Boyfriend broke up with me just for ASKING his ideas on an open relationship?

Question

I think he's overreacting.

Anyway, I've only ever been with my boyfriend, but he was with a few girls before me. I was just thinking maybe I'm missing out by being less sexually experienced because we have talked about marriage and getting engaged this year, together for 4 years, and I ddin't want to live my life wondering what it was like having more sexual experience.

I only ASKED him what he thought about the IDEA of opening and he dumped me saying he didn't think I was that kind of girl and that we clearly have different morals (wtf?).

Do you think he's overreacting, and is there ANY way I can get him back?

Jessikaah91 · Accepted Answer

I don't know.. I'm against it too. I've been asked about that type of shit and it can make you feel as tho you're not good enough.. so I can understand why he is upset about it. Although the person who spoke to me about it I didn't break up with him. But you can get hurt definitely by being asked.. like if you want to have sexual experiences with others then you shouldn't have gotten into a committed relationship.. or at least spoken to your partner about it BEFORE you got together if you had considered it beforehand... And being open can break a relationship anyway especially if he's a jealous type person, and he may not be able to look at you the same again after that. It can put a lot of strain on the relationship. but each to their own.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

The fact that you asked means you aren't certain of him, so he gave you time to spread your legs without him around. He obviously see's that you will probably cheat on him in the future. So he is moving on now instead of in 6 years after getting married and catching you with an other man.

sawno · Accepted Answer

I don't think he's overreacting but he does have a very strong reaction. You showed a sign of not being loyal to him so he's out. That can be jumping the gun if you were perfectly happy to never do it if he said he didn't want to, but you clearly have a desire for it. So he probably immediately jumped to the conclusion that where there is a desire there will be disloyalty and now he's going to search for someone loyal.

Can you get him back? Maybe, but you will need to manage to convince him he has nothing to fear of you cheating or doing stuff behind his back. That trust is gone on his side.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Sadly because open relationships aren’t real relationships , open relationships are 2 selfish people conveniently using each other for sex , while still being open to have sex with other people. He dumped you , because he doesn’t want to be with a girl that might be tempted to spread her legs for someone else. Most guys’ will not commit to a girl that has that selfish mindset , so by you suggesting it , made him realize you aren’t the girl for him. Most guys’ want a loyal girl that only spreads her legs to him , and no one else.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating through the waves of love, aren't we? 🌊💔 Your curiosity about experiencing more before settling down is pretty common, especially when you've only ever known one partner. It’s like being in an ice cream shop but only ever tasting vanilla – intriguing to wonder about the other flavors, right? 😉

But let's put our love goggles on and see it from his side. For some, the idea of an open relationship is as shocking as finding out their favorite love movie was secretly a horror film all along! It challenges fundamental beliefs about relationships, exclusivity, and love. So, when you popped that question, he might have felt like the script of your love story suddenly changed genres.

Is he overreacting? That's subjective. People have strong feelings about monogamy and open relationships, and it seems like this conversation revealed a mismatch in your core values. 🎭

Getting him back? Oh, the million-dollar question! Start with an open, honest conversation. No script, no expectations. Share why you asked, emphasizing your dedication to him and the relationship. Understanding is key, but remember, both parties wearing their hearts on their sleeves is crucial for a sequel in this love story.

And hey, exploring your feelings and needs is never wrong. Whether this relationship continues or you find love elsewhere, knowing yourself is always the best plot twist. 💖

MzAsh · Answer

This is the risk guys take when they date virgins. It’s only natural for you to get curious. You were being genuine, and it looks like his reaction was too. If you yearn for more sexual experience, go get some. He wasn’t the right guy.

DishLady · Answer

Good. There’s no reason to be boyfriend/girlfriend if you’re not exclusive.

HawkPerception · Answer

I personally think that your curiosity about what it's like to be with others is normal. This is why I believe that having a similar amount of sexual experience in a relationship is much better than different sexual experiences. One partner always feels like they've missed out more. However, if you choose to be in a relationship with anyone, you should accept that those thoughts should be emptied from your head and you should fully commit and accept I'm okay with this person for the rest of my life. His reaction was overly dramatic though and I don't think he truly loved you if he was willing to leave immediately after your question.

I personally had an ex that had much more sexual experiences than me and I also felt that desire to have more experiences like that myself. But again... you have to empty that from your head when you're in a relationship.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

I can understand his reasoning behind that decision, it might be a bit harsh but you have to understand that when you asked that question you've already let him know that you've been thinking of having sexual intercourse with others and I'm pretty sure it might have changed his perspective on how he sees you which to be honest its understandable, you asking that question is basically hinting that you want to have sex with others and for any person that is into closed and normal relationships, that can be a major turn off and I wouldn't be surprised if he broke up with you out of precautions in general, because I'm sure such mentalities can eventually lead to cheating or other things most wouldn't want to experience, you are seeing it as a "i was only asking and it's harmless" he's seeing it as " this girl wants to fuck someone else while in relationships, this isn't what I want as a soulmate for the rest of my life".

RavVid · Answer

I would. If you are asking about this then to me it means you want to have sex with other men and to me this is not a relationship. So it is not worth continuing.

I would say what he said. For myself I doubt I would get back but maybe you can persuade him by revising your opinion.

HighValue · Answer

Having casual sex can PERMANENTLY disqualify you from having an exclusive long term GOOD partner. He knows that you are already thinking of having sex with other people so why should he stay? He already knows that you don't want to be loyal.

Men, do NOT get married without a prenuptial agreement. If this situation would have happened with a married couple, she could mistreat him AND then steal what HE had earned if they got divorced.

Daniela1982 · Answer

I agree with him. What's the point of being married if you still want to screw other men/women? Open relationships make a joke out of the marriage that God ordained.

Unit1 · Answer

They say where's smoke, there's fire. He figured that. It's a high risk topic.

Was it overdone? I can't precisely tell. I wasn't there. I don't know the exact words being used nor the setting. It can too easily come across like asking for an open relationship.

Can you get him back? I say no.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Typically when people ask their significant other what their thoughts are about a particular thing…

It’s because they want to do this.

For example I once dated a bisexual girl. She asked me what I think of her kissing a girl. Turns out she asked cause she wanted to kiss a girl

admles · Answer

Your boyfriend was smart.

That you would even consider asking this means you really want it and would be fine with it, he would not be, so he has ended it with you because you are two different people.

spartan55 · Answer

Lol, bet you wish you had a do over on that one. So stupid. Why do think you are automatically entitled to getting back together? If he does (which I doubt) things will never be the same.

alice55 · Answer

Not sure he does sound a bit like overdramatic but at the same time it's quite a weird things to ask / think about when you're at the point of getting engaged, if you want to cheat on him before even being his fiancé...

avery58 · Answer

Well he thinks you have a cheater's mentality now, I don't think he's exaggerating. He knows you want to do it and the in

WhitneySnow · Answer

He should have talked things out with you but there is no way this guy is going to give you an open relationship. Remember that before you go trying to win him back.

BonzoInBitburg · Answer

I would've dumped you too. Anyone even considering that is a giant red flag in my books.

Kaizer000 · Answer

No, he's right on the matter. No man has the obligation to stay with a woman who is considering sleeping with others and says it to his face. He's a total chad in my opinion. You lost a good one.

Anonymous · Answer

You wouldn't have asked if it wasn't something you wanted to do, so you were essentially telling him you want to have sex with other men, which is obviously hurtful. You're getting what you asked for.

noohair · Answer

When a guy is looking for a mate, they recoil over the idea of another penis in you. Get him back? I don't know him well enough to say.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I would have done the same thing as for then on I would never trust her.

Anonymous · Answer

He's not overreacting. I would do the same. By asking, you made it clear you want to have sex with other guys and he's not enough for you. The end.

shortster · Answer

He is too immature; you're probably better off without him. Having a conversation about being in a polyamorous or monogamous relationship is important thing to have.

MrGSpotHer · Answer

He wanted something serious you obviously didn't want that

Guacamole409 · Answer

I hoped you learned your lesson.

Boyfriend broke up with me just for ASKING his ideas on an open relationship?

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