At what point do you take agency over your own personal and professional life?

[DishLady]

Many people tend to play victim in their own lives rather than taking responsibility for their own actions in their personal and professional life -- in all their relationships with others.

They know they have to take action in their personal relationships, personal development, professional advancement and so on, but they blame their failures on other people.

At what point should a person recognize that they are fully responsible for their own development, advancement and fulfillment?

[CalmUntilAbused]

Disclaimer: the opinion below is highly subjective and may be biased in a way that serves the mental well-being of its author. Debate over its validity is highly encouraged.

Regarding professional life, I suppose as soon as one gets a job, one can be considered fully responsible for their professional advancement. I know a few people who don't really work in the most well-paid jobs and they still plan their careers to get far as possible, so neither not enough money nor low job satisfaction are valid excuses.

As for personal development, the issue is more complex. In this case, a lot can be done with little to no capital, so once one becomes aware of both their potential and deficiencies, one can be considered partially renponsible for one's personal development. However, to achieve anything that might prove life-changing, both financial stability and actual excess funds are necessary, unless one wishes to put a bet on one's life. Since a lot of people, including adults, cannot possibly achieve that on their own no matter what they do, I cannot really consider them fully responsible for their personal development, and therefore, I cannot really blame them for not accumulating extraordinary achievements. I can still blame them for not being unable to at least sustain themselves, however, unless something is wrong big time with their personal lives.

Now, personal life is where all the effort can potentially go down the drain, unless one is content with remaining alone until death. Since mutual consent and a significant willpower are needed in order to form a stable relationship, one can never be blamed for being unable to achieve that. No matter one's effort, if there is no one else out there to answer this effort with their own effort towards building a relationship, one is doomed to fail. Since today's world is basically a minefield in this regard, where one wrong enough step can turn one's life into ruin, the only mostly surefire way to achieve a successful personal life is to deeply accept potential lifelong solitude first and then passively scan one's surroundings for potential partners before taking any significant action. However, once a relationship is already built and stabilized, I believe that the power of two people combined is enough to face off against even the greatest evil of today's world, so at this point I believe the two would be considered fully responsible for both their own and each other's personal life.

The problem is... Personal life can deeply affect all the other aspects of life in unpredictable ways, so a ruined personal life is always a valid, if somewhat cheap and fishy, excuse for a failed life in general.

[OlderAndWiser]

It is easy, and tempting, to blame others for our failures, but that results in us remaining stuck in the muck and mire of our failures. When I realized that finding someone else to blame was interfering with my growth and maturity, I started feeling more control, and that led to me feeling more satisfied with my life.

[osmanthus]

When the reality is the case that they are fully responsible in the most obvious sense of the words. It's not always applicable to every person to be fully responsible. You have people who run into certain circumstances, have afflictions, and are treated a certain way by others. To say that a person should recognize more so applies to those who in some way are not on the brink of any of these issues. I'm not saying people ought not to take agency when they can yet it's all too easy to say in certain situations that are not comparable. We can't force a mentally retarded person to become a genius and I mean that in a empathetic way rather than to offend people who are in-fact mentally afflicted or have some unexplainable things going on.

[osmanthus]

In such a case, I would never think to tell a retarded person that they should recognize when it's beyond their capability to do so. I don't think it helps to be frustrated at others who might be capable but end up not doing so, either, we all have a right to exist whether or not that means thriving is happening, or not.

[osmanthus]

Sure, one can be frustrated because we're all humans with our expectations but by the end of it all it is what it is.

[osmanthus]

Not to mention some people simply do not want to advance. They don't want fancy cars, nice houses, 401k, etc. It's a personal choice.

[osmanthus]

A choice that is as respectable as a person who chooses otherwise even if that might mean they are not seen favorably by others. Where I might draw the line with that statement is the truly harmful people in this world who make it a living to kill senselessly and otherwise harm others in whatever way possible for their own sick pleasures, interests, etc.

[osmanthus]

You know?

The truly, descriptively sick people (mentally warped). Not even the petty criminals out in this, here, parts.

[IslaTheWitch]

my parents taught me responsibility for my actions and my life when I was a kid... they didn't attend school meetings with teachers since I was 10 years old. I could talk to them, but they never really helped me with anything at school or with teachers or whatever...

it was a bit extreme, especially for an autistic kid, but I managed, and it works great in adult life. I taught responsibility for themselves and their lives to my kids but in a more gentle way :D

they live their lives, support each other but never blame anyone for their hardships. They are warriors, including Drama Queen

[MicahRaine]

At what point do you take agency over your own personal and professional life?

For me, I began taking responsibility for my actions/life around 12 but it wasn't until I turned 18 that I was able to change my situation and grow into a better person. One of the biggest things that helped me take responsibility and control was the phrase "Don't lie to yourself."

At what point should a person recognize that they are fully responsible for their own development, advancement and fulfillment?

I don't know enough to make a definitive statement about the ideal age/point to recognize those things, but my guess would be around puberty?

[HawkPerception]

I've never blamed others for my own failures in life. I've had all the opportunity in the world given to me by my mom and I grew up in a pretty good neighborhood with no hardships. I take full accountability for where I am in life right now. If anything, I've just let a lot of people down in terms jobs and school related stuff. But it doesn't change the fact that I find it pretty hard to find my own way in life.

[molonski2]

Your statements are so very true.

At what point should they recognise? Well immediately really , early 20s..

I think I did know that then , but was a little too casual and relaxed , I ended up doing well , but if I'm being honest I should have done far better , I had to give up golf to go and make some serious money for a start , to be able to do what I do now.

[SixFootSexy]

The earlier the better. Most people won't; they will blame their environment, their parents, anything but themselves before they admit culpability in their own suffering. Funny how happiness comes after you realize, "Oh, I am the source of most of my own unhappiness. All I need to do is change my perspective and mindset? Wow."

[TonyMetal___86]

It's very simple for me, you know why? It's because i'm never scared to speak the truth!

If i'm guilty, i'll say that it's my fault and i'm guilty, if i'm innocent than i'm truly innocent...

What's wrong is wrong and what's right is right, i don't blame anyone for my actions and for my failure, if it's me, i'll say that i'm the problem and if not than i'll say that i'm innocent and that it's not my fault!

[jshm2]

As soon as you can.

I have nothing but contempt for people that "play the victim". Sure it can be a psychological problem with some. But usually it's a bad habit they develop.

[Mark987]

I decided to quit my finance job around 30 and opened a private firm with a few friends by 32. It was really out of my comfort zone and scared to fail, but after 2 years practicing we were profitable and doing well.

[katiesmuff]

Yes you see lots of it on the daily news programs everyone playing the blame game.

[FreyaRed]

Self-victimization of some people is practically number 1 cause I change a discussion topic.

[exitseven]

As soon as you get your first full time job after you graduate from high school.

[worldscolide]

I met my wife and grew up. It took a life event like that to make me do that.

[legalboxers]

some people do play victim either because they are narcissists or an actual victim. Regardless - they need to stop

[Anonymous]

I'd suggest it's part of being a functional adult. There is no agency in playing the victim and it does not help you get stuff done.

[NathanDavis]

I started at age 6...

[DishLady]

Same.

[Lynx122]

I've been doing that for a while

[Dongie]

Fuck, I'm done.

[Dongie]

Good night.🥱

[DishLady]

Lol.

[Dongie]

You know there are whole groups of people sanctioned by another group that keeps them from doing just that. This keeps them their generation after generation.

[Dongie]

*there

[Dongie]

I'm going back to sleep.