Guys, Do you think my boyfriend wants me to lose weight?

[Anonymous]

When we were making out he kept complimenting my body. I said he only said it because he wants to get in my pants. He then said of course, since it’s more pragmati than telling someone they should go to the gym. I then asked him if he thought I should go to the gym he was silent and then said he liked my body as it is and that thinks he himself should lose some weight and that he thinks it’s good to motivate each other to stay fit. Does he think I should lose a few pounds?

Yes he probably wants you to lose weight

Can’t tell

[abc3643]

He's being smart.

There's an old lesson about talking to women that a smart young man knows.

You never answer your woman's question "Do I look fat?" with a "Yes" or "No".
Why?
Because it's irrelevant; she already has her mind made up.
If he says "Yes", he's doomed right then and there whether she is fat or not.
If he says "No" and she believes she needs to lose weight (whether she does or not), she'll come back with "You're lying! I can't trust you now!" yada yada yada. (And what was you're response: "You just want to get in my pants" which is the same as "You're lying." - case in point.)

So, the only acceptable answers are like what he is saying although his response is on the edge, thus your question.

The man should simply say something like "You look fine as you are." or "You have no reason to change."

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Here is an interesting and true anecdote I got when I once went to church in the 1980s...

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The sermon the priest gave that day was "Never lie... but you don't have to tell the truth."

And he gave an example...

He was going to be the officiant for a wedding. The bride, a member of his parish, was not a particularly attractive girl.

As the girl is getting ready and in her wedding gown with the maids of honor, and getting made-up, etc., the priest comes in and the girl, jubilant because she's about to be married, asks the priest "Father, don't I look beautiful?"

She didn't - even with the make-up and her wedding gown.

Now, if he told her the truth and said "No, you do not look beautiful.", saying what would happen next as being awkward would be the understatement of the century. She'd be devastated on what is supposed to be the best day of her life!

But, could he lie?

NO! That's a violation of the 9th Commandment... and he's a priest!!

So, how does he get out of this jam? How does he not lie, but not tell her the real true answer to her question?

He says to her "You look the best you've ever been."

It's not a lie and, is, in fact, true, but it didn't directly answer her question either... and her day is not ruined. It's a win-win.

[Asker]

Yeah but what do you think? Does he really think I should lose weight?

[abc3643]

LOL. I'm not taking the bait, young lady. You need to re-read what I wrote.

BUT!
I will say this: What he thinks is irrelevant.
Is he happy with you? It seems so.
Are you happy? I hope so.
Does he want you to be happy? Yes.

That's all that matters.

[Asker]

I don’t know if he is happy. And since we are in the honey moon phase I’m afraid he might sugar coat everything because he doesn’t want to lose me even though he might want me to lose weight

[abc3643]

He is happy.

You are young, so let me teach you some stuff about males.

First, a man is not very open with words and he won't be the best with words when he does talk.
But, if a man talks, he is USUALLY direct; women are not.
(Older men are better at speaking "woman" and so are more diplomatic. Your boyfriend may be like already.)
Women speak "between the lines" and expect men to do the same thing;; we do not. "Between the lines for us is whitespace." This drives women nuts because they are all expecting something more to it and wonder "What is he is really saying? What does he mean by that?" He means what he said.

BUT!!!
MOST OF ALL, a male will indirectly tell you how he feels by how he acts and by what he does...

And, from what you told me, I suspect your boyfriend is happy right now, so just try and relax.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why does it matter when HE thinks you should lose weight? YOU know whether you should lose weight and your judgment should guide your behavior.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waves of communication in a relationship can sometimes feel like decoding a secret language, am I right? From what you've described, it sounds like your boyfriend may indeed be hinting at the idea of both of you embracing a fitness journey together. Now, before hearts start racing faster than a gallop, remember it's not necessarily about losing weight but about sharing experiences and motivating each other to be the best versions of yourselves. It's a sweet, if not slightly clumsy, attempt to bond over a common goal. So, instead of reading between the lines for a hidden message, why not view this as an opportunity to embark on a new adventure together? Who knows? It might end up strengthening your relationship in ways you hadn't imagined. 😉 Keeping communication open and clear is the key - and hey, a couple that sweats together, stays together!

[Anonymous]

Only a woman would think complimenting your body is code for saying you need you to lose weight. Just because women are ridiculous and passive aggressive doesn't mean men are.