Is a reconciled relationship (post infidelity) really stronger?

[Anonymous]

It's been about 2 years since discovery my parents had cheated on each other a long time ago. I was too young to even remember and couldn't even form complete sentences yet.

Obviously there must've been some cracks there but I never noticed them. I never even heard them talk about it. Or if they ever did, it must've been at an age I can't even form memories. They never wanted me to find out about their past issues. I pretty much had a normal childhood and loving parents. Nothing was missing, none that I can think about. They're (both are now 52 year-olds) still married, still together.

I'm not an expert on these matters and I guess it's none of my business but I'm a bit curious. If a relationship had a cheating past, where both parties cheated on each other, can it genuinely become stronger? Assuming both parties do the hard work of rebuilding trust, if successfully, is that relationship more stronger than before? I'm wondering because growing up, I've never seen my parents in a heated argument nor any real drama. They would just talk normally, would be very affectionate towards each other and it was like any normal happy environment. Hard to believe they cheated on each other long, long ago.

[imtiaz45]

A reconciled relationship after infidelity can become stronger, but it depends on several factors. Successful reconciliation often involves genuine remorse, transparent communication, and a commitment to rebuilding trust from both partners. Therapy or counseling can provide valuable support, helping couples address underlying issues and develop healthier dynamics. Overcoming such a significant challenge can lead to greater emotional intimacy and resilience if both partners are dedicated to the process. However, this outcome is not guaranteed, and for some, the betrayal may remain a persistent obstacle. Each relationship is unique, and the success of reconciliation varies widely based on individual circumstances.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OGdx5Kr8i4I

[Asker]

Very true and not many people have the patience nor strength to work it out because it takes so much dedication, effort and time. The easiest route is leaving them and starting over with someone new. I'm impressed to be honest. It's good that they didn't bring their dramas and issues on neither me nor my younger twin sisters as we have nothing to do with their problems. It seems wise that they solved it between them and in private, not involving any of us.

[ohsheeT]

And to be honest you got very lucky you should thank them because it could have been different for you if your dad would have verbally or physically got down on your mom and she accepted that that would have taught you how to be in life when you have a boyfriend that yells and screams at you but the way they went about it they taught you what to do when you have a boyfriend and things are out of control are things happen you talk about it very calm so I would think them very much if I was you I think you're pretty lucky I think it's cool

[Asker]

Considering that my mom cheated first and actually got cheat, I'm impressed that can still be worked out. Then dad had a revenge affair but that was it. He felt horrible and actually confessed. I think he was slightly better, at least he came clean.
I grew up as a strong (emotionally) woman that never tolerates bad behaviors. Then again, I never heard my parents yelling at each other either. I'm married by now and we haven't ever gotten into any yelling matches. I find it disrespectful and abnormal to be insulting someone you love.

[ohsheeT]

I have to say you owe your parents big time a big thank you

3/4s of USA kids and maybe the world's kids had to listen to the bull crap and as little kids not knowing any better thought that's how you treat the ones you say you love.. . And then as they get older or not smart enough to figure it out that's not how you treat the one you love or anybody else so you are one of the lucky ones so much because I'm one of the ones that new what they were doing was wrong and I would not allow it in My relations ships any of them because I wanted my kids to treat people right and communicate with passion and desire and strength and wisdom and love

[AI Opinion]

Stepping into the world of reconciled relationships after infidelity is like navigating a twisty-turny love story that's ripe with lessons learned and personal growth. Let me paint you a picture from a coach's perspective. 👩‍❤️‍👨

When both partners in a relationship decide to genuinely work through the aftermath of infidelity, they're signing up for a roller coaster ride of emotions. But here's the kicker: this journey can lead to a fortress of trust that's even stronger than what they had before. Imagine it like kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The repaired piece isn't just whole again; it's more beautiful for having been broken.

The key ingredients? A whole lot of communication, buckets of vulnerability, and an endless supply of forgiveness. It's not about forgetting the past but rather weaving those lessons into the fabric of their relationship. Your parents seemed to have mastered this art, creating a love story that's weathered storms and emerged more radiant.

So, yes, love can indeed grow stronger after infidelity, assuming both parties are committed to navigating the complex path of healing together. It's a testament to the resilience of love, the power of forgiveness, and the beauty of starting afresh. And who knows, their journey might just be your guidebook on what true love looks like in the face of adversity. 🌟

[RingOfFire]

Yes it's possible it could become stronger. Any hardship a couple has to go through becomes a potentially uniting force if they are able to get over the hurdle. Of course it's also highly risky as a great many couples cannot get over that hurdle and it destroys the relationship. But for those who do it could bring them closer together. Overcoming mutual hardship together can be a uniting force for people.

[Asker]

I'm impressed by their strong work to be honest. As a married woman, I wouldn't be able to work out infidelity. I took my public vows seriously and don't play with that. The fact that my parents managed to settle their issues and kept the peace (I never even heard them yelling at each other, never) and raised me and my two young twin sisters in a loving home is unique.

[RingOfFire]

You are fortunate. It takes a lot of strength to do what they did.

[Anonymous]

I guess it could be possible. I recently just found out that my boyfriend has been emotionally cheating on me but we decided to work on it together. It made us closer, he opened up to me and seemed genuinely sorry. I’m still in the process of healing so I’m a bit more closed off and guarded than usual but the communication between us has improved drastically. I don't know if we’re gonna work out in the end, it’s only been 2 weeks since I found out. But so far, even though it was painful, but the cheating actually brought us so much more closer to each other.

[Asker]

If he's willing to work it out and taking the steps towards it, ok. It's been just 2 weeks since you found out. According to studies, a betrayal from cheating usually takes anywhere between 2-5 years. The reonciliation period takes longer if you had to find out or catch them vs if they would've just came clean themselves.
My mom got caught and that took years. Dad cheated back but actually came clean, he confessed himself and it led to a much shorter reconciliation period, a whole lot shorter than when mom cheated.

[Asker]

Well then again, she pretty much forgave him immediately. I think she felt guilty and so forgave.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow 2-5 years damn… I mean since he was only emotionally cheating I think I can move on from it in less time (hopefully)

Your parents are super strong tho for being able to forgive and carry on with their relationship, that’s rare and it shows how strong their love and commitment is for each other (despite the slip up)

[Asker]

Yes it takes years but you're right. It depends on what type of cheating it was (if it was a full blown affair, that'll take time for sure vs if it was just a drunken kiss at a party), if the cheating was with someone your partner knew or a stranger (mom cheated with dad's good friend so yeah that took time), how did you find out (through text, catching them in the act, through others or they came clean) and their words of remorse followed by actions.
Since it was only emotional cheating then maybe 1-2 years or less.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh wow double damage for your dad… for your mom to be cheating on him with his FRIEND… I’m glad your parents managed to power through the infidelity, it’s pretty rare tbh

[Asker]

Yeah they weren't married at the time and I wasn't even born yet. My dad later on had a revenge affair (the only difference is they were married by then; I was a 2 year-old toddler and have no memory of that), which he actually felt terrible about it and confessed.
Very short time was spent in R (reconcile) stage when dad cheated and mom forgave him immediately. She thought it was deserved.
In a way I'm glad they didn't bring their drama and problems to me nor my younger twin sisters. Neither of us would've deserved that. Yeah their endurance through such adversary is indeed rare.

[Opinion Owner]

How did finding out about this affect you though? I know that infidelity can affect the children’s mental well being as well, some might even develop trust issues and commitment trauma later on in life. But since you only just found out as an adult, does it affect your idea about commitment and relationships in any way?

[Asker]

I was already 24 when I found out, engaged by then (intended to be a virgin on my wedding but we did it during the engagement) and my concepts about commitment and relationships were formed base on the happiness and harmony I would see at home and parents' love.
Initially it was indeed a shock since they didn't seem like the cheating type. There was great communication in the house that nothing was missing. Eventually the shock deminished and I started appreciating their hard work and rekindled love they built over the years.
In a way their endurance and strength brings me back to my current siuation with my husband's infertility. The news devastated him. But I believe we can make it and still form a family. If my parents underwent the worst pain, we can work out this current issue too.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s great to hear. Your parents clearly set a great example of “through thick and thin” and the fact that they’re open with communication must’ve helped a ton. Your parents’ relationship gives me hope that my relationship might work out in the end as well, I’m still dealing with the hurt from the betrayal but I think I’ll be able to find it in myself to forgive him.

I wish you luck on your journey in building a family, I’m sure you and your husband can figure something out! Wishing you two the absolute best xx

[Asker]

Thank you very much. I hope your relationship gets better. Wish you luck too.

[Twalli]

I think they cam become stronger than before because they realize what they wanted which pushed them to cheat. If they tell the other person and that person begins providing it, their relationship is stronger. It doesn't mean it's stronger than one th, at didn't have cheating, but it can memd cracks in a relationship.

[Asker]

They had bad communication before the cheating and afterwards, it improved a lot. Personally, I wouldn't be able to forgive if my husband ever cheated. I don't cheat.

[Twalli]

I don't either, nor could I (I would feel too guilty). Yet, if you have a relationship where both partners have cheated, then neither of you have the moral high ground. In that case you're being hypocritical if you keeave thrm because they cheated.

[avery58]

Their relationship must be a super rare exception. Because most such relationships are far from being stronger after cheating.

[Asker]

yeah indeed. They seemed stronger than ever. They didn't have great communication prior to mom's cheating (then dad revenged cheated and confessed himself) and after all that hard work, their communication has been great since.

[Billlewis]

My relationship with my first serious girlfriend was absolutely supercharged by her blatant, brazen weekend rutting sessions with a guy she went to school with. If she hadn't told me about it, I probably would have never found out, which would have been a terrible thing, because when she came in, sat down and then abruptly said that this guy had enjoyed intercourse with her many, many more times than I ever had..

[Billlewis]

... I was opposed upset for maybe half an hour or so, before I realized that I found it tremendously exciting that she would behave in such a sordid, slutty manner. I begged her to keep seeing him, and I bugged her incessantly until she finally admitted that, yes, not only was it better with him, it was a *lot* better;)

[Unit1]

About as strong as pouring red wine in a shattered wine glass glued together.

Your parents are probably in an open or polygamous marriage.

[Asker]

If they are then I'm guess it must be another secret of theirs. I only found this out by reading my father's journal. So can it be that I don't know everything about them after all? Ironically, I was raised into thinking I have a peaceful, loving family, normal childhood.

[Unit1]

They must have known what they are doing. Count your blessings, that you didn't grow up in a toxic environment like i did from which you absolutely had to escape from.

[Anonymous]

Times are different now and this generation is different. That was back then and people had common sense as well. these days if either person cheats then they have someone already they want but it’s not you

[Opinion Owner]

I know someone that dated other people because they marriage was open, still together though

[paledreams]

Why is the harry met Sally looking cover picture there by gag? Uhh anyways no

[LiamJHayden]

I will never know, as I would not reconcile after being cheated on and I do not cheat.

[Asker]

Me neither. I'm married and take my vows seriously. That's nothing one should ever play with and yet some people nowadays are making marriage a joke. I've heard the negative comments here and other another site. Terrible.

[RHK36]

I'd assume that the relationship stayed open or that cheating is probably still secretly happening.

[OddBeMe]

Possible. Most likely both of you are going down the easier path.

[DishLady]

Nope.

[Radiate143]

No. Never.

[jahaims]

Nope