I'm pregnant and my boyfriend is planning to NOT take any time off to be with me and the baby after I deliver. Am I valid being upset about that?

[Anonymous]

I'm pregnant and due to have the baby really soon. It's exciting but also SUPER stressful and scary being in the homestretch. I'm a first-time mom, so yeah. Lots of mixed feelings.

My boyfriend has those too. That is to be expected. I know he's happy to become a dad, but yeah, he has plenty of worries too.

Well, he decided to switch jobs. First, this job switch was not something I agreed with to begin with for SEVERAL valid reasons. I addressed those reasons and told him how I felt. He got mad and told me I just didn't want him doing it because I wouldn't be getting my way. No. I just didn't feel it was a good decision, especially with the baby coming so soon. I reminded him he'd need time off to be with the baby and to help ME out with some things. He said the dad didn't need all that time off like the mom and I'd be fine. I told him a newborn is A LOT of change and work. Sleeplessness and so much to adjust to. I told him with this new job, he would not be getting NEAR the right amount of time off (he'd only get a day or two). I told him most men take at least a full week or even 2 weeks off. He scoffed at that and seemed to think it was not important. He told me he couldn't even DO anything about it if I was in the hospital, so why not just work still? I told him he COULD do something though - be there and support ME, especially if I'd still be in the hospital or have complications.

I feel this is a very inconsiderate decision. It's like he is going to take this new job then leave me to do ALL the new parent stuff. I'll be doing it all - taking care of/waking up with the baby PLUS trying to get back to my normal self and heal so I can go back to work on time. I told him this and he got mad at me. I told him I was really stressed and worried with this job change, especially with the baby being SO close to coming. He just got mad at me and stopped talking about it. I didn't want to upset him.

Updates

1 y

It makes me sad that he feels this way. A couple days is NOT long enough to be home with a new baby. The dad needs to help with the baby and give mom a chance to REST. Apparently I was insane to think such a thing. He planned the job switch behind my back too, which made me really unhappy. He had mentioned it off-handedly and I told him I didn't agree with the idea. Then, he just went ahead and got in contact with this company and went as far as to set up an interview, all without telling me.

Updates

1 y

He never took my feelings about it into consideration. He just set up the interview and said if I or anyone else didn't like it, oh well. That was incredibly disrespectful in my opinion. I had valid reasons for not liking this job change thing. It is a notoriously AWFUL company to work for and he knows this. He even SAID he wasn't really excited about the change. I said then why do it? He said because he'll do what he wants. He said he didn't tell me about the interview because I'd just be mad.

[delsworld]

As the majority of us aren't really raised with pure unconditional love, it can be difficult to address and assess all situations with love - which has saved me many a time. However, both of you are in a very emotionally taxing experience. From what you've given us (naturally just one side of the story and in your perspective of the situation) his behaviour reflects that of a scared and impulsive child. He made an impulsive decision that he didn't even like because he feels like he has no control and tried to do something sudden to feel better. Then he got trouble for it and is now pettily trying to prove a point. On the other hand, you are with child and upset that you seem to be the only one viewing things maturely. If you truly love the guy, I would try to address the situation with love and no judgment. If you believe that he is not worth it? I would definitely seek ways to find a way out and raise the child alone and with love. Obviously for the majority of pregnant woman it's not an option financially.
It may feel like you're having to take care of two children due to his behaviour but in reality, when we are afraid we will always react childishly. The job situation is over now, but the conflict between you isn't. In order for conflicts to be handled differently in the future, one must do something different. Like bringing up the issue with no judgement so that he doesn't feel unsafe and get defensive which leads to anger.

[Asker]

The new job is official now, so I'm really hurt. He failed to pay my feelings the least bit of attention. He did not care what I was trying to explain. I told him that a couple days is in no shape or form enough time off with a new baby. I told him we'd EACH have a lot to adjust to. A new baby is a lot of work. It's a huge challenge, but so very worth it. I reminded him that he had always said he'd be there for me and the baby as long as we needed him as far as work goes. He's literally taking an offer he DOESN'T really want just to avoid that it seems. I don't understand at all. I tried to see it from his mindset, but he argued I didn't understand at all. I think he's angry because he knows I made valid points and didn't want to admit I was right about the situation. I get he probably feels backed into a corner, but I do too. He asked if I wanted him to say no and not take the job. He KNEW I wanted that. I didn't say yes because he was really mad and I knew it'd make it worse if I did say yes. If I had said yes, it wouldn't have mattered anyhow. I had already SAID I was against it, yet he still did it. So saying yes to that question likely wouldn't have made any impact. And if it did, then I'd have that held over my head forever. I'd forever be the jerk who "ruined" that opportunity. I didn't want that, so I just told him I wasn't going to tell him what to do. He already knew what I felt. He already knew the answer was yes. He knew I'd be really appreciative if he had said no. He wouldn't do that though. My opinion and feelings were completely invalid. He only cared about what he felt. I reminded him that he'd have this offer AFTER the baby is born too, so if he did truly want to try it, why not just wait at this point? Why not just go ahead and hold off until after the baby is here? Then, nothing would be disrupted.

[RingOfFire]

There's a couple of issues getting mixed in here. One is changing his job and you disagreement about that and the other is taking care of you and the baby after it's born.

I don't know the details of the job but in general I think he is wrong not to be more supportive and comforting to you at least until the baby is born and you are back to your full strength.

That should be his concern number one. The job should be concern number two.

So sounds to me like his priorities are out of order. To me that sounds like a sign of immaturity.

It could be that he's just afraid of the whole birth process thing. It's natural that you are afraid of it but he may feared in a different way, since as a man it's really hard to comprehend it. Fortunately as a woman you have some natural ability to deal with it even though it makes you nervous.

As a couple it's important for you to both be respectful and understanding of each other's feelings. From everything you've written, and I don't know if that includes the whole story or not, I'm more disappointed in his behavior than in yours. He needs to get his priorities straight.

But don't worry I've heard much worse. Pregnancy and having a baby is very stressful and what you're going through is not unusual. It's chaotic and there are no perfect answers for a lot of it. Just keep the communication open with him. He already changed jobs so I would just drop that subject. There's no point in arguing about something that's already done. Focus on constructive conversations that bring you together.

[Asker]

This is definitely true. He is not prioritizing what matters the most. Me and the baby are #1, yet he is acting like this job nonsense is. He told me it is official, so he has the job. He got mad at me for disagreeing and being upset last night, so he left and didn't even come home. I told him waiting until after the baby was born made way more sense. He could still have that job if he really did want it. I also asked why he was even going for it if he said himself he didn't like the company and didn't want to work there. That made no sense to me.

I get being scared on his end too. He's never experienced birth and neither have I. My body does know what to do thankfully, but it's still a lot to deal with for us both. After the baby is born, I will absolutely need support. He always told me he'd be there for me and that baby and never let any job stop that because he'd just find something else if they wouldn't work with him. He even told me that if the new company did not offer fair leave, he'd walk away. A couple days IS NOT enough. How does he think that's ok? I won't be at full strength yet. So, I will be left at home to deal with household work, my own healing/recovery and taking care of the baby every single day while he's gone to work. Those early days are the most crucial. We need to be together and build our new life as a family.

[RingOfFire]

Sounds like you are still trying to argue about his job choice. You have enough to be stressed about. That one is over. I think it would be helpful to you to let that go and focus on having the baby and getting back to your full strength.

You will have plenty of time to discuss that with him after things settle down later. For now just do your baby thing and have confidence that if he really cares about you, he will adjust his schedule as needed after the baby is born to help you in any way you need.

[Asker]

Well, him doing that job thing just added to my stress and concerns. It shows he really does not care about my feelings and is not prioritizing me and the baby. WE should come first, but clearly, we don't. He said multiple times he didn't even want this job, yet he still did it. That makes no sense. He asked me if I wanted him to just say no to it a couple times, but I didn't say it directly. I felt it was a trap. He already knew that was what I wanted. He knew I didn't support or agree with the idea. He knew how I felt and knew I'd want him to say no to them. I felt if I said "yes, I want you to say no", he wouldn't have done it and would have still done it. Either that, or he would have said no, then held it over my head forever. I'd never hear the end of it. I'd always be the one who "ruined things" for him. I did not want to deal with that, so I didn't take the bait. I told him I was not trying to tell him what to do, I just wanted him to think more about it and also take my feelings into consideration.

[RingOfFire]

The thing is he already has the job. I get that you are using it as an example about how he is not taking your needs into account. But I don't think it is a helpful thing to talk about now because he will just keep digging in further and further if you do. If you drop that now and focus on things that are productive to make this process go as smoothly as possible I think it would be helpful to you.

[Asker]

As an update, I came to terms with the job situation, but it didn't really help. He decided to walk out on us and leave. We've been separated for about 3 weeks now. It's been so hard. I have been really hoping he'd maybe realize that was a bad decision, see that the good FAR outweighed the bad in our relationship, remember how good I was to him and how happy we were, and end up wanting to come back and ask to reconcile/get back together.

So far, that hasn't happened, but he has indeed texted me a couple times. He's asked me about the baby and stuff and will ask how appointments and stuff go. And yeah - he remembers appointment dates still even though he can't come to them due to the job. The biggest shock was the recent text. He texted from work (yep - from that new job he hated lol) and he had definitely not done that since we separated. He'd only texted after work and strictly on appointment days. This was not even an appointment day and he still texted a check-in during the morning from work.

He's been brief during conversations, but civil. He has not mentioned anything that happened between us. I've been doing the same. I've refrained from asking for another chance, I've not mentioned a word of what happened, and I've simply been civil and brief as well. I've given him updates and left it alone.

Does this seem like a positive sign that he very well may end up wanting a second chance and wanting us to get back together? Is there anything I should do to help that?

[RingOfFire]

There is no way of knowing, but anything is possible. I think it is wise not to beg because that usually ends badly. Give him space, keep being civil and hope for the best. I think that's your best option. And if it doesn't work, tomorrow is always a new day with new opportunities. You lick your wounds and move on.

[Asker]

That is what I'm doing. I'm not begging. I'm not sending annoying messages that I miss him. I'm not whining about his decisions. When he does reach out, I'm civil and to the point. I match his "mood". It seems to be effective. Hopefully it does work out, but if not, hopefully he'll at least be a good co-parent.

[RingOfFire]

There are some things you can control and others that you can't. He could just be going through a phase where he has to get in touch with his own feelings for you.

I think the best thing to do is to just try to relax, do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and happy and give him some space. He has to make the decision for himself.

[Flatmanlewis]

Two things can be true at the same time. Women tend to be more emotionally focused and men tend to be more rational focused in these situations. Your feelings can be hurt AND he can be doing nothing wrong too.


Is he being inconsiderate to you and your feelings? Yes. He is. This is also, partially, why it’s not best to have children with boyfriends but rather to be married and inherit some of the stability & commitment that comes with that. Perhaps marriage should be discussed relatively soon.


He too, could be trying to step up a level and secure a better job, with better growth potential in order to do what most people would agree a man should I do, which is provide.


I took FMLA time off for about 2 weeks after my son was born then added a third when I saw how absolutely exhausting it was on my wife. Babies are very demanding and her needs such as sleep & nutrition we’re not being as well cared for as I knew I could do for her.


What you are asking for, well, It is reasonable to ask for but if you if you have to demand it I think you have bigger problems in the relationship than just FMLA leave.

[Asker]

That is definitely true. I don't think he realizes just how much this is going to impact us. A baby is a lot of work and there will be a ton of sleepless nights for us both. I will need help for awhile. He doesn't seem to get that.

[Flatmanlewis]

I agree. I also think you should be open to the male stress of feeling a need to provide financially. Sometimes, as men, we carry a private and personal burden (which can be privately painful) in which we feel a deep moral obligation to provide for our women & children. That is a stronger pull than the emotional fulfillment part is, often.

It hurt me just as much to leave my own family, and go to work, as it hurts them but nonetheless I choose to do so - often not seeing them for far longer than I like - because in the end I need to provide the essentials more than just the love. Sometimes love looks like absence and is, paradoxically, even more love than presence can be.

[Asker]

I do understand he has his own worries and stresses and I definitely get the whole "the man is the provider" thing. I know the stress of wanting to provide "better" for his family had to be hard, especially with some rude comments he had received from others/outsiders. I tried to be supportive and explain to him that it wasn't important to listen to others or their opinions. I tried to remind him to ME, he was a wonderful partner and I knew he'd be a fantastic father because he already WAS being a good father by being there for all these important things. I told him it meant a lot to have him at appointments and such and tried to explain that was the whole reason I disagreed with the job change at that particular time. The timing was poor and it'd prevent him from going to any remaining appointments and also not give him any time off. I tried to explain how important bonding with your newborn is and how BOTH parents need to do it, not just mom.

He did get mad enough he walked out on me. So, we've been broken up for about 3 weeks now. That has been SUPER difficult. The last thing I wanted was for us to separate. I miss him, but I've been trying to just focus on myself and the baby and remain hopeful that he may indeed realize that was a wrong decision and want to get back together.

[Asker]

He has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates and stuff. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He really surprised me recently when he actually texted randomly from work. He's never done that since we separated and it wasn't even an appointment day. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is a positive indication that he'll want to eventually get back together or not. What would you think?

[XHopelessRomanticX]

This is going to sound really hurtful so I apologize in advance. You said he is happy that he’s going to be a dad. That may be, but his actions are telling me that he’s not happy that he’s having this baby…with you.
You have every right to be upset about his actions; he’s taking on a new job and not planning on taking paternity leave, he’s being dismissive of your feelings and concerns, he’s leaving all the new parent responsibilities up to you. If he’s excited about being a dad, he’s got a funny way of showing it.

There’s also a lot of discussion that needs to be had, if they haven’t been discussed already. Have y’all talked about marriage? Ignoring all the divorce fear mongers out there: What is his plan in case you do have complications or die while giving birth? He may be baby’s medical power of attorney as the father, but he wouldn’t be yours, as he’s not considered next of kin, being your boyfriend and not your husband. Has your boyfriend put any legal protection in place for you and baby in case he, your boyfriend, were to die?

[Asker]

You make valid points for sure. I agree that he has an odd way of showing he's happy with this baby situation. It makes me wonder why he can't just come clean about stuff. Having first-time-parent cold feet? Tell me. Nervous? Tell me.

[grega239]

Him not taking paternity leave is normal for new fathers.
Both my friends started working overtime when they became fathers to make more money.

Thats literally mens obligation as fathers.

[Alwayreckles93]

@grega239 But yet you millenial men out mommy and sissy first before wifey. Again itsbnot you millenial guys fault its your mother for not raising a boy correctly. The world does not revolve around your mom or relatives once YOU ARE MARRIED YOU MUST PUT YOUR WIFE FIRST! IDIOT! I am nor a nagger I just list the facts. Once you are married forget that your mom and relatives exist forces on YOUR WIFE! No wonder so we have so many divorced people . Because of millenial men's mindset. GROW UP!

[grega239]

@Alwayreckles93 no. The wife isn't first. The child is.
Our mothers raised us just fine.
If you want to be more important than a mans mother, you have to earn it.

[Alwayreckles93]

@grega239 I also included the child you moron! I'm happily married. I was only being a good Christian trying to give you good advice. With that mentality of yours Please STAY SINGLE!

[Asker]

@Alwayreckles93 Your advice was just fine, don't pay any attention to rude remarks. No, he did not put ANYTHING in place if HE were to die. He just fails to realize how much help I'll need and how tiring a baby is, especially for the first few weeks. He claims he knows what he's doing, but clearly, he doesn't. He has a lot of growing up to do I think. You should always put the child first, above all else. That's why I was so upset he wouldn't be taking time off after the birth. It takes 2 to adequately care for a newborn. And support for myself would be nice too. He does not recognize any of this.

[Asker]

As an update, he ended up getting mad enough he chose to break up with me and walk out on us. We've been separated for a couple weeks now. It's been really hard to say the least. I miss him and I cannot believe he'd walk out on us like this, especially so close to the due date. I've gotten over the initial hurt and shock the best I could and I've been focusing on myself and the baby. It just really sucks he did that. I did not expect that at all.

I have a feeling he just ran. Same with taking that new job. I feel he did it to try to "escape" so to speak. I feel that he was starting to really stress and worry about actually becoming a dad. I think he was more chill when the due date was further out. I think the closer the due date got, the more freaked out he got. I think he was starting to really think about things and realize just how major this was. I think it caused him to panic - hence why he completely dismissed all my feelings and took that new job that would PREVENT him from being off with us and going to any remaining appointments we had pre-scheduled. I think he just got into panic mode and just ran. NOT an ok or proper decision at all, but I really think that's what happened.

[Asker]

I will also add that he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates and stuff. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He really surprised me recently when he actually texted randomly from work. He's never done that since we separated and it wasn't even an appointment day. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is a positive indication that he'll want to eventually get back together or not. What would you think?

[AI Opinion]

Oh, sweetheart, your feelings are as valid as a love song on repeat. It's like you're gearing up for a solo dance when it really should be a duo performance. Let's break it down, shall we? 🎭

First off, entering parenthood is like stepping onto the biggest stage of your life, with all the lights, cameras, and, yes, action! It’s not just about the grand opening night (a. k. a., delivery day); it’s the continuous show that follows. It demands a cast of two, at the very least. Your boyfriend thinking of not taking time off is like a director skipping opening night because he thinks his job is done. Spoiler alert: It’s not!

Now, on his job switch – timing is indeed everything. It’s like deciding to jump ship right before a storm; adventurous, but oh-so risky. Your concerns? Totally justified. It's like trying to sing a duet when your partner decides to go solo.

Love, the first few weeks with a baby are more than just diaper changes and lullabies. It's about bonding, supporting, and learning the ropes of this incredible show called 'family'. It requires both mum and dad to be present, both physically and emotionally.

His view on not needing to be there ‘cause "what can he do?" Oh, darling, he can do so much! From holding your hand, sharing baby cuddles, to just being there so you're not singing a solo. It’s not about doing specific tasks; it’s about sharing the moments, the stresses, and the joys.

Your frustration and stress? Completely understandable. It’s like expecting a duet and realizing you might have to go solo. Try having an encore discussion with him, emphasize the importance of his role in this new chapter, not just financially, but emotionally and physically too.

Remember, the show must go on, but it’s so much better when both stars are on stage together. 💑👶✨

[Jbear27]

Is this a bot response? It was so cringe with all the stage references.

[Asker]

@Jbear27 Yes! It literally says "AI Opinion" lol

But they did have a point aside from the goofy stage/movie references. It is true there's a lot a dad can do at that time and that's why I was trying to explain that to him. It went in one ear and out the other. He just got mad at me and said there was no sense in a dad taking a lot of time off because he couldn't do anything. I told him it wasn't about certain tasks - it was just BEING a family, for the first time. Being there to share some firsts. Being there to adjust to LIVING with a mini human. Being there for ME whenever I have to have a break. And me being there for HIM when he's in need of a break. We have no idea how labor will go. We have no idea if I'll have any special needs or complications. We HOPE nothing goes wrong, but it's not a guarantee.

To tell me I could basically just lay in the hospital without him was pretty hurtful actually. You mean to tell me you'd rather be AT WORK than with me? Even if you can't "do anything" exactly with my situation, you CAN "do something" by BEING THERE. You can keep me company. You can comfort me. It shouldn't all be up to me. I have a partner for a reason - for love and support. Basically being ok with just ditching me to care for the baby ALONE is outrageous. Most guys definitely want time off with their significant other and newborn. It's a whole new ball game. You ALL have to adjust and work together.

It hurt my feelings a lot when his response was "I can't do anything". I said um... SUPPORT? And he just laughed. It isn't a joke. Support is huge during such an adjustment period for BOTH. I know I'd NEVER do that to him. In fact, I HAVE taken time off work to be with him just for support when he's been sick. I took off so I could take him to the doctor, get his medication and be "on call" if he needed anything. I wouldn't have "had" to, but I chose to. It's what you do to support your partner that you love.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

No one cares what you think, Love Doctor Brad.

Not that you think anyway, you stupid AI.

[Flatmanlewis]

Shut up, Brad.

[Summeroflove]

No it’s completely valid and it’s his baby too. In fact men are most of the time entitled to a certain time off. Fathers are as important as mothers are after all it takes two to make a baby. He wants to bring life into this world and then refuse to take even a few days off work to help his baby and his girlfriend who he got pregnant?

Look some people are right about the whole sex thing. But it’s too late to change that now and it’s your boyfriend and not just some random dude. If it was some random dude I feel worse for the children in those situations. But he needs to be a dad.

Yes, it’s good he wants to work to provide for his kid. Amazing. But he needs to be there

[Asker]

Exactly. Thank you for validating my feelings. That was exactly what I was trying to tell him. I told him he told me he'd never accept the job if they didn't work with him for time off. He told me if they didn't offer anything or not enough, he'd say no. They gave him a pitiful and hesitant offer of "a couple days at most". THAT is not enough time! Most dads receive at least a week or two and many have the opportunity to take more if they need or choose to. I tried to explain to him that I will need him more than EVER during birth and after delivery. I told him he's already been a huge support system that I appreciate. I told him he'd need A LOT more than just a couple days. He said absolutely not. I don't see how he can say that. We're about to become new, first-time parents. We will both be tired and sleep deprived. It will be a major adjustment for us both. We should be adjusting to our new life as parents as a team. Instead, he is choosing to skip out at the last moment to take a job he doesn't even want (his own words) and just leave me to be at home alone, taking care of the household needs, my own recovery and the baby. That is very unfair and inconsiderate.

Yes, I agree with the whole random dude thing. Having a baby with just some guy you aren't even officially dating is terrible. The guy is not really a part of it. He's just tied in through child support. He is not an actual partner to you. But yes. This is my actual boyfriend whom I love a lot. WE decided to have this baby together. It wasn't like it was unplanned. We both wanted it and discussed things beforehand, including time off. He said I'd be free to take off as early as I needed and not return to work until I was fully ready and able. He said he'd go out about a week prior to my due date and then continue to stay home until I was ok on my own. THAT has certainly changed.

[Finchie40]

You spread your legs to the wrong guy then , if he truly cared about you and the baby , he would be by your side , instead he is choosing work? so good luck with that shit. Family should always come before a job especially with things like this. Even his work would understand that he needs time off to be by your side , I’m sorry to say but you ended up with a selfish guy that only cares about himself , and your relationship with him is sadly just going to get worse if he doesn’t change his ways. You are probably best to dump his ass and get his ass for child support

[Asker]

Thank you for this. I can't believe he thinks a job he doesn't even WANT is more important. He is about to become a dad and have a family of his own. Yet, he doesn't see my point when I say I will need help and support? Newborns are a lot of work and I will be going through a lot of healing. I will definitely need help around the house AND with the baby. He should WANT to be there with us. He will have to learn all the stuff about baby care too. He even told me he wouldn't take any job that prevented him from being with me and the baby. Well, that was a lie.

[Asker]

Update time - he actually left us. He got madder, blamed me for a lot of stuff, called me selfish/said I only cared when things went my way (nowhere NEAR true), etc. We've been separated for a couple weeks now. That was not easy at all. It left me with a lot more obligations over my head and it added to my stress. Instead of being unhappy about him not having time off due to that job and missing all our pre-scheduled appointments, I know worried about giving birth alone. I expected him to be at the hospital with me. He always promised he would be by my side through it all and I wouldn't have to worry. He has a really odd way of showing that.

I think he was projecting things onto me. I also think he went into panic mode the closer the due date came. It's even closer now. Like REALLY close. And I'm alone. I've gotten over the initial shock and hurt as best as I could and have been trying to just focus on myself and the baby and the final touches before birth. I can't help but be VERY disappointed in him though. All of this was incredibly unacceptable and unnecessary. He was so excited to be a dad and told me numerous times how lucky he was to be with me and how he'd never want anyone else, especially to have a child with. Then he pulls this stunt and to ice the cake, LEAVES US.

I will definitely be seeking child support because he's not fully evading responsibility at all. He IS still going to pay for this kid for 18 years. That's the law and that's how it is.

[Asker]

I will also add that he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates and stuff. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally called me to ask if he could come too. I said yeah and reminded him of the time. Then he sounded super disappointed and annoyed and said he'd be at work so he'd have to miss it. I felt like saying it was his own fault for taking that job/leaving, but I left it go. Like you're going to be annoyed you can't go when you MADE it where you couldn't go by taking the job? Real smart.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him. He has even used manners with me and said thank you whenever I've given him updates and stuff.

[Asker]

He caught me off guard here recently when he decide to text me randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens either. And he's never sent any early/morning texts since we've been apart. Since the separation, he would only reach out ON appointment days, strictly after work. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or in the morning hours. It'd always be evenings after work. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes. I said I would and he thanked me.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll maybe want to eventually get back together or not. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. I'm really leery of his actions. I mean he went from clearly NOT caring and doing everything to avoid responsibility, to suddenly seeming like he cares about this child again. I felt like saying drop the act - if you cared, you would have never left and never took that job. But again, I'm trying very hard to remain civil and respectful for the sake of our child.

If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this. I'm still very on edge about the upcoming delivery too. How is he going to act when I go into labor?

[Finchie40]

Yea it sounds like he is very selfish and immature , and also scared as well , if he wants to be there for the baby let him , but don’t give into him whatsoever, make him realize how much of a selfish asshole he is being. Once the baby arrives , he will have a change of heart for sure , sad for the both of you , that’s going to take some work if he truly wants to be with you , make him prove it to you

[Asker]

I've said that from the start. Once the baby is born, he's going to completely change his mind and heart. Once he actually looks into his child's eyes and holds them, he's going to realize what I was trying to say all along. That was what I was trying to explain as soon as this job situation came up. I told him it was absolutely insane to do that at such a vulnerable time when me and the baby REALLY need him with us. I re-explained how much work a newborn is. How important it is for BOTH parents to be there to share roles and also bond with the new baby. The last thing you want is for the baby to only know and trust one parent. That is exactly what will happen if he keeps this up. Our child will learn to only trust and know me because I'll be the one doing everything and taking care of them. I don't want that at all. That's a heartbreaking thought. Our child not knowing or trusting their own dad because he isn't there. That's horrible.

I will let him know updates with everything as I have been. I will let him know when it's time for the baby to be born and if he wants to be at the hospital, I'll let him. But he is definitely going to have to prove he's worthy of another chance. If he really is having some reconsiderations, he's going to have to prove to me I can trust him NOT to walk out on us again. A new baby is a lot. If he gets irritated or hasn't had much sleep, I don't want to have to worry he'll get mad and leave us again. He has to be willing to be patient and calm and has to be there for us.

[Finchie40]

Yea you have a right not to trust him whatsoever, so don’t fall for any of his nonsense , if he chooses to walk away again? File For child support

[Asker]

Exactly the plan. If he is trying to weasel back in right now and I allow another chance, he will be on thin ice. If he does anything like this again, he's out and going to court for child support. So hopefully he will choose wisely.

[Finchie40]

Yea more than likely he will step up and be a good father to his child whether you take him back or not. If he is willing to be a part of his child’s life , don’t stop him from doing so. I know most pregnant couples that break up tend to use the child as a weapon against each other and sadly , the kid is the one that gets’ damaged the most from it cuz they don’t know any better. So don’t be that person. If he chooses not to be in his child’s life then yes file for child support and move on

[kylee2437]

Once he actually gets a taste of how having a new born is, he’s going to want days off. Trust me on it. If he’s a new father, he’s just as nervous and has no clue what to expect. A lot of times, men need to be in the moment in order to completely feel it and understand it.

[Asker]

That's what I tried to explain to him. I told him once this baby is actually here and he sees first-hand all the stuff that goes into taking care of a newborn, he'll absolutely change his tune and see I was right and a couple days is not enough at all. He still ignored what I had to say and went with it anyhow. I get being nervous. I get it completely. But these are not helpful solutions. We need to be talking about our worries and nerves together.

[kylee2437]

@asker I understand your pain, but honestly girl the only way to not stress is by letting him to what he wants. Men need that sometimes. They need someone to let them do what they want, and then let them make up their mind later. I know it falls all onto the fact that clearly you are asking for help with the baby, and while I agree he should be there, sometimes the best thing you can do is let him learn on his own.

[kylee2437]

And I know this is going to sound annoying but honestly let him provide for the family also. There’s plenty of men cheating in this current stage of pregnancy and if finding a new job is all he is doing, girl you are very very lucky.

[Asker]

That's what I plan to do. I am just going to let him learn the hard way and see that it was not a wise decision later on when the baby is here.

[kylee2437]

@asker my friend and I used to have this convo all the time when she was pregnant and so many people told her that men tend to change once they actually have the baby in front of them. Us women already have natural maternal instincts that kick in as soon as the pregnancy test is positive, his paternal instincts will not kick in until he sees an actual baby. We have to remember, they aren’t the ones carrying the baby so it takes them a lot longer to catch onto reality

[Asker]

Very true. I think he is still not really grasping the reality involved of having this baby. Like how life will be and change once the baby truly is here, in our arms and not just in my belly. I think he's a bit unprepared and kind of freaking out about things, which is to be expected. I also have my moments. I am very nervous now that it is so close to time to deliver.

[Asker]

Update - now I'm even more disappointed in him and also more stressed. He literally decided to just say screw it and left us. We've been separated a couple weeks now and my due date is INSANELY close. I'm really sad he did this and these were both really bad decisions. I've just been trying to focus on me and the baby.

He has given me some indications lately that he may actually be starting to rethink things and he may end up trying to weasel back in and want another chance.

[Asker]

The best indication of that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He caught me off guard here recently when he texted randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work in the evening only. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or during the morning. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[DishLady]

You both should technically have the right to family leave. And if it's just you two -- no help from your parents, etc. -- then he should pitch in with this, at least for the first few months. Actually, a lot of guys do this now because when the baby arrives they need to bond with him/her as well.

[Asker]

That was the point I was trying to make. We will just have each other. So, why would he want to skip out on that and just leave ME to handle all the household stuff, plus my recovery and the baby?

[TonyMetal___86]

If it was me, i wouldn't miss a second, work can wait, this happens once 😌
Will i leave the creepy doctor alone with my wife, (if i was married) hell no! I wanna see everything , at the time of the delivery i'll be there, in the end the wife needs her husband only to be with her and no one else, she won't feel comfortable with all the crew around her and no one from her side!

[DishLady]

You need to talk to him again... he's not getting it... (Hang in there... sometimes the guy just needs an extra nudge to see your perspective.)

[Asker]

@TonyMetal___86 Exactly my point. I feel work is being put above me and our baby. I don't want him to quit forever and be a stay-at-home dad. I just want him to be with us when I will REALLY need him. I will need him during labor and in those first weeks more than ever. If he's going to get maybe a couple days at the most, that's not very much time. It makes me feel really neglected.

[TonyMetal___86]

It depends on what kind is his job, can he take days off as much as he wants or will they grant him a long vacation...

[Asker]

@TonyMetal___86 He will be brand new at this company and still in probationary period. They already said they don't even OFFER maternity/paternal leave. They just said to be nice, they could maybe see about offering a couple days off when the time comes. That is definitely not enough.

[TonyMetal___86]

In this case, i guess he needs a lot more than just couple of days, you both knows what's the best and what can or can't done, try to have a convo with him to see what can be done...

[Asker]

@TonyMetal___86 I have tried my best to reason with him and explain my concerns, but he just gets mad/annoyed when I do and argues he doesn't need time off.

[MzAsh]

You need to outline is parental responsibility and make sure he doesn’t skip out on them. I’d be seeing to it that he get PLENTY of alone time with the child.

[OlderAndWiser]

Has he offered an explanation?

[Asker]

No. He even told me he really didn't want this job, so that leaves me even more confused. Why do something you don't want to? I see no logic in that. I told him if he really wanted to try this job, why not just wait until after the baby is here? The offer would still be available. Now, he is guaranteeing he will not have proper time off with me and the baby and will no longer be able to attend the remaining appointments I have (that he was VERY insistent on attending).

He just got mad when I explained "a couple days max" was NOT enough time to adjust to being a new parent. He will be just as tired and sleep deprived as I will. Becoming a family is a new thing we should be adjusting to together as a team. I don't feel it's fair for me to have all the heavy duty stuff pushed off on me. I will have to be home, taking care of the household needs, trying to focus on my healing/recovery AND take care of the newborn all by myself. It is absolutely insane he changed so fast, right when the baby is about to come. It feels like he's trying to avoid the responsibility that comes with being a new parent.

[OlderAndWiser]

Perhaps he is freaking out about having responsibility for a helpless little human. What pregnancy means for you is different than what it means for him. Yes, his reaction makes your life more difficult but if he does what you want, perhaps his life will be more difficult. Is he independently wealthy?

[Asker]

I understand he may be in a panic. I am too. Our arrival day is extremely close and it's exciting, but also scary. I get that. Things are about to completely change. We had already talked about time off though. We talked about that once we planned to even have a baby. He said I could take off whenever I'd need to and then he'd take off about a weekish before my due date, then be off until it was safe for him to return. He was in full agreement of being there to help at home. Now, he does this... when the due date is so close. Especially after he told me he really didn't even want the job in the first place. Then why do it?

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe he is really scared and thinks he won’t know what to do to help you or to take care of the baby.

[Asker]

Well, he decided to walk out on us. We've been separated for a couple weeks now and my due date is extremely near. So, I'm really disappointed in his actions and behavior. I've tried to just do my best and focus on myself and the baby.

I just cannot believe he went from being so happy about being a dad and telling me he'd be by my side through it all and not allow anything to stop him from attending appointments and such to THIS.

I do have some suspicions that he may be trying to make a plot to weasel back in and ask for another chance, but I'm not completely sure.

[Asker]

The best indication of that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He caught me off guard here recently when he texted randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work in the evening only. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or during the morning. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[OlderAndWiser]

Seems to me that he has revealed his true colors, and they are not very pretty. Why would you ever consider giving him another chance after he has abandoned you when you need him most?

[Asker]

I am leaning more and more towards not. I was just wondering if he was attempting to make moves to get his foot back in the door so I can plan for that event. I'll want to make a safety plan for me and our child.

[OlderAndWiser]

I would guess that is his motive.

[Anonymous]

Honestly you have every right to be upset since 1. You are currently pregnant 2. You have a lot to worry about 3. A pregnancy is 9 months so it does feel like a rush to prepare & make you stressed about the new change / adjust.

However I don’t know his circumstances with the new job, why he left, and all that jazz from his perspective (not discrediting you or putting you down / not automatically siding with anyone also don’t tell me the details because it is best if I don’t). I think it was bad timing, poor execution, etc.

Now… With me, as long as he is off some days of the week and takes care of the baby when he gets home / before going to work it should be fine though doesn’t change your frustrations & disappointment which are valid feelings to have. Just try to compromise with what you got and know in your heart everything will be okay, still be mad / upset, just know everything will work out.

[Asker]

He does not see my view at all. We have SO little time left before the baby is born. He was all for staying home to help me as long as I was in need of assistance. We both already agreed we'd both be off work, then both go back to work once we were able to. It was part of the plan we made when originally planning to even have the baby.

I don't even know why he did this. It makes no sense. He told me a few times he did not like this company and did not want to take the job. Then why did he? It makes no sense at all to take a job you literally just said you didn't want. That's just going to lead to more issues because he'll be hating his job, miserable every single day. Why put yourself through that? It seems really pointless. I told him if he really did want to try this job, he could at least wait until after the baby was born. I said even just taking a couple weeks would be more fair. He'll be tired and sleep deprived just like me, so how is he supposed to adjust to a new, early job schedule on top of dealing with all the stuff involved with the baby's first weeks?

He also lied. He said if the company did not work with him as far as the baby goes, he'd never agree. Saying "we'll offer a couple days max" is NOT working with him. That's sad. "A couple days" is not enough. He should have 1-2 weeks minimum.

He is essentially trying to skip out on the major work in the baby's first weeks. He is pushing it all on ME. I will have to stay at home, take care of all the house stuff, try to focus on my own healing/recovery and take care of the baby... all on my own.

[Anonymous]

Hormones are playing a role here.
It does sound a bit like fear, demands and bullying on one side, and fear, defense and hiding on the other.
You both are facing a lot. He's scared too. Tell him more accurately how you feel. Are you terrified of screwing up and if he was there you could both work through those first couple weeks together, both giving ideas? At least until the baby falls into a first consistent pattern.
Tell him this way. Tell him how much his support means to you and less how his plans to hide at work are making you frustrated.
Lure more, demand less.
Be gentle and kind.

[Asker]

I know he's scared too. I brought that up. I told him we BOTH had a lot of fears and stresses because this is all new to both of us. We are first-time parents. We've never been through this. It's new territory. That's exactly why I want us going through it TOGETHER as a team. We agreed on that before. We agreed that we would do it together. He told me once the baby came, he'd be home to help me however long I needed the assistance. He wanted to attend all my appointments and has done great until now. With this new job (which is now official), he will not be able to attend any of my last appointments and will not get proper time off. When I had brought up the concern about time off, he told me not to worry because if that company chose not to offer him time, he'd just not take the offer. Well, they offered a couple days, and you still took it. So, how is that fair? That isn't enough time with a new baby.

He will be tired and sleep-deprived just like me. He will want to bond and have time with the baby just like me. That is only natural. A couple days simply is not enough for that. I'd love doing as you said - just work together as a team for those first weeks. Learn together and give each other solutions and suggestions. Instead, I will be left ALONE. I will have to try to maintain the house and focus on my healing/recovery process while also taking care of a newborn.

I told him how much it already had meant having him around. I told him he had been an amazing help to me and I appreciated how hands-on he already was. That apparently didn't matter. He still ignored my feelings and went through with this... even though he said he didn't even like the company or want to work there. That does not make any sense at all.

[Opinion Owner]

You creates this though. He chose to hide at work because you pushed him and he was already scared. He has to see home as a safe place. Right now he sees work as his safe space.

[Opinion Owner]

*created

[Asker]

I don't see how I pushed him. I disagreed with the job change because he himself said he didn't really want to do it and it went against everything we already agreed to before. It made me feel like he was just dodging responsibility.

[Opinion Owner]

I only mean to point out how we talk to and treat people we love when in stressful situations. I can't see him behaving this way, choosing a new job, if he wasn't feeling the need to hide away from home. He isn't nesting he's fleeing. You are sounding like you are up in his frill a lot for him to make a 180° change on his decisions.

I suggest you film the next conversation. Play it back and see if you would want yourself talking to you like you talk to him. Sometimes it takes this to see our tones etc. You know? This is just my thoughts on what you have shared

[Opinion Owner]

*grill (didn't typo check, and now the app won't let me see the second paragraph to check that. Apologies)

[Asker]

I'm pretty sad right now. He actually ended up leaving us. After yelling at me, blaming me for everything, he told me he was done with it all and wanted to leave. And he did. We've been separated for a couple weeks now. I've gotten over the initial shock and hurt as best as I can and I've been focusing on myself and the baby, especially since my due date is RIGHT around the corner.

I'm disappointed with his actions for sure, but I know they were HIS decisions. The job was his decision. He knew it would prevent him from having time off and he knew it would prevent him from coming to all the remaining pre-scheduled appointments we had made together. Leaving was also his choice. He got angry, blew up and walked out on us. I know that is all on him and I can't change his mind.

I have reason to believe he may be starting to rethink his decisions and may even be considering asking for another chance. I'm not completely sure though.

[Asker]

The best indication of that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked me if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He caught me off guard here recently when he texted randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work in the evening only. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or during the morning. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[SweetJoyGirl]

See, this is the shi that make men look bad.

Fck that. I dare another man to come near me. Talking about he loves me.

Girlllll, just listen to @dustybiker2 .

Don’t listen to the stuff I said that the top. I am only 22. LOOOL

I think it is just the mentality I have about guys in my age group. LOL

None of us are having children anyways. 🤪

But dusty is making sense, so rub some of her wisdom on you. 😌

[dustybiker2]

Love to you ❤️
I just try to be brutally fair and see both sides.

[SweetJoyGirl]

@dustybiker2 💜💜💜

[Asker]

It hurts me a lot. I tried to explain my view, but he failed to understand. He officially accepted the new job too, so it's official he will not be home with me and will not even be able to attend my last appointments (even though he always wanted to go to them). This action makes NO sense. He even told me he doesn't want to take this job. So, I'm just like well then wtf are you doing? Why are you doing it then? If you don't like it, why are you taking it? Like I am so confused by that logic. You don't want something, yet you're still doing it?

I even told him if he truly wanted to try it, he could always wait until after the baby is born. The offer would still be on the table and he'd be free to accept then. Nope. Chose to do it NOW, at the worst possible time.

He also lied to me. He told me I had no worries regarding time off with the baby. He said if that company didn't work with him on it, he'd just say no. Um... they offered a couple days max... and you STILL took it? A couple days is NOT enough. That's literally one day for the actual birth and then maybe the first day at home... IF I even get to go home after a day. There is no guarantee for how things will go. I may have to stay an extra day. No one knows how that will go until it's happening. Telling me he'd essentially not care and just leave me alone in the hospital also hurt. He said there'd be no point in being there because he's not a doctor or nurse, so he'd be useless. Um, no. You could be there for ME. Who would just want to leave their spouse/significant other in a hospital alone?

Me and the baby are the #1 thing he needs to be worrying about and focusing on right now... NOT a crappy job he doesn't even want that won't let him have time off. It makes me feel really sad and as if my feelings mean nothing to him.

[Alwayreckles93]

Your husband is selfish amd inconsiderate he needs to put you and the child firs! Men like your husband are the main reason why so many mothers end up with postpartum depression. It is very important he spends as much time with you. I'm sorry your Men is a men child. He is living in lala land.

[Alwayreckles93]

* unconsiderate my apologies I was angry while I was texting. Your husband upsets me. You deserve better. No respect for his wife what so ever.

[Asker]

Thank you for this. And you were right actually - it IS inconsiderate (at least in USA). It does make me really sad he thinks this way. He sees nothing I've said. He doesn't get where I'm coming from. When I say a newborn is A LOT of work, I mean it. They take a lot of time and energy. I will be trying to heal and he isn't planning on being there to help out. It feels very unfair. He doesn't get the reality of this situation at all. It feels like he is just trying to escape reality and responsibility and make ME do all the hard work alone.

[Asker]

Update - he actually ended up walking out on us. We got into it, he was really hateful to me and demanded separation. We've been apart for a couple weeks now. It really hurt me and shocked me. It was bad enough for him to take a job that literally prevented him from having time off with me and our new baby or from attending any of the remaining pre-scheduled appointments we had. Then, he has the nerve to LEAVE us. I have gotten over the initial shock and hurt the best I could. I've been trying to just focus on myself and the baby.

I'm very disappointed with him though. If he really cared like he said he did, he never would have done any of this. He wouldn't have taken that job or even considered it once he found out its details. And he certainly wouldn't have walked out on us.

I have my suspicions that he may be trying to work his way back in though. I'm not for sure yet, but I suspect that may be coming.

[Asker]

The best indication of that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He caught me off guard here recently when he texted randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work in the evening only. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or during the morning. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[Alwayreckles93]

What a coward I already hate him so much. He has the nerve. The first statement mad emergency so angry. What world does he think he lives in he is a father not so kid from high-school he needs to keep his crap together how dare he did that to you. Plus after having a baby you needed him his support. Yet is all oh how the appointment went. Wel he would know if he was present to see it with his two own eyes. My advice e keep your guard up , He might still like you and see you in a romantic way but still he needs to prove himself to you that you are not plying this childish games like he is. Even if it's his kid too. You make the choice how you want toraised your kid don't matter in what religion, culture you name it. This is just an example: If he comes up oh I want to raised the baby catholic and you decide not to raised your child in religious way the is your choice not his.
1. Who is the one that went threw pain in the hospital YOU!.

2. Who is the one scheduling doctors appointments You!
3. Who is the one making the work and research to look for a good pediatrician You!

4. Who is the on going threw sleepless nights to care for the child YOU!

5. Who is the making bottles and feeding the baby changing diapers, baths YOU!

My advice if his behaviors continues to be careless husband and father. Take his ask to court for child support. It's not fair you are raising your child on your own. You decide how you want to raised your child if he complims or doesn't like it. Always remind him of his childish immature crappy behavior the moments you needed him. I can't stand your husband. I already hate him.

[Asker]

Thank you very much. I'm extremely disappointed in his behavior for sure. Like you said, it's so childish. This is NOT a game. This is a real child we BOTH agreed to conceive! Now, when the time comes to actually welcome that child and start being PARENTS, what does he do? RUNS OUT!

First, it was the disrespect in taking that job KNOWING it would prevent him from having time off as well as attending all final appointments. THEN, he has the nerve to get angry at ME for being upset by it and decides to just leave us. But then he wants to check in and ask how the appointments go. WOW. If you cared, you'd still be by my side.

I am trying to just prepare for my child and just do me instead of worrying about him, but it's very disappointing he changed like this. He has a funny way of showing he's HAPPY about this baby.

[Asker]

And yes - I am doing everything on my own! I have dealt with the pregnancy issues that have came up (I had AWFUL morning sickness, backaches, ligament discomfort from the growing, etc.). He would not even rub my back for me on days it was extra sore. I am going to be the one BIRTHING this child. I am still maintaining my doctor's appointments and attending them without him. I am the one seeking out a pediatrician (I'm calling and interviewing some now and about ready to make my final choice). He has not taken part in any of that. He doesn't realize a baby will need to go to the doctor for regular check ups. I'll do all that too. He won't even know who the doctor is sadly.

I'll be the one up and down all night, calming the crying baby, changing diapers and doing feedings. That's exactly why I tried to explain the importance of him having time off with us after birth! The baby starts to gain and develop TRUST at this crucial stage. The baby is only going to know and trust ME and probably cry whenever he does try to interact because they won't know him. That's sad.

He definitely does need to man up and be mature. It ALL changes when you have a baby. We talked about this. He knew the responsibility of a child. I think he just realized it was all about to become a reality and freaked out and left. NOT the right decision at all! I hope he wises up and stops all this.

[Alwayreckles93]

What a disgusting useless men child. His behavior is unacceptable such disrespect against the mother's his child. I already want to punch him in the face. Hi stupid he freak out because he will noonger play vidoe games. You did not make this baby by yourself he agree and plan the pregnancy now what he is stupid useless. He is a huge stress and headache this men is making you more stress he no help at all. Oh I'm a dad. No Sir your a sperm donor that's all this guy is a sprem donor nothing else. Whatever you do make sure you filed for child support take his lazy ass to court. You will be a supr mom. He's a looser dad disgusting. I just can't believe it. He is more worry about his job instead of his wife ad child. Postpartum moms can not be left alone this men is stupid enough to not know you could go threw postpartum depression. Advice you get all the support from friends and family you can not be left alone because I know from experience I dealt with a similar experience I went threw postpartum depression. Sadly NO ONE talks about this things to the New mom's sadly. His acting this way can you imagine he will make excuses on the child's first birthday party. He should know better that he was support you and make you havea happy pregnancy it is not okay to make you upset especially during your pregnancy. He will regret this one day. He is acting this way careless once you go threw labor do not tell him. He doesn't deserve you your child. Wht are men so immature its what I don't get. He choose to make this baby with you no one frozen him. Oh I'm scare I'm going to be a dad I don't know what to do. Time goes by so fast before you know it that bay will be going to kindergarten in the next 6 years. Thus idiot is missing out precious moments ultrason, baby showers. I want to punch his face. What an idiot putting work first before his wife and child. Sick

[Alwayreckles93]

He should not make you angry it's not healthy for the baby. He should help you stay calm. My experience I got into an argument while I was expecting my son. Now my son was a crying baby. All your emotions your baby can feel them. People wonder why some babies cry a lot. Well someone was stupid enough that made the future mom angry and the baby felt the moms emotions. My son is two and he cries a lot all because someone made me so angry during pregnancy. His behavior is disgusting stupid. He should not be making you made you arein a vulnerable situation right now he should be putting all his attention into you. He should be helping you decoratethe nursery instead of his stupid vidoe games.

[Alwayreckles93]

What is wrong with men our generation? I always wonder why can't they grow up? Men chil that's what he I and a sperm donor. Later when your baby becomes a teenager this men better not request respect oh why doesn't my child speak to me. This men's actions it's what will lead him into the nursing home when he gets old. No dad wasn't there when I was born why should the child care for him when he gets old. I don't know the men but I for sure hate him. Disgusting behavior.

[Alwayreckles93]

*he is I apologize I was very angry when I read your statement .

[Asker]

I understand completely. It makes me really sad he'd willing add all this unnecessary extra stress onto me while I'm pregnant. I have BIG financial burdens now too because guess who never helped buy anything? We were waiting to have a baby shower. Well, of course the shower is off now. So I'm just staring at a baby registry that I have to fully pay for somehow because my child still needs their necessities. I have no idea how to make that happen. The stuff I did buy already? He won't let me have it. So I am literally starting from scratch and don't know how to do that because that cost adds up so fast.

[Asker]

Yelling at me during pregnancy is even worse. Not only does it upset me which is bad for the baby, but the baby HEARS the screaming! That baby is going to come out fearing their own dad! It's really sweet - the baby recognizes ME perfectly. I feel little kicks and stuff when I talk, sing, etc. and it warms my heart. I know they know my voice and it makes me so happy. I'd try to get him to do the same. I'd tell him it might sound silly, but talk to the belly because the baby hears you and it'll happen them learn your voice. He wouldn't. Or he'd make it into a mean joke and shout rude things at my belly then laugh and say it was a joke when I'd get upset and ask him not to do that.

He is just running because he knows now, he has to man up. He helped make this baby and now it can't be put off any longer because it's almost time for the baby to be introduced into the world. Pregnancy is supposed to be a really special time, but he has ruined a lot of my special moments. I've been making my OWN memories and doing my OWN stuff. That's sad too because once our child is older, they'll look at all I did and wonder why on earth their dad was never involved. Why wasn't he in any of the pictures? Why did he not write me notes too? Why did he not do anything like you did? Those will be really tough questions to answer, but I will answer them with age-appropriate honesty.

[Alwayreckles93]

What a f*** idiot son of a B***! He took your child stuff. He has no right at all. He must return baby items after all he is to stupid and immature to look after another human. Yes you must take his lazy ass to the court house demand child support it is not fair that you have to deal with his shit show ass. What a jack ass.

[Alwayreckles93]

It's very sweet and heart warming you sing and talk to your baby. I am sure you will be a great mom. This me has a lot of grown up to do. He acting like a sprem donor. It is not OK for him to speak to you in such disgusting manner. He doesn't deserve you or the child. Is he running because he will no longer be haile to play vidoe games? My goodness is his side of the family at least supporting you? This is not OK. Unacceptable. You shouldn't have to pay for everything he must return it back to you demanding to give you all your baby stuff after all why would he what to hoard baby items his a useless father. During pregnancy it's normal Tobe emotional. Yes you are absolutely right it's not healthy for you and baby to go threw this toxic men child's behavior. I'm sorry but this men sounds like his a narcissistic and toxic. What has his side of the family think of his disgusting toxic behavior?

[Jbear27]

Does it? It shows me Dr Love Brad is a 32 year old male. I don’t see the AI opinion. But I’ll take your word for it. But yeah that’s pretty selfish. I mean on one hand he has to work to provide. But it does sound like he is using work as a cop out to keep from doing any of the heavy lifting in the first few weeks. Not cool.

[Asker]

Hmm... must just show up to the asker's page. They've been doing these for awhile. They pop up on just about every question and they can be a little annoying lol

But yes, that is my point. Yes, the man should definitely work. I'm ok with the job switch... AFTER we've adjusted to the baby. What about all the exhaustion we'll BOTH feel? I don't want him to be up all night then have to drive into work and work while being sleep-deprived. It's best to wait and take a little time off to be with your new family. Adjusting to family life is a big change. He apparently thinks it's fine if I just handle all the heavy first few weeks load while he just goes on his merry way like nothing changed. Sorry, but a baby is a massive change. The mom does need support.

[Jbear27]

I agree. With postpartum depression being a far too real thing, it’s important to give your partner emotional and physical support and assistance. I had a coworker that did the same thing. I took two weeks off to help with my (now ex wife, but wife at the time) child. But I had a co-worker that chose to work through it and even slept in a different bedroom the first few weeks so his sleep wasn’t interrupted and I thought that was a cruel and selfish thing to do.

[Asker]

WOW! That is seriously awful! Sleeping in another room even? Man. That is really sad. That is exactly why I'm hurt by my guy's actions. It's like he is totally disregarding my needs and feelings. We don't know how labor, delivery or postpartum will go. No one does until they're there. He acts like I'll just pop the baby out and be up ready to run a marathon in a day and won't be needing any assistance. Don't we WISH it was that simple? lol The truth is it's NOT easy at all. The mom has to do a lot of recovering physically and will need her rest to heal. Yes, dad will also need breaks and naps. That's why you co-parent and do it together. That's the whole point. You are parents. You are a team. You adjust and build your new life with baby TOGETHER. You don't just leave one to do it all. I feel it is very unfair to me he expects me to heal and recover PLUS take care of a newborn on my own.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Is it possible that your boyfriend is thinking more from a financial angle? And he doesn't want to take much time off from work, because he's thinking that you guys are going to need every cent he earns after the baby comes?

Maybe not taking much time off is his way of trying to do what's best for you and the baby.

[Asker]

He already agreed to be off and help me at home as long as I needed him to. We planned for the baby, so we already knew the expenses involved INCLUDING time off for him since his may not be paid like mine. I really don't see any reason for this. Why take this job NOW when the due date is so close, knowing they won't allow you proper time off with the baby? I don't get it.

[worldscolide]

It's valid. But can he afford the lost income. In most places in the US, there is no guarantee of paternity leave. And if there is, it's company specific. My company offers one week. Most places where I'm from offer nothing unless they use vacation time or are willing to take unpaid leave.

[Asker]

1-2 weeks is way better than a couple days at most. I know around here, we have some companies that offer 4-6 weeks for moms and dads. It depends strongly on the company.

[worldscolide]

That's good and there is no excuse for him not to take some time.

[Asker]

No, there isn't. It's like he purposely chose a job that would not offer time off. I don't understand why he would want that.

[worldscolide]

Dunno.

[Jersey2]

My first child I had 1.5 days off. I asked for another day and they mocked me.

That said, you need to make sure he bonds with the baby. He has to hold the baby early on to bond. This is important.

Can you get an older woman to help such as your mother, his mother?

[Asker]

I tried to explain the importance of bonding. That was my main reason for NOT agreeing with the job. It literally prevented him from having time off, which would really hurt bonding for him. It also prevented him from attending all the last appointments we had already pre-scheduled together. I tried to tell him I should NOT be the only one bonding with the baby. I tried to explain it was very crucial for us BOTH to bond with the baby and take turns doing things so the baby would know and trust BOTH of us, not just me.

Getting help from his mom was going to be impossible because she's permanently disabled and has no business trying to care for a baby or any child. My mom does not live overly close, so I'm not sure if she'd be able to come and stay temporarily.

I guess it doesn't matter now because he ended up LEAVING us to make matters worse. I'm so afraid this baby is just going to end up not knowing him or even worse, being afraid of him. I'm really disappointed by his actions and behaviors. I've been trying to just focus on myself and the baby.

I do have reason to suspect he may be having second thoughts regarding his actions/decisions and may even be considering asking for us to get back together. I'm not 100% sure on that, but some of his recent behaviors is kind of indicating a shift back to "caring".

[Asker]

The best indication of that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He caught me off guard here recently when he texted randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work in the evening only. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or during the morning. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[the29thhuman]

But that’s what guys do. They prioritize their job over things that can’t be replaced or gotten back.
I’d get out while you can. If he wants to work then he can and u won’t have to be let down daily getting depression and anxiety. Pregnancy is a sensitive time and it’s when we evaluate our surroundings most. Guys don’t get that. That’s fine, but they shouldn’t defensive over something they don’t understand.


He’s a coward not thinking of you or the baby

[the29thhuman]

It’s not our responsibility to keep everything together.

[Asker]

Thank you. This is absolutely true. I feel like he is NOT seeing things from my perspective AT ALL, even though I've tried to explain it. Despite me talking to him and trying to get him to understand my point, he just got angry, disagreed and did it anyway. And even worse? The new job is now confirmed. He seriously got it. So, he will be missing ALL my final appointments (even though he has been extremely insistent on going to them until now) and I will be taking care of a newborn ALONE while trying to heal since he won't be getting proper time off. I tried several times to tell him it was wrong and he wasn't understanding my perspective. He said I was the one not understanding HIS perspective and he was doing whatever he wanted. It made me feel like what I said had absolutely NO impact and he did not care about me or our baby. Being there for those first few weeks is crucial. WE need to work together as new parents to get our baby on a routine and adjust to our life as a new family. He doesn't seem to get that at all. I even told him I'd support the job change AFTER the baby was here. I told him doing it NOW is senseless not to mention really insensitive. He just got mad, disagreed and left for the whole night.

[the29thhuman]

Unfortunately you won’t be able to reason with him. You aren’t being selfish, you’re growing a baby.

[Asker]

Thank you for understanding that. I am very upset and stressed. The due date is so close now and now I am learning I will be taking care of a newborn AND trying to maintain the house as well as my own recovery on my own.

[the29thhuman]

Yes it’s a lot. But what u do have control over is taking big deep breathes and being kind and loving to yourself and your nervous system. Keep going to your appointments and check ups, take your vitamins and hydrate :) walking is good for the spine which is always under pressure :)

[Asker]

Well, he decided to just walk out on us. We've been separated for a couple weeks now and my due date is RIGHT around the corner. I'm very disappointed by his actions and behavior. I've just been focusing on myself and the baby though.

I kind of feel like he may be having second thoughts and he might even be considering asking for another chance. I'm not sure about that completely though.

[Asker]

The best indication of that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He caught me off guard here recently when he texted randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work in the evening only. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or during the morning. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[the29thhuman]

He may come back and say this and that. But walking out on your pregnant partner is unacceptable without forgiveness. Otherwise you’ll teach him it’s okay to keep doing this.
Oddly, him leaving may help things during your early days.
I recommend cooking lots, a month of basic dinners and lunches you can microwave or crockpot! You’ll be tired and need all ur energy Momma!

Don’t put his name on the birth certificate.

[the29thhuman]

You can also buy lots of large large period pads as you’ll be bleeding for 6-8 weeks and can’t have a bath 🛁 (showers are fine). Also u can freeze a pad after it’s got water on it! It helps for any peri pain!!

[Pohjolan]

Firstly you chose this. Secondly its natural to be upset about it.

The stoneage version of you would likely have become saber tooth lunch but society has advanced beyond this. Your body just doesn't know this.

Maybe one of your or his parents can move in for a while?

[Asker]

His parents are both in really bad health and cannot take care of a newborn. My parents live too far away. So yeah, I don't have that luxury.

[D_Bone_Steak]

What about money? 2 weeks off is a lot of money just gone.

Makes me wonder if cave people couldn't go hunt, because she wants him there for 2 weeks.

You'll be fine... at least he's working.

[Asker]

Who says it's unpaid? Who says there's no savings? MY leave is all paid. So, there's that coming in too.

He can keep on working. I'll be going back when I am able as well. The point is, he agreed to be off with me after the baby arrives. He said he wanted to so he could be there to help care for me and the baby. He's been looking forward to being home for a bit so we can all bond together as a new family. So, I'm really not sure why he'd take a job that offers nothing for leave. They'd give a max of a couple unpaid days. Wow. THAT does nothing. And it's money lost on his end. Very stupid decision... especially when he said he didn't even want that job.

[Anonymous]

I think you want him to ask you to be his wife, is the real problem. You want him to step up like a husband, but you don't have it on paper. It's a don't want a bastard issue. He won't man up and be a father or man up and marry you. Truth hurts. He needs a swift kick in the ass.

[Opinion Owner]

If he doesn't recognize what he's done, he's not worthy of being either. Fuck that sperm donor

[Asker]

Thank you for the harsh, yet true, input. I know this isn't right. It isn't right at all. And even worse? He seriously went through with it and GOT the new job. I even asked if he'd just WAIT and secure a spot for later, after the baby is born. He refused. He is literally just trying to skip out on all the responsibility of a new parent. He won't be going to any of my final appointments (even though he has been very insistent on going to them) because they all fall during this new job's work hours. It'll be impossible for him to attend. Then as I've already mentioned - screw it when the baby comes home. I will be ALONE, trying to heal and also care for a newborn because he won't be home. That feels incredibly insulting and hurtful.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sure you've already expressed that you need him there. Hopefully, you have help from friends and family. Grats by the way on the new baby. The love you will feel will surpass any love you've ever known. Maybe that will be his wake up call.

[Asker]

Thank you very much. I think once the baby is here, he will definitely open his eyes and realize just how demanding a baby is.

[Asker]

He needs that swift kick in the bum even more now - he's decided to just walk out on us. We've been separated for a couple weeks now. VERY hurtful and added additional stress, but I've been trying to just focus on myself and my baby and not focus so much on my disappointment in his behavior. This was really unnecessary. No way should he have done any of this. He shouldn't have taken a job like that and he definitely shouldn't have left us. But, that was all HIS decision. I had no part in that.

I do have my suspicions that he may end up trying to come back though.

[Asker]

My main reasoning for thinking that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He caught me off guard here recently when he texted randomly from work in the morning. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work in the evening only. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work or during the morning. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[MicahRaine]

Well for starters, y'all should have talked about this before having intercourse.

Really nothing else needs to be said, but also maybe he can't afford to take time off?

[Asker]

We did discuss this. We talked about all the details before deciding we were ready to have a baby. Once we decided it was the right time, we went for it and were blessed to have a quick positive test. We've both been very excited about it. In the beginning, yes. He was on board and looking forward to staying with me while we build our new little family. He was fine with staying home for a few weeks while we adjusted to help me and also take his turn caring for and bonding with the baby.

Now, all of a sudden, it's changed. He is being mean and downright rude and is not wanting to be off at all once the baby is here. It makes no sense. Most guys are excited to become dads and happy to help take care of their baby. Most dads wish they had more time off available and got an equal amount to the moms. I agree it should be equal for moms AND dads because each are important and each need adequate time to be there for their new baby.

I just wish he understood my point with this and seen how beneficial he was to me.

[the29thhuman]

Get it in ink next time before sex.

[Peridot25]

To be honest, I truly think he doesn’t want to be a dad. Yes he said he does but he saw the hardships of being a parent and wants out. I would ask if he truly wants to be a dad and wants to be with you.

[Asker]

It makes sense. It's sad, but it makes sense. I mean I get being nervous. I know it's new territory and totally scary. Now that it is so close, I understand freaking out. But how do you think I feel? I'm about to HAVE a baby. I will be going through labor and delivery for the first time. I will definitely need his love and support more than ever. Once we come home, I will need help with the baby AND household things. It is a lot of work and responsibility. It is definitely not a "fun" thing. Parenthood is A LOT of hard work, but it is so worth it. I personally cannot wait to meet my baby and start being a parent. I look forward to doing so much, especially once they are older and can do even more. It will be a lot of fun. Yes, there will be hard times, but that comes with the territory and is all part of the journey.

[Peridot25]

@Asker Looks like you’ll be doing this alone.

[Peridot25]

Hate to say it but that’s where it’s headed. You tried talking to him but doesn’t seem like he cares.

[Asker]

I know. And that's really sad. But it's on him. He is making this decision, not me.

[Peridot25]

Do you have a backup plan in case the baby comes and he’s not around?

[Asker]

I'm trying to come up with the best plan for that. I will absolutely be seeking child support. He STILL owes for this child. Like it or not, he's going to pay for the next 18 years.

[Peridot25]

When was the last time you talked to him?

[Peridot25]

Any updates?

[Asker]

It's been 4 days since we last spoke. He's been gone, not having any contact.

[Peridot25]

Yeah, he’s done. He’s been done since he started the job.

[Peridot25]

If it’s been 4 days with no contact with you, he’s no longer your boyfriend.

[Peridot25]

If you want and if he hasn’t blocked you, send him one last goodbye message and go from there.

[Asker]

I haven't tried to speak to him. I felt that was up to him. I don't think I'm blocked, but I am stuck with ALL his crap. He didn't clean anything out or take anything. He just left to stay elsewhere for awhile and hasn't talked to me.

[Peridot25]

I say tell him don’t bother coming back and you can do this without him.

[Peridot25]

I mean that’s practically what he’s teaching you anyway.

[Asker]

As an update, he did end up walking out on us. He got super mad, yelled at me and said he wanted us to separate. It was really hard and hurtful. I have gotten over the initial hurt and shock as best as I could. Now, I've just been focusing on myself and the baby. I can't believe he'd just skip out like this. WAY different than how he was in the beginning. In the beginning, he was so happy to be a dad. He always said he'd be there for us 100%. He said he'd never miss a single appointment and he'd absolutely be there when it came time to give birth, so I'd have nothing to worry about because he'd be by my side through it all. He has a very funny way of showing that.

I kind of think that he really did just go into panic mode a bit. I think he was more chill back when the due date wasn't all that close. I think as the due date got closer and closer, he started to get more and more freaked out. I think he started to realize all the responsibility that was about to be handed to him. I think he realized how much his life was about to change and started to think about all the things a newborn brings to the table. I think it freaked him out. And I think that's why he took that job, knowing it'd prevent him from having time off with us and block him from attending any of our pre-scheduled final appointments and I think that's why he blew up on me like he did and left. He took all his fears and worries out on ME in the form of anger and he ran. VERY bad decision, but it was HIS choice.

[Asker]

He will also add that he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates and stuff. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him. He has even used manners with me and said thank you whenever I've given him updates and stuff.

He really surprised me recently when he actually texted randomly from work. He's never done that since we separated and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens either. Since the separation, he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is a positive indication that he'll want to eventually get back together or not. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[Peridot25]

That’s really heartbreaking. You’re better off without him. He should’ve known that babies aren’t all sunshine and rainbows when raising them. It takes work. I mean, everyone should know that. That’s why people should think REALLY hard when it comes to having kids. Of course it’s clear that never occurred to him.

[Peridot25]

He’ll get his Karma for treating you that way. It may not look it now but it’ll happen.

[Asker]

It is really sad he ended up being this way. When we talked about having a baby, I made sure to remind him it was not exactly a cake walk. I told him it came with a lot of responsibility. He said he knew that and was up for it if I was. Yeah, right.

That was the whole reason I was upset about him taking that job to begin with. It was literally preventing him from having time off and would not allow him to attend any of our appointments we already had scheduled. It felt incredibly insulting. I had no idea why he'd do that or even consider that. It just felt like he was abandoning us and avoiding responsibility.

Leaving us was the real kicker. That just proved to me how little he cared. If he cared, he'd never have done any of this. He wouldn't consider a job like that and he wouldn't walk out on his family.

When he was disappointed he couldn't go with me due to the job, it was very hard to be like "well, I told you not to do it. What did you expect? You KNEW what this job would do yet you still took it. THAT'S on you. Don't try to act all disappointed."

But I was civil and didn't say anything. I'm now left with a lot of worries as my delivery date quickly approaches. What is going to happen when I go into labor? Do I even tell him right away? He wanted to be the one in the delivery room with me and I wanted that too. I wouldn't have dreamed of anyone else being there with me. Everyone else wanting to be there could wait in the waiting room. But I of course wanted my PARTNER and the baby's dad with ME.

Now, I don't even know if he'd want to be in there with me. It feels like it'd be awful awkward to have your ex boyfriend in there even if he is the dad. I mean how's he going to comfort me? Yeah... I'm sure he'll be real willing to rub my back and stuff. Not.

I know things can change, but I just don't know. I'm not sure what to think about the texting business either.

[Peridot25]

Well, I hope he’s happy for what he did. Of course I mean that sarcastically.
I give him points for realizing that babies are a lot of work. But, he loses points for walking out like that. If he wanted that job, fine. But, he should’ve waited AFTER you recovered.
What’s his relationship with his family like? Is he close with them and are they aware of what he did?

[Anonymous]

If you are in your late twenties. And you are having his baby. Without him putting a ring on your finger. With what he did with changing jobs, He probably isn’t the great guy that you took risk of getting pregnant with!

[kylee2437]

If all he is doing is changing jobs during her pregnancy, I’d consider him to be a great guy. There’s guys doing worse and holding no job at the same time.

[SotiCoto]

You're not going to stop feeling the way you feel just because some strangers on the Internet told you that your feelings were invalid, are you? So why even ask?

[exitseven]

Get an attorney and ha ve a plan in case this guybails on you

[Asker]

I get the feeling he already DID bail by the way he's acting sadly. I guess I will just get him for child support and that'll be that. He HAS to pay still until this kid is 18, so that's his problem.

[Asker]

Well, update - I was right. He did freaking bail. He got mad, yelled at me/blamed me for a bunch of crap then left us. So yep. He's gone. That was a horrible feeling and really hurt me a lot, but I've gotten over the initial shock and hurt the best I could. I've been focusing on myself and the baby and trying to remind myself that I did NOT do anything to deserve this and HE is the one who made a couple really bad decisions (first that damn job that prevented him from having time or attending any final appointments and second, LEAVING US!).

I've kind of got the feeling that he is going to try to weasel back in and want a second chance... but I'm not sure. Just some of the stuff that's happened since we've been apart is kind of hinting at that.

[Asker]

The best indication of that is he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates and stuff. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job. He originally asked if he could come with me, then when I reminded him of what time it was, he seemed really disappointed and said he'd have to miss it because he'd be at work. I felt like saying "yeah... NO KIDDING. That's why you never should have took that job"... but I didn't. I was civil and didn't day anything

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him.

He really caught me off guard recently when he texted randomly from work. He's never done that since we separated, and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens. Since the separation he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that he'll want to eventually get back together. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[EmmaMary]

I'm sure I've seen this very question several times before. smh

[HelpfulWoman]

rippp. well you chose the wrong man to make a baby with. shame for the kid

[andreasderjuengere]

A week or even two will fly by like nothing.

It will not make any change.

What's left is the symbolic action that you wish to see.

[Anonymous]

That seems normal, I haven't got kids and probably won't have any

Men don't get time off and even if they are offered it they can't exactly afford to take it

[Asker]

I know most jobs do offer at least SOME time off (even unpaid) and many will be happy to allow you to cash in your vacation hours if you have them. My job lets mom AND dad have several paid weeks off after delivery, then there are several additional options available for both. Yes, mom tends to get more than dad, but only because she is actually HAVING the baby and needs to physically recover. Some jobs may require a longer sit-out time than others. Just depends on what mama does for a living.

It is up to you whether you choose to have kids or not. It's absolutely fine if you choose not to. WE chose to have one together. We both wanted it and agreed to it. In the beginning, he was all for staying home with me and the baby for a bit so we could all adjust as a family. Now that I am about ready to have the baby, he's ready to jump ship and essentially leave ME with all the main hardships/tasks associated with the very first few weeks a baby is home. To me, that is very unfair and inconsiderate.

[Opinion Owner]

Women get 9 months but men get nothing here

It's a compromise and I'm sure if he quits his job to stay with you, you'd run for the hills

I'm not having kids because of the chronic global overpopulation issues, the act of breeding would almost certainly kill me and my filthy corrupted rotten genes don't deserve to be perpetuated

[Asker]

9 months off? NOPE! Totally wrong! A lot of women work up until their due date. Then they are typically entitled to 6-12 weeks off for healing, possibly more depending on where they live and work (you can sometimes get short or long-term disability if you've had complications). Some women DO have to go out a little sooner, depending on their job and how their pregnancy is. NO ONE just get the entire 9 months off unless they don't work lol

[Opinion Owner]

9 months post is common here
Pre is individually set but often the last trimester
Isn't a matriarchal socialist society great like a beehive the queen does the least and the drones are disposable once they are done breeding and the workers just pay for everything via taxes

[Asker]

It is definitely not common here. We definitely don't get 9 months off unless we had some kind of approval for long-term disability.

I don't view him as disposable at all. I WANT him home with me for a bit so we can both adjust together.

[Opinion Owner]

He can't afford it, having a kid is the second most expensive thing you can do after buying a house, it's like $10k a year per child

[Asker]

That's why you plan for it like we have. Babies are expensive. LIFE is expensive.

[Opinion Owner]

Minimum wage alone is about a million across a lifetime
Let alone earning more per hour, working overtime or not taking time off
Add the prospects of winning money, investment growth or inheritance to that and it could pull up to millions

[Asker]

I don't know where you're from or what your costs of living are, but I know here, most states (I'm in the USA) have pretty crappy minimum wages. Rentals will be like $700-$800 just for a 1-bedroom and over a $1,100 a month for 2+ bedrooms. A lot of renters make the tenants pay all the utilities too (not just their personal services or trash - the city water if applicable and stuff too). Back in the day, you'd fine CHEAP rentals for a couple hundred bucks and many renters INCLUDED costs like water and trash into your monthly rent, then you just paid your electric, services like cable, etc. These days, it's hard to find a place to rent that has stuff included. They want deposit fees, application fees, if they allow pets there's often non-refundable one time fees PLUS monthly fees per pet... it's crazy. Anything to jack up the cost. Yet, the minimum wage in most areas is less than $15/hr. People struggle hard trying to find a place and get by with basic needs. Then BUYING a house is a real nightmare. Most houses are over-priced and not worth their cost. They expect a ton for a down-payment. Then you have a mortgage plus the insurance and property payment you pay each year. It's a crazy world

[Opinion Owner]

Here a month's rent and costs are 2k for a one bed/studio
Those cheap rentals were in the days before the elites decided to ban letting the common folk own property

$15 an hour, I could dream here it's 11 but personal I'm making less than 5 but cope with double hours and being debt-free

They will ban all asset ownership in the end

[Asker]

Debt-free is wonderful. I too and debt-free and very thankful. Minimum wage varies here. SOME bigger states are like $15-$16, but a lot of them are in the $10-$12 range. Some are less than $10 still. The cost of groceries, gas, rent... it makes everything so hard.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I don't even know how I balance it, I guess not paying tax helps massively

[Asker]

Yes it would. Taxes are brutal. SUCH a screw job!

[KelsoAlexander]

Whats the job and why is he taking it? Also do you not have family that lives close to you guys that would be willing to help out?

[Asker]

I don't know why he is taking it. I asked that so many times. He's told me he doesn't even like the company and didn't want to do it, yet he was doing it anyhow. That made zero sense to me. If you don't like the company and don't want to work for them, what the hell are you doing? I told him if he REALLY did want to try it, why not just wait until the baby is here and we've adjusted? No sense in doing it NOW when that means he'll miss all the final doctor appointments (that he demanded to be a part of) AND prevent him from having time off with me and the baby. He'll basically be there for the birth then maybe a day at home and that's it. That is NOT enough at all. He told me I didn't have to worry when I mentioned the concern of him not getting time off. He said if that company would not work with him on that, he'd walk away and not take the offer. Um, they offer "a couple days" and you still took it. So, that was a lie. He never believed that before. Originally, he said he'd never let anyone - even a job, prevent him from taking care of me as long as I needed assistance or helping with the baby. He said he would just put in his 2 weeks and find new work if they weren't accommodating. Well, that sure changed at the last second.

[Asker]

And no. No local family to come over.

[KelsoAlexander]

how much are they paying him? cuz thats the only reason i can see him doing a job he's not fond of. Also is there any chance that some one like your mom or his come stay with y'all for the two weeks needed?

[Asker]

His mom is permanently disabled, so she cannot care for a baby, especially a newborn. My mom does not live very close and I don't know if she'd be able or willing to travel and stay a bit. The pay is NOT that impressive really. Other jobs pay the same or more around here, so it's not like they're offering $30/hr or something.

[HH1488]

Valid? No you are stupid. Someone has to pay the bills idiot.

[Asker]

Does your brain work? How do you know we can't pay our bills? We PLANNED this baby. We KNOW what it involves. He's told me he'd never miss those days and if a job refused him time off, he'd just not take it. He told me with this new job, I didn't have to worry because that still held true. He said if they didn't give him fair time off for me and the baby, he'd decline it. Well, that was a BS lie. A couple days is NOT enough for a new baby. At all. We each need time to adjust to the new life with a baby. He'll be tired and sleep-deprived just like me. It's foolish, selfish and inconsiderate to make a decision like this at this time.

[WhitneySnow]

You are totally justified in being mad

[kareka]

Ohhh sorryyy!!! U were with a player...
So sad for it..
a lot of girls got in this trap

[Kelley1]

He is right so stop complaining.

[Asker]

Um no. He's not. You're 19. You know NOTHING about parenthood... at all. Do you realize all that goes into giving birth? Do you know all the changes that are occurring? Do you know how HARD it is to have a newborn? The first few weeks are so challenging, but so worth it. The dad needs just as much time as the mom. HE is the father and he needs to live up to his role.

[Kelley1]

Yes, I do. I have babysit before. It is easy. If you are giving birth, you are in the hospital and they take care of you so your husband would do nothing except be company.

[Asker]

You are just babysitting for a short time. You are not LIVING with a newborn child 24/7. Yes, the hospital nurses and doctors will deliver your baby. BUT birthing classes even teach you that the partner also plays a major role. They can help you during early labor in many ways. If I had to be in the hospital longer than the standard time, there would be no excuse for him to refuse to stay. Sure, he could leave and come back, but making work a priority is wrong. Me and the baby should be his #1 concern... work and everything else should come second. Taking a new job that doesn't allow proper time off is BS. A couple days is not even for new parents to adjust at all. The man needs at least a week or two. He even told me if they didn't offer good time, he'd say no. He lied. They offer "maybe a couple days max", yet he still accepted. That is doing nothing but leaving ME to do all the hard work in the first few weeks alone. Caring for myself (with healing/recovery), taking care of household needs AND taking care of a newborn? That is not right or fair. Dad needs to be there too. He will also be just as tired and sleep deprived as I will be. So, it's pretty stupid for him to do this.

[Kelley1]

Taking care of a baby is so easy. If the baby is crying change its diaper or feed it. Otherwise, it is sleeping. You don't need to vacuum every and it only takes an hour anyway. And, it only takes an hour or two to cook and clean dishes. Most of the day you can lay around watching TV.

[Asker]

Every baby is different. Ever hear of colic? Babies don't just cry because they are hungry or need changed. Some babies also have their days and nights mixed up. That is a whole new challenge to adjust to and change. How do you know the size of my home and how long routine cleaning takes? Oh right, you don't. Do you also know how healing from birth can be? If I have a c-section, I won't be ABLE to "get up and do stuff" for awhile. Even from vaginal births, it takes time. Depending on if you tear (and how bad), you can be really sore for awhile. Even just using the bathroom is painful/uncomfortable. Obviously, he can't use the toilet for me, but the point is, you're not seeing the whole picture at all. Healing from childbirth takes a lot. Postpartum depression is also very real. I pray I do NOT develop that, but no one knows those things.

[Peridot25]

@Kelley1 It’s funny you say that because you’re not a parent. Babysitting for a few hours and being a parent for 18 plus years are not the same.

[Peridot25]

And the parents you babysit for do all the work to raise their kids. You don’t.

[Asker]

@Peridot25 Exactly. This kid is CLUELESS. Wait until she has kids one day. Then she'll see!

[impalabill77]

Yes you are, you are very valid.

[RedInnocent69]

Yes. Parental leave is important for both genders.

[jahaims]

Should have chose a better guy

[Peridot25]

Are you fucking for real? Then why did he say he was excited to be a dad? No non normal man would say that.

[Asker]

@Peridot25 I don't get it either. He's always said how excited and happy he is but yet he isn't wanting to secure any time off to be with me and the baby now.

[Peridot25]

@Asker I get being a first time parent is stressful for both parties. But, no normal person would do what your boyfriend is doing. Yes, you need money, but your boyfriend basically just bailed on you when you need help the most. You won’t be able to do much because you’ll be healing.

[Asker]

@Peridot25 Exactly what I said. I made that point. I told him I was needing him more than ever, yet he was making this plan to secure a job that REFUSED time off? Wow. He said I had no reason to be mad. Yes I do. It's not right. I will be healing and recovering from delivering HIS child. AND I will have to take care of that child and the house. Why can't he help?

[Peridot25]

@Asker Ask him if he truly wants to be a dad.

[Asker]

@Peridot25 It makes me wonder if he even wants to be with me and our soon-to-be family. He SAID he did. He said he'd never want anyone else to have a baby with and says how good I am and how happy he is to have a baby, but then all this happens.

[war_daddy]

why are you such a whiner? it's just a baby.

[Asker]

Wow, your brain cells don't work very well, do they? A baby is a lot of work. We both agreed to having the baby. He has just as much responsibility here as I do. HE is the father. He needs to live up to that role. THIS is not living up to that. He's literally bailing out at the last minute to avoid the prime responsibilities involved with a newborn's first weeks. That's sad. It is also very disrespectful to me. He told me from the start he'd never miss those days and wouldn't let a job keep him from me and the baby. Well, he sure is now. It's rude and BS.

[war_daddy]

you're the woman. the baby is YOUR JOB

[Asker]

What an as*hole you are. It takes TWO to MAKE the baby. It is just as much HIS job as it is MINE.

[war_daddy]

you're not a real woman

[Asker]

lol I am. I have a real, functioning vagina. I am a female. I just have brain cells. It takes two to tango, so DADDY needs to main the hell up and help take care of his baby.

[war_daddy]

only dumbass useless women say man the hell up

[Asker]

Well, he needs to because that isn't right. Only ignorant, BOYS make comments like you. REAL MEN do not.

[war_daddy]

dumbass women also call men boys. you're a cliche

[Asker]

You're clearly a troll.

[war_daddy]

it's funny cuz I'm not. you're just a whiny loser

[Asker]

Nope, but whatever helps you sleep at night.

[war_daddy]

you're a pathetic excuse for a "woman"

[Asker]

And you are a pathetic excuse for a "man".

[war_daddy]

lol I don't listen to losers

[Asker]

Well, you're sure content with responding.

[war_daddy]

fine. fuck you very much

[Asker]

And f*ck you as well.

[Anonymous]

Are you guys broke?

[Asker]

No. We talked about all this before we agreed to have a baby. We agreed we'd BOTH be taking time off to care for the baby after. I also have PAID time off with my company for maternity leave, so no. We aren't poor without money coming in.

[Opinion Owner]

he's having second thoughts and he doesn’t want to have to deal with the crying, he’s using work as an excuse

[Asker]

As an update, he seriously did end up walking out on us. We've been separated a couple weeks now. It's been really hard, but I've gotten over the initial shock and hurt the best I could. I've been focusing on myself and the baby. I was definitely NOT expecting him to literally walk out on us and demand a separation. It left a lot of extra stresses and obligations on me that I was not counting on, but I've been doing the best I can.

I think you're right. I think he went into full-on panic mode. I think he was a lot more chill and on board when the due date was not very close. I think as the due date got closer and closer, he started to panic and freak out more and more. Eventually, all that bubbled over. He took all that stress and panic out on ME in the form of anger because it likely felt easier than actually admitting he was afraid/worried. He took the job as an escape route. He left us to avoid responsibility and avoid having to admit he made the wrong decision.

Well, now he's made two wrong decisions. That stupid job that prevented him from having time off or going to any final appointments AND leaving me/walking out on his family.

[Asker]

I will also add that he has texted me since we've been apart. He's checked in to ask how the baby is doing and has asked about the appointments. So, he does indeed remember the dates and stuff. He even seemed a little disappointed at one point when he realized he wouldn't be able to go with me because of the hours with that new job he took. He asked if he could come, I said yes, but reminded him of the time, then he seemed disappointed when he realized he couldn't go because of that job.

He hasn't mentioned anything about us or what happened. He has been brief and civil. I've done the same. I haven't told him I miss him, even though I do. I haven't mentioned us or anything that went down. I've just given him updates and remained civil and brief with him. He has even used manners with me and said thank you whenever I've given him updates and stuff.

He really surprised me recently when he actually texted randomly from work. He's never done that since we separated and it wasn't even an appointment day. That never happens either. Since the separation, he would only reach out ON appointment days, after work. He'd never reach out on non-appointment days and he'd never text from work. He asked about the baby and then asked me to let him know how the upcoming appointment goes.

I'm wondering if this is a positive indication that he'll want to eventually get back together or not. What would you think? I'm wondering if he's kind of using the baby excuse as a free and easy way to contact me without having to admit anything yet (like he misses me, knows he was wrong/made a bad decision, etc.). I don't know though.

I'm definitely keeping my guard UP. If he does want another chance, I'm not sure I'd even give it to him honestly. He really hurt me a lot with all this.

[Opinion Owner]

He’s trying to get his foot back in to see about his baby. But whatever you do, get full custody of your baby please!!! The same exact thing happened to my sister, he walked out first, then after he saw the baby fell in love, KIDNAPPED THE BABY, and since my mom didn’t file for sole custody of the baby he was legally allowed to keep the baby. You don’t want to deal with that trauma. He seems unreliable. Protect you and your baby first. You’re fragile in this moment, you just had your baby. And when you file for sole custody maybe that might click in his head like wait I want my family back. But still you keep sole custody until he PROVES himself to you

[Opinion Owner]

**since my sister didn’t file for sole custody even though she was a single mom

[Asker]

If it comes to court, YES, I absolutely will seek full custody. I actually have one heck of a list of things I've documented against him (examples of anger issues, problems he's had, examples of his immature ways, all the missed appointments, the lack of support, all the lack of taking part in being a dad since I've paid for ALL needs related to this baby, etc.). I also live in a state that is very mom-friendly. If you are unmarried, the mom 100% gets custody automatically unless she's REALLY bad (like drugged up or something). The dad tends to have zero chance in getting full custody. At best, he can try for shared custody, but most of those cases end up in supervised visitation only, so he'll never be allowed to be one-on-one with his child. It seems harsh, but I do understand why we have these laws in place in this state. When a dad is acting like this and shows no interest and does not pitch in, why should he get custody? That isn't best for the child. If the mom is doing everything already, she is obviously the best choice for the child.

I think he likely is trying to get his foot back in the door and perhaps is starting to rethink some of his decisions. Well, he's going to have to really prove himself. He has shown nothing but trouble right now and has really hurt me. He literally walked out on us right when we really needed him the most. That's not a good man, let alone father-figure.