Is it okay to go to bed angry in a relationship?

Question

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

From experience, yes. In the evening, both are tired and sometimes it's necessary to set the argument aside. I've gone to bed mad as heck, then woke up the next morning and apologized. He would also apologize and then we'd start the conversation again on a fresh note, often easily coming to a mutually acceptable solution. People underestimate how hunger and lack of sleep affect mood. It's a poor idea to stay up trying to work through something when both are exhausted from the day. Mature people can go to bed angry and not build resentment, which is the point of the advice, I think.

If one or both parties often get very angry over conflicts, there's a deeper issue, though. Anger is a secondary emotion, and there's often something else going on.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

It's important to TRY to end on a positive or at least neutral note if at all possible. For example, I was sharing with someone the other day and the conversation hit very low points, but we didn't end on a low point, we found something ridiculous to laugh about. (Tbh, I can't even remember what we laughed about, but I remember feeling lighthearted before going to bed, which is the important thing.)

Finchie40 · Answer

It’s ok if it isn’t a consistent thing that occurs but if it’s once in awhile , than it’s normal it’s not healthy to go to bed angry constantly with a partner , that pretty much means something is off in your relationship and could be a warning sign to end that relationship

AviatorTom · Answer

It's okay, but not desirable. My parents had a rule that they never went to bed angry with each other, and their marriage pasted 40+ years, until my father died.

If you can resolve your anger before bed, do it, but don't do it just to give in. Sometimes being angry is a healthy thing.

SueShe · Answer

It is never good to go to bed being angry. You are taking this anger with you and start thinking about it and it prevents you to have a good sleep.

The next day, you wake up with that same anger feeling and then the day is ruined because both are too proud to make the first step to try to solve that problem. The longer you wait to talk the worse the problem gets because you show that you don't really care about solving the issue.

Unfortunately, people hate to admit that they are in the wrong. Rather than to apologize immediately and to avoid dragging the issue over days, you make it even worse by not talking with the partner.

DizzyDesii · Answer

We always strived not to go to bed mad at one another. In my longest relationship of 2 years, there may have only been 5 days total that we went to bed without eachother (because he traveled outside of the country) and then 2-3 days where we went to bed mad at eachother and didn't make up before bed. But for the most part we worked it out. My relationship before this last one, we constantly went to bed annoyed with one another towards our last 2 months together, but we still went to bed together 🤣 You can be mad, but we’re gonna be mad in close proximity 😭

mattthefatbat · Answer

In my experience not really really, sure it can help to think it over for that night, but it will likely become reoccurring because your not actually communicating with your partner about the issue at hand, and as you keep pushing it aside, it may cause you or your partner to keep putting more issues aside and eventually could cause the downfall of your relationship because your not actually fixing the issues you're pushing aside. Communication, and working together to come to an issue is usually better than sweeping it under the rug all the time

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

One thing I'll say about my ex. She never let us go to sleep angry.

There were nights one of us would be pissed and we'd get all silent and thinking bad thoughts and she'd wake me up before I fall asleep and we'd have great sex and the crazy part is afterwords it was so easy for us to communicate.

That woman was very close to being wifed up.

PatKirby · Answer

Of course not. But let's face it, eventually everyone does it. The point is to get at the root cause of why you're angry in the first place, have courage to face your failures and limitations, come together and resolve the problem and move on. Otherwise you really don't belong together.

Jbear27 · Answer

Sometimes you can’t force a resolution and it’s better to sleep on it and wake up with a clearer head. Just be civil and understand that you can shelf the issue till morning. Don’t go to bed furious if possible. But upset is okay. It’s a normal human emotion

mstbooblover · Answer

Such sad things happen when living together. Sure it's not a good idea to go to bed while angry, because of the bad mood between partners and the resulting bad sleep. Nevertheless nothing prevents the next morning to try and resolve the issue.

Case sensitive of course, but in any case talking honestly to each other without trying to hurt each other, and examining honestly one's own position, will most probably help resolve the situation. Something important to keep in mind is that during discussions, one should only be preoccupied by the present issue, without referring to events belonging to the past.

avery58 · Answer

It's fine if you're working on solving the issue, you shouldn't force a solution that either one or both of you don't feel completely comfortable with because the problem will just stay in the back of your mind.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

it doesn't make a difference to me... I wake up in a mood I fell asleep with...

many people don't get it... but it's how it works for me... I need a proper closure to put whatever happened in the past...

WindSwept · Answer

While it’s best to always reconcile differences maturely and calmly before going to sleep so that harsh feelings do not linger, going to sleep can offer a cooling down period as well. So it all depends on the nature and level of the disagreement.

sawno · Answer

Should be avoided at all costs, but if it can't be avoided its ok. I think in my last relationship it only happened once since we got in an argument to late to fix it. But we made sure it was fixed asap.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

It is okay and it happens when upset.

beat solution and more mature way of dealing with situations is to step back (verbally) for 5-10 minutes… have a drink of water… not think much… then come back to say… it’s getting late, we may not be able to conclude this at this time… let’s continue this tomorow so we are rested. It’s not beneficial to continue… and hug each other… then sleep.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I mean you can try to sort things out, but sometimes it's better to walk a way when everyone has cooler heads and maybe talk about it in the morning.

thegreenyogi · Answer

Not sure. For me it wouldn't be okay because that would mean that the relationship I am in isn't making me happy for some reason especially if it becomes routine. If it's a one off I could settle for it for the time being and it has to be dealt with at some point.

hahahmm · Answer

I wrote no. But the reality is that you can't control when/if that happens. It depends on circumstances and if the other person is even willing to talk.

GamesNCake90 · Answer

I think it is if there is no resolution to be had that night. Sometimes you need a cooling off period, and depending on when the argument happened and what it was about, you could be going to bed mad. Also, sleep tends to help clear the minds of some people. So I don't think it's right or wrong to go to bed angry just as long as you are able to talk about the issue calmly with your partner eventually.

rosemilk · Answer

actually, yes. sometimes sleeping it off will give a clearer head for a better conversation to resolve in the morning.

Simslover92 · Answer

No. I hate going to bed angry in a relationship because I don't sleep well. I'm too busy thinking about how I want to resolve the issue at hand.

luvstoned4him · Answer

Not at all I always try to apologize before too much time passes. Its better for you even... from a mental and physical perspective.

Jessikaah91 · Answer

No! I hate going to bed angry, my partner on the other hand will go to bed angry because he wants to 🤦🏼‍♀️

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Yeah I usually get over it once I get some sleep lol

Booklover_90 · Answer

Not advisable. Not to be morbid, but one of you might not wake up. Therefore, to the best of your ability, resolve whatever the issue is.

electromagnetic · Answer

Personally, yes. We do go to bed upset with each other sometimes and it works because by the time morning hits, we aren’t as irrational or upset with us. Only once has it been something so serious that I left the house to go to my moms.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Yes if I get to sleep on time. I'll probably be angrier for longer if I'm not allowed to sleep in order for an argument to be fixed.

Olgaaa22 · Answer

Clearly not okay what if you end up not seeing that person again

alice55 · Answer

It's better not to but I guess sometime is it better to go to bed angry than insult each other, some people need to cool down.

Phoenix98 · Answer

I don't you should ever go to bed angry in general if you can help much less in a relationship.

rachel776 · Answer

watch the movie Last Night where he gets up and makes her eggs at 4am

imfreeze95 · Answer

It’s a really bad idea to do that. It’s just allows resentments to build.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Were humans, not machines.

Sasquach · Answer

Yes. Some things are better settled with time

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Nope

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