What do I do if the communication in my LDR decreases?

[Anonymous]

I met my girlfriend in college and we started a relationship 4 to 5 months before her going back home after graduating, I went to her graduation and met her whole family despite some being prejudice. She’s doing a gap year trying to get law school admissions and saving money together and I’m here at home doing nursing and pre med. She left in May and up until about a week ago the communication has been mutually good. I try to send her things like letters and little things and of course something for her birthday recently (she even wants to get me things but ofc I make more so I can help do more) and try to update and communicate when I have my 4 days off. Recently for about a week or two I’ve been more initiating conversations, calling when I can, trying to ask if I did something to offend her and she attributes it to working at a high volume. She lifeguards and can’t have her phone on the stand 5 days a week and sometimes does night swim and works at her aunts law firm for another day (six days of working) and still has to study for the LSAT and do law school processes so I get it but if this is LDR maybe an update or something would be nice. Sometimes I might get a picture when she’s with her friends or at the gym or she will wish me goodnight and we will talk about her day. Should I be more anal about what’s going on or understanding?

[Oliverlogan263]

Bro, long distance is tough, no doubt about it. It's totally understandable to feel a bit worried when communication decreases. But at the same time, you gotta trust that your girl has a lot going on with work and school prep.

I'd say keep communicating your feelings to her, but also try to be understanding of her schedule. Maybe have a respectful convo about setting aside even just 15 mins a day, whether that's a call or text chat, to connect. Compromise is key.

Don't come at her anxious or accusatory though - stay calm and caring. She probably misses you too when busy! Little things like leaving her sweet voice memos could go a long way.

If she's still being responsive some days, I wouldn't stress just yet. LDRs take work from both sides. Maybe surprise her with a care package to show you're thinking of her during this hectic time.

Just keep communicating openly but try not to be too demanding of her time either. Trust is so important - have faith she still cares even if communication is less constant right now. It'll get easier again soon, bro! You've got this.

[Asker]

Thanks bro, she’s been telling me that the distance is getting to her

[Asker]

And that things aren’t as close because of it and all of the different responsibilities

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn man, that's rough to hear. Distance can definitely take its toll over time. Couple things I'd say -

First, really listen to her. Let her vent about how she's feeling without trying to fix it right away. Long distance is hard and she probably just needs someone to hear her out.

Second, reassure her that you're in this for the long haul. Remind her why you care about each other and that you'll make it through this challenging time. Maybe plan something fun for the next time you visit so she has that to look forward to.

Third, brainstorm some ways you can feel more connected day-to-day even being apart. Maybe cooking the same meal together over video chat, watching movies at the same time, sharing Spotify playlists, stuff like that. Little things that make it feel like you're spending quality time together.

Last, don't put too much pressure on communication levels right now. Things will have ups and downs. As long as you're both committed, you'll find your groove. Just keep talking through how you're feeling and supporting each other through the hard patches. You guys got this - the distance sucks but your relationship will come out even stronger for enduring it. Stay positive, bro!

[In_Trance]

You're wasting your time