Am I the only one who thinks that my best friend's boyfriend crossed the line?

Question

They are dating for 6months. I met him 3 monts ago. I thought that he is great guy but I feel uncomfortable around him. I dont know if he is just so easy going, or he is crossing the line a bit?

He compliments me and always keeps conversation going. I feel a bitt weird that he compliments me since Im his girlfriend's best friend. He barely compliments her!

The other day we had lunch together (3 of us), and he ordered chili soup and it was spicy (obviously). And I said that there is no way that its that spicy. So he tried to make me taste it from his spoon. And I was like aaaahhh nooo thanks. Also, he paid the whole bill (incl mine and my friend's) even tho I insisted to pay at least for myself.

They are living in another city but he is going to live in my city for few weeks (because of work). And he said that it will be so boring. My friend joked that he can text me for company. And he said that its a great idea. And I really dont want to spend alone time with him since Im uncomfortable.

Should I talk with my friend about it? Or Im just looking too much into things..

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think you are just reading it wrong. But you didn't really include what he says to you. If he compliments you more then her then that is a red flag. But it also depends on what kind of compliments. Are they about your wardrobe or style, is it on something you can do or a character trait? If so those are all fine. Buy if it is about your appearance or looks that is an issue.

It's just to hard to tell without more information. I think it could be because you are his girlfriend's best friend. He wants to win you over so you like him too. Just seems like he us trying to hard is all. The paying for the 3 of your meals is a good example of this. He may have the extra money to spend and was trying to be nice to her and you, but it could be seen as a bit too much as well. The moving to the new city and wanting to hang out is kind of the same thing. He is going to be in a new place and doesn't know anyone. But you are his girlfriend's friend so he kind of knows you. So he wants to hang out, but in reality it's weird because you two aren't actually friend yet. You just have a mutual friend.

So I think it comes down to how creepy or improper her is with you. Does he ever look at you inappropriately or say inappropriate things to you? Or is it just weird and awkward like he's trying to force a friendship? He could be a creep or he could just be weird. The fact that your friend doesn't seem to mind makes me think he's just weird. Since usually the partner pucks up on this too but she did pretty much give her blessing, so maybe she just knows he's awkward.

theflash675 · Accepted Answer

My brothers girlfriend offers me drinks from her cup to try them, she has driven me places before, she is very friendly with me, and overall she would give me a helping hand if I asked for it. She even asks me to visit their place. The same goes for her sister, who is basically my brothers friend to the same extent. There is something going on with you internally if you can not put this paranoia to the side and just be a normal human being. Trust me, once you vocalize your opinion on this there is no going back, and if the time comes where your best friend has to choose or just separate the two of you, then things will never be the same. Just be friends, and if he crosses the line then you can tell her. Until then, don't make assumptions about his motives, because as far as we I am concerned he just seems like a genuine dude

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think this is a bit tricky.
The compliments... that’s hard just because it depends on the compliment. “Oh my god you're so funny” that’s not a big deal
“Oh my god you’re smokin hot”... ehh that’s a bit weird.
I don’t think the sharing a spoon thing is that weird. I mean I’m not going to act like I’ve not drank another persons drink and used their straw. To some people that’s not a huge deal.
If he really likes her then there maybe no crazy motives behind his actions. If you want to keep a girl you usually have to have the best friend like you too. That maybe all that’s going on here.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trusting your instincts for the most part but given the information you’ve provided it’s hard to say one way or the other in my opinion. I think if he tries anything else or goes further with any of it then it’s time to share your concerns with your friend.
The other thing that you may not have considered or noticed since you may not see him with other people is he could act this really friendly way with everyone so I think maybe you should pay attention to that too.

VaIiant · Accepted Answer

You're way overthinking this, and frankly, talking to your friend would make you look as immature as you sound. Your friend's boyfriend sounds like a gentleman- paying for you out of courtesy to his girlfriend, because you're friends with her? Letting you tag along on their date? Thats kind of him.
Complimenting someone isn't always a form of attraction. I compliment my male friends, my female friends, I compliment random strangers on the street. Keep it to yourself, because if I was your best friend and knew you thought so much of yourself that you believed my courteous, polite boyfriend was interested in you over such tiny, non trivial things, I'd end the friendship.

dragonfly6516 · Accepted Answer

It doesn't matter what's really going on here. The fact that you feel uncomfortable is enough of a reason to ask him to back off at least a little bit. This has nothing to do with him shady, if you're just not as very open person.

The spoon thing is a bit creepy, but other than that, I'm not sure. I've known people who are just really open like this, and will share just about anything with anyone, and it's not because they have a crush or anything.

But then if he was single, everyone would be telling you "dead giveaway" he's into you.

happyhippo · Accepted Answer

It doesn't sound like he's crossing the line, you're probably over thinking it. You're his girlfriend's best friend, so he would like you to like him and is just behaving nice. However if you're uncomfortable, you can always avoid contact with him.

ChronicThinker · Answer

I mean, the compliments maybe might be a bit iffy, but otherwise he just sounds really friendly. If it were sexual in any way I'd bring it up, but I think there's no reason to create drama with your friend over this seeing as it's so minor.

Unnameable · Answer

I think you need to talk to both of them about this. But I think it's important to know which line he's crossing. I don't think he's trying to cheat. I think he's starting to see himself and his girlfriend as a single united entity, and is starting to take you on as his best friend (or rather, the couple's best friend). Unlike the girl he is dating, he hasn't earned the position of your best friend. He's too comfortable with the expectation that you are effectively his best friend, and that is the line he is crossing

rjroy3 · Answer

I don't know I'd say he's crossing the line, but if you're uncomfortable you should just saythat you don't want to hang out with him one on one purely out of respect for your friend.

That way it's a non awkward option for you to express
1. you love and respect your friend and
2. offer a justifiable reason to not see him without it being weird for anyone involved.
So she also doesn't feel like It's that you don't like him, but you want to be respectful to her and the relationship.
She'll just see you being a good friend : )

Win win

DanielOfTheNorth · Answer

Eating from the same spoon as him? Red flag, he is totally into you. I wouldn't even share my spoon with own brother, let alone with the best friend of my girlfriend. Combined with his compliments directed towards you and never at her, and him paying your bill to impress you.

Sure he may be just a really charismatic and charming guy, but make sure to get proof if he flirts with you or makes a move. Because your friend may get upset at you, if he spins the story and says you came onto him. Or if you just straight up tell her you are suspicious of him, she'll say you're crazy, and say that you're jealous. Remember most people when they receive bad news or information that is to hard to accept they often "shoot the messenger"

KAF87 · Answer

Just looking too much into things.

I didn't read anything there that indicated he made a pass at you.

Paying for the whole bill was just him getting in good with his girlfriend. Or he doesn't care about money. If I was making a romantic gesture every time I paid for dinner...

As a boyfriend you want your girlfriends close friends to like you, but that can be difficult because you don't know them, you have no history, and her friends may not be the kind of people you would choose. It is very difficult to handle and guys often do things like compliment wrong.

shades777 · Answer

You guys are clearly missing the point. there's a big difference between compliments and being nice.
Thats her bestfriends man, not her man.
And im pretty sure if my bros compliment my girlfriend they are up to no good.
Unless you live under a rock. men dont compliment women for the hell of it.
Even though she hasn't given examples of the compliments im sure they were on the lines of you look good today, you smell good,

there's no reason he should be doing that. Period.

Then the spoon thing makes it so obvious your basically being slapped in the face with flirts.

Tell your friend.

Anonymous · Answer

It doesn't simply have grounds for suspicion based on only what you said here to us. But who knows, you may feep more to it then just this stuff.
But listen, just donttt hang out with him. Who the hell says you have to? You have every right to say you're too busy to spend time with him when he's in your city. Just say you can't chill. It wouldn't be wise to due to your suspicions. At that point you'd just be asking for him to make a move. So just say no & stay safe :) only hang with him when there's your best friend there too. Never alone

SammyGurl · Answer

Yes you should talk to your friend about it. That's not a good idea to meet with him alone at all. Either he will try and flirt with you or more. any way you look at it, it looks and is wrong to hang out alone with a friend's boyfriend or their spouse! In any case if it feels wrong, it usually is wrong!

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sure he's just a carismatic guy, thinks you look good and wants his girlfriends friends to feel happy around him he's just doing it for acceptance, it does not mean he would cheat on his girlfriend or even have any interest in sleeping with you. Could just be a general compliment, I could say to one of my gfs friends Hey how are you? you're looking good tonight. I could say that in front of my girlfriend or say to a guy Hey bro nice kicks, just like she could say to one of my friends Hey Johny looking sharp tonight is that a new suit or say to a girl I know she likes her dress and underwear. 100% normal everyday banter

fay23 · Answer

Honestly from what you mentioned the only thing i felt off about your situation is that he compliments you more than his girl. That can be a bad sign but other than that I don't see a problem. You don't have go hang out with him of course but i wouldn't mention it to your friend otherwise it just looks like you looking for a problem.

Selena2418 · Answer

It almost sounds like your best friend might be encouraging his behavior. Maybe she is really secure with the relationship, or she might be opening the door for a threesome. I'm just saying thats how its sounding to me. Either way you should just discuss it with her, and let her know you're uncomfortable. Whether he is just being nice or wanting something to happen, you should say something to stop the behavior since it makes you uncomfortable.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like your bff is either:

A) Very very secure
B) Trusts you both completely
C) Wants a threesome

I would know, my girlfriend wanted option C but didn't know how to bring it up with me. She'd constantly make me agree that her bff is hot, it's like she WANTED me to cheat LOL.

Stoner710 · Answer

The spoon thing is kinda weird if he did spooned a month full, out and tried to feed you if he just offended you a taste with the same spoon that’s not a big deal.

It also depends on the contest of how he’s competing you I’ve completed my girlfriend friends before but it’s normally when there saying something bad About themselves like “I hate my laugh” or “I’m fat” that kind of stuff. Context is key

MecheD · Answer

The spoon thing does sound a little over the line but tbh it’s only if he offered to feed you with it. But here is the thing he may just be a bit too nice I wouldn’t alarm your friend but just don’t endure in any type of alone time with him only time you bring it up is when she does because she may only think that your jealous especially if that’s not the true feelings you have.

MaosLeves · Answer

Over thinking it a LOT, he is trying to impress you because you are her girls best friend, he was nervous obviously and he for sure banged his head against the wall that night calling himself dumb, and that you will trashtalk him to his girlfriend and she will eventually leave him xD so... both over thinking probably xD

Mornin23 · Answer

I think you're just overthinking things. The guy's being genuinely kind by complimenting you, more than likely, and the soup thing is just him not being a germaphobe. Besides, if he's doing it in front of his gf/your friend, she's fine with it too.

SongBird3 · Answer

From my perspective it doesn’t seem anything out of the ordinary. My bffs boyfriend is a lot like that, it means he’s interested in being friends. But if you personally feel uncomfortable with that then trust your instincts

Sociopathvictim · Answer

Ignore and treat him like he’s been friend zoned. That’s what every other girl does. I do that myself aswell, I’ve had so many taken girls act the way you describe in front of their boyfriends. It’s uncomfortable and annoys me.

kittycat119 · Answer

So you're uncomfortable because a dude is being nice 2 u and you're mistaking it for flirting or him liking u or something... and women wonder y men aren't always being nice 2 them. Because women like u twist their kindness into attraction

stbiker · Answer

Wow, I'd say you talk to both of them. I think he's a charismatic person and you are overthinking. Maybe I'm wrong but either way, you just keep yourself away from him. If he's genuinely good, you don't deserve such a friend. If he's crossing the line, better keep a distance.

cherryphi82 · Answer

It's crossing into that territory, yes. I'd be really careful. It is not unheard of that guys like their girl friend's best friends. Just keep being respectful, hold your boundary and if more suspicious stuff happens, tell your friend.

Lostranza · Answer

I dont think so. I think that he is just trying to be clever and funny. Especially with the last situation. I think that maybe he is trying to be in your good graces.

UnstableCraft · Answer

talk to your friend about it and just let them know that you're uncomfortable being too close with their significant other not that he's done anything specific to make you feel awkward just a general feeling

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Nothing you describe seems to be a big deal. He's making an effort to engraciate himself with you, obviously its not working. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, if your friend is happy then its just you and her boyfriend getting off on wrong foot.

garyfrost · Answer

I think that you feel what you feel, and any feeling is right. Since it is your gut feeling you should give it a serious thought. What is more important to you the relation ship with your friend of hers with her boyfriend. Both are equal in value. If she doesn't accept your input about this then you know what your friendship value is. You have Te right to show your feelings, so is she free to reject. Friendships will go back as they were if things go wrong with them.
At least she's warned.

QueenKitten225 · Answer

I'd say talk to your friend, be 100% honest with her especially if you value their friendship.  I know I'd rather be brought into the loop and hear it from my bestie.

sodaa_popp · Answer

Just avoid him if you're uncomfortable. You're not obligated to spend alone time with him.

boyoh · Answer

You could be looking to much into it. But i do feel as if he is pulling an "open oppurtunity" kind of situation thing with him being in town, and making sure u know he will be bored while there. That seems to be him trying to let u know he wants to "chill" now that he has a chance to be alone with u. I would say dont bring it up. But to be cautious of his intentions. The chili seems to just be a awkward situation. Nothing like he was trying to be flirty.

haremdab · Answer

I've always been one for brutal honesy. I don't know him I don't know how he is with the girlfriend or how those 2 are when you're not around. It you really trust your friend you could talk to her about it, just how you're put off by how nice he is to you.

pabs7 · Answer

I think you like this guy a little even if its your BF/BF. and you feel umcomfortable been around him because you dont know what you can do if your with him alone.. if you didn't feel anything you wouldn't care. Everytime he compliments you, you like it and make you feel weird about it because your friend is around perhaps youbñ shoul talk to your friend about it.

LooseBolts · Answer

I think you are over thinking it. He’s probably just being a gentlemen paying for the whole bill. I’ve done that when me, my girlfriend (at the time) and her friend went out to lunch... telling her what you think because you assume this will make you look bad.

jimyee · Answer

I think you're reading into things way too much. Unless there is more stuff going on than what you described to me he sounds fine.

HeldaJohn · Answer

He isn’t crossing the line it’s tktally normal. If things get too weird then tell him or your friend that you’re not okay with it

Bianca914 · Answer

He wants your approval so he's kissing up to you. If he starts flirting I would say something to him like maybe in a joking way like back off bro and tell her ofcourse

Anonymous · Answer

trust your intuition if he makes you uncomfortable. I’ve seen similar situations where the guy is extra friendly with other girls, and behind the gf’s back, he tries hitting on them.

beautifulangel76 · Answer

Talk to your friend about it. It sounds like she doesn’t see a problem with any of it.

vittle1999 · Answer

Talk to your friend and let her know you feel weird about it. She probably is totally clueles about how you feel.

Anonymous · Answer

Trust me in this situation you should just over look it. If he makes a move on you that is the time to kick him in the balls and have a talk to your friend. If you take to her now it will only cause problems for everyone.

YinLong · Answer

Talk to your friend and sounds like they have an open relationship or your friend has insecurities and allows him to be free spirited and roam often only way he'd be so comfy infront of her making signs

Kenni · Answer

I dony see anything weird about it. I think you're overreacting.

Anonymous · Answer

i know a guy who acts exactly like that around his girlfriend. like have some shame man! the guy probably thinks he is slick but we all see what is happening unless you are really socially oblivious!

Sarisalive · Answer

Yeah, if he is treating you better than he treats her that's a sign that he likes you and not her.

Azzazle · Answer

Talk to your friend about it. I think your over thinking it though.

pipetol · Answer

Too friendly, better text your best friend but be aware, that can also be a bad idea cause who knows how she is gonna take it... Maybe saying you are overreacting or something like that, it depends on what kind of friendship you both have.

Stan_Control_ · Answer

I don't think that there's much reason to be uncomfortable here. He's just being himself.

enj1996 · Answer

I don't know. Maybe he's being super friendly. End of the day, if he tries to move on you then you don't have to let anything happen. It's a win win. He would never text anything stupid either.

jblakely93 · Answer

I think you should be a little weary of him and yor right he's probably being a little too friendly but dont admonish him for it set your boundaries and let hour friend know

PrestonBurkett · Answer

You seem like a great friend. If you wanted to show your friend this I know she would understand she's got a very cool best friend girls these days can care less really if they want it they try to get it. that speaks a lot of your character.

xfun2bmex · Answer

Hmmm seems like someone will be screwing his girlfriend's best friend pretty soon... If not yet done!

4cparkin · Answer

Confront him and ask why he's acting like that then you know and maybe he might cut back on it but It kinda has some flags again ask him what's up and let your friend know if it doesn't work

Joncewas · Answer

I would warn your friend about this suspicious activity. Looks like that guy wants to become friendies with you, dump his girlfriend, and start relationships with you.

LordPK20797 · Answer

He’s not trying to date you. All that happened was that he was trying to be nice to you cuz he knows girls are serious about that stuff.

Stardusttt55 · Answer

I think he crossed line. Maybe you should avoid him by not talking. And also I think if you say to your friend about her boyfriend without evidence, you can be announced as bad girl for them

tinesters · Answer

I don't know. I think you should be careful and tell your friend.

bunnygirl129 · Answer

Your not looking into things to much, if it seems like he is giving you more attention than his own girlfriend I would talk to your friend about it.

niles_ · Answer

It sounds to me like he just wants to be on good terms with you because he is dating your best friend.

skippygranola · Answer

Sounds to me like he's just friendly guy, if not a little too casual. By no means do anything that you aren't 100% comfortable with.

sazeru · Answer

Yes. Tell your friend and let her know what's going on. She'll most likely confront him about it and it'll stop.

BeenShook · Answer

You're probably over thinking it, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to you're friend about it

godamn · Answer

He wants to sleep with you. And you should consider sleeping with him cuz nothing is better than cheating with your best friends boyfriend.

Am I the only one who thinks that my best friend's boyfriend crossed the line?

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Am I the only one who thinks that my best friend's boyfriend crossed the line?

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