I told my husband to shut up ?

Question

Am I the asshole? My husband and I had just had a baby 2 months ago. I was up with the baby like I usually am and I was getting a bit annoyed and overwhelmed. Mostly because baby would not settle into sleep and here he is snoring super loudly in my ear. I was kind of thinking maybe that’s why the baby can’t sleep. Because of his obnoxious snoring. So I couldn’t help it anymore and out of frustration i shouted “ would u shut up?” . He woke up and asked was I talking to him and I said yeah. Then after a awkward silence he got up and took his video game with him to the next room. Now I feel salty because I feel like I’m up with the baby I could use a break. He just wanted to go in our spare room to play video games anyway. He looked sad and I know my husband is sensitive. But I don’t feel as if I did anything wrong. He should be up helping with the baby instead of snoring in my ear anyway.

Mr_twoface · Accepted Answer

Your reaction is totally understandable, because you're feeling overwhelmed with the new baby, and it's okay to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. Being up with the baby every night is exhausting, and it's natural to wanting more support from your partner especially when you're sleep-deprived and dealing with so much on your own. Though it seems like your husband didn’t realize how his snoring was affecting you and the baby. His reaction might just be his way of coping with the sudden outburst. If you haven’t done so already, when you see him again, apologies sincerely for bursting out like you did – and mean it! Show genuine remorse.

Thereafter it will help to have an honest conversation about how you're feeling. Explain to him calmly that you need more support with the baby and how his snoring is affecting both you and the baby’s sleep. Make sure to listen to his perspective as well! Maybe you can produce a plan where he takes some shifts or helps in ways especially with the household chores so that it allows you to get a break. Sharing responsibilities can ease the burden and prevent these feelings of frustration from building up.

If snoring is a significant issue, exploring practical solutions like using earplugs, a white noise machine, or even having him sleep in another room on particularly rough nights might help. If the snoring has been on for a very long time, consider him to seek professional help, and get a CPAP machine. I have such a machine, not only does it help my wife from enjoying her sleep more but it also beneficial to my health in the long run. I am more energised and can perform more tasks.

Remember, you’re a team. Supporting each other through these tough early months can strengthen your relationship. Both of you are adjusting to a new life with the baby, and it’s a learning process. Try to be patient with each other and yourselves during this transition.

Most importantly though enjoy being parents!

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

Aahh, the classic husband sleeps while wife gets up in the middle of the night to take care of baby... I remember it well.

My then-wife and I had several discussions, er ah arguments, about this. Sometimes, I would get up in the middle of the night and tend to baby... but she always woke up too, stayed awake, and then asked me how the baby was when baby settled down, meanwhile I just wanted to go back to sleep. After a few weeks of this, I finally told her that this is stupid. There's no reason why both of us lose sleep. She didn't want to hear that but I insisted. After that, she tended to baby in the middle of the night, and I got up with baby in the morning, after my reasonable night's sleep, letting Mom sleep in.

That's my story. Now, about your question. I'm sure your husband fully understood why you told him to shut up. He had no defense, other than to go away. You did nothing wrong. Talk to him and work out a system to deal with baby in the middle of the night, and during the day too. That's what parents do... raising a child is a shared responsibility, and finding out how best for you two to do that is the fun part.

Congratulations on your baby... and best wishes.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Okay, let’s just take a moment and acknowledge that you’re both tired. Being sleep deprived makes it harder to be on your best behavior. Accept that because you’re both tired, you’re both going to “mess up” sometimes. He messed up by prioritizing video games/falling to sleep over helping with the baby and you messed up by yelling at him over snoring, which is likely out of his control. Snoring can also indicate poorer sleep quality than normal, so he may have just been so tired, because of both the new baby and poor sleep quality that he physically could not stay awake any longer.. not to excuse bad behavior, it’s just something to think about. You understandably are exhausted too and just want him to do his fair share? So when it seems he wasn’t, you lashed out. I’d suggest you work out a plan where both can get a few hours of sleep (if you’re nursing, perhaps pumping and using bottle too?) While the other is on “baby duty”. Have you tried talking it out with him?

DishLady · Accepted Answer

That’s perfectly normal under those circumstances. Newborns are very draining and even though we live our spouse and new child, we also feel drained and say things we don’t mean or snap out of sheer exhaustion.

It’s important to give your guy a little tlc once you’ve recharged from the exhausting moment. And, immediately in the moment, as soon as you catch yourself, try to either make eye contact or touch his hand/arm lightly — apologetically — so he knows you weren’t intentionally being sharp or rude with him.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic wee-hour drama of new parenting—where sleep deprivation meets sensitivity. While your frustration is as understandable as a baby's 2 a. m. serenade, communication, my love, is key! Surely, "shut up" might come off a tad harsh, especially when whispered sweet nothings could do. 😉 But hey, nobody's perfect when running on sleep's spare change.

It might be time to dial up the charm and have a heart-to-heart with your hubby. Apologize for the midnight snap—it shows you're sensitive to his feelings. Then, propose a tag team for those night shifts. Remember, lovebombing your partner with understanding and teamwork can turn those zzz’s into sweet dreams for all three of you. After all, navigating this new adventure together is what makes it so special. Who knows? With a little communication magic, you both might soon be snoring in sweet, synchronized harmony. 💤💕

Apple1996 · Answer

It's fine. Most couples have a rule that anything they say to each other during preganacy and within the babies first year of life doesn't count because it's so easy to snap at each other during those times.

laraWM · Answer

It looks like it went a bit too far. Maybe you could try to apologize and see what he says

Anonymous · Answer

If your husband is working in the morning to support you and the baby then he needs his sleep. You should investigate means of helping him cure his loud snoring as it can be a sign of health problems. Your husband should be in the martial bed not in the next room alone probably jerking off to porn. Cheer him up with a blowjob.

I used to try to help as much as I could when my wife first had our twins but often I just needed sleep as I had to work to keep a roof over our heads and food in our fridge etc. Honestly it was a real luxury and joy for me getting up in the middle of the night to feed my babies at the weekend or when there was holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas or just before I left for work at 6am and my wife was very understanding and wanted me to get as much sleep as possible so I don't crash my car on the way to work, she understood how important that paycheck every month was. God bless her also because even after she gave birth and had been cut and stitched up she continued to give me sex even if it wasn't penetrative and often at 5am in the morning. Could be a blowjob or handjob. Sometimes we'd just cuddle and make out while I jerked off, sometimes I jerk off over her tits or ass, sometimes I'd put my penis between her thighs and thrust like it was in her vagina. Sometimes just jerking off to her in the shower, or a titjob with her big post pregnancy boobs. She always took care of me that way and I really appreciated her continuing to meet my sexual needs.

ThaMaskedMarvel · Answer

Yes, you were totally wrong.  He didn't know what he even was doing wrong. If you wanted help with the baby, then open your mouth to say that, not "not shut up." Plus, you know he's sensitive, yet you talked to him in that way. That's not being a good wife. There will always be women that think that just because they are stressed, they have free reign to speak any kind of way. Yes, you are at fault. In the future, get those snore-prevention strips, figure out the baby scheduling & watch your temper. Acting like that only plants the seeds of divorce.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Your husband is a good man, if you were my wife, i swear if you did such thing to me especially if i was sleeping, i might slap you, yeah you read it well, "SLAP YOU!" After this, you can do whatever you want, call the police, scream and shout but i'm sure that you're a lot smarter to do any of these!

My future wife will be a housewife, so in contrary, she must find a solution for the baby so he/she doesn't wake me up!

If she needs help, i'm not against it, she might wake me up with a kiss and cuddles and ask me with love if i can help her!

dustybiker2 · Answer

The best way to push someone away is to behave like that. So remember it and learn from it.

If you want help wake him, tell him you are overwhelmed right then and ask him if he has ideas on what to do. "You need his input". This opens dialog as calm adults and you might figure out the solution together.

Caroline91 · Answer

Know what? You are dealing with a boat load of different hormones, lack of sleep and being overwhelmed right now. He is dealing with a super hormonal wife, lack of sleep and being overwhelmed right now. This is the time to lean into your man. Go put your head on his shoulder, tell him you are sorry, tell him you love him, tell him you are full of doubt, ask for his help. Men feel helpless when they can't help. Let him. But you got to tell him what you need.

northerngal · Answer

Having a newborn is very stressful and a major test of any relationship. Sleep deprivation and jangled nerves are a volatile mix. Looking after the child has to be done in a fair way or its guaranteed that one person will feel the other is not pulling their load. However when you fight... fight fair. Do not get personal. I would apologize for losing my cool (it happens) then calmly sit down and discuss things. Work as a team. That way both of you can be great role models for your child.

Haraklus · Answer

... You are the asshole. You yelled at him telling him to shut up because he was snoring? That is definitely a dick move.

The thing is, though, you're also sleep-deprived from taking care of a newborn baby... so I think you get a pass. What you did really wasn't cool, but we can't always be at our best.

Peridot25 · Answer

You probably did come off as an asshole because you were exhausted. However, his snoring doesn’t help. Maybe once you two are level headed have a calm conversation.
Snoring that much and loud isn’t healthy. Not to mean sound rude, but is your husband fat? I’m asking this because weight can cause you to snore excessively. Also, does he drink or smoke by any chance?

HelpfulWoman · Answer

do you take turns at night? does he actually help otherwise? if no, then yeah, not the asshole but if he does help and support you otherwise, it is a dick move to bite the help like that.

LazerBean · Answer

Do you think your husband purposefully snores while he sleep? Or do you think maybe he can't control it and therefore a quick conversation about sleeping arrangements should be made?

Anonymous · Answer

He's not your punch bag and you were rude. Clearly you are unable to communicate this to him in a constructive manner and instead vented your frustration badly. It's not meant to be a competition and maybe your partner could be encouraged to help more if he were not fighting with you.

FreyaRed · Answer

I... I... me... my... I... me... I... I. Yeah, the world just orbits around you and anyone else in this world just exists to satisfy your whims and needs.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, I think you know if was not okay to tell him to shut up. That was harsh and disrespectful and will leave a scar that will take some time to heal. You need to have the maturity to control your emotions better.

That said, a couple of questions for you. Is he working during the day? Are you? The answers to those questions are obviously important here.

Do you need to breast feed the baby when you get up with him/her at night?

strateguy632 · Answer

obviously you bad. i can't tell my gals that horrible rude phrase so you can't either, at least feel regret you don’t feel as if I did anything wrong? what if he said that to you?

ProbablyClueless · Answer

You definitely could have handled the situation better. If you want the guy to stop snoring, you should use your words to communicate that desire like an adult.

OfDeath · Answer

Talk to him about doing something about his snoring. Either that or sleep in separate rooms and just go together for sex. Lots of couples do that. Also create rosters for who tends to the baby. One night on, one night off.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

He wasn't choosing to snore. Sounds like you were rather rude about it.

pinconon · Answer

your husband didn't do anything wrong I don't think you would like it if he snapped at you like that

noohair · Answer

The roles change when a child comes into the mix. He can't read your mind so you have to speak slowly and tell him what you are thinking. Hinting and giving looks will not do.

Massageman · Answer

You could have been a bit more gentle in your request -

MackBoy · Answer

I don't know whether I snore while I sleep? i have to check that before I marry otherwise I will slap on my face from my future wife. LOL

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Seems legit. It’s difficult and frustrating for you. He needs to understand that and be supportive.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Baby's bring out the true nature of women, both good and bad..

Anonymous · Answer

No he's an abusive asshole, you should sue or have him charged with abuse, take the kids and start a new life away from that sick dog

Jennz6 · Answer

Did he smack you after you said “Shut up”?

jahaims · Answer

You chose a weak partner

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, you are the asshole

Staximus · Answer

Tell him to not sleep on his back

gorydetails · Answer

Yes you're the asshole.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Don’t be such a whore. Be kind to gigolo.

I told my husband to shut up ?

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