Is this red flag I am getting used?

[Anonymous]

I have been thinking so much about this lately and upsetting myself. My boyfriend asked me one time to donate 500 to orphanage, I told him I really want to help but I can't. He said no I don't, and that i'm heartless and only care for myself. We fough so many times over my 500 because of this. Then he started saying he needs 500 urgently from me I asked for what? He said for buying an house for us. Then it was weird because I said didn't you say I should donate 500 to the kids? He said that was something else. He said he needs my 500 now for his shares and companies and that he spent all his money already on shares and companies and that his bank has issues for whatever reason and that he don't want his bank anymore. When I asked to tell me more about those shares and companies, he says its complicated. And about my money, even if its the last I have, he wants me to give him even if I say it's my last. All he says; I understand babe, but you do it for me. We will find a way around. Then I said one time I feel uncomfortable that he talks about my money all the time he then said that this hurt him me saying that i'm uncomfortable and that if I have no trust I can go and look for better man. Or today when I asked why he don't take house loan like many people, he says he can't it will interfere with his work or something like that. Then he asked me are you illegible to take an loan? I ask why? He said just asking and that I should ask my bank and then tell him. I'm honestly so sad because the last 6 months he was never like this, he was very caring and attentive to me, and very loving. Heck, he started talking to me about blood oath with him cutting his finger first, then telling me to do it and swear on my blood that i'm not leaving. And other times he have anger issues and tell me go look for an better me when I say I break up he start overreacting saying he loves me

[quaranta]

First of all, if you agreed to not leave him with a blood pact, well, whatever, that's all crap because it doesn't represent how healthy the relationship is and nothing happens if you actually break up. Don't let him trap you under such spiritual stuff, if the relationship is bad and you can't trust him, then it deserves to be broken, no matter if you "promised", that doesn't count anything. He is trying to manipulate you with guilt (he accuses you of not loving him) or with spiritual invented things, because he is probably seeing a strong benefit in keeping you there, whether is for his ego fulfillment or for money, but that's nothing that goes to your advantage anyway.

Things are definitely very shady and he is trying to control you. You are not even married yet he treats your money as his and as a proof of love. This is not a proof of love. Neither checking your phone or other stuff is (if he does). There is always a healthy boundary each partner should respect. So, rather, if they love you, they respect your boundary! And they understand how important it is to make a relationship work well! Not the opposite.

He probably made this story up about houses and shares, and is managing some other dark stuff, maybe paying a debt he doesn't want to tell you about, or drug, or betting on crypto and whatnot. Do not give him this 500. He proven already once to lie about his intentions and to treat you like an idiot, hiding the truth with this story of charity and even trying to guilt trap you by saying you are a bad person if you don't donate to children, so if he is capable of that then why would he not lie again? Of course he will, at any level.

This guy is clearly not reliable, you can't trust him. And if you can't even trust his intentions, where could this relationship go? Nowhere. No relationship works without trust, and once it's broken it takes really a lot of time to rebuild for real (it's not sufficient to just forgive each other, you need a long period of many months/years of good behavior to get really convinced he became so reliable you wouldn't suspect of anything... If ever!).

Further, this way to lie is really cheap, if he lies about those things then he is capable of lying and of manipulating you about really anything, and to not respect you as well. Don't try to discover all the ways he can disrespect you, but get in the mindset to leave this person. Don't tolerate lies for any reason and mind that nobody changes at the core in just a couple of years, so don't let him convince you about any second chance. Leave before he controls any aspect of your life and takes your tools off to escape (money, contacts with other people, job, whatnot that could give you independence).

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the troughful answer, I really appericate it. I didn't do the blood oath with him I refused (he cut his finger) then told me to do the same, and then swear I'm never going to leave. I didn't do it. I refused. Then he said: now he knows where he stands in my life. And all you read above is still not all that's only half of what happened. I saw him following many different women on his second Insta account, and some of them were naked. My friend started texting him on insta (to see how he reacts) he gave her his Telegram immediately without hestitation, and she screenshoted their conversation, and sent me. She just asked him can we have video chat? Then some days passed he didn't respond then came the answear; if you want we can have it. Then she didn't show her face in the video chat and he texted her; Babe what's wrong not showing your face like you don't want to do the video chat? She also told me he was saying a lot of distrubing things like; I know you want it babe or something. All that traumatized her and she said he was joking around in the video chat. He recorded a video of himself and used that in the video chat with her. I showed him the screenshot that day and said how you explain this? And that I want to break up. His excuse was babe is a normal word we all used he said and that its not like he told her he loves her or want to date her or anything like that for me to overreact like I did. (He said all that in aggressive tone) Then suddenly he got emotional saying how much he loves me, and me saying we break up touched his heart and that I hace to be prepared for good and bad to happen how I will always be the only woman he loves and that he tried to love another but never could. He basically got emotional.

[Asker]

I want also to add; after she sent me the screenshot he deleted their whole conversation immedately and sent me a screenshot how im the only contact on his telegram

[quaranta]

Well what can I say? You said already everything by yourself, just more and more big motivations to break up with him. He is a liar and a cheater, has no respect for the relationship, for you, and yet tries to manipulate you to think you are the one at fault because overreacting or because not doing blood oath? He knows no boundaries and no morals, and will never respect any woman who will stay with him.
And I think he is a quite rare case, plenty of men who are not as bad, you won't have to compromise much. A decent man will come across at some point, if you give the chance (by being single again!).

[ohvanillalattegal]

Um he’s a mf gold digger… like even my boyfriend makes way more than me and I never bother to ask him for money. I would feel weird and guilty to even consider it…

[Guy13]

🚩 🚩🚩🚩

[Asker]

Tell me 😭

[Guy13]

Unstable con man

[CanadianLearner]

Cut him loose.

[slatyb]

Wow. He's a user. Dump him.

[helva]

This is toxic behavior to me.