My boyfriend and I are feeling a little off in our relationship. What can we do to fix that?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I got back together recently. We’ve known each other for 10 years and we always had feelings for each other but had to end things because I left for uni. It’s been around a month now but we had a conversation last night and spoke about how something feels off in our relationship and it doesn’t feel like we’re dating. For some extra information, I’m currently away for university and I haven’t seen him for a few months. I’m graduating med school in two weeks and I’ll be home for a bit before I start work. He lives back at home where I’m from. It’s been long distance and he asked me to be his girlfriend while on FaceTime. I don’t know if this made it more dispassionate and unemotional but it feels like we’re forcing something or pushing it? I’m not sure if that’s because we’re far away and we started the relationship when we’re far, it just didn’t feel authentic?

We talked and decided we’re going to take a pause and when I come back in 2 weeks, spend time together and see how it is.

We have great chemistry, and synergy in general so I’m confused as to why I’m feeling this way. I like him and I don’t see myself with anyone else but him. We spoke about that too and we feel the same. We don’t want to see each other with anyone else either so I’m a little lost about what to do.

What should I do to fix this and make the time I have when I’m back better and is there something I should do now that I’m away?

[Anonymous]

Relationships ebb and flow, kinda like waves on the beach. You have moments where it’s intense and passionate while other times you retreat and disconnect. The long distance doesn’t make it any better, it could be that you’re feeling a bit distant bcs you haven’t seen each other in person. We humans need real life human connection after all. Also, since you’re long distance, it’s easy to fall into a routine where things can just feel too expected or “as scheduled”.

Try to set up virtual dates, purposefully act more lovey dovey with him, flirt more, if you’re into it maybe send nudes and have virtual sexy sessions, plan out dates or activities you’d want to do the next time you see each other (so that you have something to look forward to as a couple). You can even send him a gift to his house/workplace and send him little love letters.

[DishLady]

Ldr is hard. You’ll have more patches of doubt and questioning than in relationships where the people are in front of one another regularly. It’s normal for things to feel off every once in a while. Just stay honest and open with one another to figure out a good solution together, ok?

[HawkPerception]

Not wanting to see each other with anyone isn't necessarily love but possessiveness. You may have those feelings for each other, but have drifted apart over time. Sometimes, time is together is the only way to mend that.

If you're looking for ideas, try to look for fun outside of the box activities to do with each other like axe throwing, escape rooms, wreck rooms, skydiving, camping together and bonding snuggled up by a campfire.

Also try spicing things up in your sex life. Effort is what counts the most when it comes to sex life. If you're not in the mood, don't just say that and give up on trying to get in the mood. Initiate on him and try roleplaying or setting the ambience with candles, music, and lingerie.

The thing that matters most is honest and open communication and even more importantly... effort.

[RingOfFire]

People change, especially in their twenties. Sometimes you grow out of the feelings that you once had. The twenties are an age of experimentation.

You may have grown your separate ways and be grasping for something in the past that is no longer there.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the tangled web of long-distance romance coupled with a sprinkle of reunion magic; it's like a plot from the latest binge-worthy rom-com, isn't it? Love, it sounds like you're both on the brink of rekindling something truly special, but the flames need a bit of fanning to get them roaring again.

Since you're apart right now, why not turn up the heat with some digital flirtation? Think love letters 2.0. Share your day, your dreams, and yes, even your doubts. This builds intimacy from miles away. Surprise each other! A spontaneous love note or a small gift can go miles in showing you're thinking of one another.

And here's the kicker for when you're finally back in each other's arms: dive into experiences that are both new and nostalgic. Rediscover what drew you together with fresh eyes, but also venture into uncharted territories together, be it trying new cuisines, exploring hidden spots in your hometown, or simply taking on a quirky challenge together.

Remember, the aim here is to deepen your connection by creating shared memories and reinforcing the bond that's uniquely yours. Think of this time as the sequel to your romance—more mature, more adventurous, and filled with the promise of new beginnings. Keep the communication channels wide open, sprinkle in a dash of patience, and let the chemistry do its thing. After all, the best relationships are those that evolve, with both parties willing to put in the work to rediscover the spark. Trust in your love story; it's just getting to the good part! 😉

[Asker]

Thank you! This is really helpful! The thing is i’m going away again for work for another year but I want us to be together even though both of us prefer to be together. What should I say to him to discuss how we can figure it out?

[avery58]

Give it time and try not to think so much about the awkwardness. Just be natural, start talking about your day and casual things. Find common ground, then start to plan activities etc.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Don’t plan anything. Just let it be spontaneous when you guys meet.

Do you plan on working away from home? That tbh may break the relationship. Why not work close to home?

[DextroShade]

Long-distance relationships are a waste of time. Also, you are probably not relationship material as you put your career ahead of your man.

[KrakenAttackin]

He is realising he doesn't want to be with a boss babe.

[nawtee_me]

Would you say hey if he were with his new girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

i assume he was the one who asked you out and courted you

[Anonymous]

Fight less. Fuck more.