My fiancé’s drinking is starting to worry me?

[Anonymous]

Hi all, I apologise with how long this is going to be.

Basically myself (31m) and my fiancé (30f) have been together for almost 3 years, we got engaged last year. Leading up to the proposal, everything was going well, the last few months however, have been a challenge.

My fiancé has made some friends who are in their 50s. She enjoys quiz’s and she’s quite good at them, and they have that in common. She’ll go out with these guys quite often during the week, and (as I feel now) use it as an excuse to get bladdered. She’ll come home at around 2am knowing she has work the next morning. As well as that, she’ll always want to go for a drink on the weekends. It’s gotten to the point now where I’ve started to feel like she can’t have fun unless alcohol is involved.

I don’t mind drinking. I. E I enjoy a casual drink, but whenever we try and have a casual drink together, it goes completely overboard, she gets genuinely upset when I tell her I’m ready to go home, and often will beg me to let her stay on her own ‘because she’s having fun’

It’s gotten to the point now where, I’m fed up of having to wake her up in the morning, I’m fed up of her coming home and going straight to bed after work cause she’s hungover, I’m fed up of her spending the entire day in bed on a Saturday/Sunday completely ruining the weekend. I’m fed up of feeling stressed asking her to come home on a weekday night because I don’t want to come across as exhausting.

We’ve had a lot of talks about this before, she’s admitted she’s got a binging problem, but Everytime we take steps to try and fix it, it always ends up being the same case after a couple of weeks.

I’m very much considering ending things, but unfortunately, I’m that kind of person that, when there’s a glimmer of hope, you keep fighting.

I really don’t know what more I can actually do.

[DishLady]

It's strange bc it sounds precisely like someone I know whose guy got fed up and locked her out of his apartment for a night to teach her a lesson. Avoiding identifying details, I'll tell you the story and perhaps you'll know what to do.

I met this girl and she was with her boyfriend for 2-3 years. They each had their own places. He had a key to her place but he hadn't given her a key to his place. (He was about to that day at dinner, actually, but then...)

Instead of prioritizing her guy and being where she said she'd be at 6pm (for their dinner reservation), she left him sitting at the place for about an hour. He called, worried that something was wrong, but she was shopping with me and one mutual friend who she was trying desperately to impress. (She was already tipsy for the day, so I personally wasn't impressed.)

The guy kept trying to figure out where she was. She randomly handed me the phone and I had to introduce myself to the guy, give him instructions to where we were (which wasn't far from where he was, but I thought it was REALLY disrespectful of her to just flake out like that).

She promised we'd meet him there and hung up, then asked the third person with us where she'd like to eat... It was weird because we were supposed to drop what we were looking at and go meet him...

LONG story short, she had him meet us at the shop... then we all walked to a different eatery... Dinner was a misery because she just KEPT drinking. Guys were hitting on her because she was dressed a certain way... The guy was VERY conservatively dressed and starting to look quietly peeved... My friend and I politely declined this drunk girl's invitation to go to a bar/club she wanted us all to go to. Three hours later the drunk girl is texting my friend that her boyfriend locked her out of his house.

MIND YOU... He had the patience of an f-ing saint in my opinion... He walked the girl to this famous club, to which she was allowed in and he wasn't, and she actually just went in on her own... for THREE HOURS. He went home, waited for her for about an hour and locked up for the evening. She then came around banging at his door till a neighbor called the cops... And all this was IMed to my friend at 3am... Insane.

The guy is still with this girl... I can't tell you why. BUT he's extended their engagement for another three years now... for no reason...

In this guy's shoes, I would have helped the girl get an intervention and get the services she needs to dry out. Whatever is causing her to be this insane, alcohol-dependent person is one thing. Whatever is driving his need to be the person addicted to this type of girl is another.

So... both of you need help. The drama being generated is unhealthy, and yet you stay, either for a selfish need or because you're actually addicted to her insanity. It's something you both have to figure out. She needs your help, not your engagement.

[Oliverlogan263]

Brother, this is a concerning situation and clearly taking a toll on you both mentally and emotionally. As her loving partner and soon-to-be husband, your concerns come from a place of care.

Addiction is complex with many underlying causes, so the path forward requires patience, understanding and most of all her willingness to change. Have you tried counseling, either together or for her individually? An objective third party could help uncover triggers and find healthier coping mechanisms.

For now, set clear boundaries - her drinking cannot compromise your relationship or health. Gently remind her of your commitment when the line feels close to crossing. Lead with empathy, not accusations. And take time for self-care too.

Pray and reflect on God's vision for your lives together. With open communication and His light guiding your way, there is hope. But changes must come from within her heart. For now, stand by her side with hope, leaving judgment at the altar of love. Focus on the deep caring that brought you together. The rest is in His hands.

[HusamRocks]

It's really hard to make a decision especially when u love someone but only u know the answer

Don't try wasting ur time and energy on someone who doesn't wanna change

The fact u r thinking about ending things shows that u r a mature responsible person looking for the best for ur future family and urself, u should tell her exactly what u wrote here about ending it, she will decide for u

Ps. Since ur perspective of fun is different from what her friends r giving
Don't be selfish and give her SOME space

Good luck 👍🏻

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love in the time of cocktails. It sounds like you're mixing a classic love story with a twist of nightlife drama, shaken, not stirred. I appreciate the length and detail you've shared; it adds flavors to the mix.

Navigating a relationship where one partner's drinking leaves the other feeling on the rocks, can indeed be a sobering experience. You've got both the olive and the toothpick here—a deep connection with your fiancée and a genuine concern for her wellbeing.

But here's a twist for your cocktail: Communication, my friend, is the premium gin in your relationship tonic. It's clear you care deeply for her, so expressing your feelings without diluting them is key. Consider creating a safe, non-judgmental space where both of you can share your feelings freely. It's not just about suggesting she takes it easy on the quiz night carousing but also about reinforcing the bond you share when the glass is half full and sober.

However, lovebombing won't cure a binge-drinking habit. It might be time to look into professional help, love. Addiction or dependency is a slippery slope, and the sooner you tackle it, the easier it is to climb back up. Encourage her to seek support, whether it's therapy or a group setting, focusing on the joy of your relationship without the hangover.

Remember, a successful relationship isn't about holding out for that last call in hopes things will change; it's about knowing when to say, "We need a different kind of cocktail, one that strengthens us, not one that leaves us with a bitter aftertaste."

You've got this! A journey of a thousand pubs begins with a single step, and that first step might just be a heart-to-heart conversation away from the bar. Cheers to love, understanding, and finding the right mix for both of your hearts. 🍹

[Surely]

Seems to me. You have pretty much covered most of the bases. Unless you can find that magical switch that will show her what she is missing. With her life in a bottle. Time to move on and find someone to be a good wife and companion to yourself.