The father of my unborn child has a new girlfriend, do I have the right to be upset?

I’m 6 months pregnant with my ex of over a year. He has been neglecting me and didn’t acknowledge the fact that I’m pregnant for months. Now he’s back because I called his work (NAVY). I’m incredibly hurt and he caused me my health and the baby’s health from the emotional distress they gave me. I’m not sure if our baby will even make it now. Is this a good enough reason to complain to his work about?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • "My boyfriend broke up with me, please fire him." No. No it's not a good reason. *sigh*

    You have to own up to your responsibilities, now. You chose the wrong guy, now you're on your own. Be strong, for the baby, and find some way to manage your stress sufficiently. He has no legal obligation to stay with you. He has a legal obligation to give you money.

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  • This is between you and him, not his job, not the courts, and most likely not this new girl either. I am sickened by those who offer simple fixes, especially with the courts, this is a complex issue and needs a ton more information and his side of the story before any solutions can be even considered let alone acted on. Court isn't fair anymore, they rarely know the full context and focus on punishing the man more than caring for the child or justice.

    You leave little context, but I'll try to work around it. Your actions were most likely out of line, calling his job will cause resentment, hostility, and could land him in huge trouble or make you look like a vengeful and unfit mother (not good optics). This is between you, him, and maybe the other girl but that's a different issue. Get no one else involved if possible, if you make any wrong moves that could reflect poorly on your capacity to care for the child (consider your optics).

    Your right to be upset depends on two things, when and why did you get pregnant, and why did you break up. This is why having a baby out of wedlock is not good, it creates friction and drama. If he dumped you for no good reason then you can be upset he left, but not that he has someone new. On the other hand if you left or it was mutual then you need to stop getting involved.

    How is there neglect? Was this from careless sex, or mutual desire? Has he offered to care for the child in any way? Did you ask him to care for it? When did this happen compared to the break up. Why can't you support yourself since the child is unborn? In what way did he cost your health, and further more how did he tax the child's health? How do you even know about his new girl? I'm not making accusations, these are some of the questions that must be answered before any advice is valid.

    You both screwed up and now you both need to find a way to ensure this child is cared for. Your child needs food, shelter, and for best development one father figure and one mother figure. Not drama, or a split home. You have autonomy, freedom and power mean responsibility, and unless he has actually victimized you then you share the blame too. Get a plan to care for your kid, you both owe that much.

    You need to act rationally, your feelings are not important. Facts, context and your child's future matter, your emotions like his are tied for last place. Find a 3rd party who is familiar with this incident (so not a court) to help if you and he cannot work this out.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • You can be upset, but you have no right at all to try and make trouble for him at his job or expect anything more than child support after your baby arrives.
    He was your ex, not your committed boyfriend or husband and you have chosen to keep this baby knowing that. I understand it’s not the ideal situation, but it is one you have chosen to remain in and that responsibility lies only with you now. You need to start focusing on your child and preparing for that rather than what he’s doing and with who - because he is none of your business anymore.

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  • Lol take some responsibility. He is your ex. He has to pay child support and that's it. He doesn't have to stick around. Be more careful next time. He won't give you a beachy velvet wedding because you got pregnant.

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    • It's good to see that in yours long, ancient 17 years on this planet you've got it all figured out.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 123

  • Yes... with yourself because...
    1. You didn't use adequate birth control.
    2. You are having kids before you got married. Had you been married, he would not have cavalierly moved on like he did because the price of divorce is high.

    Now you understand why you don't just spread your legs and make so irresponsibly.

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  • why would you complain to his place of employment? what do you expect them to do?

    you need to find strength in yourself for the sake of you and your baby. i'm sorry it sucks that he isn't really participating but he was your ex so i guess you should've known he wasn't going necessarily be that involved.

    surround yourself with family and friends who care and love you. do your best to get in a great place both emotionally and physically again for the sake of your child and you.

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  • You cannot make a bad guy turn into a good father. Do your baby a favor and have it placed for adoption; every child deserves to have a caring mother and a caring father.

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  • If he's an ex, you have zero right to be upset. You can be upset that he didn't stick around, you can be upset because he joined the navy, you can be upset you got pregnant, but you can't be upset now that he's an ex, that he has someone else.

    If you complain to his work, I'm sure that this will not go well for you. Neither you nor they have any right to force him to be single. But this will flag you as a false reporter who is trying to get him in trouble when it isn't real.

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  • You're gonna complain to the NAVY?

    Pfah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

    Look, this guy played you. You lose! Move on! Move on with your now damaged life and try not to be so fucking stupid in the future and maybe, just maybe, you won't fuck up this bad again.

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  • Be upset with yourself for getting involved with a military man. The military is notorious for people cheating on both sides, and it's really a waste of time to try for something long term with one.

    Now you get to steal a bunch of his military benefits for child support.

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  • You can be upset but have no right to dump that on him. He's not your boyfriend and he's not your therapist. It sounds like you are just mad at the choices you made and want revenge on him. Revenge will not help your situation at all and just make you more miserable.

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  • You have the right to feel however you choose. If you drop a lightbulb you can feel It's the end of the world or not care at all. You can't blame him for you feeling a certain way about his actions since he didn't physically injure you. Your feelings are your choice. His actions are not. Your response to his actions, is.

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  • That is so F***ed up, I would be upset... I remember a few years ago I saw this beautiful pregnant woman on this dating website before my current relationship, she was in the same position you were in.. I was very interested in dating her while she was pregnant in the hope she would like me and I could possible help raise her child as my own. She never responded back possibly because she may not have liked the fact that I was black and she was white. Hope things work out for you.

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  • You have a right to do whatever you want, but understand that annoying him and ruining his career is the wrong thing to do.

    Did he get you pregnant? If so, why didn't you get anfor abortion? Didn't he tell you he will have no place in the child's life?

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  • 6 months pregnant with an ex from over a year ago... he owes you nothing except being a father to that child. Hopefully he's figured out what a condom is by now

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  • You have a right to be upset. If he claimed you as a significant other or what ever then yes you should notify the navy you and him are no longer together especially if your in navy housing. Definetly take him to court for child support. However he is not worth you being upset if hell get you pregnant and leave.

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  • I'm sorry but you don't own your exes. I know you have a unborn child but his only obligation is to it not you. Complaining to his work is completely inappropriate.

    He should try and help you through the pregnancy progress with the medical stuff but he has no obligation to. He's your ex, not your partner.

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  • It's just one of those things... females can decide to abort a baby all on her own. Men don't have a choice in that and no choice in the financial stuff either. A sentence of 21 years of financial liability. Not saying he should've been smart enough to pull out... but look at him now.

    I was also in the Navy and an ex tried to track me down for child support... She never learned my real name though.

    Haw Haw ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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  • Fuck you. Just because he knocked you up doesn't mean he has to stop his life and be with you. Go fuck yourself for even considering complaining to his work about this shit. You're a horrible person.

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  • Um... no. he's your ex, he has no obligation to stay single just because you (his ex) are pregnant. The only way you would have the right to be upset is if he was seeing this girl while you two were still together. Also. Maybe the reason why he wasn't talking to you (that's what I'm assuming you mean by neglect) is because he's in the navy. Most jobs in the navy can be stressful.

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  • Pregnancy is stressful and challenging and it's a time when you need a supportive partner. Unfortunately, you two broke up long before you got pregnant. He has no responsibilities to you until you need child support payments.

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    • What the f*ck are you on about? He's the father how did they break up long before she got pregnant?

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    • "I’m 6 months pregnant with my ex of over a year.", meaning they'd been split for over a year, but she got pregnant six months ago. If she meant something besides this, then yes that obviously changes everything. I don't know the original poster, I'm just going off of what she said

    • aa yeah if thats the case then its a bit of another story

  • who broke up with who? Not hat it excuses him treating his unborn child poorly.. But if are broke up, and he doesn't like you.. the worst thing he could do is the "Right Thing" and continue to be together for the baby.. its really the wrong thing.. I am sorry you are having a hared time, but you are much better off not trying to get back together. Good luck love..

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  • Well yes I think, he should realise his responsibility and how can he neglect his own child? He should take care of the one he made suffer. You have the right to be upset but now choose who's your priority, your baby or your ex. If baby then don't be upset and if ex then you're gonna give up on child as you'll be worried and stressed and sad etc.

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  • He's your ex for what reason? Was the break up pre or post pregnancy?

    I do believe you have the right to be upset , of course you do. But this is a complicated matter. Are you saying you might need an abortion? What does you mean you aren't sure of the baby's health?

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What Girls Said 60

  • No, you really don't.
    I'm not with my son's dad, I haven't been for a long time and we've survived ( by "we" I mean my little boy and I. His dad is nothing to us)

    Your situation may not be how you want it, but it's the one you're in, and your're going to have to make the "best" of it for everyone's sake.

    In the nicest possible way, you need to grow up. Your baby will "make it" stop being such a drama queen.
    Your emotional well being is your hands. Not his.

    Stop trying to force his hand and focus on what's important. Focus on your own state of mind away from him. He doesn't matter right now.
    You focus on being the best possible parent that you can be, and work on co-parenting with him in the best way that you can when the time comes.

    You may not like they way things are, but it what it is, you can't change it. You cannot emotionally blackmail someone into being with you.
    Like I said before, grow up, take stock of the situation and concentrate on where you're going to go from there, you don't own him, he doesn't have to be with you, nor do you need him to be.

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  • It's normal for you to be upset, BUT you guys are not together. He has the right to move on with someone else, and is not responsible for your happiness. I was in a very similar situation 13 years ago. My ex-husband was also Navy. I was pregnant, we weren't married, he wanted to sleep around. Eventually he came back to me, I accepted him, and we had a very long and unhappy marriage, so it really wasn't for the best. My point is that I know how the Navy works. It seems like you may be using the Navy as a tool to control him, and that's the way anyone you complain to within the Navy will see it. You're not his wife. You have no rights to him. The only person who does is that baby. Once the baby is born and you have proof of paternity, he will be responsible for paying for the baby and providing health insurance for the baby, but that's it. You need to accept that and not see yourself as a victim. I know that's easier said than done, but it's essential for your health and the health of your baby. I recommend seeking therapy.

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    • But she is pregnant

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    • This will also affect her baby's mind

    • @kami007 That's up to her not him. She doesn't need him, she shouldn't be reliant on him.

      How stressed she gets depends on how she handles he situation. The best thing she could do is take herself out of the situation and look on it a different way. Not throw a child-like tantrum.
      There are a million other ways she could have handled it

  • Stop interfering with this man's work you have no right to be causing him drama at work. You need to work on your own self improvement to give your baby a good chance to develop. Do some meditation. Have coffee with your mum. Do yoga for pregnancy. Plan your future life as a single mum.

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  • Your angry and hurt because he knocked you up, and now is not interested in you or the baby/pregnancy. Unless you both planned to get pregnant, then you took the risk not to protect yourself. Chances are good you will be on your own with the baby, and he will be living his life.

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  • You want to complain to his work that you might miscarry because you aren't in a relationship?

    I can taste the overdramatization from here.

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  • You are not together. He's allowed to date.

    This sounds like a man who is not interested in you or your child. I suggest you get paternity established and have a child support order enforced immediately once the child is born, and otherwise put the guy out of your life. Of course if he even cares about visitation, let him have it,

    But YOU will do best if you quit worrying about him and you focus on your own well-being.

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  • If it were me I'd be glad I was rid of him and make sure he has to pay child support. Was he really worth all the stress and hurt he put you through? Lesson to be learned - having a baby is not going to hold something together that was not there, such as a relationship.

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  • You have a right to be upset but he also has a right to move on and get a new girlfriend. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being sad about that, especially if he's neglecting the baby you're having together.

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    • She's not sad she's acting jealous. She has no ownership over him anymore.

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    • @Caaarl I can't believe how many people think human brains work according to some book. So when your parents die you can't be sad, because you knew they were going to die before you. Or if you have a car accident you can't be upset, because you know the statistics.

    • @Amandaå123 There's a huge difference between just being upset and calling your exes work to get him fired because you're upset that he is with another woman.

  • Girl. You aren't together anymore. Your situation sucks and I feel for you, but you can't control his life. All you can do is make him decide whether he's going to act like a father or not.

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  • I'm acctually so sorry to hear that... how sad. I'm sure you were hopig he'd give it another try when you were pregnant. Logically he should have tried everything to make it work between you. I don't think it's necessarilly wrong to call his work. I known a few people who've done that. The question is however: What would it bring? Try to think of that beautiful baby and yorself, and if your ex is gone, I''m sure you'll find another nice guy in time :)

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  • You are being very, very selfish and unreasonable.

    Obviously this was an unplanned pregnancy, and you have chosen to keep the baby. While he should be held responsible, it is unfair to expect him to quit his job, not date, and what? Stay with you?

    You have NO business in trying to sabotage his work. That is disgusting behaviour.

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  • You have a right to be upset. That is really awful what he is doing. But I don't think you should go complain to his work. If I where you I wouldn't even spend the energy on him anymore. You cannot count on him so you should try to be as independent as possible and if you need help then seek it in others.

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  • Dont go after his work, yeah he's a dick, but you dont go and destroy his life! Especially if he's in the military. You get a dishonourable discharge from the military, good luck. Not that he would over this but, yknow.

    Dont be petty.

    Get the child support payments, that should be enough. Its his perogative if he wants to be a dad or just the sperm donor.

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    • I agree that she shouldn't go after his work, but he's military.. taht should NEVER be a free pass to be a bad person. We should expect more from those in the military, not less. We should never set teh bar lower because they are "just military" and can't handle being adults like normal people, they should be treated equally.

    • @scottalanmiller I never meant he's military as in this is to be expected, i mean he's military as in it would hurt MORE to lose his job, than if he were in, say, retail or construction

    • I see, I suppose, but still that's his choice and he should be treated equally, not get treated differently for taking a job that punishes people more dramatically. She shouldn't go after him in any case, but I think that he's military should simply be ignore. Treat him the same as anyone else.

  • You shouldn't bring his work into it, BUT you should think about getting into some therapy. If your baby dies from the stress or emotional whiplash and you know that its causing problems, then the death of that child, will be on you. Not the a**hat that hit it and quit it.
    Be strong, hun, things can be treated for the better. But only with your effort.

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  • Well, my dear, it is okay to be upset, its understandable. That is your baby daddy and he doesn't want you anymore. Don't be the notorious ex girlfriend, his work has nothing to do with this. If you want some child support, take it to court. but he's moved on and he's probably not coming back, you have to accept it so you can move on too. Plus, you shouldn't want him to come back anyways! What a jerk!

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  • Well I what I would’ve suggest is that focus on your child make sure your baby is healthy don’t worry about him, then when the baby is born put his ass on child support but don’t let stress hurt your child or you. You might regret for the rest of your life beside you can always get another man a better man. A child is irreplaceable

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  • you won't get anything out of rage
    his actions just say how he is
    since he is already your ex, you should let that assholes go, having him in your and your baby's llife my just be poison

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  • It’s not his works business that you got knocked up by a guy that didn’t stay. Stop trying ti sabotage your baby’s dad out of bitterness over that.

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  • You don't really have a right over who he's dating since you're his ex. I don't really know why you notified his workplace, but one thing's for sure and it's that he's being irresponsible. If he got you pregnant he must assume his part of the responsibility and face the music. Or at least if he plans on being an absent father then he should tell you that he seeks no type of involvement with the baby. That being said I think that you should talk to him like normal, mature, about-to-be parents adults do. You were together once I'm sure you can figure out an arrangement or plan on how this whole parenthood thing is going to work out. Best of luck!

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  • No sorry but honestly there is a reason why you both are exes and you shouldn't be together Also you shouldn't make is work life worse just cause he found someone new
    Get over him.

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