve that treatment.

- It's not your job to walk on eggshells or change yourself to avoid his anger. He's the one who needs to work on listening without getting defensive.

- His threats will likely only make you feel afraid to express yourself honestly. That's not fair to you at all.

I know confronting him will probably lead to a fight, but you need to set a clear boundary that you won't tolerate being spoken to that way anymore. And maybe think about if this is really someone you can trust to meet your emotional needs long term. You deserve a caring partner who will work with you as a team. Stay strong - you've got this!

[Asker]

So what do you think I should do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, if it was me in this situation, I think I would tell him straight up that the threats and name-calling ain't gonna fly anymore. Have a serious talk and lay down some boundaries - you're happy to work through stuff together as a team, but not if he's gonna keep disrespecting you when you bring up concerns.

Make it clear you need to be able to communicate openly without fear of retaliation. Suggest counseling again to get an unbiased third party perspective. If he's still not willing to meet you half way, then you gotta think long term. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you can't express how you truly feel?

Personally, I wouldn't stand for being treated like that. Let him know this is the last chance to change his ways before you consider walking. And mean it! Don't let him keep acting like that just to keep you around. You deserve respect, girl.

Let me know how it goes. But if he refuses to hear you out without the threats, then his loss - you don't need that kind of toxicity weighing you down. Stay strong sis, you got this!

[Asker]

Well I did tell him I wanted a break up the last time he did this, said I'm feeling no effort from him and he said the exact kinds of things so I don't know

[Oliverlogan263]

Well good for you for standing up for yourself. Saying you want to break up is definitely the right call if he keeps treating you like that with no effort to change.

I know it's probably hard since you've been with him, but really ask yourself if this is how you see yourself being happy in a long-term relationship. Getting yelled at for trying to talk things out? Threats of breaking up any time you don't just agree with him? That's no way to live, boo.

At this point it's on him to decide if he wants to actually put in the work to treat you better. But you can't wait around forever hoping he'll change either. If I were you, I'd give him some real space now, like cut off contact for awhile other than maybe to get your stuff back.

Use this break to do your own thing and remember what you want and deserve from a partnership. Then if he comes back saying he understands how he needs to step up, you can decide if you want to give him another chance or not.

But either way, don't settle for less than being respected and listened to. You got this luv - stay strong in what you need, and don't look back if he can't meet you there. You'll find someone way better who appreciates you for real.

[Asker]

Well he broke up not me, I couldn't, he Said he didn't want a toxic relationship so yeah his never going to change best to move on , thank you though , really appreciate it 💓

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man that really stinks, I'm sorry to hear he ended it for good. As much as it hurts right now, I think deep down you know this is probably for the best in the long run. It takes guts to walk away from someone you cared about, even if they weren't the best for you. Props to you for not dragging things out - that'll make the moving on process a little easier at least.

Don't be too hard on yourself though. It's totally normal to want to hold on to what you had, even when you see the flaws. But you'll get through this and come out stronger. Take all the time you need to grief the relationship, but don't get stuck there. Soon enough you'll start feeling excited for the future again.

I'm always here if you wanna vent or play video games to get your mind off it for a bit. And hey, who knows - down the road you might even realize this bump was a blessing in disguise. For now just focus on you and doing things that make you happy. Your true soulmate is out there and will treat you like a queen. This guy's loss! Chin up luv, better days ahead 👊

[Asker]

I really appreciate it thank you 💕

[Oliverlogan263]

My pleasure madamé ☺️❤️

[boggboss]

Stop trying to force a relationship to work thats clearly doomed to fail you have issues with the relationship and his answer is he will leave u clearly u guys ain't going to work out because he is not bothered by how u feel or care to help fix it

[Asker]

So then nothing else to do?

[boggboss]

Their is nothing u are capable of doing to make this relationship work at best its bottle your emotions or delete them which we all know won't work the man u have picked doesn't want to deal with the issue so the relationship will fail

[boggboss]

What dis u expect to happen

[Asker]

I don't know

[boggboss]

What do u mean u don't know he told u what would happen if u did ao did u think he was talking for the sake of it

[Asker]

True, I just didn't expect he'd really do it, I personally find it hard to let go of someone if I still love them

[boggboss]

That is what will make u easy to manipulate inside of a relationship so if he comes back next week u will run to him and then he will condition u not to complain when he acts toxic

[Asker]

Think that's what will happen? We're barely talking 🤷‍♀️

[boggboss]

I'm 60% sure he will come back or say your a friend and treat u like more

[Asker]

Doubt it , he says he can't do a toxic relationship its too and then when we broke up I asked him so what now , do we stop talking or not , do we move on or not and he said his to exhausted to set rules but we can still talk and then I said well I'm feeling hurt but I'll get over it and he said hmmm so i said okay then and he left me on read ever since

[boggboss]

We will see funny he says that when he was just as toxic but meh

[Asker]

Lol yeah his done with me I guess

[boggboss]

Ge could be but to be honest that would be the best case situation

[Asker]

Yeah I guess so, hurts now but hopefully won't later on

[boggboss]

It won't time heals the hurt

[Asker]

Lol first boyfriend, doubt it's going to be easy , I literally feel like saying sorry for everything and what not even though I know I'm not wrong, last time I wanted to break up and immediately said sorry for the way I acted and said I'll try even though he was the reason behind it all , so messed up , I struggle to let go and seeing myself with someone else

[Anonymous]

I suggest you date an adult. Him not wanting to talk about what is bothering you is a red flag. If he can’t be bothered to work things out when you’re trying and even shames you for it? LEEAAVVEE. Don’t give an explanation. Just leave. Choose you.

[Asker]

Well no other way to do it instead?

[rosemilk]

he's not the one for you. couples are supposed to be allowed to bring feelings up and talk about them. yet, he responds by threatening ending the relationship. it's him, not you. you are worth more, get out while you still can.

[Asker]

No other option you think?

[rosemilk]

not with his attitude. he is unlikely to change

[Asker]

Thank you for the opinion

[laly520]

this relationship isn't meant to be

[Asker]

Why?

[laly520]

he doesn't communicate n doesn't care about how u feel
he isn't the one
better move on n not force relationship

[Asker]

What happens if I still try

[laly520]

u would be wasting ur time n harming ur mental health