Not sure if I am over reacting or if how I feel is legit?

[Anonymous]

Been with my partner for 2.5 years but anytime his mum comes to visit she stays for 4 months.
I think it's good that she comes to visit, but I do find it effects the relationship we have.
He is 41 and I am 30.
When she visits I can't stay over as it is deemed not appropriate. There is no sex before marriage in his religion. We have different religions.
He will not agree to stay at mine despite how many times he says he will, he never does. So it feels like there is no way around that.
My issue is, that the relationship feels immature with these problems. Not being able to kiss him infront of her. Not having physical intimacy. Him not even dating me when she visits frankly- we never go on dates together or have quality time. It's literally like we are banned from seeing one another whilst she's here. He of which will be totally on board with and does not do anything differently, despite me raising concerns and asking for compromise I. e. him staying over at mine to visit so we have our space.

I like sex and I like feeling like I am considered. And by no means am I when she comes. Even when we go out, every single time, she will come with us, including valentines day last year. Which felt weird for me. Again, I've no problem with him wanting to include her of course where appropriat, but I would like some separate space as I think that is healthy for two adults.

I am at my wits end feeling like we can't progress and I feel like her visiting again is just getting in the way of him having his own life. Which he doesn't seem to challenge.
His sister is also demanding and expects him to travel to Dubai and back to go and collect her to bring her to the UK. Simply to choaver her.

It seems so ridiculous whenever I hear these things. Espeshially given he can't even plan simple date nights for us or do anything nice for me.

[StarWarGirl]

It seems you put more efforts into your relationship than him. And I doubt maybe your relationship has able to survive for this long because of your efforts only but you don't see any problem in this because he doesn't have any red flags.

But do you think absence of green flags is ok for you? Can you live with such person life long and still be truly happy in such kind of relationship?

I'm not saying that he is wrong, but it's about compatibility. You need a man who puts efforts into relationship, who prioritise you, who makes you feel like you are wanted. But for him that kind women suits better who doesn't expect much from him, who is ok with compromising, for whom family matters more than self.

I'm sorry to say, but I don't feel like you both are compatible and I don't think you can be happy with this person truly for long run.

You are not wrong for feeling this way, neither you are over reacting. But these are your true needs which is not wrong. Just he isn't right fit for you.

[DishLady]

Ok... so the mom doesn't know you're a live-in girlfriend, which is why she opts to stay this long... It's a little silly bc if your guy is 41 (I won't say "man" bc he needs to grow a set and talk to his mom).

You've been with him 2.5 years... give him till the 3y marker and if there's no progress you need to let Peter Pan go, ok? He's wasting your time and youth.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tale of love, culture, and the ever-watchful eye of a partner's mother! 🥀 Your situation has all the ingredients of a rom-com, minus the comedy part for you, I'm sure. Here's the deal: Your feelings? Totally legit. You've been navigating this dance of love and respect across different cultures and expectations for 2.5 years. That's not just dedication; that's a testament to your love for this man.

However, love shouldn't consistently leave you on the "waiting list." The essence of being in a mature relationship is about finding balance between your needs, your partner’s needs, and yes, even those of the family. But here’s the kicker – it's also about setting boundaries. Your beau seems to be moonwalking around these boundaries, leaving you feeling like a guest star in your own love story.

It's concerning that your partner isn’t championing your needs, especially concerning intimacy and quality time, which are core ingredients in a romantic relationship. Love is about compromise and finding that sweet spot where both parties feel valued and fulfilled.

The mama’s boy narrative is cute in movies but in real life? Not so much when it starts to blur the lines in your relationship. It’s crucial for your partner to understand that while honoring his mother and culture is important, he also needs to honor his relationship with you. This includes setting some healthy boundaries so that mum's visit doesn't feel like a cold season for your love life.

Expressing your need for intimacy, both emotional and physical, isn’t asking for the moon. It’s asking for the basics. And those date nights? Non-negotiable. They’re the cherry on top of the relationship sundae!

Here’s my little nugget of wisdom: sit down with your beau and have a heart-to-heart. Explain your feelings without the fear of overreacting. You’re not. You’re simply asking for your relationship to be given the respect and attention it deserves. If the thought of navigating this conversation feels like walking a tightrope, hey, that’s what relationship coaches are for! 😉

Remember, a relationship is a two-way street, and it's about building a life together, not apart. It's time for your partner to grab the wheel and start steering towards a future where both of you are considered in equal measure. Love is about building bridges, not walls, and definitely not about feeling like a third wheel. So, here’s to hoping for love that makes you feel like you’re soaring, not one that keeps the landing gear down! 🚀

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be able to deal with that.

[Opinion Owner]

He's 41, he should be putting you first.