Am I being toxic to my partner who recently got a good paying job?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend recently landed a good paying job after lot of struggle , when he told me i was really happy for him and congratulated him... he is usually hyper and we have had talks to tone it down as he tends to overhsare when he is... for the first 3 phone calls with him i didn't say anything and kept on congratulating him... then after sometime he kept saying how he is going to go meet his friends and about the car he is going to buy... so at this point i told him to calm down... and to just take things one at a time... he felt offended by this and cut my call... he called and said he was going our with his friends... and i know it was drinking.. i just told him try to maintain a neutral reaction to things happening around u dont let it affect u , even when u lose try ro be neutral i feel that would be good for you.

To this he replied how disappointed he was on me and other stuffs like how it was his happiness and his day and i ruined it... i just told it to look out for him... am i overstepping here?

[Finchie40]

Money impacts people in different ways , it sadly can be obnoxious to watch , but just be happy for him and let him celebrate his accomplishment, especially since he has been struggling for a long time and he landed a good paying job , he more than likely feels a weight lifted off his chest and that’s why he is sounding obnoxious, just let it go in one ear out the other , Now if he continues to be obnoxious about it after a day or 2 , , then yes put your foot down to him and smack him back into reality , if he starts being rude to you because he feels like he is on top of the world and he is constantly being rude and disrespectful to you? that’s when you really put your foot down to him and make it clear to him that you will not tolerate his behavior toward you , the fact that he went out drinking and celebrating without including you is a red flag as well, that would totally raise some concerns and it’s something you should keep a close eye on as to why he didn’t want you by his side? This can be an indication that he only likes the convenience of you , so keep a close eye on his behaviors and if it gets out of hand? , I suggest you end your relationship with him. Money should not be a reason to start disrespecting your partner and your relationship whatsoever , whether someone is rich or not , that shouldn't be a reason someone starts disrespecting you period. Money has nothing to do with love and respect for each other. If money is more important than his relationship with you? That’s your answer to walk away and find yourself someone that truly loves you from the heart. Why money is considered the root of all Evil. I dated girls ‘ that I found out were only with me because of money , I immediately kicked them to the curb where they belonged. I want a partner not a user. A relationship should be a team effort. you and your partner Verse the world. Not the other way around. I don’t pursue a relationship with a girl for her money , her money has nothing to do with my love for her. I am perfectly capable of supporting myself , I don’t need her money to be happy. So if you see his true colors shine now that he has a higher paying job? , Do not overlook his behaviors towards you because that can clearly be a red flag and an indication that he only likes the convenience of you , never be a convenience to anyone , you should be their top priority period.

[DarkWinterNights]

Based on just the information you provided, personally I don’t think so… just because he got the job, doesn’t mean he should go out and party and get in debt buying a new car. Its not exactly a done deal yet. After a week or so if it’s going well, a get together at a local pub or something to celebrate is a little more appropriate. Get the car after several months. You sound more cautious and he sounds more impulsive. Could be a personality clash.

[provokeesmokee]

Yes you are being toxic.

He got a great job, you should celebrate with him.

There is such a thing as a time and place for serious planning and financial discussions


A celebration of your boyfriend's success in the first day or two is great! Also he's your BOYFRIEND not your husband (and even then frankly don't have combined finances), his momey is his property. You don't have a say in how he spends it (though being fiscally responsible is good and you're wise for thinking of the long term).

But again, timing.
He sounds golden retriever as fuck, that's adorable
Be supportive or you're gonna drive him away, and for good reason.

Are you financially dependent on him or something?

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Yeah, kind of. I know you care for him but maybe let him enjoy his life? I think he hasn't experienced much in life yet.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love is a dance, isn't it? Sometimes we step on each other's toes trying to lead. It sounds like you both have a bit of different rhythms when it comes to celebrating and expressing emotions. It's clear you care deeply for him and were coming from a place of love, aiming to ground him. However, his reaction suggests he might have needed a moment in the sun to just bask in his achievements, especially after a struggle. It's not so much about being toxic as it is about finding balance in communication and support. It might be helpful to share your feelings and concerns in a way that acknowledges his need for joy and celebration too. Lovebombing him with understanding and support might just be the magic you need to get back in sync. Communication mix-ups happen, the key is to keep the conversation flowing. 💖

[Account]

In my opinion that was not bad advice, however it was uncalled for, all he needed at that moment was to share his enthusiasm with you.
Sometimes people share things that happen to them not in order for us to give them advice but they do so in order share their thoughts and feelings at the current time.
That would be a nice moment to celebrate it with him and share your enthusiasm and to give him some words of encouragement.
I don't think you were being toxic nor do I think you had bad intentions, but it was uncalled for.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm struggling to see what you said that warranted him putting the phone down on you, and telling you he was going out with his friends instead

It's only an observation here, but if he's THAT tightly strung, I can't see him lasting in the job more than a few weeks, or he'll be off sick with stress!

[HaleyWalker]

I think you're not toxic at all he did was a bit toxic to just like cut the call like that and then try to stick it to you like I'm going to go hang out with my friends now.

That point my honest replied to that would be okay whatever. Then again that's just me I don't put up with people acting like that after just trying to give good advice.

[HelpfulWoman]

i mean. you sound like such a "party pooper".
but if he does frequently overshare, i understand wanting to set the boundary. but perhaps talk to him and make it more of a "I'll tell you when i've hit my limit talking about something".

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by overshare? He is your boyfriend. Do you want him to keep his personal details away from you?

Let him enjoy this moment because soon he is going to get bored by the job and want to achieve the next thing in his life. We want what we don't have.

[bobby_bush_eater]

It sounds like you're training a puppy. I assume by overshare with a need to calm down you mean he's impulsive?

It sounds like you definitely have his best and realistic interests at heart. Obviously there's more context to your relationship but it does sound a bit like Mom said I can't have a sleepover. Not that that's a bad thing, especially if he genuinely needs that in his life but this is just one example lol.

[sheikalana]

I wouldn't say toxic but you came across a bit annoying and inconvenient while he was celebrating a day dreaming. It was an exciting moment for him. You could have said what you said in another time.

[Razp_Sorbet]

This feels like details are missing. What's wrong with going to see his friends and talking about the car he wants to buy? How is sharing this information oversharing?

[AngryCarl]

He sounds like a manic-depressive. If he didn't act like a giddy teenager you wouldn't have to rain on his parade. See what happens when you attach yourself to someone who puts material gains above everything else?

[stvigor]

No not at all you have an articulate keen point of view in terms of "longevity" remain confident at mind everything you mention doesn't have to be force you should remain neutral after giving warning step up you have a mature view of thing take care

[Kit_Kat88]

He’s in the clouds and you’re trying to ruin his fantasy. Don’t criticize him he just got that job.

[Anonymous]

there's probably more to the story that would definitely fill in the details

[Asker]

Like what?

[Opinion Owner]

patience is something that's often preached to guys and he should've heard this advice plenty of times (assuming he's around your age or older)

if he's upset, it's highly unlikely it's due to the advice you've given him

[KrakenAttackin]

You are the classic "dream squasher", don't worry, this is just what modern women do.

[Anonymous]

New territory for him. Drinking was involved, why weren't you with him? Anyways. I remember when I got more money, huge boost. Life changer money. I'd just ignore him but I have a few questions.

[DreamLife7]

U sound like a hater. What have you accomplished in life? Most likely nothing 💀

[OddBeMe]

I told you I’d up your allowance if you didn’t talk about it here.

[laly520]

a good advice at the wrong time

[Anonymous]

No. You gave him good advice.

[Anonymous]

Definitely jealous