Am I red flag for saying this to my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year. We are both in this relationship to get married. he has told me he wants to marry me by 2024.🥰🥰 (doesn’t have to be exactly if everything is not straight)

Tonight we were having a conversation that kinda turned into an agreement at the end *smh* even though it was hypothetical he asked me what I would do if he told me he wanted to take 3 months to go work on himself and isolate himself because he was mentally stressed or financially. Or anything.
I told him straight up, I would tell him to bounce. he was shocked by my answer. but I believe in us working through things together what am I here for? WE are in a relationship I told him that, him including me with everyone that he needs to get away from and isolate from feels wrong. I called the idea selfish. And he said that I was being selfish cause if it was the other way around and I came and told him I needed 3 months to go isolate myself or work on myself he would tell me okay go ahead. He said the fact that I told him I would give him 3 months to go to another state or country for family reasons was double standard I was picking and choosing when to be OK with it. BUT I believe in being there for each other and being in a relationship and working through things together and finding solutions together. I want to be there for him I don’t know why that makes me selfish or how I’m making it about me I wouldn’t be able to stand him going MIA on me for 3 months to go work on himself. Am I causing the stress? I asked him. he said If he is telling me that clearly. What about if we were married? would he go and be gone for three months because he’s stressed.. I don’t know the idea.. is just no for me. He was very shocked at my answer and I was very shocked that he would even think something like that tbh. I told him it would have an affect on our relationship, that I’m an over thinker and he told me what am I over thinking about? He also said I was a red flag for this.

Updates

1 y

He left me. And because of all these responses I saw it coming. I didn’t do anything to cause it. This is the same men That was telling me I’m his piece last week. fuck it. Fuck it. He did something little that irked me and when I called to talk to him about it he got mad at me. He wanted to say good night He’ll talk to me when he feels like it. I don’t play that type of game so I told him cool bye. And that must’ve pissed him off more cause he said have a nice life bye. Forever.

[Jennyjenjen_420]

Ok so this may be an unpopular opinion here so bare with me. Everyone at some point need to work on themselves and sometimes that means taking a break from everyone including their spouse. It’s healthy to need a self care check every once in a while but what isn’t healthy is denying him that time. I do, however agree that you won’t be able to have that time once you are married but maybe that’s just it. He needs time to reflect now while he isn’t married and when he cannot turn back time. I get that you want to be there for him but unfortunately you cannot always be there for him because in life there are just things that he will need to be able to do for himself and you for yourself as well. Take that break for yourself as well and reflect too. Take the time to realize if that the life you currently have is what you truly want. It almost sounds to me that you are scared that he won’t come back to you or that he will cheat on you. Ever heard of that saying, “if you truly lve something, set it free and if it comes back to you then it’s true love”? There is some truth to it. Now if he does cheat on you then you have your answer. If he were to cheat on you during that break then he will cheat on you while married or when your not separated anyways. It wouldn’t matter when he cheats, he’d cheat anyways. He may resent you for never giving him that break and that could ruin the relationship altogether. In a way I agree with him. It is pretty selfish of you. You may not see it but it is selfish. Hypothetical or not, he is asking for that break and he wanted to gauge your answer because he was afraid that if he did ask for a break without it being hypothetical that you wouldn’t let him back in and he was right. You said it yourself that he could “bounce”. I’d say give him that break and if he does something stupid like cheat on you then why marry a man like that? It could be a good thing for the both of you. Don’t go into a marriage without that self reflection.

[Genie23]

Not really. It sounds like he needs a break from you. I understand that sometimes some people need to be on their own when times are tough or you hurt them, but 3 months away from your partner is too much. He seems either unsure about you and that's why he needs a break. Maybe he wants reconsider whether you're the right person for him or maybe he wants to live the bachelor life for some time... explore before we gets married or could be other reasons. Your reaction was justified and there was nothing wrong with what you said to him. If there's any red flag, it's him. Not you.

[Genie23]

If I were you, I'd just say don't come back if you leave because I'm not going to allow anyone to take me for granted.

[Anonymous]

Two words DUMP HIM. Listen if he's asking you for 3 fucking months away from you to work on himself that's some really fucked up shit right there. It means he's not ready to be in a relationship of any kind and he's not mature enough to handle a real relationship. You need to really sit there and evaluate things long and hard before moving forward with anything. If this guy or should i say boy is ready to bail to "work on himself" what the hell is gonna happen when you have a family some day? Is he gonna bail out on his kids. I mean christ if he can't even keep it together and you're not even married yet wth is gonna happen if you have kids. Do you plan on being a single mom raising kids on your own, going through custody hearings and divorce courts dealing with alimony and child support for a dead beat bum man child? You really gotta sit there and think things through long and hard before getting further mixed up with this guy and regretting it later on down the road because this guy is screaming red flags and screaming i wanna get out of this relationship

[wysiwyg2525]

Your not the red flag here. What he is trying to tell you that he want to explore other people as in dating/sexual. Then if it is ment to be he would go back to you. He is living in a fantasy world. He don't need 3 month to work on himself and he would never let you go for 3 month. Don't trust a bull💩 Your in the right and you deserve better. It's time for you to take the next step and make the decision to leave him. Sit him down and tell him your not on with that. Tell him if he chooses to leave then leave but the moment he leaves tell him not to come back. If he tries to argue tell him that he put himself in this situation not you. Tell him your not having second thoughts he is. You don't give up on your partner but when they want a break and they initiate it then that's it. There shouldn't be any other conversation. Yes it's not going to be easy and yes it going to hurt you but it's that time to let him go and deep down inside you know this. Your the only one who can make this decision not anyone here can do this for you. Good luck.

[God_of_Thunder]

Why would he even ask that as a hypothetical, in the first place?

I don't think you're the red flag, at all. I think your response was perfectly logical, and completely valid. I think that his asking that question is the true red flag, here.

It almost sounds like that's something he wants, but he's asking "hypothetically" to judge your response, before he actually tells you that he needs a break. That, to me, is an enormous red flag.

I'm sorry to say, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if he does try to take a break at some point in the near future.

[HighValue]

I think your reaction was the right one. I'd want to end a relationship if the other person wanted to be gone for 3 months. In my opinion, whenever someone is trying to take a "break" or whatever they try to call it, they are trying to get with someone else and want their original partner to wait around as a back up plan in case things don't work out with their new partner.

[nawtee_me]

Life gets tough sometimes and we need a break. It is hard to work on ones self with everything happening around you pulling you this way and that. Who is the selfish one? The one who wants to get away and work on them self or the one who won't let them get away and work on them self? A relationship takes a lot of work but one partner can not work on the other. They have to do that them self.

[GOOSEBOY78]

red flag for you.

its so he can get or try to get 3 months of (new) pussy.

ditch this bitch. if he wants he freedom: he can have perminent freedom.

dont take him back after 3 months.

[Anonymous]

3 months to f*ck other women is what it would sound like to me and if I couldn't trust a guy before we are married I definitely couldn't when we are.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Let the guy work on himself ffs, you sound the jealous and the controlling type

If I was him I would never come back to you.

[TallAnon]

Sounds like you are definitely not on one line at least. A breakup seems near. Voicing your opinion is not a red flag.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, but he is definitely being a red flag.

[KrakenAttackin]

Sound like he is not that into you.

[In_Trance]

He wants to smash other girls

[Anonymous]

😂😂😂 wtf