Should I tell my son-in-law that my daughter is pregnant with another man’s child?

[Anonymous]

A few days ago, my daughter had found out that she was pregnant from an affair she had while her husband was at work. She begged me not to tell her husband that the baby isn’t his. She claims that she still loves him too much for him to leave her, and that she doesn’t know what was running through her head at the time. I couldn’t be more disappointed and ashamed by her actions. I would’ve never expected her to do anything such as cheating.

Yes.

No.

[Anonymous]

I think if I were you, I would focus on her. Explain to her that SHE must confess to him. That eventually this will come out, better not only from her, but sooner rather than later. Also she really needs to look at why she did it. "She doesn't know what she was thinking", well, she needs to figure that out. The fact that she did this, tells me something isn't right in her relationship. Something is maybe missing in it for her (love him or not)? She needs to figure out the real reason for it, and FIX that! Yes telling him is a risk, but there's consequences for your actions and this is for that. You can also suggest she think about if it was reversed and he did it. How would she feel if it came out years later vs him telling her right away and trying to fix and move past it?

For you, it's not your business to get involved, as strongly as you might feel about it. Plus you are going to alienate her as she'll be angry with you for doing it probably. It is her life and let her run it is my view (would you like someone doing it to you?). I get you don't agree with it, neither do I, but it doesn't change that it's not your business regardless. And... it WILL come out... eventually. I say just let it happen on it's own. I'd maybe try and convince her to tell him though.

[Miristheiss]

Yep.
He needs to know the truth. If he wants to divorce... and have a paternity test done and to be removed from the record as the "father" and get out of child payments... etc. he needs to be able to make an informed decision and not live the lie and thinking he has a biological child... his direct offspring and that he has a "faithful" wife.
He needs to know his wife is a lying, cheater, and this is another man's child.

You don't have identify yourself as the provide of the info if you don't want to. You can pass this info to him anonymously if that is easier.

[tatianamay]

Your daughter fucked up. If your husband cheated on you, and impregnated another girl, would YOU like to know? Would you like your MIL to tell you the news, or would you like your husband to say it himself? This is your daughter's private life, but the poor man needs to know the truth. Tell your daughter to tell it to him herself or you would tell him. There's no other way. If she does not tell him herself, then you have no choice but to deliver this soul crushing news to him.

[Miristheiss]

Good advice.

[tatianamay]

@Miristheiss Thank you very much! :)

[LisaRaven]

Like one other person said, the truth will come out. He needs to know now, not later on when it could also effect the child.

[Browneye57]

Well yeah, people fuck around. They come in all flavors sizes and colors... even relatives.
No, you mind your own fukkin business. Take it to your grave. Don't meddle in someone else's marriage, regardless of who it is, daughter or not. Tell her to keep you out of it.
Just plan to enjoy our grandchild, regardless. End of story.

Oh and by the way, figure she'll blow him out somehow - this just never seems to resolve itself - it blows up one way or another. If it's not this, it will be something else.

The most important thing is the child. It's likely to need it's grandparents.

[Anonymous]

She needs to tell him. It's totally immoral not to. If the relationship is strong and viable, he'll presumably stay with her but it needs to be his decision to stay and raise another man's child. Or is abortion an option?
If she won't tell him. You are going to have to decide what value system you belong to and make a decision for yourself.
You don't have to tell him everything, only that he needs to discuss the baby with your daughter.
If your daughter kicks off at you, remind her you are picking up after her extremely poor behaviour.

[Marquese_m]

Yes you should tell him right away, cause eventually he’ll find out then it’ll hurt everyone more in the future. It could even drive him to hurt the child or himself. If the child isn’t his she should go and get with the actual father and not abuse this poor man anymore.

[Anonymous]

don't because it will only end up bad for you and blowing up in your face regardless of how good your intentions might be. what you need to do is send him an anonymous email or an anonymous letter to his job not to his house because your daughter might get it but even then i wouldn't chance it since your daughter already begged you not to tell him and if you tell him she'll know it was you. you need to have one of your friends do it somebody your daughter doesn't know your friends with do it so it won't come back to you and you won't get blamed for meddling in their marriage

[I_Am_Sazerac]

I wouldn't tell him, but I would make her do it. He will find out eventually, and when he does it will be far more devastating and risks retaliation in terms of being more inclined to walk out on her or doing the same.

If she's honest, he MAY respect her decision to tell him more as he MAY see that she was at least remorseful about it and he may be more willing to hear things out.

But ultimately that's his decision.

[Dchrls78104]

Men have been hurt by lies like this for too long. For example, a guy in my country was recently forced by the law courts to maintain a child that was not his. How would she have felt if her husband had knocked up a coworker and tried to keep it a secret? Would she have appreciated his mother's keeping this a secret and lying to her like that? She's a grown and married woman and she's got to understand that her actions have consequences which she must deal with on her own.

[Kronx]

It's none of my business what goes on in their relationship but something as damaging as that needs to be shed some light. Either you tell him or your daughter should because that's just wrong to him more than anything.

[t-8900]

He needs to know! Don't make him raise another man's child. Make her take responsibility. This is the problem with people today. They don't take their relationship seriously. I feel so sorry for him and that poor baby

[SnakeBoop]

she didn't love him else she wouldn't have whored out.
HE DESERVES TO KNOW. PLEASE TELL HIM./

[BeenThereLovedIt]

The truth will set her free. Careful though, who's to say he won't fly off the handle and set. her. free with his fists?

[Hangry06]

That's not fair to him. Try to put yourself in his position. It's not his mistake. He shouldn't suffer the consequences. Your daughter deserves to be punished for her infidelity

[andreasderjuengere]

If your s. i. l. wants kids anyway, it's perhaps better (also for the child) not to say anything.
However, there could be a divorce one day.
For this specific event, I'd prepare a shit-storm. Just in case.

[DonkeyDan]

You need to tell her to tell him or you will. He has ever right to know, and then it's his choice how to handle it.

[IncognitoBandito]

No the child still needs a father and what the husband doesn't know won't hurt him, unless the baby looks VERY different from the husband. Obviously if there's a racial difference all bets are off.

[Asker]

I know what the baby daddy looks like. He’s black, and her husband is white. He will immediately know that the baby isn’t his as soon as it’s born.

[Neosporin]

oh wow that's so cliche and stupid

[Asker]

@Neosporin The baby can't help it, and @incognitobandito is right, it needs a father.

[Asker]

@Neosporin I highly doubt the real father would even care. He was probably just there for the sex, nothing more or less.

[Neosporin]

I mean it’s cliche that a white woman has sex with a black man and the white husband finds out at birth

[Anonymous]

I would most definitely yes. He deserves to know how much of a whore your daughter is, and he needs to be able to file for divorce and get a paternity test so that he isn stuck paying child support for the whore.

[Nikkisadova]

Don't tell him, they can still be happy, even if he's raising another child. It's better than them getting a divorce!!

[TacosRAwesome]

It's her responsibility to tell him and as her mother you should encourage her to do the right thing.

[Surely]

I think that you meed to pressure her into owning up to her responsibilities. For the sake of her marriage and the child created by her screw up!

[Asker]

She also has a 3 year old daughter with her husband, and she doesn’t want to let him have custody at all if they do divorce. That’s why she doesn’t want to own up. She’s possessive, and will not let him see his child again.

[Asker]

That’s mainly why I’m torn in between telling him or not.

[Miristheiss]

Legally that isn't her call.
He can sue for split custody and legally he cannot be denied unless he is a physical threat to the child.

[Wise4myage]

I say stay out of it. She's gonna suffer from her mistake forever as it is.

[Asker]

She’s threatening suicide if he leaves her.

[Wise4myage]

That’s a ploy to trick him.

[Miristheiss]

So?
That isn't his problem.
Anyone is always free to kill themselves. I could kill myself right now. I just CHOOSE not to.
Whether she kills herself or not is her call but the guys deserves the truth.

[pushingrope]

Threatening suicide if he loves? 1) that is illegal, domestic abuse and highly narcicist behavior 2) She objectively deserves to die anyways

[pushingrope]

*leaves

[Yaharro]

Don't lie to such innocent man he will be totally broken if he found out later for the sake of god tell him now