Am I the only one who thinks that my best friend's boyfriend crossed the line?

[Anonymous]

They are dating for 6months. I met him 3 monts ago. I thought that he is great guy but I feel uncomfortable around him. I dont know if he is just so easy going, or he is crossing the line a bit?

He compliments me and always keeps conversation going. I feel a bitt weird that he compliments me since Im his girlfriend's best friend. He barely compliments her!

The other day we had lunch together (3 of us), and he ordered chili soup and it was spicy (obviously). And I said that there is no way that its that spicy. So he tried to make me taste it from his spoon. And I was like aaaahhh nooo thanks. Also, he paid the whole bill (incl mine and my friend's) even tho I insisted to pay at least for myself.

They are living in another city but he is going to live in my city for few weeks (because of work). And he said that it will be so boring. My friend joked that he can text me for company. And he said that its a great idea. And I really dont want to spend alone time with him since Im uncomfortable.

Should I talk with my friend about it? Or Im just looking too much into things..

Updates

+1 y

Wow. I wasn't expecting so many opinions. Thank you all! I decided to do nothing, Im not gonna tell her anything. I dont want to mess up my friendship or their relationship. So I will be quiet at least for now. I really hope that he is genuine guy and we will laugh about it after few years.

[Anonymous]

I think you are just reading it wrong. But you didn't really include what he says to you. If he compliments you more then her then that is a red flag. But it also depends on what kind of compliments. Are they about your wardrobe or style, is it on something you can do or a character trait? If so those are all fine. Buy if it is about your appearance or looks that is an issue.

It's just to hard to tell without more information. I think it could be because you are his girlfriend's best friend. He wants to win you over so you like him too. Just seems like he us trying to hard is all. The paying for the 3 of your meals is a good example of this. He may have the extra money to spend and was trying to be nice to her and you, but it could be seen as a bit too much as well. The moving to the new city and wanting to hang out is kind of the same thing. He is going to be in a new place and doesn't know anyone. But you are his girlfriend's friend so he kind of knows you. So he wants to hang out, but in reality it's weird because you two aren't actually friend yet. You just have a mutual friend.

So I think it comes down to how creepy or improper her is with you. Does he ever look at you inappropriately or say inappropriate things to you? Or is it just weird and awkward like he's trying to force a friendship? He could be a creep or he could just be weird. The fact that your friend doesn't seem to mind makes me think he's just weird. Since usually the partner pucks up on this too but she did pretty much give her blessing, so maybe she just knows he's awkward.

[theflash675]

My brothers girlfriend offers me drinks from her cup to try them, she has driven me places before, she is very friendly with me, and overall she would give me a helping hand if I asked for it. She even asks me to visit their place. The same goes for her sister, who is basically my brothers friend to the same extent. There is something going on with you internally if you can not put this paranoia to the side and just be a normal human being. Trust me, once you vocalize your opinion on this there is no going back, and if the time comes where your best friend has to choose or just separate the two of you, then things will never be the same. Just be friends, and if he crosses the line then you can tell her. Until then, don't make assumptions about his motives, because as far as we I am concerned he just seems like a genuine dude

[Anonymous]

I think this is a bit tricky.
The compliments... that’s hard just because it depends on the compliment. “Oh my god you're so funny” that’s not a big deal
“Oh my god you’re smokin hot”... ehh that’s a bit weird.
I don’t think the sharing a spoon thing is that weird. I mean I’m not going to act like I’ve not drank another persons drink and used their straw. To some people that’s not a huge deal.
If he really likes her then there maybe no crazy motives behind his actions. If you want to keep a girl you usually have to have the best friend like you too. That maybe all that’s going on here.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trusting your instincts for the most part but given the information you’ve provided it’s hard to say one way or the other in my opinion. I think if he tries anything else or goes further with any of it then it’s time to share your concerns with your friend.
The other thing that you may not have considered or noticed since you may not see him with other people is he could act this really friendly way with everyone so I think maybe you should pay attention to that too.

[VaIiant]

You're way overthinking this, and frankly, talking to your friend would make you look as immature as you sound. Your friend's boyfriend sounds like a gentleman- paying for you out of courtesy to his girlfriend, because you're friends with her? Letting you tag along on their date? Thats kind of him.
Complimenting someone isn't always a form of attraction. I compliment my male friends, my female friends, I compliment random strangers on the street. Keep it to yourself, because if I was your best friend and knew you thought so much of yourself that you believed my courteous, polite boyfriend was interested in you over such tiny, non trivial things, I'd end the friendship.

[Kenni]

M H O

[VaIiant]

@Kenni I wish my friends boyfriends were this kind and polite smh

[Kenni]

I know right 😑

[dragonfly6516]

It doesn't matter what's really going on here. The fact that you feel uncomfortable is enough of a reason to ask him to back off at least a little bit. This has nothing to do with him shady, if you're just not as very open person.

The spoon thing is a bit creepy, but other than that, I'm not sure. I've known people who are just really open like this, and will share just about anything with anyone, and it's not because they have a crush or anything.

But then if he was single, everyone would be telling you "dead giveaway" he's into you.

[happyhippo]

It doesn't sound like he's crossing the line, you're probably over thinking it. You're his girlfriend's best friend, so he would like you to like him and is just behaving nice. However if you're uncomfortable, you can always avoid contact with him.

[ChronicThinker]

I mean, the compliments maybe might be a bit iffy, but otherwise he just sounds really friendly. If it were sexual in any way I'd bring it up, but I think there's no reason to create drama with your friend over this seeing as it's so minor.

[Unnameable]

I think you need to talk to both of them about this. But I think it's important to know which line he's crossing. I don't think he's trying to cheat. I think he's starting to see himself and his girlfriend as a single united entity, and is starting to take you on as his best friend (or rather, the couple's best friend). Unlike the girl he is dating, he hasn't earned the position of your best friend. He's too comfortable with the expectation that you are effectively his best friend, and that is the line he is crossing

[rjroy3]

I don't know I'd say he's crossing the line, but if you're uncomfortable you should just saythat you don't want to hang out with him one on one purely out of respect for your friend.

That way it's a non awkward option for you to express
1. you love and respect your friend and
2. offer a justifiable reason to not see him without it being weird for anyone involved.
So she also doesn't feel like It's that you don't like him, but you want to be respectful to her and the relationship.
She'll just see you being a good friend : )

Win win

[DanielOfTheNorth]

Eating from the same spoon as him? Red flag, he is totally into you. I wouldn't even share my spoon with own brother, let alone with the best friend of my girlfriend. Combined with his compliments directed towards you and never at her, and him paying your bill to impress you.

Sure he may be just a really charismatic and charming guy, but make sure to get proof if he flirts with you or makes a move. Because your friend may get upset at you, if he spins the story and says you came onto him. Or if you just straight up tell her you are suspicious of him, she'll say you're crazy, and say that you're jealous. Remember most people when they receive bad news or information that is to hard to accept they often "shoot the messenger"

[KAF87]

Just looking too much into things.

I didn't read anything there that indicated he made a pass at you.

Paying for the whole bill was just him getting in good with his girlfriend. Or he doesn't care about money. If I was making a romantic gesture every time I paid for dinner...

As a boyfriend you want your girlfriends close friends to like you, but that can be difficult because you don't know them, you have no history, and her friends may not be the kind of people you would choose. It is very difficult to handle and guys often do things like compliment wrong.

[shades777]

You guys are clearly missing the point. there's a big difference between compliments and being nice.
Thats her bestfriends man, not her man.
And im pretty sure if my bros compliment my girlfriend they are up to no good.
Unless you live under a rock. men dont compliment women for the hell of it.
Even though she hasn't given examples of the compliments im sure they were on the lines of you look good today, you smell good,

there's no reason he should be doing that. Period.

Then the spoon thing makes it so obvious your basically being slapped in the face with flirts.

Tell your friend.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't simply have grounds for suspicion based on only what you said here to us. But who knows, you may feep more to it then just this stuff.
But listen, just donttt hang out with him. Who the hell says you have to? You have every right to say you're too busy to spend time with him when he's in your city. Just say you can't chill. It wouldn't be wise to due to your suspicions. At that point you'd just be asking for him to make a move. So just say no & stay safe :) only hang with him when there's your best friend there too. Never alone

[Opinion Owner]

I wonder which idiot female disliked this. there's no reason for that, just told her to stay safe if she's suspicious

[SammyGurl]

Yes you should talk to your friend about it. That's not a good idea to meet with him alone at all. Either he will try and flirt with you or more. any way you look at it, it looks and is wrong to hang out alone with a friend's boyfriend or their spouse! In any case if it feels wrong, it usually is wrong!

[Anonymous]

I'm sure he's just a carismatic guy, thinks you look good and wants his girlfriends friends to feel happy around him he's just doing it for acceptance, it does not mean he would cheat on his girlfriend or even have any interest in sleeping with you. Could just be a general compliment, I could say to one of my gfs friends Hey how are you? you're looking good tonight. I could say that in front of my girlfriend or say to a guy Hey bro nice kicks, just like she could say to one of my friends Hey Johny looking sharp tonight is that a new suit or say to a girl I know she likes her dress and underwear. 100% normal everyday banter

[fay23]

Honestly from what you mentioned the only thing i felt off about your situation is that he compliments you more than his girl. That can be a bad sign but other than that I don't see a problem. You don't have go hang out with him of course but i wouldn't mention it to your friend otherwise it just looks like you looking for a problem.

[Highsxhoolstudent15]

But how would she know if he complimented her more if she isn’t with them all the time

[fay23]

That is true but that's why said from what she mentioned, i was basing off of what she info she gave

[Selena2418]

It almost sounds like your best friend might be encouraging his behavior. Maybe she is really secure with the relationship, or she might be opening the door for a threesome. I'm just saying thats how its sounding to me. Either way you should just discuss it with her, and let her know you're uncomfortable. Whether he is just being nice or wanting something to happen, you should say something to stop the behavior since it makes you uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your bff is either:

A) Very very secure
B) Trusts you both completely
C) Wants a threesome

I would know, my girlfriend wanted option C but didn't know how to bring it up with me. She'd constantly make me agree that her bff is hot, it's like she WANTED me to cheat LOL.

[Stoner710]

The spoon thing is kinda weird if he did spooned a month full, out and tried to feed you if he just offended you a taste with the same spoon that’s not a big deal.

It also depends on the contest of how he’s competing you I’ve completed my girlfriend friends before but it’s normally when there saying something bad About themselves like “I hate my laugh” or “I’m fat” that kind of stuff. Context is key

[MecheD]

The spoon thing does sound a little over the line but tbh it’s only if he offered to feed you with it. But here is the thing he may just be a bit too nice I wouldn’t alarm your friend but just don’t endure in any type of alone time with him only time you bring it up is when she does because she may only think that your jealous especially if that’s not the true feelings you have.

[MaosLeves]

Over thinking it a LOT, he is trying to impress you because you are her girls best friend, he was nervous obviously and he for sure banged his head against the wall that night calling himself dumb, and that you will trashtalk him to his girlfriend and she will eventually leave him xD so... both over thinking probably xD

[Mornin23]

I think you're just overthinking things. The guy's being genuinely kind by complimenting you, more than likely, and the soup thing is just him not being a germaphobe. Besides, if he's doing it in front of his gf/your friend, she's fine with it too.

[StarsInTheEyes]

I agree. If he was doing it in front of your best friend, it might not have been something. Plus your friend even suggested that he could text you for company.

However, I'd say don't go out with him alone, as this would send signals to him as you're interested in him alone, and that would be disrespectful to your best friend.

[SongBird3]

From my perspective it doesn’t seem anything out of the ordinary. My bffs boyfriend is a lot like that, it means he’s interested in being friends. But if you personally feel uncomfortable with that then trust your instincts

[Sociopathvictim]

Ignore and treat him like he’s been friend zoned. That’s what every other girl does. I do that myself aswell, I’ve had so many taken girls act the way you describe in front of their boyfriends. It’s uncomfortable and annoys me.

[kittycat119]

So you're uncomfortable because a dude is being nice 2 u and you're mistaking it for flirting or him liking u or something... and women wonder y men aren't always being nice 2 them. Because women like u twist their kindness into attraction

[stbiker]

Wow, I'd say you talk to both of them. I think he's a charismatic person and you are overthinking. Maybe I'm wrong but either way, you just keep yourself away from him. If he's genuinely good, you don't deserve such a friend. If he's crossing the line, better keep a distance.