I love my boyfriend, but I have a crush on someone else. Any advice?

[rossan]

I can't sleep because I have too much on my mind. It pains me to write this, but I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years, and he's been my best friend since we met. We talk about getting married and being together forever. We're each other's first and only relationship, and I'm asexual, so I've never felt sexual attraction or thought about another guy. However, I've developed feelings for a coworker, my favorite person to work with. He's kind and funny, and we’ve become good friends. Lately, I've been getting butterflies around him and feeling special when he’s nice to me. Tonight, after a long, stressful day, he drove me home and let me talk about my feelings. I feel terrible and guilty for falling for him, despite loving my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated, as the guilt is overwhelming me.

[ohsheeT]

So in life we meet someone and fall in love. We get married. Things are Great.. and if we do not work on the bond the love each and every day. We start to drift apart. . And the always there is one that finds someone some things new and they make them feel alive again..
And then that leads to cheating. . Then 2 hearts are broken..

The new couple sometimes works out sometimes not..

Depends on the lesson was learnt from on the first go around
. and that person learns you always must work on love keeping it fresh and alive..

If they didn't learn anything they repeat the same act. Or there new lover. Cheats on them...

Tell you what to do.. but you have 3 choices..

Understand with your first boyfriend.
That you both must start talking more . And reinventing your love and passion to each other..

Or you break up get with the new guy start all over..


Or break up with both until you are ready for a. Commitment from yourself. And your really ready to settle down

Or wait I guess you can become Polly to lol


So 4 choices to pick from. .

No matter what one you choose.. this little problem will always be in your life.

Your. Going to meet new people all the time you're going to see something that you like in that person. But that doesn't give you license to be with that person every time that it happens especially when you're in a relationship it's part of life it's part of being who you are who do you want to be it's your choice if you want to be that person that hooks up with somebody new all the time and don't be in a relationship but when you're in a relationship you're in a relationship no matter what and that's what makes you the person you are to this day
It is one of the most beautiful parts about being in a relationship.. . Is it you know no matter how you're tested you will pass it that you are committed to the one that you're with and when you have that trust in that respect and your partner knowing they come across the same things all the time but they're not going to step out of bounds they're going to stick with you that's when you know you have a very beautiful relationship and nothing can hurt it.

[Skinhead-1979]

It can always happen that you develop feelings for someone else while being a relationship. It's not like a switch flips and your feelings, and possibly deeper needs, are being switched off as soon as you get into a relationship (Humans are also not meant to be monogamous).

The difficult part now is, will you give in to those feelings or not. On 1 hand you have your partner of 3 years whom you know and fully trust, on the other hand someone you have much deeper feelings for than your current partner.

Loyalty is important to me... and I feel I am a loyal person... So I would stay with my partner, and not give in to the feelings I have developed for someone else.

I've gone through this 2x in my previous, 11 year long relationship. I do not regretting my decision regarding the first female, truth be said I don't think a lot was going on anyway and I just felt a slight 'pull' and some attraction.

The 2nd one I do regret not giving in to my feelings, lovely Polish woman (she must be 34 now, so a little bit on the young side for me); but that's only because the relationship with my ex was not good, I've been emotionally abused and pushed to suicide. Would I have left my ex for the Polish woman none of the things which have happened to me would have happened... and I might actually still be happy now. I do think about her a lot, what she is up to know, whether she is still in the UK and if she is in a relationship, and if I would still feel she is as pretty and cute as I felt she was back in 2015.

[Altheavas]

A crush is really a lightening strike that won’t last. It will fade away in time. You have a long term relationship and both of you have invested time in each other.
The crush is really ain’t worth it.
Someone else said spend time with yourself before committing with your partner. Maybe take things at slower pace with your boyfriend.
Having a crush usually is one sided, if you didn’t tell your crush that you have a crush on him…! Just don’t, and avoid him as much as possible, and if you can’t handle it in the meantime look to switching to a different job.
Also, if you can see or attracted in someone else during your relationship and develop feelings, you should re-evaluate your actual relationship. You should be able to ignore and be pretty neutral about anyone else if you’re in a great relationship.

[kylee2437]

Yeah I’d be careful with this one. Are you sure you aren’t liking this co worker because it feels thrilling to catch feelings outside of your relationship, and secondly are you likely to even want a relationship when you like the thrill of being in the beginning parts of a talking stage more than an actual relationship? I think you need to break up with your boyfriend personally so you don’t hurt him (in my opinion you have already cheated) and maybe stay single and decide if you even want a relationship.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tangled web of the heart! Sounds like you're dancing on the tightrope of love and infatuation, which can be thrilling yet terrifying, can't it? Let's sprinkle a little wisdom on this. It's not uncommon to develop crushes, even when you're in a committed relationship. These feelings don't have to be a red flag for your current relationship or a call to action to pursue someone else, but they are a nudge to introspect.

First off, it's fantastic that you have such a deep connection with your boyfriend—cherish that. Your feelings for your coworker, though, they're the sparkly new toy in the window; enticing, but not necessarily better than what you already have. It's important to ask yourself: Is this crush revealing gaps or unmet needs in your relationship? Are you perhaps idealizing your coworker because he's a bit of a mystery, offering something new and different?

Communication is your golden ticket here. While you don't necessarily need to disclose your crush to your boyfriend (depending on the nature of your relationship), it's essential to open up about any needs or desires that are not being met. Remember, crushes can also be a passing phase, especially when sparked in high-stress situations—it's like mistaking the adrenaline rush for deeper feelings.

Let me lovebomb you with some final advice: Focus on nurturing your connection with your boyfriend, dive deep into why this crush happened, and keep a clear line between professional and personal boundaries with the coworker. Often, addressing the root cause can make these feelings fade away like stars at dawn. 💫 And who knows, maybe this little hiccup is just what you needed to strengthen your relationship even more!

[Jane1964]

What a well thought and beautiful reply to that question! 💕

[Tomisworthless]

AI is ridiculous, why even have human users anymore when the AI species will just replace us all eventually

[Jane1964]

@Tomisworthless oh my! Good point! I totally missed it was a AI! Ugh! Yes, I'm blonde lol.

[Finchie40]

You aren’ t married , so in your situation? you are best to end your relationship with your boyfriend and continue pursuing your coworker , because if you truly loved and valued your boyfriend? you wouldn’t be emotionally cheating on him with someone else and allowing this to happen. So something is missing with your relationship with your boyfriend , that only you can figure out. Emotional cheating is equivalent to physical cheating , if you respected and cared about your boyfriend? you wouldn’t disrespect him this way

[DishLady]

“Crush” isn’t a meaningful thing unless you’re planning to act one it. Figure yourself out and ditch the boyfriend if you’re planning to flirt with the crush. A committed boyfriend deserves way better than some trifling little chippy.

[DoggyDude]

If your not married to your boyfriend, then you shouldn't feel guilty unless you continue to hide things from him or you realise your messing around with your coworkers feelings (aka you know your going to stay with your boyfriend).

You do need to work out why your doing what your doing (emotionally, romantically and sexually, noone is completely a-sexual); Usually when a person is in a satisfying mutual relationship, they are at a low likelyhood to look for something outside (its not impossible for something to happen, but there is usually not much room because all the needs are fulfilled within the coupling). Sometimes, there is something missing in the relationship you're in, but, because you love your partner you don't really process that need consciously and subconsiously find your craving the missing aspect from your relationship (and the subconsious leads you towards fulfilment in that regard).

So, work out, is this that you and your boyfriend lack something together? if so is that something you can and want to fix (aka make happen). If you don't lack something together, ask yourself "why am I doing this with my coworker" the answer you give yourself will be the most instructive.

[Purpleronnie]

I think what you’re feeling is perfectly natural. Feelings do develop exactly like that and being in a relationship and in love doesn’t somehow prevent it from happening with another if anything it may even inspire it. We weren’t born to be monogamous , in fact it’s completely against nature. First step is to forgive yourself , you had done nothing wrong , second is to make more time with your boyfriend. Someone once said to me that sometimes it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, just as long as you eat at home. I think you are just naturally focusing on what you really like with the other guy and likely completely romanticized your image of him because of that but it’s just the newness of it. Get some space from him and re-invest in your b/f and you will be just fine.

[sawno]

I advice mind control in this case, its your subconscious thoughts that dictate this sort of stuff. You most likely fantasized before what it would be like in a romantic context with your co-worker and your subconscious took that as reality allowing the feelings in.

So what you want to do when he pops up in your mind is fantasizing about romantic things with your boyfriend instead. It may take a bit but it will allow your subconscious to catch on and migrate that association back to your boyfriend.

The whole contious act of doing that should also help you feel better about it since its an active act of being loyal to your boyfriend.

[Staximus]

I hope you don't live with your boyfriend. A coworker? You're not the sharpest tool in the shed. If your boss doesn't care if you fool around with coworkers then break up with your boyfriend and go fool around. The new guy is going to expect sex so don't expect him to like the asexual thing and stick around for long without it. I didn't know why you would think just because "you got butterflies" is a good reason to break up with your boyfriend, it's very immature. Whatever, do what makes you happy but break up with your boyfriend first. Maybe you should pull your head of your ass and think about your future with your and your future with this new guy who you don't really know and see which one looks more promising.

[JesseP1nk]

I think you should spend less time with him and more time with your boyfriend. You think that things with a coworker gonna last 🤣🤣🤣? You will be piece of shit in your boyfriend eyes and when (its matter of WHEN not IF) your relationship with that coworker is gonna go to shit then you will see him after that (if you or him not to plan change job any time soon) which is gonna be "fun" and everyone at your work gonna know about your drama. So keep it in your pants and stay away from him

[cheapshotbob]

You're a grown woman. you should know what to do. I'm sure it's been done to you more than once when it comes to situations that are similar.

most people would say as long as you're not wearing a ring you can do what you want, but it all depends on how devoted you want to be with this relationship. you're in.

it's your call though

[lightbulb27]

Are yoi possibly afraid of commitment and sub consciously trashing the relationship?


Love is not feelings like that… its choice you make. Your choice is running away towards someone else.


You say you love him, doesn't sound like it. There will always be another winderful dessert. Can you commit to one?

[_Senorita_]

Shit happens!!

But not a good guy can come in your life twice... you should know your limits... if you are in love with your boyfriend... if you didn't love him (ur boyfriend) or you hated some of his habits then u should hv talked about it to him before jumping into another boy... U cannot just think about your happiness... Both of you are equally into this relationship... So be wise and think twice before hurting anyone..

[Katyalov]

What you really should do is break up with that current boyfriend and stop leading him on because clearly you're not in love with him. Sure you may love him but you're not actually in love with him. There's a difference. Best to break it off now then to cause unnecessary pain and trauma to that man that you're already emotionally cheating on.

[Yannae]

I wouldn't be talking about my feelings to him. That's what your partner is your. Do the good things about him really outweigh the good things you have with your boyfriend?
I ask myself this if a wonderful lady comes along and the answer is always no, it never outweighs what I've got already.

[Jamesukmale]

If you love your boyfriend and have respect for him then cut this out with the other guy before it leaves you and your boyfriend with a broken hart keep you relationship with your o worker to a minimum just say hello and goodbye girls that are in relationships and and fool round with other men belong to the streets only any good for a quick fuck and will never be marriage material ones a hoe always a hoe

[MicahRaine]

Unless your coworker said that it's wrong to act on those feelings, he's not a true friend.

A true friend does what is best for their friends even when it's hard. He/she protects their emotional well-being even at personal cost.

[ChicoFromThe305]

And people really think opposite sex friends is a good idea 🤡

[StudyingAuthor]

Stick with option A (Your boyfriend.) if you two were going to devote your life to each other it is no match for some guy you work with.

[soe11]

• You have to choose all in one person.
• Me and my girlfriend completely perfect one another.
• We do regularly make love with joy.

[ale2003]

maybe you just need to figure out some things on your own. It’s totally fine to fall in love/have a cruh with/in someone else but i think it’s probably a phase and that it will pass you eventually.

[melnc]

Every time I read this kind of question, I thank God that I am still single.

[Serkee]

Your profile, your age, and your other posts scream that this is fake.

[Makeushiver]

Problem is butterflies often disappear and then where are you. You're quote attractive so I'm sure you'll find a soft landing wherever it is.

[Tomisworthless]

your boyfriend isn't your husband break it off with him and pursue your heart. Clearly the crush is more compatible and attractive than the guy ur with

[Empery]

It's hormones. Feeling great about someone at work is just purely fantasy. Is your boyfriend boring

[jahaims]

You can't be in love with someone and develop a crush. You should know what love is by your age.

[noohair]

When I am "In Love" I can't comprehend having feelings for anyone else. But I am a man, I guess it is different for women.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Doesn't this prove then that guys and girls really can't be "just friends" then

As much as women will claim they can

[Peridot25]

So, you’re saying that guys are attracted to even their unattractive female friends?

[OhLongJohnsoning]

@Peridot25 yea

[Luckycharms12]

Well if you love him you wouldn't hurt him. Or where you with him until something better come along let's be real

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

My advice is to break up. Feelings aren't there and there's no point being with your boyfriend.

[usr540]

Love grows with commitment, there's your answer.

[jjj101010]

It’s not uncommon to have a crush on someone else. I have in the past

[katiesmuff]

Guess you have some tough choices to make.

[dudegreat91]

Are you really 41 lol?

[redcat1]

Your profile picture says everything about you

[Anonymous]

Dump the boyfriend and go after your crush

[Opinion Owner]

That's what my ex did

[SweetJoyGirl]

You are 41……

[LiamJHayden]

Feelings lie.

[thecosmos]

This's ashame...

[Anonymous]

Just enjoy with both