Do sweet women end up last too?

Question

I'm 26 and my now ex boyfriend (33 M) of 2 years broke up. This was this message:

I've appreciated all the moments together we've spent but today I have to make a decision to end our relationship. It's been 2 years to be exact and I don't want to continue wasting your time as that would be very cruel on my part. There is nothing I could've asked for better. It's that the relationship lacks some sparks and I suggest this; do not ever become too available for any man. Just don't do it. It can be suffocating. Try to grow some more character and be somewhat more independent if I shall say for the better word. Meanwhile I loved that you've been very supportive all this time and are the woman I can trust with my life, it's too much. Nevertheless I really hope you find what you're looking forward. I wish you luck in life.

Wow. I was crying after reading that. On one hand, I know men evaluate the type of gfs they have and they want something more than just looks. Then on the other hand if we overdo it, then it's not good enough either. Where would the middle ground be? Is this the same as the nice guy ending last? We sweet women end up last too?

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Nope. A lot of guys manipulate girls. They’re trying at it so hard to make girls what they want and idealize. From the bedroom and sliding their ass close to them or whatever, to how they think, treat their men, and all.

Subtle things too. I’ve seen (for example) guys on here NEVER to maybe ONCE in a blue moon- agree with something a lady says in here and actually GOES into conversation about it or adds to it in a conversational way (not a perfecting way or disagreeing way, mind you). BUT when you read that one comment from some gullible and perhaps inexperienced or lacking lady who states something about how men should be saved or kissed in their feet, a man will comment and say “you got it right!”

aka you’re on the right path girl… continue thinking in THIS way to make it easier for the rest of us and any male who wants to use you or have a quick roundabout. “ “

This “guy” whatever he has that can somehow resemble a true gentleman- he USED you. Plain and simple. He got his sex out of you. His experimentation, and selfishly waited TWO YEARS to say “neh. Not for me.”

And you don’t even realize he did that and made this stupid letter to make YOU think and ANYONE you show that he’s actually a “Nice” guy at “heart.” He really CARED about you. Had your BEST interest in mind. Nope. Cutting his wall of a facade right here. Cutting the bull crap. As nice as he may have seemed or treated you. He was just compensating and doing what was needed to have his way.

And right about this part of my post someone may interject or reply saying trash like “no guy just looking for fun would stay with a lady that long.” Bull crap. Absolute bull crap. Any guy getting free live pocket pussy can determine however long he wants to stay doing that. A day. A week. A year. As long as they get what they want (either gender).

Especially guys- if you look at the stats and all, guys and girls can make an instant conclusion and perception of how they view and feel about a person they meet within seconds. A lot goes into non verbal communication. First impression. Etc. Many guys know if they find a woman sexually attractive within the first few minutes maybe 2 seconds of meeting a lady. It doesn’t take that long for him to figure out if he liked you or not. Plain and simple.

The fact that I can say all of this without context is that he didn’t get to communicate ANY of it to you beforehand. If he was a genuine man trying to build something, he would’ve been communicating if things didn’t feel right/ any frustrations and etc.

He literally just dropped this bomb on you. All cutesie “ “ all written maybe with grammar or nice and whatever just so he can give the impression he was being courteous meanwhile he is trying to avoid the fact he gave you no warnings or made any effort to walk through it. You WERE ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH. He could’ve gotten to know you on the first few dates and from there if moving on- that implies being serious and having feelings for you- he would’ve tried and wanted to work it out. In SOME WAY. In ANY way.

….

but he didn’t.

He left the note and left like a coward, won’t check up on you, won’t be friends. No warning. He ditched. His behavior reflects a witty 19-27 year old. I mean. He just did not mature enough. Even when you are planning to leave a job- you give two weeks notice.

I myself (here’s my personal addition), had said to guys I ended things with “we can be friends or still talk. While you/until you find someone else.”

I said this so ONE ☝️ they wouldn’t feel like a single or failure of a guy. Unwanted. Not good enough.

Two- it was so a good handful of them didn’t sink into depression or feel alone. Some were introverts and all.

Now another final example-

My sister- she’s only 23/24 and she had a serious discussion about a losing feelings and break up about 6 months before leaving in whole truth. They walked and talked through it- thanks to her suggesting, and they together got rid of account stuff and everything. A WHOLE PROCESS. She’s not thirty?

Present day and they’re both doing their own thing. He’s partying up and she’s socializing and both working hard. For their future. Simultaneously. Neither spiraled down into anything wrong.

This “guy” of thirty years of age, or yours? He fcked up. He ruined a good thing. Hurt a nice person. All in unnecessary and very much time consuming ways. You’re two years older.. that’s not fair for any man to be wasting the prime years of any lady. Sure, we can all still enjoy and date, but these are when we’re most energetic and wild and fun and all of that. We can experiment too. So you need to wise up and not give a man so much so fast and for so long if he’s not going to be serious or anything long term in yo ur life. A friends with benefits. A friend. ANYTHING. But if he’s just going to be temporary? Have some respect for yourself. Have boundaries. Have guiding principles and standards. Know what you want. Don’t lose sight of that, and THEN go on seeing who can be your next best thing or your forever.

I’m truly sorry sis. Especially for maybe my straightforwardness and choice of words if any of it was offensive. But you need to get mad in this situation. And have a aha moment. A lightbulb to go on.

Realize what he did was WRONG. Recalibrate and focus on yourself. Make sure to do things for self too. Treat self and don’t give so much to others. They get enough from simple generosity. If everyone gave a little, the world would be thriving. You don’t need to bend over backwards for ANYBODY.

I just hope you don’t let something like this happen again because on your part you let him do it! You let him get away with it. Maybe blind sided or so, which is understandable or lacking experience. Experience is a teacher. But don’t let guys take so much without going over game plans. If you’re in it for the quick rodeos too, then be sure of that- if that’s what you want, and keep it short. Simple. Sweet.

As for the recovery- yeah you can definitely do better without him, now having a slap of sense and reality. Use that to push yourself forward. When sad make going for walks and picking yourself up the habit. Not always laying down to snooze or try to sleep the world away.

Be in the present moment. And use YOUR time how YOU WANT to.

Live it up.

And just cause there’s sooooo many douches out there including that guy (from what I read here), I assure you, there’s nice guys out there. Just increasingly rare cause of the stupid evolution and all. I don't know if guys ever got it right at being nice as a gender. The good eggs are few. That’s the truth.

Best to you!

kareenakapur · Accepted Answer

First off im sorry that happened girly. girl I dated a man for 7 years I feel you on a deeper level. talked to another guy for 4 months and it hurt again like hell. I did nothing wrong. I loved too hard. First guy was parents in the way of us getting married. Second guy said I was great and will find someone great etc. The whole its not you its me thing. Even said you're too pretty like wtf.

I've been single for 1 year now from the 7 year relationship guy and talked to over 30 guys lol. I do agree us sweet pretty girls we finish last too. Problem is we are sweet and any guy would be attracted to us, especially the wrong guys. But the problem is there is nothing wrong with us so even if we aren't "the one" we get lead on by these guys. I dont think its just about being sweet but about us having been in long term relationships.

After being in a relationship for so long, you get accustomed to being a girlfriend so the early talking stages to guys won't feel right. For me 7 years, I'm ready to be a wife and lots of guys haven't experienced real relationships before so they're like wtf when they see what I have to offer. After being single for this long my advice to you is be careful who you fall for. Go for an attractive ass man like at least if u get heartbroken u can be like damn at least he was hot. But now these ugly ass men I give a shot to bc im nice when they hurt my heart, im like wtf how did I let an ugly ass man break my heart yk. So find urself a sexy man girly. And you can always dm me and I can help in any way I can good luck on the single life journey. It's rough out on these streets.

TommyMountainFigure · Accepted Answer

Don't for one second think all this is your fault. He may be older but that doesn't necessarily make him wiser. That was a dreadful thing to do by the way.. breaking up by text.
What you should do if not too late is send him back this:-

I appreciate what you've said, even though it didn't take a lot of guts to send it. You have gone right down in my estimation of you, the way you were too scared to confront me.
I may not be what you think you want, but when you think in years to come long and hard about your future girlfriends, you may just come to realise, I wasn't at fault for being 'too available for you' there are guys out there who would kill for a girlfriend like me.
I won't deny you've hurt me, but you've also made me realise I certainly can and will end up with someone better and more appreciative of my kind and caring nature. I will not change, merely because some guy of 2 years wants me to..
You don't have to hope I will find what I am looking for.. I will, and more importantly, he will be more of a man than you too!

worldscolide · Accepted Answer

My wife is the sweetest kindest, most amazing woman i have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I would say that this is false.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Let's unwrap this bittersweet break-up candy, shall we? 😉 First off, sweetness, being considerate, and downright being a good human never goes out of style or ends up last in the grand love marathon. Think of it like this: you're a gourmet meal in a fast-food world. Your ex's message, while peppered with compliments, also dished out advice that felt a bit more like unsolicited feedback, right? It's like saying, "You're perfect, but let me tweak the recipe." 🙄

Now, to find that elusive middle ground—it's all about balance and staying true to yourself. Lovebombing the universe with your kindness is your superpower, but remember, a relationship is a two-player game. It requires mutual effort, respect, and independence from both sides. It's not about overdoing or underdoing; it’s about being authentically you. Your ex might have thought he was giving sage advice, but let's be real: growing in character and becoming more independent are journeys for you, not checkboxes for a partner.

The parting message you received is a mixtape of "it's not you, it's me" and trying to shape you into their version of 'just right'. Darling, let me assure you, sweet women (and sweet people, in general) do not end up last; they end up with someone who cherces their sweetness and everything else they bring to the table. So, keep shining, keep loving, and know that your gourmet dish will be someone's favorite meal. No changes to the recipe necessary. The love game? It's yours for the taking, with all the spark and fire you carry. 🔥❤️

1

Finchie40 · Answer

The fact that he broke up over a text shows he is a coward , he wrote you that text because he couldn’t look you in the face and break up with you the mature respectful way , Don’t listen to his words , he had plenty of time to write that text to you , so those words shouldn’t mean shit to you , he is more than likely not telling you the truth , he probably met someone else and trying to play the nice guy but really he is a POS , Don’t change who you are as a person , and don’t change how you are in a relationship, You know how many guys’ would
Love to be with a girl like you? You did nothing wrong , he is lying through his teeth , He is trying to play like he is sweet an innocent but the truth is he is a lying POS

HollyK21 · Answer

Wow, a breakup text is such a shitty, cowardly way to end a relationship and I’m sorry he didn’t have the respect to at least breakup formerly.

Looking at your question, I don’t know if this has anything to do with you being sweet or not, he just lost the spark. I don’t think it’s worth any excess though because his opinions, advice or suggestions lost all credibility when he chose to text. It’s just such lazy, dismissive way to end things. It tells me he didn’t care much and also makes me wonder how much he knew you in the first place to say the things he said.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You dated for two years and he broke up by text. That is extremely low rent and disrespectful. His message is very well written but i suspect that there is more to this story, like another woman he is already seeing.

You may think that your luck is never going to improve, but you only need to find one good guy to get into a worthwhile relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

He should have never “don’t make yourself too available to any man” unless you specifically asked for the ugly truth. That was cruel.

He should have gotten professional advice on how to convey that. Being a former “nice guy” myself I found it was best for me to figure out the ugly truth on that on my own or via a 3rd party. Not from the girl I had feelings for. I can totally relate to that.

Anyway he won’t have any problem whatsoever finding a woman who treats him like complete shit. There are plenty of them out there nowadays. Especially in the western world. Countless. And when time passes you he’s going to realize one day he ruined a good thing he has forever lost.

To a certain extent I understand where he was coming from. I was once in a very similar scenario. I actually drove my ex into dumping me because I didn’t want her to feel like she “could have done something better”. Twisted logic but I wanted to make it easier for her to move on because even though I didn’t want a relationship I really did love her. But that heinously backfired but that’s another story (she gave me one of the deepest insults I’ve ever taken from a woman in my life at the end).

Anyway whatever you do please do not get bitter and do a complete 180 on how you treat men. Yes you do need to set boundaries and respect yourself. But doing the exact opposite this will not make things better. In fact they will get much worse. Don’t screw over an unrelated nice guy to “pay it forward” for what was done to you.

From a (former) nice guy to a nice girl I am very sorry you had to experience this. That was brutal. Just the feeling of being punished for doing the “right thing” is agonizing beyond comprehension. I know exactly how horrible that feels.

But truth is he likely had a very screwed up bringing. Hundred bucks he had a really bitchy mother (I know I did). That’s out of your control.

ManOnFire · Answer

The part that really leaves a bad taste in my mouth is: "Try to grow some more character and be somewhat more independent if I shall say for the better word."
- Yet he felt like you were enough in character up to that point. If that's what he feels he should've said that early on.

"On one hand, I know men evaluate the type of gfs they have and they want something more than just looks. Then on the other hand if we overdo it, then it's not good enough either."
- Don't look at it like that. What overdoing it is for one man is plenty enough for another. And we do want more than just looks, but some men really don't understand how much 'more' they really want, and can't appreciate it when it comes to them.

uncleBobbyb77 · Answer

In my honest opinion based on his last message to you he left because he wasn't ready to be man enough to fulfill the responsibilities necessary to reciprocate for you the value of all you were giving him as his woman. He is destined to be alone a long, long time if he's rejecting a woman whom gave him all the support and peace at home a man needs from his woman in lieu of a woman who is more independent in thought and action meaning more concerned with herself than she is with we. Based on what he said you did nothing wrong and he should have listed his faults and what he needs to work on instead of giving you advice derived from his shortcomings and failures as a man and partner.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

No, women never seem to understand that they CANNOT come in last because you’re STILL chased. If you don’t find a mate, it’s more likely that you’re too picky than that no man has ever expressed interest in you. The reverse is not true. Most women refuse to make a move, let alone the first move. So a man with a broken picker can literally go his entire life without even the slightest hint of affection from the opposite sex. A woman would have to be tragically disfigured AND a world class asshole to know what that’s like.
There’s no comparison.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

A break up text is weak asf. That text was like that of a middle schooler and I'm sorry it ended that way.

I feel you on the other side my first girlfriend cheated on me in HS and when we broke because of that up she said she cheated because I was too nice and naive.

Well after that I had a long time of not being that nice sweet guy. I came to realization years later that I liked being that way and felt more fulfilled being a loving sweet person to my girlfriend so I now am that way again.

I may be a hopeless romantic but I think this is better to find love this way and it is for you too

MisterWack · Answer

Sweet women and nice men never end up last, we sometimes might be late to the race or messed up chasing a different path however once we get going we stay going till we finish first. Never change who you are if what you are is sweet, nice, kind, honest, courageous, empathetic, and caring. Never change.

Anonymous · Answer

There is a reason why society always tries to put down the wisdom of the Bible about not having sex before marriage. Think about how you would feel if you had strict boundaries of no sex before marriage and then the same guy that wrote that foolish letter, left and said all of those things. It would hit very differently and his intentions towards you would have been exposed much sooner. Society preaches sex before marriage and that leads to doing wife duties with a guy that hasn't committed, hasn't shown that he was husband material and had not offered anything that suggested he should be privilege to such treatment and vice versa.

As long as you continue disregarding the ancient wisdom of the Bible and having sex just because a guy is with you for a while, then this will continue to happen.

Anonymous · Answer

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserve better than that guy, and if you are truly a sweet woman, I have no doubt you will find a better man because sweet women are the best women.

To answer your question, no, unlike "nice guys", sweet women do not end up last. Men and women value different qualities in the opposite sex. Being "sweet" is not what women value most in men, but it IS what men value most in women.

There are some low-quality men out there, and you had the misfortune of being stuck with one for 2 years. But there are also some really good guys out there, and as a sweet woman, you deserve one of them. I hope you find one.

osmanthus · Answer

Yes. You're right. In the market 'nice women', aren't picked. Most men want a woman who is all about her career or at least leaves him well enough alone and would have sex with him without the commitment. That is until they grow old enough to want a nanny then all of a sudden 'all hands on deck'. Most men don't appreciate women expressing maternal traits as a mother, wife, etc. He was just kind enough to cut you loose, Honey.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow indeed. So on one hand, maybe you were over invested and to eager to please, and maybe you can learn something from this and improve your character.

But it feels like you went after someone with plenty of other options, invested heavily on trying to build a relationship with him when he wasn't really invested (but liked the attention) and when he got bored of that, cut you loose for no valid reason other than pruning his profile.

If the latter sounds familiar, you just need someone more earnest and committed, and perhaps less flashy and with fewer options. But know that you have it in you to be a good partner.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Nice people will often get bypassed because many, many people are very shallow and want only casual relationships. Others will think themselves unworthy of such a great person. And other find niceness boring , which is weird to me but there it is.

HawkPerception · Answer

I think sweet women CAN end up last due to their choices in men in the early phases of life.

I think you need intelligence and logic to filter who is a good guy and a not-so-good guy. Most girls don't have that. And then after their bad experiences with guys, they blame all guys and start having trust issues. It blows my mind sometimes 😂

lightbulb27 · Answer

there must be more to this story, 2 years and you get a text?

yes they can... because "nice" gets trampled on... and drama gets attention Don't become bad, become your best self out of this.

I'm sorry for the loss.

Much better to have spent 2 years than 20. you have plenty of time to recover and find someone that will stay with you.

paledreams · Answer

Curious question : was it the age gap? Even from the beginning of laying eyes on each other : was it just a conquest or a potential known "this ain't gonna be long term" ? I'm just wondering myself as a 30 guy, maybe I shouldn't date younger aka 18-30 and be closer to aka 28-30 my age lol 😂😆
18 is the legal here

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

"do not ever become too available for any man. Just don't do it. It can be suffocating."

Thats bullshit, clingy, sweet, attention hungry women are the best in my opinion.
Never change for someone who doesn't want you the way you are.

exitseven · Answer

I know it hurt. It is a rotten way to break up with you. You deserve better. You will find somebody who really appreciates you.

Anonymous · Answer

What a loser to break up over a text. Say it to my face! Be a man! Good riddance, sweetpea. You may not see it now, but it's a good thing when the losers weed themselves out, and we don't have to-especially ones who break up over text. Shut the door in his face if he comes crawling back. There is a real man out there for you.

Anonymous · Answer

you can cry but realize that its not only your feelings that matter. you made him feel UNCOMFORTABLE by not having your own life outside the relationship. I'm willing to bet you never hangout with your friends, don't have many hobbies of your own. Its not only about how you feel , its also about how he feels.

Sure, you're a sweet woman but simply being sweet isn't enough for a man to marry you.

Vihas · Answer

It's not that guys don't like sweet girls. The right person wouldn't want to leave you and your own value would be good enough. We're in a culture now where people are more available, but it creates a paradox that people sacrifice their morals because "something better" is out there. It's better to move on with these people, your time and attention should be recieved by someone who recognizes your value.

SotiCoto · Answer

Everyone wants something different out of relationships. You were apparently getting what you wanted but he wasn't getting what he wanted, and not through any wrongdoing on your part. It is unfortunate, but the only way is to accept it and move on.

And please don't listen to any of those encouraging you to look back on this in anger. You'll just end up hurting yourself more if you regard him like some kind of villain manipulating you to nefarious ends.

Meropatrick · Answer

Its so difficult to judge. This is only ur side of the story. But this guy is trying to be too polite in conveying to u something. the real translation of his message is that he thinks you are too clingy, obssesive and possesive to the point he is suffocated and creeped out.

The secret words are those

"it's too much"

Staximus · Answer

No, but don't just lose yourself, give yourself completely away, or be a doormat in a relationship. Have your own will and your own life. Like others said, this guy is a coward and a shit bag for using a text message to break up with you instead of being a man and doing it in person.

red324 · Answer

Sounds like you smothered him. huh well the good news here is you got your reason why he broke up. Just because you may have been too much for him, doesn't mean you will be too much for the next guy. I used to do online dating and girls would want to text all day everyday, but never actually wanted to do anything in person. Only you can decide if you were too available.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Yes. People simply don't appreciate nice and caring people.  After a period of time they take such people for granted. It's human nature to be ungrateful.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

There is WAY more to this guys story and reasoning. Nobody breaks up after two years for this ambiguous, unclear, and loosely defined reasons. This guy is a sleeze. An absolute trash ball.

Radiate143 · Answer

Yes, 100%. As a good woman I don't ever get it right either. I've pretty much given up. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Anonymous · Answer

As much as honorable men end up last too. Life isn't fair! It's best you learn to accept this fact now. Also don't beat yourself up about this. You can do everything right sometimes and it still turn out wrong.

CrabCakes11 · Answer

It sounds like you lacked your own identity and agency and that was a turn off. Try to focus on yourself a little bit more

dolemite58 · Answer

Only if they chase guys that are way out of their league which most women do, you’ll hear women say all the time they don’t want nice guys but I’ve never heard a guy say a girl was too nice, ever.

BetaBucks · Answer

I'll do anything for sweet women. I'll do nothing for mean women. I don't have time to waste with sour people.

Unit1 · Answer

Do they? I know a few sweet women, who are taken for long term. At the same time I'm at the age, where most women are either taken or lie about being taken.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

I think sweet and naive women who ignore red flags do

Dongie · Answer

Sounds sort of like it. I never heard of a female version. It can make one bitter. Lose out to a piece of dung then a couple months later she figured it out but tainted she's become.

Shy_Steve · Answer

Yes, But the difference is you Sweet Women get the choice at the Start. Sweet Guys don't get to choose at all.

Anonymous · Answer

No, sweet women are the best. They might get taken advantage of by crappy men sometimes, but to a good man, a sweet woman is pure gold.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Only if like the last guy stereotype, she doesn't play her cards right.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't listen to this loser  Most men would die for a sweet girl

Cheerfull009 · Answer

You should convince him to retain relationship

DishLady · Answer

Yeah.

Do sweet women end up last too?

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Do nice GIRLS finish last?

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