The father of my unborn child has a new girlfriend, do I have the right to be upset?

Question

I’m 6 months pregnant with my ex of over a year. He has been neglecting me and didn’t acknowledge the fact that I’m pregnant for months. Now he’s back because I called his work (NAVY). I’m incredibly hurt and he caused me my health and the baby’s health from the emotional distress they gave me. I’m not sure if our baby will even make it now. Is this a good enough reason to complain to his work about?

Daltron · Accepted Answer

This is between you and him, not his job, not the courts, and most likely not this new girl either. I am sickened by those who offer simple fixes, especially with the courts, this is a complex issue and needs a ton more information and his side of the story before any solutions can be even considered let alone acted on. Court isn't fair anymore, they rarely know the full context and focus on punishing the man more than caring for the child or justice.

You leave little context, but I'll try to work around it. Your actions were most likely out of line, calling his job will cause resentment, hostility, and could land him in huge trouble or make you look like a vengeful and unfit mother (not good optics). This is between you, him, and maybe the other girl but that's a different issue. Get no one else involved if possible, if you make any wrong moves that could reflect poorly on your capacity to care for the child (consider your optics).

Your right to be upset depends on two things, when and why did you get pregnant, and why did you break up. This is why having a baby out of wedlock is not good, it creates friction and drama. If he dumped you for no good reason then you can be upset he left, but not that he has someone new. On the other hand if you left or it was mutual then you need to stop getting involved.

How is there neglect? Was this from careless sex, or mutual desire? Has he offered to care for the child in any way? Did you ask him to care for it? When did this happen compared to the break up. Why can't you support yourself since the child is unborn? In what way did he cost your health, and further more how did he tax the child's health? How do you even know about his new girl? I'm not making accusations, these are some of the questions that must be answered before any advice is valid.

You both screwed up and now you both need to find a way to ensure this child is cared for. Your child needs food, shelter, and for best development one father figure and one mother figure. Not drama, or a split home. You have autonomy, freedom and power mean responsibility, and unless he has actually victimized you then you share the blame too. Get a plan to care for your kid, you both owe that much.

You need to act rationally, your feelings are not important. Facts, context and your child's future matter, your emotions like his are tied for last place. Find a 3rd party who is familiar with this incident (so not a court) to help if you and he cannot work this out.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

"My boyfriend broke up with me, please fire him." No. No it's not a good reason. *sigh*

You have to own up to your responsibilities, now. You chose the wrong guy, now you're on your own. Be strong, for the baby, and find some way to manage your stress sufficiently. He has no legal obligation to stay with you. He has a legal obligation to give you money.

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

You can be upset, but you have no right at all to try and make trouble for him at his job or expect anything more than child support after your baby arrives.
He was your ex, not your committed boyfriend or husband and you have chosen to keep this baby knowing that. I understand it’s not the ideal situation, but it is one you have chosen to remain in and that responsibility lies only with you now. You need to start focusing on your child and preparing for that rather than what he’s doing and with who - because he is none of your business anymore.

ragequeen · Accepted Answer

Lol take some responsibility. He is your ex. He has to pay child support and that's it. He doesn't have to stick around. Be more careful next time. He won't give you a beachy velvet wedding because you got pregnant.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You cannot make a bad guy turn into a good father. Do your baby a favor and have it placed for adoption; every child deserves to have a caring mother and a caring father.

Carefuloutthere · Answer

No, you really don't.
I'm not with my son's dad, I haven't been for a long time and we've survived ( by "we" I mean my little boy and I. His dad is nothing to us)

Your situation may not be how you want it, but it's the one you're in, and your're going to have to make the "best" of it for everyone's sake.

In the nicest possible way, you need to grow up. Your baby will "make it" stop being such a drama queen.
Your emotional well being is your hands. Not his.

Stop trying to force his hand and focus on what's important. Focus on your own state of mind away from him. He doesn't matter right now.
You focus on being the best possible parent that you can be, and work on co-parenting with him in the best way that you can when the time comes.

You may not like they way things are, but it what it is, you can't change it. You cannot emotionally blackmail someone into being with you.
Like I said before, grow up, take stock of the situation and concentrate on where you're going to go from there, you don't own him, he doesn't have to be with you, nor do you need him to be.

DaisyBSwan · Answer

It's normal for you to be upset, BUT you guys are not together. He has the right to move on with someone else, and is not responsible for your happiness. I was in a very similar situation 13 years ago. My ex-husband was also Navy. I was pregnant, we weren't married, he wanted to sleep around. Eventually he came back to me, I accepted him, and we had a very long and unhappy marriage, so it really wasn't for the best. My point is that I know how the Navy works. It seems like you may be using the Navy as a tool to control him, and that's the way anyone you complain to within the Navy will see it. You're not his wife. You have no rights to him. The only person who does is that baby. Once the baby is born and you have proof of paternity, he will be responsible for paying for the baby and providing health insurance for the baby, but that's it. You need to accept that and not see yourself as a victim. I know that's easier said than done, but it's essential for your health and the health of your baby. I recommend seeking therapy.

Unnameable · Answer

He obviously doesn't want anything to do with you and never gave his concent to be a parent.
You want to complain to his work because he won't pay attention to you? What the hell is wrong with you? You're going to be a parent! GROW UP! Adults don't "tell on" each other, they deal with their issues in mature and adult ways.
You're obviously not mature enough to raise a child. It's probably too late for you to have an abortion, but you should definitely give the child up for adoption. I know I would want to be raised by a selfish, vindictive, childish bitch, and that's exactly what you would be if you cried to his boss.

simplyaramdomgirl · Answer

You don't really have a right over who he's dating since you're his ex. I don't really know why you notified his workplace, but one thing's for sure and it's that he's being irresponsible. If he got you pregnant he must assume his part of the responsibility and face the music. Or at least if he plans on being an absent father then he should tell you that he seeks no type of involvement with the baby. That being said I think that you should talk to him like normal, mature, about-to-be parents adults do. You were together once I'm sure you can figure out an arrangement or plan on how this whole parenthood thing is going to work out. Best of luck!

Bananaman177 · Answer

You're gonna complain to the NAVY?

Pfah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Look, this guy played you. You lose! Move on! Move on with your now damaged life and try not to be so fucking stupid in the future and maybe, just maybe, you won't fuck up this bad again.

Roooni · Answer

Harsh reality is thag He has responsibilities toward the child when he's born. He has no responsibility toward you or him when he's in your belly. You two are not married. Been a couple for a very shirt period and you conceived a child due to absence of protection. In these type of scenarios responsibility is not 50/50... one at least is more responsible than the other.. mainly the woman cause she's the one who will carry the child.
Now as for the new girlfriend again you have no right to do anything. Max of what you can is try to win him back. But clearly this was an adventure more than a relationship.

PinkMichae · Answer

I'm sorry it caused you to be hurt but he's your ex for a reason. One of you wasn't happy so it's best you are not together. And since you aren't together he's not obligated to do anything but be responsible for your child when its born. You can be upset that he has a new girlfriend but you are only hurting yourself dwelling on it. What you should be doing is keeping things civil with your ex because that's what's gonna be best for your child. Calling the Navy and complaining to them seems very vindictive and I don't see how that's gonna do anything but cause more drama. You need to move on and understand he's nothing but your childs father now. It's none of your business if he has a new girlfriend.

iamconfusion111 · Answer

You have a right to be upset because he's neglecting you and your child. He's your ex, but he has to make an effort to at least be in the life or the child, and support you. If you're broken up, he has the right to have a new girlfriend but he shouldn't treat you like crap. But, if he chose to treat you awfully, that's his fault. He'll regret it when he sees you happy and taking care of your beautiful child. Focus on yourself. Your own health. You can't do anything about his bad behaviour, i know it's harsh but it's the truth.

Amanda269 · Answer

It sounds like a bad break up and he moved on. Some women avoid protection to get pregnant and cage their boyfriend, preventing them from leaving. He might think this is the case. The strong denial and neglect says he refuses and the new girlfriends means he moved on. His best situation is for you to abort the baby. He can't force you, only run. You can demand economic support, but emotional is only his to give. Good luck if you keep it. Single parenthood is tough and single moms may have a hard time getting future partners.

blkhermano · Answer

I get why you would be upset, but being so won't help your current condition. He has chosen the path he wants, which shows you his character.

Tbh, you're going to hurt... a lot. Nobody wants to face pregnancy or parenthood without the other person involved. Now, it's time for you to dig deep in yourself and be strong. Seek the proper help and support you can from family, friends, church. Definitely hold him accountable for financially supporting the child. Somebody had to pay to raise him when he was a baby, kid, teen, and so on.

abc3643 · Answer

Yes... with yourself because...
1. You didn't use adequate birth control.
2. You are having kids before you got married. Had you been married, he would not have cavalierly moved on like he did because the price of divorce is high.

Now you understand why you don't just spread your legs and make so irresponsibly.

worldscolide · Answer

I am sorry.. You two are not a couple.. that means you have no right to be upset that he has moved on and found someone else. You stressing about it and causing health problems is your own fault, If the baby miscarries because you are stressing about his choices again it is your own fault. Dont play the victim here. Accept the fact that you are not part of his life any more.. Accept it and move on your self. How was he neglecting you? Was he not giving you attention? I'm sorry but again you aren't a couple he does not owe you attention. Does he need to take care of a child he helped create.. Definitely but you are not part of that equation no matter how much you want to be, and he owes you nothing.

SkyeMind · Answer

Why would you call his work? There is no logical reason for you to.

You're upset, I understand that, but your health, the baby's health and the decisions you make now for the future, are all on you. It's your responsibility. And you can step up, because you need to. ❤️

Whatever he did or didn't do, is his responsibility, however you're not together, you're not married, and his life is shared with another person. You have no rights to it. He has all the rights in the world to move on, and so should you.

Your baby does have rights and that's something you can process when you get there. Now it's all you and the baby. It is your decision to keep, thus also your decision to be where you're at. I've been a single mom. It's doable, by all means. It's all about your attitude towards your life.

Grow better, not bitter. ❤️

silvermoon84 · Answer

You do to an extent. My dad took off when I was two and left my mother to raise me all by herself. On top of that he stole money before he did it so he left us with basically nothing. 32 years later, I still have to comfort my mom when she hurts over the fact that he didn't give a damn about us. I do too, I would have loved to have a father. But she cried her tears and took care of me and herself, and whether or not you believe it you are perfectly capable of doing the same. Don't listen to this psycho babble from some of these people. Regardless as to who was wrong in this situation you have every right to feel hurt, but there's a better guy out there.

vishna · Answer

You should be at the doctor if you're concerned your child won't make it, not asking GaG if it's okay to tattle on your ex...

Go to the doctor. Realize it was a mistake to get pregnant by an ex (you are 6 months pregnant, he has been an ex for a year). And realize that he wants nothing to do with you. But but but do make sure he pays his share for his child. And focus on you and your little blessing.

The navy can't make him love you or want to be with you ya know, at this point you only have antiquated rules on your side...

Anonymous · Answer

There are a lot of callous people on this site. Sorry to hear that you will be having a baby with that jerk. Hopefully this will serve as a life lesson to both of you to be more cautious with who you have sex with. I realize he is probably also young and dumb, but he will likely want a paternity test and a court to order him to pay child support before he will get involved at all in your situation. He is not bound to you in any way unless the court determines he is the father, and in that case, he may get parental rights or simply forced to pay child support. I hope your friends and family will help take care of you because this doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who will. Also, if you are trying to complain to anyone, call up him mama and leave his work out of it. Mamas will nag the hell out of him to do the right thing. Work will only tease him for having a crazy ex girlfriend.

madhatters4 · Answer

why would you complain to his place of employment? what do you expect them to do?

you need to find strength in yourself for the sake of you and your baby. i'm sorry it sucks that he isn't really participating but he was your ex so i guess you should've known he wasn't going necessarily be that involved.

surround yourself with family and friends who care and love you. do your best to get in a great place both emotionally and physically again for the sake of your child and you.

Medication · Answer

Be upset to an extent ; if you see a reason to after this, you're an amazing person, you should really focus on your baby. Your baby, and keep yourself in a good mood everyday for that baby and I am going to be here for you to help you today. Even though he is with someone new ; now you can see, it's not him you need, and you should realize, your baby needs you, plus you probably see you need your baby ; that's good. Find an amazing person for that baby that doesn't let a breakup happen. Soon you'll see after finding a new person and taking your time to find them it was truly worth it because they are capable of lasting with you and supporting what you want. I read a book called "Love yourself like your life depends on it" I would like you to read that for yourself, you can find it as a PDF file for phone completely free off google and after reading it, keep it in mind you can read that to your baby as he / she grows up to make your baby a happy individual. I hope this helps!

heyzeuspiece · Answer

You have every right to be mad at his decision to ignore the child, you’re also human and a pregnant one at that so it’s okay to be in an emotional flux, however, you have to respect his decisions when it comes to him wanting to be with someone else, it’s his life and he only has one to live. Just take him to court and work out guidelines for the child, try not to be petty by keeping the baby away from him because your upset. You’ll need all the help you can get, even if it’s from someone who hurt you.

lonertotheend101 · Answer

There r no guarantees and there is always consequences to everything be upset the child see learn and become upset as an adult or bitter or whatever the way u behave will mold the child so if u want those traits there then it is up to u and maybe u can b happy maybe it's all grown or growing by then and has a complete opposite of everything u represent but then u cannot blame the father who never had an influence but maybe u can all I know is I remember this love ur kids and even if father is a sick that's how u feel keep it to u n the dad don't bad mouth or. Talk about the dad it hurts the dad ur fine if u hate him secretly or one on one with child absent. Things will b OK for u why was u allow anyone to ruin your day men suck sweetheart it's life

Anonymous · Answer

If you are not married then that will affect your ability to get Navy Benefits. You should try and discuss it with him 1st but if its a threat to tour baby and life don't talk to him, call the benefits office. You may have to find out who his commanding or head officer is. Making a baby and not taking care of it will not be tollerated. However if he says it's not his you have to go to navy doctors to get the DNA test. He is only responsible for the baby if you are not his wife but your child could get benefits. You have to think of tour baby so please surround yourself with other people that will pick your spirits up. Mah! mama.

Celtero · Answer

Be upset with yourself for getting involved with a military man. The military is notorious for people cheating on both sides, and it's really a waste of time to try for something long term with one.

Now you get to steal a bunch of his military benefits for child support.

bacca400 · Answer

You can be upset but have no right to dump that on him. He's not your boyfriend and he's not your therapist. It sounds like you are just mad at the choices you made and want revenge on him. Revenge will not help your situation at all and just make you more miserable.

scottalanmiller · Answer

If he's an ex, you have zero right to be upset. You can be upset that he didn't stick around, you can be upset because he joined the navy, you can be upset you got pregnant, but you can't be upset now that he's an ex, that he has someone else.

If you complain to his work, I'm sure that this will not go well for you. Neither you nor they have any right to force him to be single. But this will flag you as a false reporter who is trying to get him in trouble when it isn't real.

shinensta · Answer

Stop interfering with this man's work you have no right to be causing him drama at work. You need to work on your own self improvement to give your baby a good chance to develop. Do some meditation. Have coffee with your mum. Do yoga for pregnancy. Plan your future life as a single mum.

debi2622 · Answer

Your angry and hurt because he knocked you up, and now is not interested in you or the baby/pregnancy. Unless you both planned to get pregnant, then you took the risk not to protect yourself. Chances are good you will be on your own with the baby, and he will be living his life.

Benedek38 · Answer

You have a right to do whatever you want, but understand that annoying him and ruining his career is the wrong thing to do.

Did he get you pregnant? If so, why didn't you get anfor abortion? Didn't he tell you he will have no place in the child's life?

BipBipLeddus · Answer

You want to complain to his work that you might miscarry because you aren't in a relationship? I can taste the overdramatization from here.

Caaarl · Answer

I'm sorry but you don't own your exes. I know you have a unborn child but his only obligation is to it not you. Complaining to his work is completely inappropriate.

He should try and help you through the pregnancy progress with the medical stuff but he has no obligation to. He's your ex, not your partner.

Gypsy_x · Answer

You are being very, very selfish and unreasonable.

Obviously this was an unplanned pregnancy, and you have chosen to keep the baby. While he should be held responsible, it is unfair to expect him to quit his job, not date, and what? Stay with you?

You have NO business in trying to sabotage his work. That is disgusting behaviour.

MlleCake · Answer

You are not together. He's allowed to date.

This sounds like a man who is not interested in you or your child. I suggest you get paternity established and have a child support order enforced immediately once the child is born, and otherwise put the guy out of your life. Of course if he even cares about visitation, let him have it,

But YOU will do best if you quit worrying about him and you focus on your own well-being.

TrixiePooch · Answer

If it were me I'd be glad I was rid of him and make sure he has to pay child support. Was he really worth all the stress and hurt he put you through? Lesson to be learned - having a baby is not going to hold something together that was not there, such as a relationship.

gumiho · Answer

Don't go after his career. He technically did not break any rules as far as I know. His only crime is neglect. You have every right to feel as you do, and to worry about your child's health.

First and foremost, please go to your doctor to see what their medical opinion is with your stress. Once you make sure you and your child are okay, focus on the two of you until you can make a decision with how to approach the father.

Remember that this child will discover a lot of secrets about your past. I wouldn't make this any messier than it needs to be. I would say only escalate it, in court, if he continues to ignore you. I'm sure his work will be notified if it goes to trial.

jessture · Answer

6 months pregnant with an ex from over a year ago... he owes you nothing except being a father to that child. Hopefully he's figured out what a condom is by now

SupernovaV10 · Answer

You have the right to feel however you choose. If you drop a lightbulb you can feel It's the end of the world or not care at all. You can't blame him for you feeling a certain way about his actions since he didn't physically injure you. Your feelings are your choice. His actions are not. Your response to his actions, is.

FootConnoisseur · Answer

That is so F***ed up, I would be upset... I remember a few years ago I saw this beautiful pregnant woman on this dating website before my current relationship, she was in the same position you were in.. I was very interested in dating her while she was pregnant in the hope she would like me and I could possible help raise her child as my own. She never responded back possibly because she may not have liked the fact that I was black and she was white. Hope things work out for you.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

It's just one of those things... females can decide to abort a baby all on her own. Men don't have a choice in that and no choice in the financial stuff either. A sentence of 21 years of financial liability. Not saying he should've been smart enough to pull out... but look at him now.

I was also in the Navy and an ex tried to track me down for child support... She never learned my real name though.

Haw Haw ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Thesubtlelife · Answer

Three letters; yes. Because your world was turn 180 degrees and he clearly isn't skipping a beat in he's life. So.. just for emotional balance, you might need to turn his dial. Even if it's for a few degrees. Men like to act like sex has nothing to do with babies. by the way I'm not saying you should mess up he's life. More like, don't hold back. I'd rather you don't bottom up feelings. Either repurposed the emotions into things that will make you feel better, or just turn the heat up on he's life too.

A-kay · Answer

Well yes I think, he should realise his responsibility and how can he neglect his own child? He should take care of the one he made suffer. You have the right to be upset but now choose who's your priority, your baby or your ex. If baby then don't be upset and if ex then you're gonna give up on child as you'll be worried and stressed and sad etc.

Sharon94 · Answer

You have a right to be upset. That is really awful what he is doing. But I don't think you should go complain to his work. If I where you I wouldn't even spend the energy on him anymore. You cannot count on him so you should try to be as independent as possible and if you need help then seek it in others.

snowangle · Answer

Girl. You aren't together anymore. Your situation sucks and I feel for you, but you can't control his life. All you can do is make him decide whether he's going to act like a father or not.

Azzazle · Answer

You have a right to be upset. If he claimed you as a significant other or what ever then yes you should notify the navy you and him are no longer together especially if your in navy housing. Definetly take him to court for child support. However he is not worth you being upset if hell get you pregnant and leave.

BaileyisDarcy · Answer

Dont go after his work, yeah he's a dick, but you dont go and destroy his life! Especially if he's in the military. You get a dishonourable discharge from the military, good luck. Not that he would over this but, yknow.

Dont be petty.

Get the child support payments, that should be enough. Its his perogative if he wants to be a dad or just the sperm donor.

Amandaå123 · Answer

I'm acctually so sorry to hear that... how sad. I'm sure you were hopig he'd give it another try when you were pregnant. Logically he should have tried everything to make it work between you. I don't think it's necessarilly wrong to call his work. I known a few people who've done that. The question is however: What would it bring? Try to think of that beautiful baby and yorself, and if your ex is gone, I''m sure you'll find another nice guy in time :)

fauchelevent · Answer

You have a right to be upset but he also has a right to move on and get a new girlfriend. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being sad about that, especially if he's neglecting the baby you're having together.

SirRexington · Answer

He's your ex for what reason? Was the break up pre or post pregnancy?

I do believe you have the right to be upset , of course you do. But this is a complicated matter. Are you saying you might need an abortion? What does you mean you aren't sure of the baby's health?

Mrbrainsyck · Answer

WTF? he's neglecting you? He doesn't owe you any of his time!!! You aren't together anymore. Get that through you head, and now you call his work to what get him into trouble? Because you ruined your own health stressing over a man who isn't yours? This is jealousy in the worst kind of way. You should be ashamed of behavior like that. You made the mistake of getting pregnant just as much as he did. Stop acting like your a victim of tragic circumstances.

randomwhiteguy · Answer

Um... no. he's your ex, he has no obligation to stay single just because you (his ex) are pregnant. The only way you would have the right to be upset is if he was seeing this girl while you two were still together. Also. Maybe the reason why he wasn't talking to you (that's what I'm assuming you mean by neglect) is because he's in the navy. Most jobs in the navy can be stressful.

LupusEtLunam · Answer

You shouldn't bring his work into it, BUT you should think about getting into some therapy. If your baby dies from the stress or emotional whiplash and you know that its causing problems, then the death of that child, will be on you. Not the a**hat that hit it and quit it.
Be strong, hun, things can be treated for the better. But only with your effort.

Philyouup · Answer

who broke up with who? Not hat it excuses him treating his unborn child poorly.. But if are broke up, and he doesn't like you.. the worst thing he could do is the "Right Thing" and continue to be together for the baby.. its really the wrong thing.. I am sorry you are having a hared time, but you are much better off not trying to get back together. Good luck love..

Anonymous · Answer

No right but it's understandable in your condition. You guys aren't together so the only person he owes is the child. I suggest you proceed patiently reasonably with caution if you want him back or if you just want him involved in your child's life or if you need finacial help raising the child. You don't want to drive him away.

Bianca914 · Answer

Well, my dear, it is okay to be upset, its understandable. That is your baby daddy and he doesn't want you anymore. Don't be the notorious ex girlfriend, his work has nothing to do with this. If you want some child support, take it to court. but he's moved on and he's probably not coming back, you have to accept it so you can move on too. Plus, you shouldn't want him to come back anyways! What a jerk!

jimyee · Answer

Fuck you. Just because he knocked you up doesn't mean he has to stop his life and be with you. Go fuck yourself for even considering complaining to his work about this shit. You're a horrible person.

Mehzmeh · Answer

From experience. The navy is not gonna do anything. Because you are not married.

You have the right to be upset. But, remember you are pregnant. And your emotions are at a all time high. You have to figure out at away to not let it bother you. Trust me easier said than done.

The mother of my child and I broke up when she was 8 months. She started dating again recently. And our son is 2 months. It hurts. But I am dealing with it. You got this.

corkr900 · Answer

You have every right to be upset, and if you want to call his work, do so. The military doesn't take kindly to "running around", so to speak.
That said, remember to be constructive in your actions. It may be very easy to call them with a sense of vengeance, but please just stop first and think about whether or not doing so may benefit you and/or your child. If you find the answer is no, you're better off just letting go.

YinLong · Answer

Sure you can be upset but if you weren't official can't expect a child to make it official or to make him settle down or prioirtize you. Focus on your kid and keeping him involved with the kid forget your feelings you can move on easily same as him but that child will always long for a fatherly love and care.

Sarcastro · Answer

Pregnancy is stressful and challenging and it's a time when you need a supportive partner. Unfortunately, you two broke up long before you got pregnant. He has no responsibilities to you until you need child support payments.

Miristheiss · Answer

If you two were broken up than it is normal to not like it (do you want to get back together and be a family?) but he's not really betrayed you.
If you were still a couple and he's cheating on you than yes.

CuChullan · Answer

That's revenge born of anger. It sounds to me like he's no more than a sperm donor and should be seen as such. You're wasting your time stressing on him.

The father of my unborn child has a new girlfriend, do I have the right to be upset?

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