Boyfriend won’t share his passwords, is this a bad sign?

Question

I told my boyfriend of two years that I would like to exchange passwords and he just said “no, not interested in your passwords” and I said “fine but I would like to have you’re still” and he hit me with “why, don’t you trust me?” And I said “it’s not that it’s that I feel YOU don’t trust ME if you won’t share” and he said “you’re not getting my passwords, there’s no need for it” and, wouldn’t discuss it anymore, I’m really pissed off now, I feel couples should have no secrets please, any advice?

Nawlins34 · Accepted Answer

My advice is drop him.

You shouldn't have to play detective with the person you love and said person would go out of their way to make sure you don't have to. If you have reason to believe he's cheating, access to his smartphone won't do you any good.

Why not? Because

1.) If he IS cheating, you knew that before you had access. My rule is if I have to play detective, it's over.

2.) If there are no signs of him cheating in that smartphone, you won't trust your conclusion anyway. Especially if the signs outside of having access to the aforementioned persists.

I live alone and I still password protect my smartphone. I bring this up to illustrate someone people are simply private because they are NOT because they are cheating.

There is nothing your smartphone can't do that his can, the only thing different is you have access to his accounts/contacts.

So, don't play detective, the right one doesn't do this.

When you're dating again, look for a man that leaves his phone unlocked. Make that a priority.

And if any ladies are reading this, I'll leaving a piece of advice here;

If you won't tolerate it on day 1000? Day 100? Say something on Day 1.

I hope I've helped, be safe and good luck.

RJJ33666 · Accepted Answer

Its a perfectly normal thing to want your boyfriends password, you can never really reach a level where you trust a person to the utmost level. But it is a very unreasonable thing to ask for his password when he is not interested in having yours. Yes, he might have secrets, but so do you at a certain level, its completely normal to want to keep some secrets in a relationship. If he trusts you enough then at one point he will open up about it to. But if you are still adamant in wanting his passwords, then that just means that you are not able to trust him. If you can't trust your own boyfriend then it could turn the whole thing sour very quickly.
But in the possibility that he might be hiding something really drastic, just try to notice how private he is, like does he keep everything under passwords and lock or only a few things. If their are a lot of things he keeps in protection then he might have something big to hide or he is a very non-trusting person to begin with which might not be good, but if its a smaller amount of things then its a very normal amount and completely healthy.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He may be being obstinate on the principle that he feels you don't trust him and feels attacked by the forwardness of you just telling him you want his passwords. Lord knows I've destroyed perfectly good relationships because I had my panties in a bunch because I felt some kind of way about the way my partner said something, you probably have too...

It's not an unreasonable request, try having a discussion about it. In that discussion present it as a "me problem due to the assholes that came before (him) and he would really be helping (you) with it if (he) could do that for (you)"... This phrasing moved it from him feeling you are saying HE has the problem to one where you are the "damsel in distress" and he can be your white knight if he does this one thing.

If after that he has an issue with it, reevaluate your relationship situation.

Mrsposh · Accepted Answer

That's a tricky one honestly love, because some people may not have anything to hide, but they love their privacy and expects nothing but trust from their spouse. Especially if they haven't done anything.
On the other hand, people who have a lot to hide, tends to act historical about sharing their passwords to their spouse.
So I think you should ask yourself a few questions.
- can I trust him?
- is he that kind of person?
-What has he done to make me feel unsure?
.
To be honest, if The question of trust is a NO, then you might be better of considering to end the relationship. Because a relationship will never last with out TRUST.
😊

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Couples always have secrets, but some couples play a game of pretending that they don't. Some couples don't want to use the toilet with their partner watching; that's a secret. Some couples occasionally masturbate when they are in private but they don't do it if their partner is present.

If you must verify that he is being a good boy, then you don't really trust him.

I've been living with my girlfriend for about a year and she doesn't now my passwords. I don't know hers. She is Chinese and has very long phone discussions with friends in Mandarin; every word is a secret to me. But I don't care because I trust her and I don't need to verify it.

You may be "fixin' to" lose a boyfriend. And if it happens, it may be because he has a secret that he doesn't want to reveal, but it may also be because yoou don't trust him.

razelove · Answer

Ok, that's not sharing, it's you demanding. Sharing would be if I went to you and asked to have 5 dollars, and you said earn it bitch. That's sharing and caring. You demanded he give up his passwords, some of which are probably related to banking, because of your lack of trust and insecurity. Two years is a length of time, but how much do you share? You aren't married after being together for two years, do you live together, own anything together, what goals have you worked for with each other?

It may be you're right, and he's searching for someone else, it may be that you just have a wall in your relationship that has existed for a long time. What are you offering that makes it worth him sacrificing some of his autonomy?

Apple1996 · Answer

2 years in... he should be comfortable enough to share passwords. I'd take that as a sign that he's hiding something or isn't serious about your relationship.

sopkat23 · Answer

no. You only ask for a password if you think they are hiding something. I had a boyfriend of two years once and he would open his phone in front of me and I didn't really care to remember it. He never asked for my passwords so I know he trusted me and I never asked for his. I also like to stress the whole "couples should have no secrets" is dumb. You do not need to share every detail in your life with someone. If they want to tell you something then, just listen. don't force it out of someone. but, that is only my opinion. If they give u a reason not to trust then talk to them and do whatever you can to fix it.

DaveJord · Answer

Yeah you're a whack job with some serious insecurity issues from trust issues or just some type of control freak... either way your way out of lines here. I was married for 20 years and never gave up my passwords and I never asked her for her information and she never asked for mine either.

You're just trying to exert control over your man, and he said no thanks freak job... and that pissed you off. So I say, good for him. No way you're getting my passwords to my phone... and yeah it because I don't trust you or any women honestly to get accesses to my phone and develop some type of drama or issue over something I don't give a shit about. What I do on my phone is private and very important to me. Its like being given access to reading someone's personal dairy or journal. I mean getting into someone's phone is a very violating thing to do, and you are basically wanting his permission to violate his rights and personal privacy... fuck yeah he told you no and that's that.

Lliam · Answer

It's not so much about him sharing his password. It's more about why you want it so badly. Why do you want it? To snoop? That's creepy, controlling, insecure, even narcissistic. It shows lack of trust. And there can be no love without trust. If the only way you can hold onto a partner is by keeping them on a leash, you've got no relationship at all.

Do you want access to his bank accounts, too?

What would you think if you caught him secretly going through your purse or following you to see where you're going and who you're with?

My wife and I have access to each other's phones, but neither of us has any interested in scrolling through them. We don't have passwords to each other's laptops. There's no way I would share mine with her but, then again, she's not interested. I'm not interested in hers, either.

TheLoneTerran · Answer

Everyone has secrets, things they don't want anyone to know about because of how embarrassing or foolish it makes them feel. Passwords are supposed to be secret. If you tell someone, they can tell someone else and then it's not a good password anymore.

She wants the password to someone on my phone? I'll put it in and hand it back. She wants the password to my research data/papers folder, I'll put it in for her. I don't have anything to hide but that doesn't mean I want everything I do to be laid bare.

Also, no secrets between one another in a relationship was ID'd as a manipulation tactic a long time ago. The person who says it almost 100% of the time continues to keep secrets.

Additionally, you have no right to his information, even if you are his SO. He also has no right to your information either.

SimpleGuy95 · Answer

I can understand the both of you but there's no way you being able to make him share. Everybody has a right of privacy and so does he. I think the bad part is that you both disagree on a question that could be a deal-breaker later.
From a guys point of view love and trust are often synonyms if you don't trust me you don't love me.
If it's a crucial and very important to you you should consider a break up because you're not his boss and there is no right that can make him be completely open to you.

yucychan · Answer

Just admit that you don't trust him at all. And the purpose of getting his passwords is only so that you can get to snoop around in his mobile as much as possible.

To an extent, I agree with you. There shouldn't be a need to keep secrets from one another. However, both still should be entitled to their own privacy. There are just some things I would prefer to do by myself and alone. And I also see no need to share every waking detail of my day's life with my boyfriend.

Freyke · Answer

I am sorry. I can not give you the advice you look for. It's okay to have secrets. You can't have it all. My social media contains personal conversations with friends. No, I am not flirting with them and no, they are not flirting with me. But friends lay their struggles bare for me to help and counsel them. This is confidential and that is why I can not give my girlfriend my password.
You say you feel he does not trust you. If he didn't trust you, he would have asked You for Your information. Since you said 'it's not that' to his reply of you not trusting him, he is right to say that there is indeed no need for sharing passwords

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone needs to feel they have basic privacy, and/or some things that are private to them only (assuming there is indeed nothing to hide). It's a FEELING. So it is a trust thing, but also those feelings that you don't trust him are there you know? I'd feel the same way honestly. I have nothing at all to hide on my phone from anyone, but it's just something I have that's private for me and that feeling that I have something private. You know? And if you do indeed trust him completely, then it shouldn't be an issue, in my opinion (and his by the sounds of it). Just like your phone will be to you as we don't want or need to see it either. Because we trust you.

KelleyNice · Answer

It is not a bad sign to want privacy. Do you also want him to let you watch when he goes to the bathroom? Maybe that is different or maybe it not; I don't know. Or maybe he wants to surprise you with a flash mob proposal and if he gives you access, it will not be a surprise.

I do know, that I want some privacy and I don't want my parents snooping into everything I do (they don't) and we are a lot closer than boyfriend/girlfriend.

shanshu · Answer

You wanting his password shows you don't trust him, couples will always have secrets from each other, it just depends if it's a secret that is hazardous to your relationship. If you fear he's cheating then you don't trust him.

What if like his email/FB or whatever else has messages of something he's doing for you like a surprise party or confirmation for a dinner for you two at some restaurant or an email of a present he got for you off Amazon or eBay.

You are basically ruining the elements of surprise there.

What if you wanted to do something for him and had to buy stuff offline and he had your password and saw what you got, not a surprise anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

Why are women so nosey?

Why do so many of you want passwords and unlock codes to smartphones?

Why is it so important to you to have these things?

I’m really struggling to understand.

One of my girlfriend’s went through my things once, a journal. She literally had to have gotten my bag, unzipped it, gone through my things and read it.

Our relationship is now a thing of the past (dodged a bullet there! Whew) and while I continue to write I do so now in code, and I will never, ever leave anything I write available to any woman I’m in a relationship with ever again. Thankfully my friends with benefits is more interested in sex than going through my personal effects.

Zxoxo · Answer

I don't think it's necessary either. Unless we're are talking financial between couples who have payments going out or related to kids expenses. But other wise why do I need his passwords? I also think as a couple you need some things just for yourself. If you guys have mutual expenses I can see that being something shared.

becee23love · Answer

Well I think it's more like he just wants his privacy but sometimes it can be a bad sign I know my finance's phone password and he knows mine but we don't have each other's passwords for other things for me personally I would feel invade of privacy it can be just too much at times if that makes sense

Texasgal95 · Answer

I guess it could be an issue but at the same time it could just be you reading way too much into it you have to have trust I guess the question is what is it passwords to I mean yes you need to trust each other but I could also see were asking makes it feel like you don’t trust them but maybe y’all should have a deep honest sit down conversation about all of this

SnakeBoop · Answer

It can be a red flag you're so insecure you need it.
Me and my partner know ours, but simply because I'll grab his phone to check the internet for the meaning of an obscure word or what films a certain actor we're watching have done (that good old "omg i know that voice from somewhere!). We didn't need to discuss it or ask.

Boromir · Answer

That would be a total no go for me. I trust my partner and I don’t need her passwords of anything, the other way round she will not get any of them. She can have my phone if she wants to browse through my stuff but nothing more. Having a relationship does not mean 100% access to all of your partners private life. You’re too controlling.

wa1t1ngFuture · Answer

I'm also afraid if someone knows my password for example my girlfriend I'm just afraid that he's someone who isn't good at technology/hacking stuff/cyber security... I'm only scared if at any time he gets a hacking attack and my account is also affected

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Boyfriend won’t share his passwords, is this a bad sign?

Trust is a wonderful thing & I think it’s wonderful that your SOON TO BE EX BOYFRIEND trusts you enough by saying “no, not interested in your passwords.” On the flip side I love when people are demanding & I’m glad that your SOON TO BE EX BOYFRIEND sees the demanding side of you when you say “fine but I would like to have you’re still.”

🖖

Anonymous · Answer

Anyone who asks for your password is a permanent red flag, boyfriend or not. Sure they should log in and show you what's going on but sharing the actual password is a stupid idea. I would refuse to date someone idiotic enough to share theirs like that because she's obviously not a safe person in general

If I had the passwords of my exes they would have to change each one including their email address because it's too much of a risk. Put all your money into his bank account if you feel couples should have no secrets

crossdressingrihno · Answer

People like privacy
You probably have plenty of things your boyfriend doesn't know about

This is a normal behavior in almost all relationships including the most successful ones

In a relationship it's not about trusting your partner to not keep secrets it's about trusting your partner to have the right secrets

AviatorTom · Answer

There's no reason why he should share his passwords with you. He's entitled to his privacy, as are you.

Your "no secrets" belief is misinformed and not realistic. Couples always have some secrets, and there's nothing wrong with that, so long as the secrets do not harm the relationship.

sheikalana · Answer

I think the bad sign over here is you but that's just my opinion. I don't see the need to share passwords. My and husband never shared passwords. And is not about lack of trust or not is about privacy. It's always good to keep some mystery in a relationship.

Blackcupcake · Answer

why do you want his passwords, let the man have some privacy and instead work on your trust and communication in the relationship

Sour-rose · Answer

I wouldn't share my password either, that's none ya business. Not a bad sign, it's just can I have my own privacy.

genericname85 · Answer

no that's a good sign. only an utter fool would hand their passwords to a girlfriend/boyfriend. like you don't know what they do when you break up they could massively fuck you over. if it's a wife/husband, i think that's a slightly different story.

like if a girlfriend would demand me to give her my passwords or she'd break up, i'd just say goodbye without hesitation.

TheFlak38 · Answer

You stupid control bitch, this is his stuff. Keep your hands off of it. Couples should have no secrets? Or is it maybe men should have no secrets? Because you definitely will keep yours so you can explore your thousands of other options with all those apps and social media elevating your vagina to the most astronomical heights.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

Yeah, I'm siding with your boyfriend. Passwords shouldn't be shared.

whereismyjohnny · Answer

Why do you want his passwords? It's too controlling and prying.

Juxtapose · Answer

lol asking to go through my phone is like asking to go through a super diary and also private letter correspondences I have had with other people discussing deeply sensitive matters.. all in one!

No, my phone is my most private possession. You absolutely cannot touch it!

Snsl153 · Answer

No, it's not a bad sign, it's the sensible thing to do. I won't share my passwords with anyone either, because you're not supposed to share them. That's the whole point in having passwords.

crmoore · Answer

To preface, I don't really have any decent advice. But I just wanted to say that I agree and that I think it's best when couples don't have secrets between each other. I intend to let me serious relationships have access to those sorts of things. But not everyone thinks like that. It may be difficult changing his mind.

mandyfire98 · Answer

Couples need boundaries, you both should trust each other. There's going to be things he does that doesn't involve you and vice versa. This is healthy in a relationship. You wanting his passwords shows you don't trust him and you are insecure.

dustybiker · Answer

No. Secrets require trust. Trust is earned. You can’t force it. It’s something you give to get. He would probably have shown you his phone if he knew you would never, ever try to look without asking.

admles · Answer

It’s a bad sign you want the passwords.

Passwords are meant to be kept private, you have ZERO need for them.

One of the biggest signs of insecurity in a relationship, and also a sign someone is bein sketchy, is when they demand someone else’s passwords.

annabananna · Answer

Everyone has a right to some amount of privacy and he shouldn’t have to give you his password.

jshm2 · Answer

Yes, he needs to see this as a red flag and ditch you.  This is controlling behaviour by you and he needs to understand you are only his girlfriend. Not his wife.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

My husband and I started dating in 2011. It's now 2022. We've never exchanged passwords. If anyone is giving off red flags in your situation it's you.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Nah. He's just a password- and ''privacy''- addict. So are you, perhaps? Nothing will 'happen' unless we want it to happen. Password - or not. Get a life, I suggest :)

Anonymous · Answer

I would be sus but leave it. My mom is the same way with my dad and there's literally nothing going on with my mom. She's just annoying. Some people like their "privacy"

saintsRow3 · Answer

Yah it’s an extremely bad sign. It means You Don’t Want him to have his own individuality and you Think of Him as apart of you that he belongs to you and not Himself so He should just Tell you everything 24/7.

kinggeorge007 · Answer

No, I wouldn't share either. There's no need. Their private lives are still private. Let it be as it is. I should be able to chat with my friends about all the notorious stuff I share now, even after I start to date someone.

ImNoOne111 · Answer

Couples should have no secrets? Complete transparency is a bad idea. So no. You shouldn't share your passwords with anyone, even your partner. No it's not a bad sign, you just got the wrong idea of transparency between partners

Levin · Answer

That's weird dude, what do you need his passwords for? After two years you should trust him.

humanearth · Answer

Why would you want his passwords? Only him and Google should have that password. If you think Google don't know your password. Then your blind

LazerBean · Answer

Unless you're engaged or married, you're not entitled to anything.

abc3643 · Answer

You're right! It is a bad sign! He needs to dump you!

MTC29 · Answer

Why on God's green earth would I share a password? Keep out of my phone, and my computer.

Anonymous · Answer

It is a big red flag. If he can't share something as trivial as a password, what else is he going to hide from you.

DWornock · Answer

Clearly you have trust issues that you need to address. You have no right to his passwords. You not even married and, even if you were, he deserves his privacy.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

It certainly can be yeah. I mean think about it, if you didn’t have shit to hide wouldn’t you without really putting much thought into it… give your passwords to your s/o?

imfreeze95 · Answer

Think about it this way if someone gains leverage of you then it would bad if less people know the password the better I would not share my passwords with my girlfriend because I would be afraid if someone knew she knew them they would hurt her

standardguy · Answer

I think that a password is the key to his life, his wealth and his fame. Nobody is that perfect that (s) he does all without error and without egoism so you need to keep a final secure space nobody can enter.

exitseven · Answer

Everyone needs some privacy. You are showing that you do not trust him. I would be hurt and angry if it was me.

secret-admirer-perv · Answer

Not exactly bad for reasons of unfaithfulness. But u may see some shit u won't unsee

Phoenix98 · Answer

Some people are just private or just don’t want people having access to their stuff I’m the same way.

Dkc123 · Answer

You kidding right.,? Password is not something that you share with others... Even if you're a couple or anything.

Esperanto · Answer

Guys have a lot of nude girl picks that bros share, nothing serious, just that. And please understand that everyone has secrets, its healthy, you are still an individual.

Boyfriend won’t share his passwords, is this a bad sign?

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