If you’re emotional unavailable but you still want to have a connection as a friend but on a certain level. are you still the bad guy?

[Anonymous]

I’m emotional unavailable and on the internet they have painted a certain picture of that specific person but it isn’t the whole truth.. but you still want a connection to be a good friend even though every relationship starting to drain you a lot faster than before but most of the times I want to talk about topics that aren’t that deep.. like even if you’re emotional unavailable you just can’t live without a human connection but on a certain level that you can accept.. am I the only one with this problem?

[Anonymous]

Take care not to let the internet define you. The term "emotionally unavailable" is a bit of a nonsense. All people are different, each person has a different way to express themselves.

The modern system of psycology has, in many regards, demigrated in modern times. They are too concerned with pidgin holing the populus into convinent categorys for the purpose of devising treatments. It's now big money (and its very sad) as you will be bombarded with sites telling you to get councilling for whatever you fear is wrong with you.

The truth is, friends are criticial for our mental health and our best friends are the ones who tell us straight but with the deepest care for presenting things kindly and to help us.

That said, the terms can be useful sometimes, but only if YOU own that word, and feel that word is a good way to describe you and a way of being you want put that way.

The world may describe me as a "loner", I generally prefer my own company usually, but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy others; It's just I find all social stuff tiring and the reward for me is way less than the stress it induces. I don't tend to foster being emotional myself, partly because I find emotions very difficult to navigate and its way easier to keep them underwraps that deal with intense emotion that might lead to problems.

So in this sense, to most, I am emotionally unavailable. Though in reality, its how I'm viewing myself and how I'm managing my emotions and how I am comfortable with them.

Your never entirely unique, in any category. You can always find someone who shares your pre-disposition! So your definitely not alone in that. Though noone will have exactly the same set of dispositions making us all unique and complex.

Your not bad for shying away from emotions, but you might end up hurting youself over time if you don't find the way to express the ones you have with the right people.

In general, whilst it doesn't feel like it often, its better to risk someone hurting you by caring for them than to never try or always protect yourself by being detached (advice to me and you).

All the best.

[Effably]

Welcome to... most guy friends?

They're friends who are there today. Tomorrow. When you need them. But if you disappear days, weeks, months the friendship is still there.
There is also a general agreement to just not invade someone's personal life unless they ask. So a lot of interactions will seem surface level. They're not, they're just respectful.

But yeah... get some guy friends? Pretty solid for this.

[DreamCrescent]

i’m right there with you. totally understand your perspective


after my breakup i craved human connection (with the opposite sex. i mean friends and fam are great but I’m talking about something else). however, i found that I’m not mentally or emotionally in the right headspace to open up. i didn’t have much to give anymore; before that i was full of love and emotions and open fully for someone. emotions were a bit depleted and a full on relationship sounds daunting.


So, that’s what I’m after, too. something, but not too deep


i’ve found that’s quite natural and common. you’ll find someone willing to go at your pace. you’ll also find a lot of pushy people who will gaslight you because they have no empathy. you just have to let those wash off of you and move on


good luck to you, girlie 💕 you’ll figure this out.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your story and your experiences with me. It means a lot. And I’ll do my best 🫡😃

[DreamCrescent]

🩵💙🦋💙🩵

[WhitneySnow]

There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s not me though. I have a relationship and I’m happy in it.