Is your S. O. part of your safe space?

Question

Hi Guys & Gals!

In chatting with different people -- and in seeing some posts here -- it's interesting to learn that some folks consider a work colleague to be part of their "safe space" circle, however they don't consider their SO to be in that circle, which surprised me.

For the sake of professionalism, I do have one or two people at work in whom I'll confide, but only about work-related matters, whereas my "inner circle" is comprised of my closest friends and family specifically... and very few from among those are considered to be in my "safe space" and privy to my innermost thoughts and reflections. While I don't currently have an SO... normally I would think that the first person to consider adding to that circle would be the person you choose to share your heart with... which isn't the case for everyone, I'm learning.

So now I put the question out to you guys...

1. Do you have someone from work in your safe space?
2. Is your SO included in your safe space?
3. Can you explain your rationale for 1 and 2?

MicahRaine · Accepted Answer

1. Not anymore. I used to be close with someone at a previous workplace, and they were a very "safe space" for me. They talked me through quite a few things. Unfortunately, they aren't in my life anymore.

2. Yes, 100%. I can't fully relax unless I'm around her. I'm used to never feeling safe enough to close my eyes, but she's changing that. Also, sometimes it can be difficult to talk to her about some things, but I know she loves me more than any of my mistakes.

3. Rational

The person from work became a safe place for me because we both had the same beliefs (unlike our other coworkers) and walked through life with the same intentionality. Similarly to me, she'd seen some hard things in life. Although we never shared those details, we recognized that in each other and grew close enough to confide in each other.
Raine is a safe place for me because she's earned it. That's why we're dating. She's supported me through homelessness and success. We both trust each other with everything in our lives. I would never date someone who isn't a safe place for me. That wouldn't be a true partnership, and who would want to live like that?

Universaldance · Accepted Answer

My SO would be yes

If there is matter that we are working through and neither of us could find resolution for then I would want to have a slightly larger circle I could extend myself to and would appreciate some brothers or sisters in the growing Kingdom community I could trust by their fruit in certain areas.

Workplace community and other peers I must be careful about because of the strong contrast of values. I would never be sure of what their influence is, not saying I wouldn't have them as part of my safe space but I would proceed with caution because their influence might just add to the noise or escalate my situation without encouragement or direction in faith

Anonymous · Answer

I don't have a job, so I will translate 'work' unit college, and the potential people to be in my safe space being teachers or classmates.

In that case, no. There is no one from my college who is a part of my safe space. I have teachers I like and classmates I'm friendly, but I'm not super close with any of them, and wouldn't confide in them my innermost thoughts. That answer would change if I did ever form a very close connection with someone at my college, but I just haven't, and don't really expect to.

My partner however is absolutely a part of my safe space. In fact, they must be the safest person in my space, or I'm not going to be dating them. I see that as being an integral part of a romantic partner. If I can't tell them secrets, if I can't express myself no matter how sensitive and vulnerable it may be, then it sounds like they're just a distant friend who I have sex with rather than a romantic partner. There is no real love in that, and it's not safe, and if I'm choosing a person to live in my home and spend the rest of my life with, they absolutely have to be safe.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

my safe space includes my kids and both best friends... when my grandma lived she was also part of my safe space

if I ever will have a partner he also will be included

why? those are people the closest to me and we care for each other... so I trust them and they trust me... with our lives...

people at work are out of this circle

PeachyPie93 · Answer

1. No, I seen too many of my coworkers or people I know get drunk together and it just ruins the work life and they hate each other and it gets messy. I can be "friends" with co workers and go out but they are not someone I really trust at all.

2. Yes, a partner is my safe space. Like if I am opening my body up to you I obviously trust you more than anyone else. They tend to be the only person I trust, like if I can't be myself around them or have to hide who I am, I wouldn't be with them. I want my partner to be someone I can tell anything to and vise versa, if we can't do that why would we even date lol.

MemeSupreme · Answer

1. no

bc you can't trust peeps and i don't wanna make it that close. sometimes you gossip and say personal shit to vent or talk but it's not like THAT deep

2. kinda

he can be comforting and it's nice to open up about some deep shit, BUT some things you don't tell your SO. and im kinda always on edge and expect something to go wrong so that fucks with that lol

osmanthus · Answer

Segregated: work with work and personal relationship to personal matters, apart, is what I strongly prefer. It does little to bring one into the other, unless it would directly affect the person to the extent that being unable to participate or perform duties would be greatly impacted.

Juxtapose · Answer

Lovers are not safe at all unless you are with them for at least 5 years and really know how they operate. Ideally it would be at least 10 years before you fully open up.

Why? Because you are constantly being tested and judged. You are constantly under performance pressure, you constantly walk a minefield and it's a stressful experience.

Meanwhile with your work colleagues? You don't have to do shit to impress them. You just show up, do your job and be yourself. You don't have to prove yourself in some sort of weird mating ritual.

Yannae · Answer

1 Safe space, I don't consider my colleagues safe space. Safe Work Space, I can agree. I can count on them when it comes to work, but o man she likes to gossip so I know not to say too much of myself around her.

2 She is part of the safe space because we are just so in sync with a lot that we do. I speak to her during breaks, and see her after work. I knew her as a person already before making things official and she didn't let me down back then as a friend, and she's not letting me down now as a partner. She understands where I'm coming from and accepts me for who I am.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

My safe place is with my mother and son and if i have a so than ofc she will be in this circle, if someone can't feel safe with his wife than with who he can be safe with, god created a man and a woman plus marriage to make it the safest place for them ofc in their own house, a man build or owns his house where he keeps his family away from all dangers!

JCT666 · Answer

My SO is my safe space, only she knows and sees my vulnerable side. I confide in no one else.

Angelo75 · Answer

1. Nope. I had that in the past, but noticed that when switching work or when things get stressed at work, that they're more "colleagues" than "friends".

2. Yes. That's how it's supposed to be, however scary it feels. Otherwise your relationship will be just a ticking timebomb of mistrust and insecurities.

3. Well kinda did already above here.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

I can't imagine ever having a "safe space". The only time I can let down is when I am alone and in for the night.

LadyBecks · Answer

Yes, I have a few work friends that I would consider being part of a safe space, but, yes, I also include my husband in that safe space.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I trust/feel safe with my girlfriend, but I refuse to dump my problems onto her. I don't feel like it's her job to support me in that way, I'm a man and I'm supposed to be taking care of her.

My childhood best friend who I think of as my brother is the only person I'll 100% open up to.

HawkPerception · Answer

The only people that are in my safe spaces are my S. O. when I have one and my best friend.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Yes. He is. So are my closest friends and my immediate family.

NathanDavis · Answer

let's call it... "trust circle"

Lliam · Answer

My home is my safe space. But it isn't home without my wife. She's the only one I can count on and trust 100%.

strangeatcircleK · Answer

She would be for sure. If she wasn't, that would be a red flag for sure

avery58 · Answer

I don't let anyone become my safe space anymore, I learned that the hard way. Only my mother and myself.

MrGSpotHer · Answer

2nd the first don't matter to me at all I'm cold like that, the people I've worked with are just there I have to tolerate them I mostly don't like people

Dongie · Answer

That stuffs not in my world.

Havill4nd · Answer

I've never had an S. O. but I imagine they would be.

CubaPirate · Answer

Absolutely 💯

BCRanger10 · Answer

Yes, she is.

eagle1951 · Answer

not anymore

Is your S. O. part of your safe space?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is your S. O. part of your safe space?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.