If you know you’ve hurt someone, do you have a problem saying sorry? Why/why not?

[Pinay_ako]

[sage2021]

Saying I am sorry doesn't happen very often because I try to be proactive and not do things that hurt people to begin with.

Now saying "Im wrong" that's a different story. I had a hard time with saying that to anyone until I did a reexamination of my life at age 37. It initially took two 1-/2 years to get through all of my hurts I had been carrying with me since I was a child. I didn't go to a therapist, but I went to a 12-step program for almost 3 years
It was for adult children of Alcoholics (ACOA).
Sometimes it's hard for a person to say they are sorry and also to admit when they are wrong about something. It's so hard because if I ever admitted I was wrong to someone I thought my self constructed house of cards I built (my life) that everything would come crashing down on me and I would have to ask myself "My God, what else could I have done wrong"? I was a perfectionist always so I wouldn't have to be wrong or sorry about anything EVER.

But for the past 33 years of my life, I can say I am wrong and I can say I am sorry and really mean it!❣️

[LaurenM1997]

I use the word sorry a lot even when stuff isn’t my fault I just don’t want to argue or hurt people

[Pinay_ako]

But people will just take advantage of you if you keep taking the blame for THEIR doing

[LaurenM1997]

True I should stop it

[Pinay_ako]

Yes. Let them feel bad and truly sorry for hurting YOU. If they don’t, then they’re not worth having YOU.

[LaurenM1997]

Thanks for being here for me ❤️

[Pinay_ako]

You’re welcome baby girl… 💕

[LaurenM1997]

Thanks for the MHO❤️

[Telekinetic-Potato]

If someone is owed an apology for something I am sorry I did, I will apologize.

The problem with saying sorry is you're making yourself vulnerable without knowing how the other person will react.

I a lot of ways, this control you give someone is sort of symbolically the atonement you're offering when you say sorry. It's because in order for it to be a real apology, you need to accept whatever they say or do afterwords graciously and they often have no responsibility to react in anyway other than how they want.

So far as how it looks, if I'm apologizing it's because I genuinely felt my actions weren't good enough. Growth isn't easy and the only shortcut that exists is learning your lesson the first time by taking responsibility. You'll regain the respect that was lost by working hard to be a better person.

[scooogy]

Been there years ago. The first time was pretty hard for me to overcome my shame. She actually just invited me to a college students' event and in a drunk state she put her hand on my shoulder, looked me deep in the eyes and I thought I could ask her out on a date. But two days later when I tried so, she said "let's just be friends" and I felt exploited. This is why I sent her an angry e-mail (old style, I know) and told her she better doesn't approach me anymore at any time. When close by at a mall I saw her avoiding me in such a way that even her friend already wondered, I told myself "okay, I might have been too harsh here" and decided to apologize to her. We were on good terms from then on. But when I told my therapist, he could see how hard this could be for me.

[Pinay_ako]

Good for you to apologize.

[AviatorTom]

When I am wrong, I say I'm wrong. That includes saying "Sorry" when I hurt someone... at least most of the time. Sometimes I don't realize until much later that I've done something to hurt them.

[Paris13]

I will Say I am Sorry if in The Wrong. xxoo

[wiltingrosepetal]

I'm bad at getting to the apology, if that makes sense. My defence mechanism is compensation - if I do a bad thing, I smile, act unbothered, and pray it'll blow over. When other people make excuses and pitifully beg, "I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking! It'll never happen again", I own my actions. "Yes, I was thinking. It'll probably happen again. But it wasn't my intention to hurt you". In doing that, I protect my own ego, but I look cold and uncaring.

I guess it all comes down pride. I don't mean to respond in this way, but it always comes out like that

[Pinay_ako]

See when people act unbothered especially if they’re the one who hurt the other person unintentionally or not, it comes off as uncaring. Praying it to blow over? Wow. It will probably blow over once the other person realizes they meant nothing and it’s not even worth it staying in whatever relationship they have together - friendship, boyfriend/girlfriend or even blood. You may not mean to respond that way, but the damage is done. If you hurt them, are they worthy the apology?

[wiltingrosepetal]

It's a psychological response. Everyone uses defence mechanisms. I'm not a bad person because of it

[Pinay_ako]

I didn’t say you are.

[Batsy01010101]

I'm flat out saying it YES YOU ARE A BAD PERSON

[wiltingrosepetal]

Oh my god, thank you, random person online! You know me better than anyone else I've ever met! Of course you have the information and knowledge required to make that claim ☺

[Batsy01010101]

I do actually going by how your personality is

[Gochogirl]

I used to. I hated having done something wrong so I'd never admit if I had. I would be defensive, dig in my heels, and demand apologies even though I was the one who'd done something hurtful.

These days I try not to overdo it with apologies, but I am much much better about admitting when I've been hurtful and I act accordingly.

[Pinay_ako]

Good for you. We live and learn.

[ThaMaskedMarvel]

I don't have a problem saying sorry because I'm treating them how I would want to be treated. The only time I wouldn't say sorry is if they haven't said sorry to me. At that point... f 'em! Besides, at that point, I'm only using their own custom; a custom that they understand; dealing with them in a way that's familiar to them. So... that's that, I guess.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Pinay_ako]

Yes I won’t ever say sorry for them losing me after they can’t say sorry to me for doing me so wrong!

[DishLady]

Usually if I know I've hurt someone's feelings I apologize immediately and we talk things out so we can both move on. TWICE in my entire life I didn't apologize because the situation was actually part of a larger gaslighting problem that had to be dealt with differently. Hope that's helpful.

[Chazmatazz269]

If I have actually hurt someone, i’m naturally compelled to apologize. But there are people, mostly women in my experience, who manipulate that nature to control the power dynamic. So i learned to realize that there is a HUGE difference between me doing something to hurt someone and that person CHOOSING to feel hurt over little or nothing at all.
I no longer apologize for the latter. I’m 100% responsible for my actions. YOU are responsible for your own feelings.

[82lynx]

For most of my life I was a moving target for those who can’t be pleased, so when I inevitably failed to meet their standards I would get threats and a bawling out worthy of Marine boot camp, perhaps worse. To this day I scare easily, and I don’t want to risk being blasted by anyone I may have offended.

[IslaTheWitch]

I say sorry more often than I want to... but I'm careless sometimes... I don't consider words... and disaster is ready...

[BadApple69]

I am the type who will say he is sorry even if it wasn’t my fault. I don’t want to fight with someone I care about…. But then again if it’s not someone I care about… I’ll say I’m sorry if it was my fault but that’s it.

[ManOnFire]

I always let someone I know I hurt that I was wrong and didn't mean to hurt them. I'm sensitive about things like that, and can even stay thinking on it in bed at night.

[beebella]

If I know for a fact that I have done something to hurt them, yes.
But then some people are just overly sensitive and they get their feelings hurt over minuscule things and I'm just like, "Get over it." 🙄

[beebella]

I meant yes, I can apologize, by the way. 😂

[spartan55]

@beebella 🐝 has empathy... 😁

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have no problem apologising when I'm wrong! I try never to hurt those I care about in the first place though.

[AlexEfron]

Not at all. I'm very straightforward. I feel that when I'm wrong, it's my duty to make it right (if possible) or at least make up for it. So the first step to that is acknowledging my mistake and apologising.

[JacobJordan]

I am sure I hurt people fairly often. I will provide honest advice regardless of your feelings. If you get upset or hurt too bad.

[mandyfire98]

If I'm actually sorry about it then I have no issues with apologizing

[Lynx122]

Most of the time I don't. Sometimes it can be hard though :)

[spartan55]

Of course not. I feel bad if I hurt someone (provided I care about them of course.

[Juxtapose]

It depends, if I hurt people intentionally? It's for damn good reason. I have a long fuse and people who push me over the edge quite frankly deserve my wrath.

[DJB72]

Not the first time. I won't keep apologising for the rest of my life though...