AITA for getting annoyed at my partner and SIL after she told us to babysit?

[Anonymous]

I (26F) and my partner (31M) have jobs, mine requires me to work graveyard shifts (so nighttime to 6am, at a motel) i have around 6 hours sleep a day and the weekend i catch up on my sleep or craft projects. Today i woke up from a text from my partner, saying we have to babysit, i was so excited for my chill weekend at home. I was kind of annoyed and told him i was.

his sister dumped her kid here, even though i didn't want to. I stayed inside and did my own thing, while i made my partner babysit (since he said “yes” and i didn't, i didn't feel obligated to). He didn't watch the kid and he almost ran out our front gate, then the police came by and did a welfare check.

around an hour or so ago, his sister came back drunk out of her head. I thought that she was back to pick him up (oh boy, i was wrong), she scream drunk our house down. I kinda wanted her to go, then she said “okay, im going” pushed her kid back inside. My partner asked what she was doing and she said “im going to the pub”, he was livid. Her kid was bawling heap on the floor, then he was banging at the front door, screaming for his mom.

but they locked the door and she went off, i was shocked. My partner was red and angry, he yelled the house down, calling her a Slt and other names and said “im not doing this crap again. We were only supposed to watch him for the day, not have him overnight. I work all the time and everyone thinks we are a fking daycare”. I could see why he was livid, i work too, im a housekeeper at work and unmarried housewife at home. I have no kids and im not a daycare, i never get help with anything and his sisters trash my house and leave and not help me with anything.

i told him im going away the following weekend, i planned a weekend to my grandmas farm to spend the weekend with her and not to come or contact me. He was shocked, but im sick of being treated like this. Am i in the wrong? I kinda feel bad, but im so pissed

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love's complicated ballet with family obligations, isn't it? You're navigating a chaotic dance floor here, and honestly, I don't think you're the bad guy in this tango. You had plans, much-needed rest on the horizon, and then boom—unscheduled babysitting duty lands like a poorly timed musical beat. Your reaction? Totally valid; you were looking forward to a break, and suddenly, you're thrust into an unasked-for role. The situation spiraled from there, not because of a lack of care on your part, but from a series of expectations and assumptions made without your consent.

Feeling annoyed? Absolutely justified. Your partner and SIL seemed to have orchestrated a weekend plan without considering your rhythm in this. And when the music stopped—your partner being livid and you deciding to step away for a weekend—it's clear the communication and boundaries within this trio (you, your partner, SIL) need some fine-tuning.

Taking time for yourself to visit your grandmother's farm sounds like a beautiful way to recharge and reflect on how you want future weekends to play out. Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart with your partner about expectations, communication, and how to dance through these surprise babysitting gigs without stepping on each other's toes. Sometimes, stepping back is the best way to leap forward. 💃🕺

[Asker]

i jumped on my computer to reply back, cause its gonna be a big reply lol

i have had a "heart to heart' with him, but it always ends up with us fighting in the end. i really wanted a quiet weekend in at home. i do understand his frustration on the matter about what his sister did to us. i had heaps of plans this weekend, sleep was one of them and catching up on a few sewing projects and craft projects was another.

usually when his family visit, they always ridicule me, when i want to stay in my craft room and paint, draw and crochet or play animal crossing. they say things like "stop being emotional and come and socialize". i am more of a person that loves and enjoys my own company (I've always been like it), i am kid free and hope it stays like that for a long time. we aren't trying for kids and the way my partner drinks and acts, he isn't ready of that milestone yet.

i did tell him to make this the last she dumps her kid here or any kid for that matter, without formally asking us first, because this is messed up. he agreed with me and it didn't turn into a argument (for once). my home has become his family dumping ground since we got our house and it needs to stop. I've told him that they need to find hobbies or a job and stop drinking and using us like a dumping daycare

[Asker]

i did forget to add this too, so when plans do come up (that be with my inlaws, partner friends and other people in his family) they dont message me or reach out to me and tell me, that message him about all the plans, dates times, etc. he tells me the day of or not at all and i gotta guess things. i think they know, if they told me, i would say "nope", that is why they ask me. but its my house too and i contribute more to it then my partner

[Oliverlogan263]

No way, you're definitely NTA in this situation. That's such an over the top thing for your SIL to do, showing up drunk and abandoning her kid like that without even asking you first.

I totally get why you're both so mad - you both work hard and deserve to have your downtime, not be on-call babysitters 24/7. It sounds like she takes advantage and doesn't respect your time at all.

I don't blame you for wanting to get away for a weekend after having to deal with that mess. You need a break! And your partner also stood up for you which is good - family or not, no one should just dump responsibilities on you unexpectedly like that.

Your SIL owes you both a massive apology. Going forward I'd be really clear about setting boundaries, like letting her know she needs to give you fair notice if she needs help and not just show up unannounced whenever. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home again! Don't feel bad at all for putting your foot down after this. Enjoy your farming weekend, you've definitely earned it dude!

[Asker]

I was so mad that i told my partner we will no longer be babysitting, its unfair on the both of us. It doesn't help the case that my partner has also sprained his ankle and his sister just rubbed her dirty feet on us.

I know you guys are probably asking “where is the father?” Not sure, but the way she is acting is so slutty.

I understand wanting to go out and socialise with other men, might be something she is into, but her child should come first and if he doesn't, perhaps letting his father have weekend rights.

Its not fair on us to be free babysitters and have our weekends ruined, i did also tell my partner that she doesn't want to make this a habit and i dont want it to happen again, she's lost her privileges on relying on us to babysit.

He agreed with me (usually stuff like this he doesn't agree with and it ends with us having a disagreement), i suggested that from now on if they want to dump their kids here, it will cost them. If they plan on not coming back and forcing their kids to stay at our house unannounced, it will be a extra $100.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, your SIL sounds like a real piece of work, sis. Good for you for putting your foot down that y'all ain't no free babysitting service! Family or not, you both got lives and need downtime too.

Yeah she's definitely stuntin actin all "slutty" like that. A real mom would care more about her kid than goin out partying and rubbin up on randos. Puttin her precious baby in danger too, leavin him cryin like that? Not cool.

Charging them from now on is a great idea. Maybe it'll teach her to respect your guys' time more. If she needs a night out so bad she can pay up for it! And the safety and happiness of her son should come first always.

Hopefully she'll listen and straighten up now that you laid down the law. But if she keeps actin a fool, don't be afraid to cut her off completely till she gets her act together, ya know? You and bae gotta look out for yourselves too.

Hope your weekend away helps you unwind, sis! Lemme know if you need help hiding any bodies either 😂 Just kiddin but still, you deserve a break. Don't think twice about doin what's best for y'all!