Have you been able to be “just” friends with someone you’re in love with (not bc anyone rejected anyone but bc you’re not ready/ bad time for more)?

[VIVANT]

Yes

No

Yes and no

Other

Updates

+1 y

Ohhhh sorry!!! 🤭 I thought I explained you are BOTH in love. No wonder the answers were confusing he. Completely my fault!

So you are both in love but one or both of you can not be in a romantic relationship at the time and there’s no way of knowing how long. Or if ever.

Maybe there’s trauma or something personal dk. But neither wants to be with anyone else. Can you manage brewing friends or would you avoid them till your feelings lessened?

Thanks!!

[AmeerX]

I have a friend whom I had become fond of and used to talk to her on call or message every other day. Then she told me she was engaged (She was engaged an year before we met). So, I was a little upset that now we won't be able to talk everyday like before. My experience in past is if a guy is getting married he will unfriend girls from his life and if a girl is getting married she will unfriend men from her life.

So when she messaged me after at least an year, I knew there and then that we were destined to be friends till the end. OObviously I never pretended to be her bestie to get close to her. Neither approached her sexually in any way. Even now, I can't see her naked or sexually. Not that she is not beautiful. She is very beautiful, any normal man would be head over heels for her but just not me. Just to check I closed my eyes and she did only come in my mind as a clothed normal person.

All I know is she is a friend. She supports me and I support her. I was happy for her marriage and when she gave birth and I am happy that she moved to Canada soon after marriage. I am in a hell hole in comparison but I will fight to the end here. Someone once told me happiness is within us. That person was right and wrong. Happiness is within us but it is also locked in others. Our friends.

So, I am just worried about her life as well. Especially since I heard the gas problem in Europe and inflation. I know for sure I am in far difficult situation but I prayed for her family including husband that there lives are not made tough on them. There was another girl whom I like as well.

This time God decided to answer a foolish prayer. I prayed in my head when I last saw her going home. "Oh Allah, please be kind on her and make her happy with her husband whoever he may be even if I am not suitable." These words I murmured in my mind came true in just a week. She got a match and she engaged in 3 months and then she married that year. To this day I think it was a lousy time for a prayer to be fulfilled. Never again have I uttered such prayers again :/. Turned out I talked to her and she was still childless after 3 years. She said that the following words,"Ameer there are no sincere people in the world" to which I replied, "Sara, there are sincere people, they are just rare". I was a little upset how God works his schemes.

I have only done so for very few people a prayer from heart. Being a Muslim, few regrets I feel even before age 30 is reached is short lifespans in comparison to people before the Flood of Noah. They had long lives to sin and repent. We have at least 10-12 times shorter lifespans and much more information and knowledge to decipher. Yet we sin more then we repent with shorter lives

Love of siblings, friends, lovers, and love of madness. They are all love but we keep focusing on just romantic love which ends in just months or converts to love of madness or one sided love.

[AmeerX]

If that's the case then I will be there for her but I would not do anything romantic with her. might hug or hold her hand and that's it

[Jamie05rhs]

Ameer, you're awesome, dude. I totally get this.

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs I must clarify that in no way I would want to be selfish enough to break up any of my friends marriage. I just want happiness for myself too.

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Of course! I completely understand! That is that same for me, too! I always support my friends' marriages and pray for them and only want the absolute best for them. There is no jealousy whatsoever.

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs what's your story?

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX My story is I grew up in a group of guys that were a pretty tight band of brothers, and we all hung out together. Well, we all grew up, and, predictably, one by one, each guy started getting picked off by the Venusians. Before you knew it, there was only just a few of us left. Then the last guy got married. This was like 2015. Then it was only me.
So now they're a band of brothers by themselves. I guess they figure I wouldn't understand the married life. Or having kids. Which, to some degree, they're right. But it kind of sucks that you have to lose a lifelong friendship over that.
But I guess that is just how these things go.

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs you don't have to lose friends tomarriage. Mine at leastdidn't. Jamie05rhs

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX I agree with you. Unfortunately, American society does not.

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs actually your story issimilar if not exactly same. at least you can go date someone. We are mostly stuck to our parents will to marry someone. So, I am surprised you are saying this haha. Furthermore, as you see in my story as well. Most girls and boys just prior to marriage unfriend there college friends just to get a clean slate @Jamie05rhs

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Yes; I think are stories are somewhat similar. :)

[Jamie05rhs]

"Most girls and boys just prior to marriage unfriend there college friends just to get a clean slate."
Wow- that's messed up!

... But is it because they were all f*ing each other? So they don't want to keep any exes in their life?
Because if so, that definitely was NOT the case with me and my friends. We were/are all Christians. So we didn't live that way.
In addition, none of us married any of the girls that we grew up with. All of my friends married a new "stranger" girl from outside the group.
(One of my friends dated one of my other friend's sister at one point, but that never went anywhere. They broke up after less than a year.)

[Jamie05rhs]

"at least you can go date someone. We are mostly stuck to our parents will to marry someone."
Aw.
Well, see, for me, this is what happened:. I had very strict parents as a child and a teenager. I wasn't specifically disallowed from dating, but I chose not to, because I was embarrassed by my parents and I didn't want to bring any female into that drama. (I was in a sense basically protecting any potential girlfriends by NOT asking them out.)

As an adult, I moved out and was on my own. But at that point, I didn't really talk to girls, because I was shy, and I didn't know how to interact with them anyway, because I had underdeveloped social skills from being sheltered so much.

I hope that makes sense and explains things well enough. Let me know if you have any questions.

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs fucking, no 🤣. no we don't do that here 😂. That is the most American thing I heard. There are cases of fornication in our country but in general we frown it. Love is not about getting in bed with someone. That's just lusting.

I am not talking about exes, they just think their wives or husbands might be unhappy about it and there are people like that who got divorced for keeping contact with opposite gender.
Most people choose parents choice.

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Okay; GOOD! 🙏. Thank God you still have a healthy and normal society.

[Jamie05rhs]

But hmm; I still think that's kind of strange. There should be no reason to unfriend these people unless there were feelings involved.

In Christianity we have this thing called brotherhood and sisterhood. Which means that someone is your brother or sister even if you are not related to them. (Incidentally, they have that in Hippie culture as well, even though many of them are not Christians.). So basically what this means is that you view everyone platonically and asexually.
(Ironically, that is why I never asked out any of the girls from church. Because I have always viewed them as sisters. Haha)

But anyway, in practical application, if someone is your brother and sister, you still fellowship with them after you get married. Because it doesn't make any difference.
(Obviously not 1-on-1 or in private, though.)

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs I suppose you should come to Pakistan because if what you think about your friends from church then this is the place foryou. Myself, I have platonic friends too but in general I have seen people liking a friend but then end up just saying they had feelings for a time pass.

We like to be straight up about it with minimal dating. I think parents still have a lot of role in match making

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX I like to be straight up as well. With LOTS of dating. Haha. I hope to take my girlfriend on at least 100 dates before I propose to her.

And I think Pakistan is a nice country with many wonderful people. I had several coworkers who were Pakistani and I became good friends with them.
(The only problem is your country has a huge negative factor in supporting terrorism. But we'll let that go for the moment.)

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs the problem with Pakistan is not terrorism but corruption and incompetence. Anyhow 100 dates means 1 year to several years of wait. When it comes to marriage, no girl will wait this long. Either both like each other or not in first few months. There is no try outs option 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Okay. I see.

What is the problem with waiting a year or more? I don't see the issue.
And I think you're wrong; a lot of girls like to take things slowly.

What do you mean by try-outs, though?

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs actually girls like to take things fast here. If you wait too long your chances are low. They are not getting younger is what they're thinking in most cases. So, if they are being made to wait for the gold question they're going to just marry someone with less drama.
Try outs meaning you date one then another and trying to find the perfect match. Even with parental match making families get very offended if you waste time by family dates as you could say and then say no to them.

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Wow. Your culture is very different from ours here in the U. S. Here women couldn't care less about getting married and they try to avoid it for as long as possible.
(I personally think a medium approach is best.)

Oh, but I think "try-outs" are absolutely necessary. Because how else would you know if you two can get along? Here in the West, we have equality between the sexes, so a man cannot tell his wife to "shut up and behave" lol. You have to actually compromise and find ways to come together through a solution that both people can agree upon. That's why compatibility and personality matching is so HUGELY vital!!

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs compatibility is a myth t. Personality of women and man can't match at all. You have to compromise but telling someone to shut up and behave won't work here either🤣. I think you have a lot of stereotypes about us haha. Where did you get those, from Pakistani girls looking for an American passport. They usually paint a grim picture of Pakistan to get acceptance in Western society. Don't trust there words. Try to come here and see for yourself 😎

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Lol. Sorry, but compatibility is most certainly NOT a myth!
Yes, men and women are different, but that is taken into account (on both sides).

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs yeah but you will have to understand what parents have a role to play when they take you to see a girl's family and they like them they will like you to say yes. And if you think you are thinking better than them then think again. They will likely say, "Son why are you so negative, do you doubt your parents choice." We had given birth to you". Nothing is said but it is a given impression

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Ahh. I see what you are saying.

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs and as for mild dating anygirl. She is likely to have backup ready. So if you waste her time she will have a groom ready forher.
I can't pretend to know everything what happens in American society and applies to foreigners aswell. We really treat girls like princesses despite all the things people portray in media

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmeerX Then let her take the "backup." I don't give a sh*t lol. One of the qualities I'm looking for in a life partner is that she is thoughtful and not impulsive. So if she makes life-altering decisions because she is in a hurry, that is not the woman for me.

[Jamie05rhs]

But I don't waste anyone's time. I am actually quite proactive. The reason I may be moving slow is because I have taken the temperature in the room and those are the signals that I am getting from her. Stop signs and Slow signs.

[AmeerX]

@Jamie05rhs you may be right from where you are looking at the things but I am just telling you about the dynamics in Pakistan

[EmbraceThePain]

No never

I literally told a woman I'm "friends" with that sure I'm "friends" with her but to be honest I'd have sex with her anytime

She laughed and took it well. I think it's weird because we are "friends" I guess, but we also have a mutual undiscussed attraction to one another, physically, that is.

All my female "friends" I feel the same way. I talk to them like friends sure but I wouldn't mind sex with either of them.

It's just the reality of "friendships" amongst men and women.

Not really friends in the traditional sense, but some bastardization of it.

[VIVANT]

I don’t understand what sex has to do with my question. I’m not sure what you think I’m asking. Genuine confusion.

[EmbraceThePain]

Okay..

[VIVANT]

Oh Ok I get it. I must have forgot how I framed the Q. I ashes if you’ve ever been just friends with someone you were in love with who was in love with you. You said no. The sex part through me off but you did say no, so you answered. 😊

[EmbraceThePain]

Okay...

[Mmmariax]

Love comes in different forms sometimes friends are the best kind of relationships because you both care about each other and can enjoy the company without the responsibilities or jealousy of being serious.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Yes and No because I know if I'm in love with him and not able to, that chances are he is moving on so I'd miss that chance anyways.

[VIVANT]

No. In this case you both want to but can’t. No one wants to be with anyone else. Do you think in that case you could be friends?

[Aerissa_Jade]

I could be friends as I'm better at being friends with someone than being romantic.

[NathanDavis]

nope... I don't even try that

either I've had genuine friendships... or I had genuine interest on more than just a friendship and if they didn't feel the same way I did, then I just didn't consider it love, to me it was just an unrequited infatuation from my side which of course, I do not consider any fertile ground for a genuine friendship

but this is just my particular approach to these things... I do prefer when "everything" is much more consistent and clear, and then I act accordingly to that, otherwise... it gets way too convoluted and complicated as well

[VIVANT]

It’s not unrequited, as I said in the post. But my impression is your answer will none the less stay the same bc you like life to be neat. Fair enough 😊

[NathanDavis]

so the two people are actually in love with each other... but there are reasons for them to keep it friendly? this a bit different of an scenario, lol

now, the factor is waiting time... ir they are waiting for something to happen and that requires a certain amount of reasonable time that works for both, then yes it might be very well worth such wait, however... I would not consider that a friendship but something else in the spectrum... more of a "situationship"

now, if there is NO way in which these two people in love with each other, no way in which they can end up together then that would be just hurtful to me, so I would rather not make myself go through all that, and especially not make her go through that

[VIVANT]

Yeah in fact I agree 💯 lol I wouldn’t try it if it was impossible. If there’s lag tine, it’s doable. Depending on the length of the lag, I guess lol

[NathanDavis]

yes, exactly... and I actually went through a similar experience with my second girlfriend, college years

we were good friends at first, but we both started to feel like being more than just friends, and then, she had her reasons (a few) for not seeking at relationship at the moment

so that was when it got complicated for both, not just me... because the two of us were part of a very close group of friends (for of us) so that thing was about to become a nightmarish situation of sorts, and this is big part of why I would not want to run into a situation similar to that again

however, there was a chance and also a time she did dedicate to think about these things, and the possibilities, so, since there was a waiting time and a possible maybe in the near future, things ended up well... we eventually became a couple, and we also remained great friends with the other two within our tight circle, so it all worked out

but, if that had not worked out as it did... then I do think that it could have ended not so so good of a situation, or maybe not, maybe we would have been able to remain just friends, but I just doubt it because the chemistry between the two of us was just of astronomical proportions... lol

[ChiTown33]

Absolutely! In fact that's about 99% of my interaction with women. Because I cannot have feelings for them unless I know the feeling is mutual. And most women I interact with simply don't give me that vibe.

Now what i can't do typically is be friends with them after they've show DEFINITE interest beyond friendship. And then change there mind. I really don't care what her reasoning is for that. My feelings are not her game.

But to answer your question about timing, I'm typically always ready for a relationship per se. I can only think of one time in my early 30's when I was hyperfocused on my financial future and everything figured into that end. I was not ready for a relationship at that time. Because I was unwilling to concede anything. And relationships you have to. And if you pick the right person. A person that is of a similar mindset, that shares roughly the same views on life. It's less of a concession. Because you'll be in relative agreement on most things.

[VIVANT]

I was

[VIVANT]

Yeah I was just giving bad time as an example that it’s not anyone being rejected so it’s not a situation where oh well he or she does not feel the sage bc in that case I imagine most people would just move on and it wouldn’t be too hard to be friends.

Thanks for explaining. I think I understand the thing about if she flips on you. Trust is tenuous.

[ChiTown33]

Well like I say in a sense I'm always ready. I think what you need to keep in mind is different people travel at different speeds. Most women I meet either go from 0 to 100mph in nothing flat or they just aren't interested.
So IMHO a guy may be interested, just not at the same speed you are. This would so if people were always upfront about their feelings. But of course we know most aren't.

[ChiTown33]

This would be so easy*

[VIVANT]

I’m always the slow one and most people are not patient. I understand bc everyone has different goals. It’s still frustrating.

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I'm a slow one, too lol.

[Lliam]

I never fell in love with someone unless we had been in an exclusive relationship for quite some time.
I could be friends, but I wouldn't pursue them unless they were looking for relationship with an exclusive partner.
The kind of infatuated relationship I'm talking about goes beyond friendship. But it's not yet love.

[VIVANT]

I am never going to agree with you in general that love can only happen in a romantic relationship lol but everything you say is always well put together it’s hard to disagree but on this I do. I think in your case it is true, but imagine people who meet in situations where they can’t be together and have worked sure by sure and been there for Each other for years, love can def happen. Sure a crush is a crush is a crush not everything stays at one level…feelings have all level of sophistication and I think the context affects things tremendously.

I don’t doubt what you say is 💯 reflected in your life. You have a stronger grasp in your own interpersonal emotional development than anyone I know.

I also agree on menu cases “ love” is infatuation. I just don’t think it’s only ever that. Plus of course life is different to different people. I guess for the Q it’s feeling strongly and as you say you wouldn’t Persue it if you both are not ready.

But the Q is are you cool being friends even if you want to call it infatuation. Let’s say you are both “ deeply infatuated “ would friendship be easy, doable?

[Lliam]

Thank you, Vivant.

In answer to your question, I think two people who are deeply infatuated with each other can be the best of friends. If they are infatuated, they already ARE friends. I mean, infatuation is a powerful thing. The question is, will their relationship evolve.

I never experienced deep infatuation unless I was in a committed relationship in which we surrendered completely to each other. Anything else would just a friendship/acquaintance. And I've had plenty of best friends at different points in my life.

Like all kids, I had crushes in school. But I never pined for anyone just because I liked them. If they weren't into me, that was fine.

By 7th or 8th grade, girls were blossoming and I wanted a girlfriend, even though I didn't know what to do with one. I didn't even know how to kiss. There was an awkward two or three year learning curve.

Then along came high school and my first girlfriend. She was really pretty and also really good people. She was in "love" with me and I fell hard for her. Aside from all the great times we had together, I'm incredibly grateful for the sexual experience. We’re still friends.

I loved being in a joyful, romantic, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship in which we were infatuated best friends who adored each other. It's like a romance movie with an orchestral soundtrack.

Giving ourselves completely was a sign of deep friendship and trust. But I never knew if it would turn into a life-long commitment unless we virtually lived together for long enough to decide if we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives.

[Lliam]

In reality, prior to age 34 or so, I wasn't mature enough to settle down. I was too busy enjoying all that life had to offer. And having a wonderful girlfriend was part of it. My relationships were learning experiences.

I didn't play games with women's emotions. I wasn't just trying to get in their pants.
I wanted someone who would gaze searchingly into my eyes as we held each other. The first tender kiss could make my head spin and heart melt. For me, it was the romance that triggered infatuation.

I wasn't cautious with relationships. If she was pretty and we liked each other, that was good enough to start dating. I didn't probe their minds to determine if they were a match for marriage because marriage wasn't my goal.

That's just my own experience. But I totally respect your POV, Vivant. I trust your intellect, feelings and values.

I'm not saying that everyone should be like me. I don't even know if I was right. I was just bumbling my way through life like everyone else. But I am happy with my life and treasure my memories. And I am grateful to the girlfriends who taught me so much.

As Hunter S. Thompson said, "“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming 'Wow! What a Ride!'”

[DiegoO]

Yeah, in fact I wanted to be friend with my LD ex, before the LD relation started. I know I was broke, I know there was no chance to see each other; when we just started to chat. At the end I decided to accept her intention of forming a LDR. It didn't turn out well.

Now that I've think about it, I did not stand my ground. I got carried away by be the mutual feelings we had. I would have tell her no, even if she rejected the possibility of been friends first.

Somehow, I learned to build up a stronger character and don't seek for relations in unpromising circumstance.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DiegoO What happened with your relationship? Would you care to tell us about it?

[DiegoO]

@Jamie05rhs Long story. I can send you a DM, if you are interested to know more about it.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DiegoO Sure!

[glennos89]

I have but it doesn't make the whole being plane friends more easely to be honest. I fell in love once with by best friend at that time but she wasn't ready or willing I'm not sure because she wouldn't even wanne talk about so I didn't discuss it anymore but the fact that was suppose to be my best friend but wasn't willing to talk about hurt me a lot and it ended up in me braking our friendship for good altough that's not what I really wanted. I just wanted to have a conversation but if thats too much for her to ask, then she isn't worth it being called my best friend so with pain in my heart I broke up all contact with her

[Rania05]

I was about to consider confessing when I found it he likes another girl so unloved him eventually with no problems while acting normal.

[VIVANT]

Yea it’s fairly straightforward when it’s one sided that’s why I’m asking how or if people can manage when both have feelings 😊

[Rania05]

I don't know, it may need very big-hearted generosity from both people to act like nothing happened between them
Never experienced the situation you said
It's either someone likes me one-sided and I ignore them
Or I like someone and never confess for different reasons, like the one I mentioned when I didn't want to interven especially when I sensed the girl likes him back

P. S: I'm 17, so don't consider me a grown near 40 woman who doesn't have dating history

[Jamie05rhs]

Are you saying not ready as in "probably will be ready at some point in the future but just not yet" or not ready as in "probably never will be ready"? Lol

[VIVANT]

Hmm I guess we never know and that’s kind of what not ready is lol given that how do you think you’d manage?

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT That is a non-answer. LOL! 😂

Not ready is not ready.

I was asking for clarification because some people use it as a euphemism. 🤪

[VIVANT]

I meant emotionally not ready.

[VIVANT]

What would be the euphemism? It isn’t “I’m not into you” bc they are in love. I’d imagine in that case there’s be honesty, no?

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Emotionally not ready is a valid excuse. (And yes, it is honest!) So why not just say that? :). Tell him.

[Jamie05rhs]

(The euphemism would be "I'm not that into you.")

[Jamie05rhs]

(But hey, that's funny that you meant emotionally haha. Because when I heard that the first time I automatically translated it to calendar time. Because that's how my brain works. Because I guess men don't think in emotional terms that much. Lol. So thanks for the clarification.)

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Sooo, basically what you're saying here is:
1st Truth: The girl actually likes me. As in, likes me likes me.
2nd Truth: She does not feel emotionally ready to be in a relationship.

"Given that, how do you think you’d manage?"
Well, if I am fully briefed and filled in on the situation (she communicates her feelings to me clearly), then that is something that I am fine with and I can totally live with that! I just means that we will take a longer while getting to know each other. Without the romance, unfortunately lol. (But hey, it is what it is. I will just have to keep my poems and serenades to myself for a while. 😄 )

So yeah, I would be okay. I would "manage" just fine. Because I have the confidence of knowing that she likes me. It's inconclusiveness (and lack of data) that causes insecurity.

[Jamie05rhs]

"It just means.". Sorry for the typo.

[VIVANT]

I don’t think that’s true Jamie I mean someone may nit spell it out to themselves “ I’m not emotionally ready” I certainly wasn’t able to 😂 doesn't mean that’s not the issue. Any excuse us not being ready and prophetic are full of excuses.

I don’t tbh j I was ever able to recognize I wasn’t emotionally ready and h how that manifests is in resistance and games for no good reason tho we make up plenty on the spot.

I think many people sleeping around or avoiding people or suppressing their feelings, for example are not emotionally ready. Resentment is another manifestation in my opinion

But also thank you for answering, your answer is entirely legit

[Jamie05rhs]

"prophetic" = "people"?

[Jamie05rhs]

"Any excuse is not being ready, and people are full of excuses."
That's very interesting. So are you saying that the excuses are valid, or are the excuses invalid (fake excuses)?

[Jamie05rhs]

By fake excuses, I mean like, for example: "I can't eat that apple because I'm wearing a blue shirt, and I have to have a white shirt to eat an apple."

[Jamie05rhs]

"I don’t [think] I was ever able to recognize I wasn’t emotionally ready and how that manifests is in resistance and games for no good reason tho we make up plenty on the spot."
Oh, wow. 😯 Fascinating...

[Jamie05rhs]

"I think many people sleeping around or avoiding people or suppressing their feelings, for example are not emotionally ready.". Hmm. Maybe so. Though it seems to me like they're not "not emotionally ready" for any particular person. (As in, they had someone specific on their mind.) It's more of "not emotionally ready" for a genuine relationship in general.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Resentment is another manifestation in my opinion.". I didn't understand this part; sorry. Can you explain what you mean?
@VIVANT

Thank you. ☺️

[VIVANT]

I wasn’t speaking about being ready for a particular person it’s more a coincidence

Not ready in general plus you happen to like someone. It didn’t occur to me to specify that but maybe that helps it make more sense 🙂

Pellet can resent a person they want when the person shows up at the wrong time bc wired get crossed and it can feel like a pressure being forced to choose to rush artificially or stay still and lose the opportunity, all together. It can feel like that person is invading your personal chill just by existing tho of course rationally no one will think this but resentment is not rational it is learned helplessness it’s the lingering ashes if frustration from the inability to be proactive…, and TV liking someone you can actually be with at a time you can’t handle it, feels real helpless.

I’ve been in that situation on both sides.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh! I see... Interesting.

... Which part was the coincidence?
... OHHH. THAT was the coincidence!
Okay; got it. :)👍

Lol yeah; you have to specify EVERYTHING with me. I'm slow. Haha

"[People] can resent a person they want when the person shows up at the wrong time bc wires get crossed and it can feel like a pressure being forced to choose to rush artificially or stay still and lose the opportunity, all together." 😯😮

"It can feel like that person is invading your personal chill just by existing" 😯😬
"tho of course rationally no one will think this but resentment is not rational it is learned helplessness it’s the lingering ashes of frustration from the inability to be proactive…,"
😯

"and [TBH?] liking someone you can actually be with at a time you can’t handle it, feels real helpless."
Wow. Oh my gosh. 😦

"I’ve been in that situation on both sides." Dang... Which side of the coin were you on during the latest iteration?

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT

[VIVANT]

So yeah prophetic was people abs the excuses I meant as real I wasn’t thinking if lying tho I think we can believe in excuses as a protection against the other thing which is just feeling insufficient for whatever reason. I think it’s a mix easily if genuine blocks and fake blocks and amplifying both beyond proportion. but the origin of them I think is veiled.

Uhhh what wise. Oh my last iteration? No I just don’t think k kaleidoscope is right for me. And vice versa. It’s good I made an effort and it’s good I can recognize it’s not a good fit. 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

"tho I think we can believe in excuses as a protection against the other thing which is just feeling insufficient for whatever reason."
Are you referring to the person giving the excuse believing in it? Or the person receiving the excuse believing in it?

[Jamie05rhs]

"I think it’s a mix easily of genuine blocks and fake blocks and amplifying both beyond proportion. but the origin of them I think is veiled."
Ahhh. Wow. That's deep.

[VIVANT]

I don't know it’s my opinion tho 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

"Oh my last iteration? No I just don’t think kaleidoscope is right for me. And vice versa. It’s good I made an effort and it’s good I can recognize it’s not a good fit. 😊"
Aww. Well, that's great, though! That's a learning experience! That's growth! Because you stepped out of your comfort zone and dove in to investigate and discover. So now you can have peace, because now you know what you didn't know before. And there's no longer that uncertainty and confusion.
Right? :)

In addition, this probably helped you to overcome the fear of that type of situation in general (the general category) by allowing you to feel what it feels like. So it's not so scary or foreign anymore.
Would you say that that is at least somewhat accurate?

[Crystal08]

Yesn't-? Basically he's my friend and I do like him very much !! But I am way too shy to actually make skinship- Like he does know I like him but... he's not ready and moreover, he doesn't like me too ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[VIVANT]

That’s a bit more straightforward bc if only one has feelings I think it’s easier to move in bc there’s no chance. Harder if both have feelings but can’t be more. Well I think so 😊

[Crystal08]

Well u are righttt but, it's hard for me to move in from him since he's a very nice person 😭

[melanieeeB]

If I like someone more, I wouldn't stay friends. Friendly but not friends.

[LovingJo]

You can do it, if it's for the right reasons, but that doesn't make it any less hard!! 🥺❤️

[Chris_u006]

Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not work at all.

[Chris_u006]

I have had friends like that yes. When I still had feelings.
However, I got abandoned for whatever shitty reason.

[MrCommodore]

Yes, I remained friendly, but tried to create distance from her to help move on.

[Redhead1981]

Yes, but I also never told him how I felt. I think it would be harder to do if you know the other person feels the same about you.

[Steamnir]

Yes, but i learned to express my feelings later on so i dont regret

[Sevenpointfive]

i wasn't a close friend but we were friends in the sense we'd talk to each other

[Twalli]

I am friends with one girl I am attracted to. Probably because I am in a relationship with someone else. She is too, but unlike my 4 years and 4 months, she hasn't even hit a year yet (January).

[Jamie05rhs]

@Twalli Don't get any ideas.

[Twalli]

@Jamie05rhs I don't. We are friends, there's nothing else. I think before I started dating my girlfriend she maybe expected something else. Since I was flirting that makes sense. I don't recall hiding that I was flirting with another girl also. I guess neither of them knew that I was flirting with both, because my girlfriend was surprised when I told her I had a crush on another girl and that girl apparently had no idea I had feelings for my girlfriend.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Twalli Gotcha. I understand

[DancingQueen16]

Sure because I was best friends with a guy I had a crush on for 7 years

[OddBeMe]

I think you can be friends as well as have sexual/romantic thoughts as that’s pretty normal for humans anyway. So yes.

[bigpink]

Yes. I’m always there for her but I recently found out she treated me like an idiot. So now it’s awkward and I try to avoid meeting.


I wouldn’t recommend it.

[pizzalovershouse]

No its ether were both on same page or move on

[SnowedIn]

Absolutely yes!

[SnowedIn]

Just read your update and, the answer is still less. The heart hurts but that doesn't make me avoid someone.

[xJayleenx]

No that’s never happened to me

[xJayleenx]

I personally avoid people but that’s not good lol. I would recommend staying friends until im ready to confess. With my boyfriend he said that we could start whenever im ready and I told him that I wanted to get to know him better before we started dating and that’s what I did.

[Nomina]

Nope. And I wouldn't try that again.

[WhitneySnow]

Yeah at first

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, same here with me

[RealMarek]

Yes. The timing was all wrong.

[KatherineJ]

Nope, I dated and then married him.

[LavLavLuv]

Yup🙃🙂🙃

[Debbie14217]

i love my dog

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope I could never do that I'd always want more

[Anonymous]

uh no.

[katestar]

I agree with you

[eagle1951]

yeah

[Anonymous]

No, never.