Is it okay to be turned off by a guy that cried in front of you the first week of knowing him?

[SunTheia]

The guy I’m seeing admitted that he cried after our conversation was a little bit flirty, he felt guilty because he’s a Christian/ Catholic and because he said he felt he was objectifying me. He also cried a little bit in front on me on FaceTime. I’ve only known him for a week. TBH since this has happened I don’t feel as attracted to him as I once was. (I haven’t cried in front on him yet)

[JoePro_]

He does sound like a bit of a sensitive soul.

To answer your question. Is it okay? I would separate it into two forms of "okay".

First, is it "natural"? Is it human nature to be turned off (as a female) by a guy who shows a degree of sensitivity? Maybe. It's possible that some women are so hardcoded about sensitivity in men that it's a turn off. And in that sense, it's okay to feel that way. Feeling aren't our enemy.

Second though, is it "right"? Your feelings aren't your enemy. His feelings also shouldn't be his enemy. I think in our day and age with it being okay to be strong as a woman, and okay to be sensitive as a man, but to not look past your biases regarding your initial feelings, and to look at it from a more logical and modern perspective... I think you're selling him and yourself short.

Not only that, you're potentially setting him up for trauma. This is one of those sorts of things that basically trains men to NEVER open up, never express their emotions, never show signs of sadness, depression, etc.

And then women wonder why men are so distant when he's going through something difficult, and not letting you in. It's because someone in his history made him feel like he's less of a man for crying or for having feelings.

That said, this is your life, your circumstances, etc. Do whatever it is you're going to do. I just want you to be cognizant of how this stuff typically affects men.

[SunTheia]

Thank you. I would never use his feelings against him and would never bring up him crying as a turn off.

[sawno]

If you don't want an emotionless, heartless asshole it should be fine if he cries no matter how early. If he is crying over something genuine, like perhaps someone close to him just died then I think it would be very cruel to fault him for that.

So the real thing you have to look for is how easily he cries and the reason behind it, and if that is the right fit for you. So in this case that would not be the fact he cried within a week, its the fact he showed he is doubting his decisions to the point that he cried over it. You clearly want a man fit to lead, and you have seen this is not that kind of guy. So that you are then turned off by that is logical, but try not to tie your reasoning to a time frame but to the actual things it made you perceive.

[sawno]

All also add the fact it was over him being sexual, if dominance is an important turn on for you he is not the guy.

[DizzyDesii]

I was honestly shocked when my guy cried on week 2. But my grandpa was in the hospital and he knows how much he means to me, so yea he cried. Even i wasn't crying tho i was worried and saddened. Then he explained that he lost 3 of his grandparents one month after the other. That was so heartbreaking to hear. But yea he's cried at least 3 times throughout our relationship. Its different then what im used to but it makes me feel closer to him

[AmyHew1tt]

It seems more like you're turned off by the reasons he cried. Context matters. Even for me, as a girl who feels suffocated when men can't be emotionally open, I would be a bit turned off by what you described.

[BrotherBane]

- #This is why husbands don't cry in front of their wives -

On a side note, relationships are built on trust and support, it's a two-way street.

Would you feel comfortable crying in front of your partner? If you do, then would you want your partner to feel the same way about you?

I think you see where I am coming from.

Knowing this would probably make you change your perspective because it shows he trusts you!

[SunTheia]

I didn’t mean for it to come across as me saying that he can ever express emotions it’s just how early it happened and the reason for him crying.

I guess in my head I would look to a man to be my hero in a way, I appreciate a strong man. I guess we all have our moments but I’m attracted to men who can be emotionally and physically strong.

[BrotherBane]

I understand your desire for a strong man, but you are looking at strength on the surface. Strength goes deeper than that.

In my country, Singapore, our founding father and prime minister Lee Kuan Yew wept on television for all the world to see. He is still highly respected even after his passing because people see him as a strong leader who has the iron in him.

Let me tell you a little secret - every man cries.

I personally know a big-sized muscle man who teared in front of me before. But he ain't no weakling. He is married and has a 12-year old son too. His family is also doing very well.

Heck, even my 68-year old father cried in front of me before.

The only difference between the ones who "don't cry" and those who do is that the former is too afraid to show their feelings.

--------------
Maybe crying in the first week is too much for women, but there are men out there who cry after 1 year and their girlfriends still broke up with them. Is 1 year still too early? I am not sure how women gauge this sort of thing.

[Sirenboobzilla]

I'm more interested with why. In this particular case, it's not for me. You're perfectly ok being turned off by it and should communicate your disinterest politely

[BoopBoopBeep]

Ugh, a week, ten years... that really a reason to cry?

Sounds like a real life version of:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/aAHjvKQ2VpE

[RavVid]

What, he is not willing to objectify your tits? I don't it is going very far as relationship are based on men objectifying women and getting erections from this.

Despite women saying they want men to be emotionally available they don't want this at all. It is not surprising you found his crying a turn off.

Dump him for crying and not being willing to objectify you as you ought to be.

[SotiCoto]

Do you have a subconscious bias that men ought to be thuggish, club-swinging troglodytes whose only emotions are rage and lust?

I mean if you do then there probably isn't any helping it... but you will get judged for admitting it openly, and you'll probably deserve it.

[SunTheia]

This is the first man I’ve ever dated so no I do not have any subconscious bias towards that type of man you suggest.

There is a time and place for emotion, but on the first week? Feels a bit to early.

[AngryCarl]

If you're turned off by his behaviour there's no point in pursuing a relationship with him.

Unless you think you can fix him. Breaking News: You can't fix him.

[SunTheia]

Yeah I agree, however I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He has a sensitive soul.

Everyone says I’m terrible for feeling less attracted to him since he cried, do you think this is wrong for a women to feel this way?

[AngryCarl]

I don't think right or wrong has anything to do with it. How you feel is how you feel.

[Anonymous]

LMFAO! I love this! Every guy should understand this dynamic. You've got to be a fucking MAN and man up if you want to be attractive to most women. EVEN women who might CLAIM they want a sensitive guy have a tendency to respond more favorably to a masculine guy. And this is ESPECIALLY true if you're interested in a FEMININE woman. The masculine attracts the feminine.

[Billlewis]

I'll agree that it's perfectly fine to be less attracted to him, if you'll understand why I think it's hot as hell that you're turned off by him;)

[Lightningbolt005]

There's nothing wrong with a man showing emotion and crying, but what he was crying about is what I found a little strange since you mentioned you guys were flirting and he felt like he was objectifying you due to his Christian values.

He might just be very sensitive... I don't think that's a reason for you to break it off with him, but if you really don't find that trait attractive then it's probably best you guys don't proceed in dating.

[Tim2nice]

Let him go gently so he find a devout Christian girl and you can find a more compatible man

[SunTheia]

Thanks for the advice. I would consider myself Christian but not to that extent.

Do you have any suggestions on how to let a man down gently?

[laly520]

time to move on

its ok to feel turned off but if it happens cuz of such reason then there is no point in seeing him anymore

[Pohjolan]

It is ok and another example of women not actually wanting a guy who is emotionally vulnerable with them.

[SunTheia]

I don’t want to give the impression I don’t want no emotional vulnerability but it’s just how early it’s happened.

[Pohjolan]

Ok so where would your limit be?
Say you have been dating for five years and he cries after his mother died.
Red flag or no red flag?

[SunTheia]

No is never say this is a red flag at all.

[Pohjolan]

Or a turn off. The practical outcome remains the same.

[JacobJordan]

And yet you want a guy to be emotional with you. The irony

[SunTheia]

It not that I don’t want him to show no emotion, but we have only known each other for a week so it feel a bit much.

[JacobJordan]

You don't get to dictate how much or little people feel or when it is acceptable. Feelings are feelings if you complain about it and end thing over something so dumb you are just going to add yourself to statistic of women they claim to want a guy that is emotional and then weaponize his emotions against him. You should be happy, thrilled, honored and thankful you found a guy that shows you emotion. That is a shrinking number of guys.

[SunTheia]

I guess you do have a point. I’m new to all this dating stuff so I’m just feeling confused tbh

[JacobJordan]

Best advice you can follow. Ignore women's advice when it comes to dating a guy and especially ignore single women. If you are going to listen to a woman's advice listen to a happily married woman. One very common video circulating right now is women complaining they want a guy to be emotional and then when he is they use it against them. And then wonder why he doesn't be emotional. While you can't control how you feel about his emotional display you can control if you weaponize that against him. Is he a good guy? Aside from that moment do you like him? At the end of the day would you want to be with him or someone who shows little to no emotion?

[SunTheia]

Thank you. I’m starting to realise that sometimes advice from a man can be better.

He is a nice guy and has a kind heart. I would never weaponise his emotions against him, I appreciate he is trusting me enough to do so. I would never break that trust or through it in his face.

[JacobJordan]

Then I think you now have the information and knowledge to make the right choice.

[Peridot25]

@JacobJordan To be fair, I’m single and never been in a relationship. However, I am decent. Though I do agree to not ask bitter single women.

[Anonymous]

Normally I'd judge you for judging him. But those were not very good reasons to cry. I'd be concerned if this was a common occurrence. I wouldn't want to date a woman that cried like that.

[spoole]

You feel that way about the effects of religious belief. Not him.

[Staximus]

He sounds like an emotional mess. Those are not normal reasons to cry.

[Unit1]

And just like that has toxic masculinity been born and Andrew Tate gained global notority.

And then women ask if men even have feelings.

[ChicoFromThe305]

In this case it doesn't seem like the specific problem is him crying but why he cried, I'm sure he gives like cry baby vibes lol

[Finchie40]

Yes, if it turns you off it turns you off , , just tell him he met someone else

[OtterMan68]

if it's that big of a deal for you that it's a deal-breaker, be honest with him about it. Do not make up excuses or lie.

Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy.

[SolitarySolace]

I guess men really shouldn’t show emotion to his woman 🤷🏻‍♂️

[AmyHew1tt]

It looks like the reason why he was crying was the turn-off, not the fact that he showed emotions. There's a difference. I'd be turned off if a guy cried because he felt like it was a sin that he'd flirted with me, or something like that.

[Peridot25]

Dude, chill the fuck out. In some of her comments she said this is her first time dating. She’s just asking for advice. She didn’t do it out of malicious intent.

[Anonymous]

Yes and respect to you for admitting this. I keep telling men that women want their guy to act like a MAN, but they don't want to hear it.

[whistlingwh0res]

He is looking for sugar mama. and you don't like that. you might start to look for sugar daddy

[Anonymous]

Yes, emotions are for the weak, at least he showed this early

[sheikalana]

Huge turn off.

[JayBones]

Yes. What a weak ass faqqot

[SunTheia]

That’s a bit much

[JayBones]

Go cry about it.

[Starrrboy]

Lol yeah it's okay.. dude is too much..