Do you ever like someone until they like you back?

Question

It sounds very bad, but it's like every time I'm hoping for one person to give me attention, I get excited when it happens. And then a week or two weeks later I feel annoyed by them. I'm not sure why this is.

coxoabean · Accepted Answer

I think I'd have to agree, your craving the attention down deep inside, but not the actual person for them. This happens to a lot of people, well people I have seen or met. As kids, when we didn't have the best of relationship with our father or even mother, but it mostly matters with our father, we tend to struggle a lot and seek for attention, no matter what way we can get it, we crave it. I'm not saying you have a bad relationship with your father or parents, but maybe could it be you lacked attention somehow from them when growing up? I have been learning a lot about how important it is, not to just have your father in your life, but him actually spending one on one time with you. Many kids have their dads "in" their lives still, yet they don't really because they aren't receiving the proper attention and love from their dad. When we don't have that proper attention, again it causes us to crave it (and we sometimes don't even realize we are doing this) but we will seek the attention somewhere else, or the affection. Players, this is the problem with them. I have met tons of them in my life, and one common thing I realized with them all is, they didn't have a great relationship with their dad mainly was the big problem, or even sometimes just both parents. Since they didn't or don't receive the proper love, care and attention, they hurt others, by playing with their feelings to get the "feel good" feelings from it. It makes them feel good to be in control, this is steming from lack of love, a crave for the attention. Girls who are promiscuous they are this way due to a lack of a great daddy daughter relationship. It starts out due to the down deep inside wanting to feel loved, wanting attention, even if they don't realize this is where the problem comes in, that is, yet sometimes they just don't know that. All they know sometimes is, "I want to feel loved, I want to feel wanted, like someone likes me" so they end up living this promiscuous lifestyle, as they just do it, or it starts out because they are getting attention, and for a time, it's making them feel loved" or "wanted". Sadly though, these girls also aren't really taught what to look for, or if they are, they either 1. Don't know what to look for or 2. Don't care anymore what to look for, and just want the love so bad or 3. They are so blinded by the pain, they can't see clearly, therefore leading them to talk to guys who will play around and mess with them, use them, and hurt them more. When they hurt and use them, they leave the girl feeling even more worthless and unwanted then she did before, causing her to live out a lifestyle that only shows they have a lot of trauma. It's really sad to be honest. So, all that anyway to say, maybe it could be possible you down deep within crave the attention, because maybe you lack it from your parents/parent or father? Once you can decide where you are lacking it from, I would encourage you to try to fix it in that area. So say, your dad works too much and hardly hangs out with you, maybe you can make a plan to do something special with him, say, he likes fishing, make a plan to fish with him. That could really help, and down deep inside, as children even if we don't like to admit it, we do want the love and affection and the attention from our parents, and dad most importantly. We do! But find the problem, then finding a way to fix it is very important. As you said your hoping for the person to give you attention yet when they do, you get annoyed by them quickly. To me it does sound like you may just deeply inside be craving the attention, yet may not fully realize that, and your not even consciously doing this, because I'm sure your not purposely trying to just get someone's attention to not like them later. But then, when you get the attention, because that's all you were really wanting, you didn't actually want the person to like you because you actually liked them for them, but rather the attention they could give, you got what you were wanting from it, so then there's no point in them anymore. It's all a matter of the mind, what is inside your mind and heart. Like I said, if you figure out the problem with why you crave attention like that, and I get us as humans do crave attention, but this usually stems deeper than we know. If you figure out the problem, then you can try and fix it in that area, once you do that, I think it'll help you a lot, then fix what you have in your mind, and I think it could really help. When you start to find yourself wanting someone's attention, ask yourself a few questions

1 "why do I want this persons attention"? 2 "Is there anything I actually really like about this person"? (I found that writing a list of things you want in a relationship and then things you don't want, red flags to look out for, ahead of time, when you know nobody you like at all, because if you were to write this list down while you like someone I feel like subconsciously you'll do it based off of them, so anyway, while you know nobody at all you like, then write your list, and then you can have it for anytime you start to catch feelings for someone, you can have that to look at to see, if they really would be someone you want) 3. " If I get this persons attention, will that be enough to satisfy me, or is a relationship with them what I truly am wanting" Maybe ask yourself these questions, or ones like it and then before you actually tell anyone you have feelings for them, make sure you actually like them for them and not the attention they can give, that way you can save problems in the future such as them feeling hurt you didn't actually like them! I hope you can figure this out! Sorry for the long message by the way

Crimsyjo · Accepted Answer

I just saw your other post which you did after this I think.

But in a general sense unrelated to that... yes I can see how the chase is the exhilarating bit. Your so young. Part of it may be about looking for validation (knowing you can have someone or make them want you). Part is maybe because do you really want to "settle down" so young? So once things move to the next level that fear kicks in?

Ha you might even be a fearful-avoidant attachment type like me 😄. You crave the intimacy and pull towards someone. But fear the commitment so run away when things might get serious...

But it's probably just an age thing... I think it will settle once you are aware you can have a choice of girlfriends if you want one. So quality is going to start being more important. Time to get choosier about who to pursue.

Goodluck with your other issue first!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don’t force it, if someone changes their mind later if I’ve made my move the balls in her court. I’m not going to waste my time or theirs on people who aren’t into me.

Now there are some people who have poor boundaries. Sometimes you just be nice at first be direct and just tell them how they make you feel. I mean it’s hard to have a lot of people around you. Because sometimes people fight over who gets your attention and it’s hard to give attention to everyone.

But it’s also maybe possible that you’re trying to get attention for validation or ego feeding. But then once they start giving it to you it gets old. Don’t do that. Especially because some people give people false hope to stroke their own ego.

Yannae · Accepted Answer

Not like you, I like them until they like me back before it goes over to love

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, the classic chase! 😏 Falling for someone can sometimes feel like being hooked to a thrilling book where the anticipation is what keeps us turning the pages. Once the chase ends, and the mutual liking is established, the excitement can wane for some people. This might be because the thrill of the chase is actually a bigger pull for you than the relationship itself. It’s a common feeling, especially if deep down, you might enjoy the pursuit more than the catch. It might also be a signal to reflect on what you truly want from a relationship. Are you in love with the idea of love, or are you ready for the real deal with all its quirks and comforts? Alternatively, it could be a protective mechanism to prevent getting too attached. Whatever it is, love, don't rush it. Enjoy the journey, but maybe take a moment to figure out what you really want from your love story. 😉💕

Nikki1989 · Answer

Nah, that is an immature teenager game. Who has time for that silliness?

DishLady · Answer

Usually it’s a mutual thing…

DrPepper12 · Answer

No. 🤷‍♂️

In_Trance · Answer

No...

Do you ever like someone until they like you back?

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