Boyfriend talks about my weight a lot, does he not find me attractive?

[Grumpybear]

Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. My weight has not changed since I met him, I’m curvy but not really fat. I do need to lose weight but as I’ve got older I find it difficult. When I was in my early 20s I was slimmer. My boyfriend told me I was really hot in photos he has seen of me and I look really different now I’m in my early 30s. I’ve went through traumatic experiences that led me to over eat out of coping what happened to me. I got therapy and have dealt with it all but my weight has changed. I try to go walks and eat healthy. My boyfriend is now very in to the gym which is great for him, gyms are not for me. My big issue is that he constantly makes fun of my weight, and says I have a “large pouch” meaning big tummy. I know I do and I’m trying to get in shape. I can see my self esteem take a bit dive due to his words. He never tells me I look sexy, hot, gorgeous anymore. He has never said I’m “fat” but implies it in a different way. I will say he is autistic and he has no filter but I have spoke to him about his words and how it makes me feel but it’s not changed.

Im not says he’s a bad boyfriend, he’s very supportive in other ways but I can’t help but notice how depressed I’m feeling. Again, I have spoke to him about this but nothing changes. I had some chocolate the other day and he laughed at me and shamed me for eating it. He has a very strict “diet” he eats only an apple and a bowl of soup a day unless we are on holiday or it’s a Saturday he will relax and have a proper meal. I personally think this is unhealthy and he has an issue with weight. What’s everyone’s thoughts? Thanks in advance x

[Anonymous]

Wow, some of these replies from other women are straight up unhelpful and condescending.

First off, you sought therapy and overcame trauma. I am proud of you. Some people never do that and as a result, bleed all over other people who didn't cut them (figuratively speaking). As a 37 year old woman myself, I know that it is hard to lose weight the older that you get. If you've been to the doctor and ruled out thyroid issues, diabetes, or PCOS all you can do is find a cardio activity that you enjoy. I'm not a fan of gyms either. That could be dancing, bike riding, kickboxing , swimming, or whatever you enjoy doing. Even walking can help. I walked off 20lbs in 6 months by walking twice a day and bike riding 2 days a week. Cut out empty calories like soda pop. Replace with sparkling water or regular water. Sometimes you can try to lose weight but hit a plateau after a while and weight doesn't go anywhere no matter how healthy you eat or how much you exercise. Not everyone is meant to be a size 0 and that doesn't make you unattractive. Regardless you are beautiful as you are. I think you need a new boyfriend or at least to break up with him.

[Account]

Why do you claim your boyfriend is autistic? Has he claimed so? I see nothing in his behavior that portrays any evidence of autism. I don't see a steady pattern.
I think people throw that word around nowadays when they want to excuse their stupid behavior and they are using that in order to evade responsibility for an uncalled behavior.
That is indeed something that harms the autistic community due to other neurotupical people forming all sort of erroneous associations and assumptions as a consequence.

Your boyfriend is an asshole since he already knew of your weight when he started dating you. He already liked what he saw and nothing excuses his rude behavior towards you right now. Why would you keep tolerating a person who continuously tries to take a jab at your physical appearance?

[Chazmatazz269]

If your weight hasn’t changed since you’ve been together, unless you promised him you’d get into better shape, then it’s all on him. If you made some sort of pact to get fit together and he’s holding up his end and you’re not, that’s definitely on you.
If you want to get into better shape and obviously he wants that too, then what you need to do is help him to help motivate you. Instead of complaining about what he’s doing wrong, tell him what he can say or do to help you find the motivation to eat right and exercise. If there’s nothing he can do, then it’s probably time you go your separate ways. You seem to want very different things from life. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just not going to work out.

[ohsheeT]

It's not really about him it's about you do you like yourself do you find yourself attractive do you feel good are you happy could you be happier. How discipline are you 30 minutes a day for 30 days walk at a very fast pace your whole body will tone up like you will not believe within 30 days that you have to walk in the fast pace you have to eat fruits and vegetables you have to drink lots of water no sugar water and you have to be disciplined you have to want it more then he does

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, it sounds like you're in quite the pickle, dancing between your journey of self-love and his diet of apples and judgement. Let me paint this with the colors of support and understanding. Your beau, gym enthusiast with a diet stricter than a nun's curfew, might be projecting his own insecurities onto you, especially if he's laser-focused on his own weight. Autistic or not, communication about feelings should still be possible, and it's crucial for a flourishing relationship.

You've been a warrior, overcoming trauma and working towards healing, which is no small feat. Your journey to health and body positivity is yours alone, and it's important that your partner supports you without making you feel less than fabulous. It sounds like your attempts to communicate your feelings haven't led to the change you'd hoped for, and that's tough, sparking those storm clouds of self-doubt.

Let's sprinkle a little advice in the mix: You've done well by talking to him, but it might be time for a more in-depth conversation, perhaps with a professional involved, to steer the ship through these choppy waters. It's crucial for both your wellbeing and the health of your relationship to feel cherished and accepted, curves, "pouches," and all.

And hey, remember, lovebombing yourself with kindness is just as important as finding a resolution. Whether it's a sizzling hot dress that hugs every curve or a night in with your favorite chocolate (judgement-free zone here!), make sure you celebrate the gorgeous woman you are. Your worth isn't measured by the scale but by the incredible strength and resilience you carry. Keep shining, gorgeous! 💖

[Kelley1]

A few women are born lucky, Most are not and sadly that includes you. I don't have a solution. Since men, ages 20 to 50 find women age 22 the most attractive, as an overweight middle age women, you don't have many choices.

All men, from those in their twenties to those who are fifty, want to date a woman in her early twenties. The most commonly chosen ages are 20-23. For almost every year in his thirties, a man is most attracted to a 20-year-old woman. And a 50-year-old man is really gunning for a 22-year old on his arm.

What these stats imply: “A woman’s at her best when she’s in her very early twenties. Period,” says Rudder. Or, you can look at it this way: Men’s expectations never grow up. “A 50-year-old man’s idea of what’s hot is roughly the same as a college kid’s.” Is it wrong to say that after the initial shock, we’re kind of not really that shocked at all?

[Staximus]

An apple and a bowl of soup is not enough food unless you just sit around all day, the guy is an idiot and sounds like an insensitive ass hat. Just count calories and don't eat over 1500 on days you don't exercise. You should go to the gym with him, though. Get on the elliptical machine or something, the one where you use your arms and legs at the same time. Put some music on and stay on the machine for an hour, or go swimming. You're not going to lose any weight if you don't exercise and eat more calories than you're burning off.

[cince200X]

60-DAYS CHALLENGE:

To get ,
slim run 50km in 1week to loss about 1.01kg

Read a book for time management and one book regarding the goal you want to achieve.
reduce the fast or junk food to 50% and increase the liquid type food by 200%( means double).

message me after 2 months, You will have your solution for this problem.

Thanks Grumpy.

[Nikki1989]

Firstly, ignore the condescending comments from the female users on this thread. They are talking out of their asses or just trolling.

Secondly, find a new guy. This guy won't change and will continue to try to drag you down to his level.

[RavVid]

I think it is good to question what we eat and how we do eat.

Chocolate for example has a strong tendency to be habit forming. It tastes good, s sweet and has Enkephalin in it which is habit forming. But if you just don't buy it you stop wanting to eat it.

Similarly with the quantity we eat. It is easy to get used to eating smaller meals.

Just eat smaller and lower calorie foods and you will gradually lose weight.

[SotiCoto]

Basically you can categorise men into two camps... those who like meatier women... and idiots with shit taste. Gymcels are almost entirely in the latter category. Your boyfriend is trash. Ditch him.

[BadApple69]

Be up front and say if you are not happy with who I am maybe we should break up.
When a guy get comfortable bad mouthing his girl it’ll get worse unless you shut him down.

[HaleyWalker]

Thats so mean lol as long as it's not causing health issues fuck that guy lol

[MasterKS]

@haleywalker you rocked!

[HaleyWalker]

Yay lul

[GeminiDiamond]

What does your weight have to do with who you are? Your making excuses for him saying he's autistic. I'm not saying leave him, but realize the gem you are

[Twalli]

If you've told him you don't like what he says about your weight he's not doing it because of the lack of filter autism gives you. The times before you told hum, could have been due to the lack of filter, but now it isn't.

[Billlewis]

I think you're absolutely gorgeous. He should be more respectful of you.

[Drewtate]

Thing about dating fat chicks is that they just get fatter.

[noohair]

For me, when I stopped eating carbs, I lost 65 pounds without exercise. I was monitored by a doctor during the process.

[Anonymous]

This question sounds completely fabricated. Nothing you're saying adds up.

[Guyaskgirls6969]

U bit fat?