My boyfriend flirted with another girl. How should I move forward?

[Anonymous]

I know for a fact that I will be called stupid for not breaking up with him but please hear me out because I need help. Also this might be long.
Recently I talked to my therapist about having trust issues and that I worry about some of the girls he talks to. I understand many are platonic but he’s a bit secretive about one of his female friends. I was told to ask him to show me their texts but not to force it. So I told him, in a calm way, “I’m feeling nervous can you please show me your texts with *her name*. If you don’t want me to look at something, I won’t look”. As I was looking through the texts, it was mostly normal but there were some moments that bothered me. One of them is when she sent a video of date ideas in the area where he lives. He responded with “Are you planning on taking me on a date? 🤔” to which she responded “your girlfriend wouldn’t approve”. Another text I saw was with a meme of an animal fighting another animal and he said “my girlfriend when I talk to you”. Also she is living in another country right now and he kept asking her when she was coming back. I cried to him asking why he would say these things and he tried to argue with me, bringing up random stuff like I take up too much of his time and I had an attitude that day. The next day, he was very affectionate and kept saying he loves me and he knows he did wrong and he won’t do it again. We’ve been together for quite some time so I don’t want to make an impulsive decision. The only reason I didn’t break up with him immediately is because it wasn’t fully cheating and it could have been harmless. I just want to get other perspectives. Do men really mean it when they say they’ll change in these situations? How can I heal from this and is it even possible to get over it? I’m absolutely heartbroken.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I totally get why you're heartbroken over this. Flirting like that really crosses a line. A few thoughts:

- His excuses and trying to turn it on you are huge red flags. That's not how someone acts when they genuinely feel bad.

- Things like telling other girls your relationship "wouldn't approve" of dates is totally disrespectful to you and your relationship.

- Asking another girl when she's coming back repeatedly is also hella inappropriate.

- Men who really want to change don't keep making excuses - they own up fully to their mistakes.

As much as it hurts, I don't think you'll be able to fully get past this or trust him again. You deserve so much better than someone who treats you like an option.

If it was me, I'd end it. I know that's really hard since you've been together awhile. But you're still so young - don't waste more time on someone who broke your heart.

It'll be painful, but staying will only drag things out. You've got your whole amazing life ahead still! Please don't settle for less than you deserve, girl. You've got this.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

You can't control what he does, you can only tell him how you feel about it

[Jessikaah91]

Any chance tho she was sending him ideas for him to take you out? And they made a little joke about it afterwards about her taking him out.. and with the animals fighting that's not a flirty thing but sometimes people do and say things they don't mean when being annoyed at the other.. I don't know.. at this point I'm thinking more than likely they're friends.. like would it be different if he sent those animals memes to a male friend of his? Maybe just take a breath and talk to him when calm because I know sometimes our partners can piss us off which is usually the normal, and you don't want your emotional state to make you say something you may regret too.

[Danny_dan92]

By breaking up