Should I tell this guy his drinking habits are concerning?

[kylee2437]

I told a guy I no longer want to be involved with him and I hope he heals. I’ve known him for a few months. Should I tell him his drinking habits is concerning or should I just leave it at me telling him to heal?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Might be worth mentioning the drinking. I just recently quit drinking alcohol completely towards the end of last year (I started drinking way too much over the pandemic) and everyone pointing out their concern over how drunk I was becoming helped apply a little friendly pressure.

At first I was like, "I'm not a drunkard! [Hic] I jusht drink because I'm bored to have shome fun! I don't have a problem!" But each person pointing it out to me was helpful in starting to realize they had a point. 😂

[kylee2437]

I pointed out a behavior I noticed he does when his drinking is excessive. Maybe he will understand what I’m talking about

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I hope it will help! Just having it pointed out to us, as much as we might stubbornly resist, can help if are developing a real problem.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

* if we are developing a real problem, sorry.

[WindAtMyBack]

No need to beat around the bush. Tell him it's because of his drinking.

If you are 26 I assume he is fairly young. He might not even realize or admit that he has a drinking problem.

I had an alcoholic girlfriend for many years. Now, any drinking at all is a yellow flag for me. It's not an automatic deal breaker, but I will watch it closely until I'm convinced it's not a problem.

[kylee2437]

I just told him straight up. Thank you for this

[WindAtMyBack]

You're welcome.

Did he admit to having a drinking problem?

Also, keep in mind that heavy drinking does not necessarily mean he is an alcoholic. And relatively light drinking does not mean they are not an alcoholic.

[kylee2437]

He has not texted back, and to be honest I’m not really looking for a text back. I just want him to know, that I’m not leaving him alone because we didn’t fall in love and end up together but I’m leaving him alone because I’ve noticed he has a problem and I think it’s been affecting a lot in his life including his dating life.

[WindAtMyBack]

If it's affecting his life negatively then he might already know it. Of course he could also deny the source. If he has other problems, it could also be a chicken or egg thing. A lot of people turn to drinking to deal with problems.

A lot drink out of boredom also. I got in that habit when I was working out-of-state living in motel rooms for months at a time.

[serious_miss419]

Only if he asks for your opinion. If he hasn’t asked for your opinion, leave it be. Nobody likes pestering either

[kylee2437]

It’s not about pestering, it’s about someone that I do care about harming themselves and not having people around him to tell him about his behaviors. From what I’ve noticed his friends almost encourage it. Even though we didn’t end up together, I do care.

[kylee2437]

Every weekend he drunk texts me

[serious_miss419]

I hear you!
It’s not easy to help someone who’s not ready for help. Could you detox him, keep him with you?
Does he text you when he’s sober?
Is this about him or you?

[kylee2437]

I’ve actually rejected him, so this isn’t about me. It’s about the fact that I do care for him, I think about him all the time. I’ve blocked him from my social media accounts because I can’t keep on with our situation with the way it’s been going. He doesn’t have much family here. I feel like it would be Shane for me to not mention the patterns I’ve been noticing. I expect nothing out of this. I just want him to know that I do actually care

[kylee2437]

Ashame*

[Mr_twoface]

When you said you hope he heals, did you elaborate further? If not, as a true and good friend, you should reach out and tell him that. However, this all depends on when you had the last conversation with him. If it was more than 2 weeks ago, then let it be. Otherwise you are showing interest in him and make him interested again.

[kylee2437]

The same day I chose to tell him about his habits, he reached out to me first.

[Finchie40]

How much is he drinking? Is he drinking daily or just on the weekends? Does he drink until he is bombed out or does he stop himself? If his drinking is concerning to you then yes. You should tell him the truth that you are concerned with his drinking habits and that you don’t want to be a part of it , He will either make some changes if he really likes you or he will choose the alcohol

[RavVid]

It depends on how bad his drinking habit is. There is no doubt alcohol is used for self medication to get through psychological scars. If that is the case then run. There is worse ahead.

Conversely people can just enjoy a glass of beer or wine at the end of the day. It might just be more than you drink.

I think you need to share info on his drinking habits for worthwhile comment.

[DryGermanGuy]

I have been through this with an old friend. Unless an alcoholic person really wants and accepts help, they will only deflect, lie and turn your concern back onto you.

[kylee2437]

All good with me. At least he knows why I rejected him even though I do care for me

[kylee2437]

For him*

[bowenw]

I assume he understands that healing means dealing with his drinking problem, so you shouldn't need to say anything else.

[kylee2437]

He also just got out of another relationship which may be catering into things

[bowenw]

If you happen to be speaking to him again, it couldn't hurt to tell him how you feel about his drinking habits.

[kylee2437]

It hurts but I feel like it needs to be said

[bowenw]

Try to be brave and do it.

[exitseven]

How do you know that he wants to do anything about his drinking. He might be happy with his life the way it is

[kylee2437]

Because last week he sent me a text basically saying that he was in a car , not knowing where he is and the person was driving aggressively. Quite frankly , idc if someone is happy or not. If someone I know and care for ends up dead and I neglect to at least tell them about themselves, then I sure as hell was an enabler.

[exitseven]

yes, i can understand that

[bobby_bush_eater]

Ya I mean if all you says was hope you heal you can definitely give more context to that and see if he's receptive if you really like him/care. If he feels strongly about you that might spur some self reflection from him

[BoopBoopBeep]

Figure it is always nice to know WHY a breakup happened. Let him know.

[spartan55]

I'd leave it.

[kylee2437]

I told him. Don’t really care if it offends him. Some day he will actually know someone cares about him

[spartan55]

You don't think he knows that you care about him?

[Worst]

Yeah