Why do cheaters, specifically cheating women, try to play the victim card when they cheat?

[Anonymous]

They will pull the "it didn't mean anything" or "it was an accident" or "it's not what you think" or "he made me" or worse "it's your fault, you're never around" or "I have needs"

Well you know what, I have needs too but you don't see me fucking other women when you reject me.

If you ever loved me this would never have happened.

Updates

1 mo

Aw someone got triggered by my response how cute

[V_Injector]

Gawd you described their tactics perfectly.

I had a chick that blamed me, blamed her friends, blamed any and everything other than herself. She resorted to saying it was rape. I was like, "Oh really, well then we will report this to the authorities," and then the truth finally started coming out.

Long story short, I did some digging into what happened. She was trying to be cool with her cheater female friend that was cheating her damn self, and agreed, in front of about 4 people to be that dude's sex friend, and they left to go do the deed with everyone there knowing what it was about. Yes they fucked, obviously.

So my answer to your question from my own experiences... women and accountability are like two things that don't go together when it's something negative. It's all fun and games to them until they run into negative consequences... and they do everything possible to avoid those consequences.

Like where a man would just give up because he knows he's just caught red-handed. A chick though... they won't stop with the gaslighting or lies. Which usually just makes it way worse.

[hahahmm]

Simple. Women really hate to be judged negatively. To the point where if a woman suspects a guy looks down on women like her, she will pretend to be a nun around him... but when she is around the biker gang she could be like a porn star. It's like a light switch they can flip on/off. Of course she is going to say her boyfriend/husband gassed 20 cats to death in his homemade mobile death chamber when in reality he never did anything wrong at all. She needs sympathy not somebody telling her she's wrong.

Men tend not to care what people think as much. BUT on the other hand, I imagine that a guy who cheats is NOT the typical guy. So if a male cheater has lies to tell to make himself look better I wouldn't be surprised. It's just that I bet he has a lot less reason to even tell this excuse to anybody beyond the person he's cheating with. While a cheating woman would be telling a lot of people cause she is trying to influence hearts & minds all over, not just 1 person. in my opinion.

[SugarSugarplum]

A cheater has a sequence of evasions she will try to get out of it, mostly because if your man gets angry enough at you, he could wipe the floor with your ass.
1. Deny "Nope. I'm not cheating, I would never do that to you"
2. Make it someone else's fault. "I was at this party and this guy got me drunk. Next thing I know, I went to bed with him for 6 months".
3. Tell him it's good for the relationship. "Baby, don't get mad. This affair has only reminded me how much I love you! (the other 3 affairs didn't remind me of that, but THIS one did!)
4. Make it HIS fault. "Well if you weren't so busy all the time, and paid more attention to me, maybe I wouldn't have strayed. Can't you see that you drove me to it?"

And above all NEVER ADMIT WRONGDOING. That way you can still get half his stuff.

[IslaTheWitch]

cheating is cheating, period; the one who cheats is the one responsible...

but... there are various reasons for cheating... and it's wise to know them before making the same mistake again in a new relationship...

because... if a woman does not agree to sex... and her partner cheated on her because he has his needs... it would be wise for her to know that her actions have consequences... the same goes for men... if they are too busy of doing career and their women cheated on them... it's wise to understand the flow of the cause and effect

it doesn't change that the final outcome is one: she or he cheated, so they are at fault

just to be sure, we won't add our 1 cent to future situations; it's good to know and learn from what happened

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the tangled webs we weave when we venture into the infidelity jungle! Cheaters, regardless of gender, often clutch at straws (excuses, really) to soften the blow or shift the blame. It's a defense mechanism, a way to dodge the full weight of their actions. The "victim card" is a classic; it transforms them from the villain to the aggrieved party in a heartbeat. Statements like "it didn't mean anything" aim to minimize the act, suggesting it was a lapse in judgment rather than a premeditated betrayal.

Here’s where it gets juicy: playing the victim also manipulates the cheated partner's emotions. If the cheater can redirect your attention to their so-called "reasons" and "needs," they might just weaken your resolve and earn your sympathy or even forgiveness. It’s a mix of diversion and slight-of-hand, love-style.

However, real talk, love and respect don’t live where excuses do. True needs within a relationship should be communicated and addressed without resorting to betrayal. Remember, someone truly in love with you, respects you and the relationship enough to talk things out before they turn into a daytime soap opera plot. Keep your head up and your boundaries strong!

[Finchie40]

People that cheat always point fingers at someone else for their actions , usually Their partner, most people Can’t admit when they are wrong, even though they know they are wrong. They try to make excuses for their selfish actions. If your girl cheated on you man , I’m sorry to hear that happened to you , understand she is a selfish POS whore and kick her ass to the curb where she belongs , do not give her another chance , she already proved to you that she only likes the convenience of you , she doesn’t love you , she only loves what she can get from you. People that cheat have no dignity or respect for anyone but themselves , there time will come when karma catches up to them and smacks them right in the face. Whether it does or doesn’t? No longer make it your problem , move on and eventually you will meet someone that actually has a genuine heart

[ohsheeT]

It doesn't matter the reason they did it they lied about it they came home every night pretending like nothing was wrong acting like they love the other person until they get caught it doesn't matter why when how where what because it's all bull sheet
anyway... It's none of my business

[DishLady]

ANYONE who cheats tries to play the victim card. It's ABSOLUTELY NOT gender-specific.

[Asker]

Yeah but this is specific to my own life, it's why I gendered it.

[DishLady]

Aha, I got you. I'm v sorry you went through that. Cheaters are horrible sorts of people. I was married to a very voracious one so I understand your pain. He also played the innocent. Sending some good vibes your way and hope you'll overcome this soon.

[AviatorTom]

Women have great difficulty accepting they could ever be wrong; they believe they are always right, and when they are not, they look to blame someone else. So if a woman cheats, she will try to blame her male partner.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Nobody wants to be the bad guy, even when they do bad things like cheating. It’s undoubtedly a selfish act, and a cowardly one to do so in secret, there’s no arguing there. There are also people who feel trapped in their relationship for one reason or another and end up doing it as a way to escape that feeling, if only temporarily. These are the people that struggle to balance long-term goals with short-term needs most of the time. I pity them a little, but not so much as to excuse their actions.

[NamerOfStars]

Logically, someone who's cheating isn't getting what they need or want- and then refusing to take responsibility for improving their situation by ASKING for it, or at least breaking up with the person they're with.

Someone who thinks accountability beneath them once is likely to do it again, and women are, for a variety of reasons, worse about this. The widespread acceptance of the mantra "if he cheats, it's his fault; if she cheats, it's his fault" illustrates the problem rather neatly.

[meepmeeperton]

For cheaters in general, taking accountability and realizing how awful they are is a lot harder than just shifting the blame onto the person they cheated on. It's basically just a way to make themselves feel better, or make it seem like their behavior wasn't SO bad.

For women these specific excuses are common because women tend to have a general lack of agency in their lives. They view things as simply happening to them, and having little to nothing to do with their own actions. She didn't choose to cheat on you, sex just happened to her with another man.

Men can behave this way too but I regard it as a generally "feminine" behavior.

[Alwayreckles93]

Worldly woman who have no remores about their actions. My ex beglected me punch him to the point I ended up in the hospital. The whole covid pandemic I was alone watching the series of Twilight. Yet I never cheated. I didn't not get myself into a relationship until court papers said DIVORCED OFFICIAL. Yet people get upset when advice to date a Christian woman.

[Damaged00]

People who cheat know it's wrong and that there is no valid excuse as to why they did it. So they try to shift blame onto the other person as a way to make themselves feel better. They don't want to take accountability for their own actions.

[Anonymous]

Playing the victim is something women learn from feminism from a very young age. It has become a coping mechanism for most women age 18 or older, and a way of life for many. It's a knee jerk reaction. Men have begun doing it too, which is pretty pathetic. But they have a long way to go to catch up to women in the "victim world".

[Twalli]

Love dies not mean you won't cheat. Respect means you won't cheat. If you don't respect your SO or the relationship then you can cheat without falling out of love.

[Asker]

Love and respect go hand in hand in my opinion.

[Twalli]

Not always. For people who don't cheat, thry do

[Asker]

I guess, i could not imagine cheating on anyone. yet my ex cheated on me, i caught her, and she cycled through the above excuses. My love turned to hate pretty much immediately.

[Twalli]

I can't either. I have tried. I actually dreamed that my girlfriend broke up with me after I did it. In my dream I didn't blame her because I was thr cheater, I was the one that hurt her. I had no excuse.

[FreyaRed]

Cheaters think they betray others but they betray themselves in most cases. What do you expect of people with such illusory mindset?

[RavVid]

Women will never admit fault and always clam victim hood under all circumstances.

Plus they don't really care.

[Anonymous]

Why do cheaters, specifically cheating men, try to play the victim card when they cheat?

"It didn't mean anything"

"It was a moment of weakness"

"I felt inadequate"

"She was giving me attention"

"It's not my fault I'm a sex addict"

Should've just left it at cheaters without making it about women. We can play this game too.

[Tiktok_Broccoli_Girl]

It's cuz there aren't many male words for "slut". So, a male isn't afraid of admitting even when you're judging him harshly. Merely the lack of English words for male sluts makes a difference on perceived consequences, even when the consequences are the exact same as for wahmen cheating. Some sluts are proud sluts though like myself.

[LiamJHayden]

It is rare for any cheater to accept responsibility. It is always "He ignored me." or "She was never in the mood."

[Vegasrunner]

If a women cheats that means she wants out of the relationship men can easily bang another chick and still love their main girl.

[Unit1]

They're cheaters and liars and have no sense of accountability. What do you expect from them?

[normalice]

Absolutely no one likes to admit they have done something wrong.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

They're trying to gain sympathy but women knew that they have a bigger chance of gaining sympathy.

[jahaims]

To feel less guilty or to keep the person around longer for abuse

[Anonymous]

I always use "I was drunk and thought it was you" or "his dick was so good I was imagining you." It's amazing how often that shit works.

[Peridot25]

Yeah but for how long until Karma catches up to you? 👀

[Drackusdredge]

Why do you think its ok to deceive and betray others for selfish hedonism like that?

[DextroShade]

Accountability is kryptonite to women.