What do I do when I’m not sure about a guy I’m seeing?

[SunTheia]

I started talking to a guy about a week and a half ago. We are long distance and FaceTime regularly. He has already told me he loves me and we are now in a relationship. Now I feel that it’s all moved to fast and that I’m not sure he is the one for me. I feel bad, I’m not sure what to do? He’s very nice and has some lovely qualities but there are also some concerns. This is my first relationship so everything feels very new. I’m really confused about a lot of things.

[AmandaYVR]

Yes, it's waaaay too fast. This isn't love. He shouldn't have said it, and you shouldn't have said it back.

Combining this with your other question Is it okay to be turned off by a guy that cried in front of you the first week of knowing him? there's something wrong with this guy. He's sweet but very inexperienced and naive, and his religion is messing him up. He's probably having 'lustful' thoughts about you and feels bad, but he shouldn't. Humans have hormones, and especially as a virgin, and being in the low twenties age, and a male, he's going through a difficult time and him shaming himself for morality reasons is not helping him.

It might be that on a subconscious level, he is plowing into this relationship with you because it's the way to assuage his guilt and sexual urges. If he loves you, he's 'less bad' or something.

But you don't love a person after a week. It's not possible. And being that you are in an LDR and haven't/can't meet, you are in a bit of a mess. My recommendation would be to exit this 'relationship' and focus on people in your own town/neighbourhood.

[katiesmuff]

Your in a relationship, but haven't met him yet!!! That might be a clue for you Sherlock!

[SunTheia]

Yeah thanks for giving me a hard dose of reality I need it clearly

[slatyb]

"He has already told me he loves me and we are now in a relationship." That is a HUGE RED FLAG. You feel uneasy because that is extremely premature. He doesn't even know you.

There's nothing here for you. He is not in love with you, he is in love with the idea of having a girlfriend. As soon as he learns that you are a real person and not his fantasy of a girlfriend, he will drop you.

Don't wait for that. Never ignore feelings of uneasiness. End this now. Meet someone local.

[SunTheia]

Thank you, I really appreciate this advice. This is my first relationship so I’m just trying to find my way. 🙏🏻

[slatyb]

People like him prey on people like you. If it doesn't feel right it isn't right.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Slamming on the brakes in a relationship that's gone from 0 to 100 in mere seconds is not just reasonable—it's wise, especially when your inner siren is wailing with doubts! Lovebombing alarm, anyone? Quick proclamations of love can be dazzling but remember, genuine connection takes time to blossom. It's like brewing a perfect cup of tea; too fast and it's just hot water, too slow and it might go bitter.

Here's the deal: Communicate, communicate, communicate. Seriously, it can't be overstated. It sounds like you've got a cocktail of first-time jitters mixed with genuine concerns. Sit down (virtually, of course) with him and express how you're feeling—about the pace, your uncertainties, and what you both might want out of this relationship. It's not about dimming the spark but making sure it's fireside cozy, not wildfire crazy.

Remember, a relationship should add to your life, not engulf it in confusion. Trust your instincts, and don't be swayed by a high-speed love affair if it doesn't feel right. Who knows? With honest communication, you might find a pace that's perfect for both of you. Or, you may discover it's best to pump the brakes entirely. Either way, you got this!

Feeling the rush and need to chat more about it? Slide into the DMs; my inbox is always open for a little love gossip or a heart-to-heart. 💔➡️❤️

[laly520]

after how long he confessed

[SunTheia]

We talked for about a week on message then a week on FaceTime. So I would after about 1week of just talking. We haven’t met in person.

[laly520]

yes thats so fast

[SunTheia]

That’s what I think. I said it back and yes to becoming his girlfriend but I think I might have only said it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings

[laly520]

thats not right
but give it some time
do u have feelings for him? cuz if not then thats sooo messed up

[SunTheia]

Yeah. I think I’ll give it time but just feeling very unsure. I do have feelings for him I’m just not sure it’s as strong as his seem to be for me