How do I get my friend to stop pressuring me to date?

[Anonymous]

I’m single and turned 40 this past winter. Throughout my 20’s and early 30’s I was I guess a bit eager to get into relationships and I kinda rushed them. I didn’t sleep with the guys, but it did result in me getting hurt. At 27/28 I met this one guy and turned into a blithering idiot over him. We were friends but after some time I indicated to him that I wanted something more. I thought he wanted the same thing until I found out he was messing around with me, an ex friend of mine, another girl who I didn’t know and on top of that he was getting back with his on again off again ex who kept cheating on him. Yes, my fault. I picked this guy so it was %100 my fault that I got lied to and hurt. Thank God I didn’t sleep with him. But after that, I just stopped dating because I couldn’t trust myself anymore. I found peace in being single, but I do want to try dating again. I’m not rushing to get married or commit and I have to have feelings and be committed before sleeping with men.

The problem: I have a friend who I know is only trying to help me, but she’s putting a lot of pressure on me to go on dates. If I match with a guy, after one week she’s telling me to text him things like “good morning. I’m thinking about you” or “I miss you” (before we meet face to face lol). One time, she even took my phone and texted the guy “I’m done with this app and being single and I want you in me ASAP. Let’s meet up for drinks. What does your schedule look like next week?” Then I asked her “why would you do that? I don’t want that!”. Her answer: “I know sweetie, but you need to date and get laid badly and I’m pulling you out of your shell”. How do I tell her to back off and stop pressing me without hurting her feelings?

Getting back into dating is scary enough without my friends pressuring me. It’s not just her, all my friends who are coupled up are doing it but more so her.

[DishLady]

Ah... good luck with that. I was pressured till I got married (early 20s) then pressured to date again before the ink was dry on my divorce paperwork (which I ignored bc to me until the ink has dried you're still married). And even now everyone keeps asking whether I'm seeing someone, etc. Everyone's so curious... and it's actually none of their business.

Your friend needs to mind her own business. She's too aggressive in taking your phone and such. She's watched too many rom coms (or possibly been hit in the head with something). She most certainly is projecting her need for D onto you... If that's not what you need, don't let her pressure you. Stay busy and active with other things. The guy will manifest himself when you're ready, not when she's ready on your behalf...

[Asker]

Definitely too many rom coms. She calls herself a hopeless romantic and says she loves to watch the people in her life fall in love. Don’t get me wrong, I practically live and breathe the hallmark channel lol. I just don’t like being pressured into a relationship, by friends or by the guy I’m talking to (luckily my family leaves me alone about it and doesn’t pressure me).

[DishLady]

More like desperate romantic. 😂 (Sorry, I know she's your friend, but don't let her suck you into the vortex.)

I call the Hallmark flix "Kiss and Dismiss" because the couple goes on and on for 2hrs only to barely get one kiss in and suddenly the credits are rolling and the whole thing goes to commercials.

I'm a Romantic for sure, but I also don't like to be pushed into something and I don't like to chase guys down for any reason... I like to choose a guy when one legitimately gets my attention.

You're lucky not to have the family pressure... Mine is like the 300 movie but pestering me about my sex life. 😂😂😂

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

But after that, I just stopped dating because I couldn’t trust myself anymore. I found peace in being single, but I do want to try dating again. I’m not rushing to get married or commit and I have to have feelings and be committed before sleeping with men.
enough siad, this isn't a bout your friend you already have your stand so stick to it... what she is doing is coming from her own imagines..

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, you could try the more direct approach and say: "Dear friends, I realize you have what you THINK are my best interests at heart by pushing me to date asap. I move at my own pace, and I will be ready when I'm ready, if EVER I'm ready again. I know you think getting a dick inside of me will make me astoundingly happy, but I'm getting plenty of dick already because you're all acting like one and I'm not any happier because of it. So your message is duly noted - kindly back off while I still love all of you" :)

[Serkee]

It's simple, tell her "stop pressuring me to date." She clearly doesn't care about your boundaries, if she continues to push you after you tell her to stop, maybe she needs to have her feelings hurt for the message to get through.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waters of dating after a hiatus can feel like setting sail on a tumultuous sea, especially when you've got a crew that's more eager than you are! Your situation sounds like a classic case of lovebombing from a friend, with a twist—instead of showering you with romantic gestures, she's bombarding you with dating advice and actions that don't quite match your pace or style.

To steer this ship gently back to port, a heart-to-heart with your friend should do the trick. Share your feelings by expressing how much you value her enthusiasm and support, but emphasize that you're aiming for a more organic approach to dating. Let her know that her actions, though well-intentioned, are steering you into uncomfortable waters. Explain that falling in love or finding someone special can't be rushed or forced, and that you're looking for connections that feel right, not just a quick dive back into the dating pool.

You're the captain of your ship, my friend, and it's okay to navigate at your own speed. Tell her you appreciate a navigator in this journey, but remind her that ultimately, you're at the helm. With a bit of luck and some clear communication, she'll understand and respect your boundaries, and who knows? Your voyage back into the world of dating at your own pace might just be smoother sailing. Keep your spirits high, your heart open, and remember, the best adventures happen when you're true to yourself. 🛳💘

[Danny_dan92]

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