My boyfriend is upset I won't share my neither FB nor email password with him nor want his password either, is that even needed?

[Anonymous]

We've been together (living separately; I have my own home too) for nearly a year now. He wanted me to have his FB and email password and I told him that's not needed, that I don't want them nor care. Then he asked for my passwords and I found that very weird. What for?

He immediately assumed I must be hiding things. It's not about hiding things. I'm not but I think that's really none of his business. At least not at this stage of the relationship. I've heard of other women doing so much for a boyfriend and even serving him meals every morning, only to end up breaking up in the end and never really ending up with him. We're just boyfriend and girlfriend and no kids. Why on earth do I need to share passwords?

If it's the man I want to have kids with and the relationship has progressed or I were married to him, then yes I wouldn't mind giving him my password but to just a boyfriend? Nope. Is that even needed to share at this point in the relationship? I find that weird.

[RingOfFire]

I don't think that it's "needed" exactly. There's no right or wrong for this question it's what makes you each feel comfortable. And it looks like you have an incompatibility between you about what makes you comfortable.

I myself would feel the same way you do. I can't see sharing that with anybody married or not, it's your own personal space.

But apparently some people feel like it's necessary to have access to their partners social media presumably because it will give an indication of whether or not they are cheating on them.

You see that on a lot of these reality shows about couples.

It seems ridiculous to me as if somebody was going to cheat, unless they're really stupid, they wouldn't be making it public like that. Admittedly though there are a lot of stupid people in the world so maybe it is a good way to catch somebody.

In any event I guess you'll find out whether or not it's a deal-breaker for him. Sounds like he is quite committed to obtaining that information. You'll find out if he can live with it and still go on with the relationship.

Speaking for myself if my partner then went on and put her foot down and demanded it or she would walk out, I probably have to let her walk out because it just seems wrong to me. I would never ask her for that.

[Asker]

I'll speak to him about this and boundaries. Him asking me to share my password to me feels the equivalent of invading my personal space. From the little I know about my surroundings, the few that have cheated have done so even when sharing passwords. Most of them probably won't even post it on their page nor comps.

[RingOfFire]

My belief is that if he really loves and respects you he will abandon the demand. But give him a fair chance. It's not so unusual what he's demanding even though you and I may not think it's right. Give him an opportunity to change his mind and have patience for a while. If it keeps coming up and you can't get past it then the ball is in your court and you will have to make a decision whether either you want to compromise with him or move on.

[HawkPerception]

I don't think account information needs to be shared in a relationship, even if you're married. If he wants to see the messages on your Facebook or any social media, then it's fine if you lend him your phone to see (if you don't give it to him right away and start deleting messages on your phone, that is reason to doubt you).

I personally think what he's asking is too much. I give my partners fingerprint access to my phone all the time because I have nothing to hide. But account information is sensitive. And if things go wrong in the relationship, which they always can... you don't want your partner having access to your accounts.

[Asker]

If I have to text my friends on FB, I do it even when I'm with him and he's free to see the messages if he wants to. The last sentence explains it all well. If we were to break-up, it would be so awkward to all the sudden find some things in my FB page have been changed or messages I didn't write to all of them be sent to my friends.

[HawkPerception]

Exactly. He's being over the top and controlling. I wouldn't tolerate that if I were you.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, lovebird, you've flown into quite the nest of trust and privacy issues, haven't you? Let's spread our wings and soar above this situation for a better view, shall we? 🕊️

First off, in the lush forest of relationships, there’s no one-size-fits-all nest. Whether to share passwords or not is a decision that deeply depends on the feathers of trust, respect, and communication you and your partner pluck together. It's like trying to decide if you should migrate south for the winter—it's not going to be the same answer for every bird in the flock!

Now, considering you're still fluttering around in the dating phase and enjoying your own branches, it's perfectly natural to want to keep some twigs to yourself. There's nothing wrong with cherishing your privacy. In fact, it's a sign of healthy boundaries and self-respect. 🌿

However, your beau seeing this as a red flag could signify a need for a heart-to-heart on trust and security in your relationship. Perhaps he's been pecking at past experiences or fears that have left him feeling a bit ruffled. It's important to chirp openly about these feelings without letting the cat out of the bag—uh, I mean, without giving up your personal space.

Remember, darling, it's about finding that sweet song of balance between intimacy and independence. Sharing a life doesn't have to mean sharing every single worm and nest material. Keep fluttering gracefully and communicate—your relationship can only take flight with open, honest dialogues. 🌺

[HollyK21]

I have nothing against Kracken but due to how many biased comments he makes on this site condemning and talking down on women, I wouldn’t continue going back and forth with him if I were you or even consider taking such horrible advice to heart.


My now ex was like your boyfriend. I’m engaged to someone else, but back when I was dealing with that, I learned that all of his behavior was a lot of projection and unhealed trauma. You’re like me, you don’t need to exchange passwords, have all his information or anything like that because you TRUST him, you’re secure in your identity and know you’d never cheat. Him on the other hand has either cheated or been cheated on in the past, it created trauma and now YOU are stuck paying for it when you did nothing wrong, and that is where you should draw the line.


Love and relationships are never worth having to sacrifice any part of who you are. You aren’t a cheater, and shouldn’t even tolerate being treated like one. What he’s doing is only normal if you enjoy control and toxicity, otherwise set some boundaries. This needs to stop and if he won’t stop well then maybe you should do what I did — leave that man and find someone you don’t have to prove yourself to all the time. It’s much healthier that’s way.

[Asker]

I've noticed that now. That male user seems traumatized. I'm glad to hear you found someone that's worthy of your trust and that you're engaged. I'm going to have a conversation with my boyfriend and see where we go from there. If he continues insisting on the passwords being shared, I'm going to drop him. I don't owe him any passwords to prove I don't cheat.

[HollyK21]

I agree 100%! Insisting on your password is just too much of a red flag, hopefully he stops but if not, I’m glad you have the courage to do what needs to be done. Wishing you luck with this!💛

[Finchie40]

That’s weird, if he doesn’t trust you , then he shouldn’t be with you period , maybe you are best to walk to other way

[MisterWack]

I don’t think you are obligated to take his password/log in and neither is he to take your password/log in. Now if you were saving up service points (planes, hotels, restaurants, etc.) I can see why sharing would be nice also if you have a family email so all the family mail / service mail gets shifted into an organized pile that is easier to manage, good good. If you are totally fine with having a separate personal private account then he should respect that, him willing to share his doesn’t mean you have to step beyond your boundaries. Best luck!

[leftovercream_]

That’s a sign of an insecure man. Been there done that. Even if you do end up giving this man your password there will be something in the future that makes him insecure and he’ll ask you for more. It will continue to grow. You can’t possibly help him out of it. My advice is try to talk to him and set some boundaries in your relationship. If he respects your boundary then good else drop him

[Asker]

yeah if he keep insisting on the password then yes I'm going to drop him. At this early, dating stage of a relationship there is no need to be sharing passwords.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Yeah, no, I totally get the not sharing thing. My partners don't know my passwords and I have 0 intention of sharing then either. I have nothing to hide that would get me in trouble, it's just none of their business and I need a life away from them too. They do know the one to my phone though cause they've seen me enter it too many times.

[Asker]

Exactly. I'm not hiding anything. It's just that this isn't the correct stage of the relationship to be sharing password. A boyfriend is a boyfriend, not a life partner.

[dustybiker2]

I get what he was doing. He was poking for some trust and honesty. Seeing where you both stand together... offering his up first. Was expecting the same in return as in his mind fair was fair. However went about it in the absolute wrong way.
His way came across as bullying. Forcing trust does not build it, its simply creates messes like this. You want trust you need to give it/ leap of faith and hope it's returned.
He should have said something to the effect of. "Do you trust me with your passwords? Can I prove my trust by giving you mine?"
It's all in the way you get your message across.

[dustybiker2]

Now you come across as hiding things.

[Asker]

I just find it weird when some people in their relationships share passwords. Whenever I write messages to my friends, I have done so in front of him. I don't mind if he reads my messages, whatever. He can read them but accessing my passwords; that to me is like invading my own personal space.

[dustybiker2]

I can understand that too.
I feel for him it was less about invasion of privacy and more in that moment it was trust simply about passwords. It was a stepping stone for him. And I think it caused him to step back as he expected/hoped for a shared moment.

[dustybiker2]

I could be wrong though

[egarcia1360]

No reason to share passwords. Having each other added on all the platforms you're on? Of course. Letting each other look through messages etc? I can understand why not, but personally I don't see a big issue with it if you've been dating for a while. Account passwords, though, offer not just information but also control. Stand your ground on this one.

[sheikalana]

No, that’s not needed. You still need personal space in a relationship and each of you are entitled to your own privacy. If you can’t trust your partner you shouldn’t be in relationship with anyone.

[Asker]

Yes indeed. I don't know why some people share passwords in their relationship. That's just so weird.

[rosemilk]

why is he asking? not gonna lie, that's kinda weird. i don't care for my partners passwords at all. the only "password" i have is the code to unlock his phone because he always has me look stuff up on his phone when driving or doing something

[Asker]

yeah I find it very weird when I hear about people in relationships sharing their passwords. I don't need to share my password to prove I'm not hiding anything.

[MackBoy]

No don't ever share it with your boyfriend. passwords are like toothbrush which is not to be shared even with your best friends. if he still hurts you by asking your password or anything, you have to leave him and find a another boyfriend. don't trust and give any password to anyone because later onwards you will face a serious issue.

[Asker]

yeah it would be so awkward to break-up and then find out he's been sending friend requests to random people or adding new stuff on my profile

[Lliam]

I agree with you 100%. There is no reason for him to have your passwords. And doing so is dangerous.
Who does he think he is, the NSA or FBI.
If he doesn't trust you, he doesn't love you. He just wants control. But a narcissist will turn it around and say "If you loved me, you would trust me with your electronic privacy." Sure, why not your driver's license, social security number and bank accounts, too.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It is weird. Usually, the one pressing for this stuff is doing so because they themselves are doing things by that method.

Be on the lookout for him to have accounts and alt e-mails he's not telling you about.

[HaleyWalker]

No I'm never sharing that stuff with anyone because of the relationship ends they might go in and switch up everything and lock you out personally I would end that relationship as soon as possible that is a red flag and a half

[DishLady]

No, it’s not. Why’s he so nosy? Did you give him reason not to trust you? Does he have reason it to trust women in general? His request is odd.

[Asker]

No I gave him no reason at all. He just thought that because we're in a relationship that we can share our passwords. I don't think so.

[shortster]

Passwords should never be shared. Always maintain good OpSec.

[Cheerfull009]

Do not share your secrets to anyone, boyfriend of today can leave you tomorrow

[Asker]

Exactly. I don't ever go out of my way for a boyfriend. We're just dating after all.

[Angelo75]

Perhaps he's ready to go past the state of boyfriend/girlfriend and into full commitment?

[Asker]

There is only one single way a man can show he's ready to go into full commitment and it's not asking for passwords. While that hasn't happened yet, I have no reason to give him my password.

[Angelo75]

Well I guess some man will jump in the deeps and hope there are no "unwanted surprises", while other men will want to know what they're dealing with before jumping in the deeps. I do assume by the way that he's ready to give you his passwords.

Apart from that, well, we are all just sitting here and speculating what would be his train of thought to think like this.
But without him actually getting on GaG and typing his thoughts, it's all going to stay at speculations.

Hey, you asked a question and as you can see in the reactions, there are all kind of thoughts, theories and answers.
At the end of the day, the best answer you're gonna get is "go talk to him about the situation".
In a relationship, that's the best thing to do. Keep communicating. If one of you stop doing that, it's just going to kill the relationship.

[thisAppIsGarbage]

It's 2024. If you still use Facebook you are wrong.

[KrakenAttackin]

Of course you are hiding things.

[Asker]

Give me one good reason why on earth should I be sharing passwords with a boyfriend? Like stated, if we were married then obviously it would be different. Why should I sacrifice too much for a boyfriend?

[KrakenAttackin]

Honey, your time as girlfriend is your audition for wife, which you are failing.

[Asker]

Well I've seen too many women giving away everything too early (live together with him, give him passwords, free meals, become too much available for him, too open, years, etc) and he never proposes. So what's wrong with that picture? I know what's wrong, giving away for free at the price of girlfriend. I refuse to be one of those women take for a fool, giving away everything and nothing in return. Do you realize nothing is free in this world? No one does things for free.

[Asker]

I've seen too many women treat a boyfriend how they would treat a husband, overdo it, do too much and he never proposes.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... no you haven't. Wives are found, the rest. of you are left over.

[Asker]

Obviously you're traumatized. I'm not going to even bother anymore. Goodbye

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... Can't take the truth. Delulu is not the solulu.

[OtterMan68]

That's a red flag! he's controlling

[In_Trance]

It's definitely not necessary to share

[RedInnocent69]

No. Don’t. Ever.