Are You Still Friends With Someone Who Neglected You For Their Relationship?

Question

Have you ever been in this situation, where your friend you've known for years all of a sudden gets into a relationship and forgets about you?

If so, what did you do? How did you handle the situation? What is your relationship with them like now? Would you ever accept them back into your life?

(I'm currently going through this with a girl I was friends with for 6 years to a guy she's known for a year and now engaged to. I once told her that I deserve better and if things don't change, then I'm dumping her as a friend. She even once said to my mother, "I can only focus on one thing at once. I only have time for work and my partner". Do you think I'm attending her wedding next month? Heck no! I declined and blocked her).

Valdemort · Accepted Answer

Yes.

When I was in high school I was friends with a girl I had known since the early years of primary.
We were buddies on and off, but only grew really close during high school.
At some point, she got into a relationship and we rarely spoke.
The relationship was rather toxic, although me and her partner could get along. The two of us would hang out maybe once on a blue Monday, or she wanted her partner to be there as well.
My friend and I went from hanging out almost daily to seeing one another about once every 2/3 months.
Eventually they broke up and afterwards she came to the conclusion that things should have gone differently.
Although I didn't necessarily feel neglected, just sad at times, she made it a point to be more present in our friendship, regardless of her being with someone.
Now, 7 years later, I think we are the closest we have ever been.
She has been seeing someone for four years now and the first thing she did was introduce me to him. I don't necessarily get included in her relationship (which we all honestly prefer that way) she just makes sure that he's aware of our friendship and whenever we have planned to hang out, will prioritise that.
I currently live three hours away from her, but we still try to hang out at least once a month.
So honestly, things have gotten a whole lot better, but admittedly, it's probably also got to do with the fact that this guy is a far more stable person than her ex had been.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Don't believe in anyone who tells you that they don't have the time to focus on anything else other than work and "their relationship". If this was true, they wouldn't have time to see their parents, family, attend familial celebrations, run errands, or have any time for anything else in life.

Reality is... these people are only friends with you while they still have things to gain from you. Then they disappear from you when they no longer have anything to gain from you. It shows they likely never truly valued your friendship to begin with. It shows they never loved you. Many people hangout with people because they want to have fun, not because they "love" the person.

For me, I definitely would spend less time with friends after I get married or have a boyfriend. But I will NEVER forget or abandon a good friend. A friend will always be a friend.

There is a lot of time you can have to yourself while being in a relationship. Maybe not every week but every few weeks, there should always be a day or two that you want to spend with someone else other than your significant other. Hanging out with only 1 person all the time is not emotionally healthy.

Benjiman19 · Accepted Answer

Now, I was never on the receiving end. I was always the one who said "when I'm in a relationship, I won't be talking to you" I did this because I knew she had feelings for me and wanted a relationship. However, she is my closes friend and I didn't know how I felt about her in a partners view yet.

I also didn't trust myself not to cheat on the girl (s) I was in a relationship with at the time. So, I cut people out of my life to make it easier for me. I know I'm an asshole but I did it to gain a future for myself. However, those relationships didn't work out and my friend and I are back to talking. She and I both want a relationship and I'm willing to get into one with her. She also has a massive crush on me still.

Peter_Penetrator · Accepted Answer

It is very, very likely that because you are a male friend that she has distanced herself from you out of respect for her fiancé. A lot of women are loyal that way. More men need to give them credit for this.

It could also be that she is so head over heels in love, that she has set aside all her free time for he fiancé. If she still hangs out with her girlfriend (s), then it is because of my first choice in reasoning.

Worst case, her fiancé is just insecure, controlling and jealous of other men.

There is no sense in you burning that bridge. Give it time and once that proverbial honeymoon phase wears off, she will be looking to contact you.

rosemilk · Answer

unfortunately. hey, it's hard to leave a friend you've known since you were literally 14 years old... she has done this MULTIPLE times with multiple guys. i just go whatever. eventually i just hung out with her less and less and stopped being there emotionally for her. obviously i still care for her, so i guess that's why i'm still around. (plus her sibling, also my friend, is way nicer so i can't not keep her as a friend and only be around her sibling. she is VERY hardheaded and will cause a fight that i just don't want to deal with).

as for your newly engaged friend, don't even worry about her. their marriage will not last, i can guarantee you that.

matchrestore · Answer

Yeah. One of my best friends started dating a guy, and she made an effort to introduce me early in the relationship and make sure he knew we were just friends and I wasn't a threat. He ended up letting jealousy take over and I started to see her less and less. Eventually she did rebuild our friendship and he learned to live with it and he and I are cordial now, although we rarely interact. I ended up being in her wedding party, and although we no longer live in the same city we still chat regularly and get together 3 or 4 times a year.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Yes, sort of. I have not had anyone completely ignore me when they got into a relationship. But I became much lower priority. That's completely normal and expected. That's the way it should be if their relationship is serious. Eventually they will probably get married and maybe have kids. Their family MUST come first. That's just how it works.

If they really are friends, they should at least keep in touch, even if you don't spend a lot of time together. But you will always come after their wives and families, and even after a girl/boyfriend.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

It has never happened to me.

Most of my friends are in relationships, and our friendships have endured. Getting married didn't alter my friendships.

However, if someone were to neglect me, I would prefer to understand what happened. I'd likely arrange a meeting to discuss it in person. If things didn't improve, we could part ways in a civilized manner.

FriendlyCanadianGuy · Answer

My best friend of 4 years, roommates for two, ditched me the moment he got a girlfriend.

I mean they have been together for about 7 years now, but I haven't spoken to him in 2.
Reason is he constantly flaked.
He even moved to the same room city as me but when I asked to hang he left me on read.

Some people just attach themselves to their partners -

strateguy632 · Answer

that happened to me. i also found new friends to replace those.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Yea my brothers... they bullied me in school with other kids n didn't like to be with me... i was only girl in my house so i wanted their attention n time to play n all but they always pushed me away n didn't like me coz of my looks... they said i dis not look girlish

exitseven · Answer

It sucks when this happens and someday she might regret throwing away a good friendship because we have so few of them in this life

DreamLife7 · Answer

You sound jealous and insecure. She doesn't owe your needy ass shit. You threatening her only proves why she stopped being bothered with you. I'm glad she did get rid of you you're toxic , obsessive, and weird. She's not your friend you chose to label her as that because you're obsessed with her. Get a life and some friends. Why don't you have other friend's? Why isn't anyone proposing to you? Right because you're the weirdo

LavLavLuv · Answer

Yes but we’re not that close now

Are You Still Friends With Someone Who Neglected You For Their Relationship?

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