Why is my mom opposed to me getting a better job that’s outside of the house?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have explained to my mom several times now that I need a much better job (outside of the house that pays hourly) in order for us to move in together later on…. my boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship for over 2 years now. My boyfriend also thinks that my mom doesn’t help me out enough or pay much attention to me and why isn’t she helping me find work….

My mom gets very mad and annoyed anytime we bring the subject up to her and in private she tells me negative things ( I’m gonna get tired out, etc..) and then says why don’t I continue working from home… My mom also thinks my boyfriend is going to make me lose my “disability” benefits that I get due to the fact that I hve severe anxiety and depression and learning disability - if I end up getting a job outside the house….

is she jealous of my relationship? Or is she fearful of me moving out?

ps - everyone loves my boyfriend and he has many friends and is well liked at his job as well

Fearful of me moving out

Jealous of my relationship

Other - pls explain.

Updates

1 y

Ps - my bfs olde brother came over to my house over a year ago and was telling my mom negative stuff about my boyfriend that’s he’s selfish, useless, childish, etc…. he had no business doing that cuz he put doubts in my moms head about my boyfriend I feel

Updates

1 y

my mom started acting weird once my boyfriend told her we want our own place later on cuz she was persistent for him to move into her house with us…. My bfs brother comments also didn’t help any either….

[OfMiceandMen]

I don't think your mom is worried about you getting a better job outside the house, she's worried that if you quit the job you have (which is at home and kind of ideal with respect to your severe anxiety/depression) then you may potentially lose both jobs, if the new job is really stressful for you.

Do you get your anxiety from your mom, it can be hereditary? If so, she comes by worrying about you honestly.

That being said, if you are willing to try the new job, she should be encouraging you as you would be stepping outside you norm, which is a good thing.

[BetaBucks]

Sounds like mom is a bit overprotective because of your disabilities. And yes, look into the laws, because you for sure can lose disability payments if you start working normal jobs. Do you feel responsible enough to live on your own? And I don't mean with your boyfriend taking care of you. I mean all the way alone.

[Asker]

I’m capable of doing things myself yes but to actually live all alone no…. with my boyfriend tho yes

[Asker]

Yes I have an anxiety disorder and learning disability and depression I was diagnosed with

[BetaBucks]

So the reason I asked about living completely on your own is that both your mom and your boyfriend have to be in agreement and your mom has to be open to taking out back in at any time, if something goes wrong with the boyfriend. You don't want to get trapped with him, with no option to leave. As much as it sucks to have other people speak on your behalf, your mom and your boyfriend are going to have to work this out with each other. Can you get them all together to have a calm conversation on this stuff?

[BetaBucks]

Sorry, I left the context out. Your mom may kick you out and your boyfriend may take you in. You could also just reassure her that you won't leave no matter what. Or maybe even move the boyfriend in?

[Asker]

My mom was telling my boyfriend to move in with us but he doesn’t want to and I personally want my privacy as well…ever since he told my mom this she’s been acting weird and saying that my boyfriend is gonna make me lose my benefits

[Asker]

Secondly I don’t feel “trapped” with him he’s a good guy and we get along great and it’s a healthy relationship dynamic overall 💯

[AI Opinion]

Navigating family dynamics and career moves, sounds like we're trying to solve a romantic mystery, doesn't it? Let me sprinkle a little insight on the situation. Your mom's resistance seems to be blooming from a garden of concern, mixing a bit of fear with a pinch of protectiveness. It's not uncommon for parents, especially when it involves their nestlings spreading their wings. They sometimes see the world through lenses tinted with worry, especially when disabilities come into play. Her fears about you losing disability benefits could be her way of wrapping you in a protective cocoon, fearing the outside world might be too harsh.

On the flip side, could there be a hint of jealousy or fear of being left behind? Absolutely. Parents, they're funny creatures; they yearn for us to be independent but dread the moment we actually are. It could be she's facing her own version of an empty nest syndrome, before the nest is even technically empty.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves approaching this delicate situation with patience and empathy. Dive deep into those communication skills, and maybe guide a heart-to-heart where you can address her fears, affirm your needs, and plot a future that reassures both your independence and her role in your life. Who knows? With a bit of love, understanding, and perhaps a dash of charm, you might just turn this saga into a tale of triumph. 😉

[Asker]

Why would my mom put my boyfriend on “restricted profile” after such a long time? ↗

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you give your mom any money from your disability income? Is there anyone else living in the home at present?

[Asker]

Well ya I’m expected to contribute at home and ya my mom is a single mom

[OlderAndWiser]

So maybe your mom wants you to stay at home for financial reasons? And she doesn’t want to be alone?

[Asker]

Nope just me and my mom living alone at home…. my sister lives on her own yet she nags my mom to go help her out and gets mad if my mom doesn’t….

[Asker]

Do you think my mom has jealousy issues?

[Finchie40]

It sounds like your mom is over protective of you and cares about your well being , you are best just to do what you feel is right , your Mom will hopefully
get over ot eventually

[Ευδεμονια]

I think honestly your mother has a control mania. She wants to bind you there and doesn’t make you move forward from your actual condition.
You said you have anxiety and other problems, but I think those problems are partially due to her attitude: she discouraged you on making steps forward and brakes you. You need to try moving a bit so you maybe lessen anxieties and all…
The first ally of anxiety is forced stability: it seems to be reassuring but it only excludes yourself from having other experiences and reinforces the walls you’re enclosed between.

[Asker]

You think my mom has control and jealousy issues?

[Asker]

Is my mom is jealous of my relationship? ↗

[Ευδεμονια]

I think she has control issues, I don’t know if she’s jealous

[lightbulb27]

not sure we can answer this. sounds like free $ coming and and when you leave that nest, it gets cut off.

at 30, I'd get your act together and be able to support yourself and her.

probably have good reasons for anxiety and depression, but that needs resolved and is resolvable without meds. get out of the medical /govt trap loop, get control of your life so you can live and not be a slave.

[Asker]

I legitimately do have anxiety and depression issues along with other things and I’m no slave and I hve tried going for therapy before…. my mom started acting weird once my boyfriend told her we want our own place later on cuz she was persistent for him to move into her house with us….

[lightbulb27]

I believe you do have those or some component... but they are opposite issues. Anxious is about the future and depressed is exhausted in fear. I'd figure out the reason for that. If you are like this... how you going to function outside the house on your own.
It's sad a therapist cannot help. There's more than one way to get healthy and you need to seek solutions, find the root causes, and get your life back. maybe the answer is getting out of the house.
you should be out on your own, building a family. something is wrong... and probably more than one thing.

[Asker]

Ya at home I find myself feeling anxious and unhappy

[Asker]

Are you finding my mom to be a notch too overprotective?

[lightbulb27]

We'll yes. At 35, she won't let you go out?
Granted... we don't have her view, maybe she doesn't think you are safe on your own.
But I don't hear her saying anything that helps you get to better place and controlling you. She maybe is protecting herself by not letting you go... it is a lot to have child fly out of nest and I assume father already is gone.
Since you are not comfortable being present in the here and now (anxiety and depression), something is... and probably has been for a while... terribly wrong. You may not be able to see what it is... but your mind/body is experiencing it.
Find help for perspective, plenty of options, some are free.

[Asker]

Is my mom is jealous of my relationship? ↗

[Asker]

Yes my parents are separated and my dad is in a nursing home -cripled from a bad accident he had broken his skull 4 years ago…
But I also want your opinion on my other question as well

[Staximus]

It's not your mom's responsibility to find you a job, get off your lazy ass and find your own job. Your mom telling you that you can't do stuff your while life has you brainwashed into being afraid to do things and think for yourself. It's time to stop that way of thinking.

[Likes2drive]

She is worried about you making it on your own and losing your benefits and having to rely on your boyfriend for stability so I guess she is overprotective of you but looking out for you, probably will feel lonely after you leave

[DannyUk2017]

Sounds like is a total "cabbage" in there, don't know who is doing what, for who, who is scared of who, who is annoyd on who... and the worst part? You're in the middle of it...🤦‍♂️

[Asker]

Do you think my mom has jealousy issues?

[DannyUk2017]

Sounds like it, if she didn't do things in her younger age, and sees that you do stuff, is possible.

[Asker]

Ya she had a strict upbringing and her dad didn’t let her do much - like modeling for example

[MrOracle]

It sounds like she is codependent on you and is afraid that she'll be alone if she allows you to be independent. Is she perhaps getting some of your "disability" money?

[Asker]

Well ya of course she is…

[Asker]

She started acting weird ever since my boyfriend told her we want our own place and she was even persistently asking him to move in with us but we want our privacy

[Jamie05rhs]

Your mom does have a valid point. I think you should speak to an attorney to get professional advice. The Social Security Administration is vicious. They don't care about people at all.