I think my best friend’s boyfriend is a walking red flag. Am I right?

[chick]

I think my bestie’s new boyfriend is controlling and manipulative. She ended a three-year relationship six months ago and met this new guy two months ago. While he seems better on the surface—stable job, his own place—I've noticed red flags.

He speaks condescendingly to her, asked her to change clothes to "protect her from other men," and moves way too fast. He wants her to move in as soon as possible talks about marriage and kids, put her on his life insurance, demanded she share her location with him, and wants her to quit her job. He also criticizes her outfits, friends, and diet saying he wants what’s best for her.

When I try to talk to her about this, she dismisses my concerns and changes the subject. I think she’s blinded by her feelings and thinks I’m projecting my past trauma onto her.

How can I talk to her about this?

[Skinhead-1979]

I don't think you can... the more you will try, the more your friend might start to resent you.

I had met an English woman in 2006 and fell hard for her; but she was with someone else, cast me aside whenever I was no longer needed only to reappear months, years, later, and eventually even got pregnant with the guy she was with and also got engaged.

After 3 years... it was my time; and oh boy have I been warned... but during those 3 years she had groomed me so much, that I firmly believed she was the love of my life and we were meant to be together but due to 'fate' couldn't for a long time.

I broke off contact with any one who ever had cast any doubt over her...

Long story short... I nearly paid for that 'relationship' with my life; 11 years of emotional abuse, manipulations and deceit. By the time she cast me aside, I lost the will to live and attempted suicide the 1st time (4 more attempts followed). She also made me homeless... So here I was, stuck in a country in which the only people I knew were her family members; I had no one to fall back on.

[Finchie40]

Sadly you can’t , some girls’ love that manipulation and control and dominance from a man , it’s sadly something she will have to figure out on her own , if she likes to be controlled that way , you can tell her all you want , but it’s more than likely going to go in one ear out the other , and she more than likely will fond out the hard way , on her own. As a friend just be there for her and watch everything unfold right before your eyes , the second she wakes up and realizes she is with a manipulative controlling POS guy , all you have to say is I told you so.

[DishLady]

Some guys are just like that... and encouraged to be like that by their families, friends, and social platforms like G@G where they tend to run rampant.

It's up to the girl to decide what level of toxicity -- if any -- she's willing to tolerate from this guy. If she's the sort to love being subservient to a man, then she doesn't see that as red flags. Don't impose your flag restrictions on someone who doesn't find those things to be red flags... Each woman has her own standards and values. (Having said that, I agree with you that that 💩 would drive me right up the wall and out the door.)

[Daniela1982]

Sounds like a manipulative and possessive man. She should drop him as soon as possible if she knows what's good for her. Overly possessive men tend to not like their women going elsewhere. They are usually of the opinion, if I can't have her no one else can either. She should get out before he has too strong a hold on her. Also, don't get together with him to discuss anything. That is when bad things tend to happen.

[AI Opinion]

Aim: Offering advice on addressing a friend's potentially problematic relationship.

Navigating the stormy seas of a best friend's love life requires a delicate balance, doesn't it? It's like trying to perform a tightrope act in a hurricane! In your situation, waving those red flags like a matador, you're absolutely right to feel concerned. This guy seems to be textbook lovebombing mixed with a dose of control that's more suited to a puppeteer than a partner.

The key to swaying her without pushing her away? Approach this like you're watering a delicate plant, not like you're trying to uproot it. Share your feelings and observations without making it sound like an attack on her prince not-so-charming. Try something along the lines of, "I've noticed these things, and it worries me because I care about you." It’s about her wellbeing, not the indictment of her choice in men.

Remember, love can sometimes be as blinding as staring directly at the sun, especially with those rosy-tinted glasses on. If straight talk doesn't nudge her, perhaps suggest she considers if she'd want a loved one (picture that adorable future niece or nephew) in a similar relationship dynamic. Sometimes, reframing the perspective can flick the switch.

And ah, sprinkle a little bit of humor and affection throughout your chat! It'll keep the bridge between you two strong, even if things get a bit windy. Good luck, and may your friendship weather this love storm! 🍀💕

[janina]

Sounds like your concerns are valid. he's showing classic signs of being controlling and manipulative. The best approach is to talk to her calmly and compassionately. Listen to her and ensure she feels heard. Be supportive no matter what, and make sure she knows you're there for her. Encourage her to have a safety plan if things get worse. It’s tough, but your support could make a big difference.

[MisterWack]

You should talk to her calmly and openly about this, maybe ask her questions like, “are you okay?” “how is your relationship?” “is everything fine?” “I support you, you know that?” Then proceed further with the worries you have, don’t yell or raise your voice. Just raise your concerns to her and I’m sure she’ll understand the sentiment.

[humble]

It's great that you care about your friend, but these behaviors might not be as alarming as they seem. Sometimes people move fast in relationships and want to integrate their lives quickly. Critiquing outfits or sharing locations could stem from concern rather than control. Encourage open conversations between them about boundaries and intentions. Instead of assuming the worst, suggest she reflect on her feelings and the relationship's dynamics. Offer your support and remind her that she deserves respect and happiness. Trust her judgment while being there for her if she needs advice or a listening ear.

[boombastik]

Sounds like you are just scared of losing your friend, A woman wants a man that can put her in her place. One that is man enough to make his woman go back and put on something else. If not she doesn't want a man. She wants someone to pay her way and to run the streets. Sounds like your friend isn't for these streets

[loveslongnails]

You're wrong - he's not A walking red flag, he's a PARADE of red flags! He's a ticking time bomb. She needs to dump this guy yesterday. How do you talk to her about it? You're doing well so far. See if you can find a support group for women who were in relationships with men like this and let her hear their stories.

[Vegasrunner]

I don't see why you even thing this is an issue for you to speak about. According to you he provides, protects, wants to add her to her insurance and is looking for a long term relationship. Are you sure you're just not trying to sabotage her so you can have him?

[lightbulb27]

that would make a great new CARS song... "my best friends boyfriend... is walking red flag".

he's extreme, sounds cultural and he wants to move forward but too fast. maybe.

[gilmore]

express your concerns with empathy. Instead of confronting her directly, share specific examples of his behavior and how they make you feel. Encourage open dialogue by asking questions, and reassure her that you're there to support her, regardless of her choices.

[slatyb]

You are so right. You already have. You could try putting your concerns in writing and send her a text or E-mail. Maybe find a site that lists warning signs and match them against his behavior.

[avery58]

You already tried to and she didn't listen, looks like she's going to have to learn on her own.

[Anonymous]

She moved on too fast and is use to the security a relationship can provide. Especially with just getting out of a relationship. She won’t acknowledge your help or your fear. She’ll believe what she wants for right now. All you can do is just stay by her side and let her know you’re still there for her. But he’s a huge red flag. Screams controller. She’s in the delulu phase right now…

[Peridot25]

Unfortunately, she has to find out the hard way on her own. You can voice your concerns, but she’s not going to listen.

[handsomelad70]

Sensitively tell her that you're worried about her boyfriend's desire to control every aspect of her life.

[noohair]

The only person you have any chance of changing is yourself. If you are a true friend, hope for the best and be there to help her pick up the pieces.

[Hanssolochibaka]

Be honest and straight forward however be prepared that she may not believe you and it could cost you your friendship. I think if it does she was not such a good friend after all.

[Staximus]

The guy is already talking about getting a life insurance policy for her. Huge red flag.

[Staximus]

This guy sounds like the kind of guy who would beat her ass if she comes home late from having dinner and drinks at her friend's house or some stupid shit like that. This guy needs to go.

[MacDaddyRico]

You tried and she denied.
Let her find out on her own.

[askthis56]

I dont think getting involved is a good idea

[NathanDavis]

she's just friend, no? then do so...

[WhitneySnow]

That’s really troubling

[animesenpai]

People have to make their own mistakes

[OtterMan68]

you're right