Imagine you could replay a difficult moment in your relationship with the wisdom you have now. How would you handle it differently?

[HawkPerception]

Or past relationship.

[CaptainOverthink]

I'd lead with the truth. Don't hide from it, own it. Own all my actions for the feelings and reasons I had behind making them. Good or bad matters not, only that I did what I did and am willing to stand for it or explain and apolagize.
It rarely but mostly never serves me long term to do anything else but lead with the truth.
And be open to being wrong and learning.

Long story short; I kind of made a splitsecond decision to deny my feelings for a girl because I was scared to face that truth in front of my friends. That decision sent me into an 8-year-deathspiral.

Though I would not know how different of an individual I'd be if I didn't do that, now.
The question in this topic allows for me to keep what I've learned, so I'd do it in a heartbeat. Otherwise it's a whole gamble of 17years past walking a whole other line in life.

[FunkyMonkee]

I would've dropped her fat ass after just 5 years instead of waiting `til year 10.
First, she stopped fucking me after 5 years together, then she wouldn't let me kiss her, hold her hand, put my arm around her or hug her in public because, according to her, "it shows ownership"!! I SHOLD'VE got up and left the bus then and there or at least got up and moved as far away from her as I could on the bus!
For that matter, I probably should've dropped her 2 or 3 years earlier when she told me she WASN'T my fiance and that she NEVER said, "yes", when I asked her to marry me!! At least I got another 2 or 3 years of pussy out of her!

[Crimsyjo]

Oh wow. I'm surprised you held on so long! Sounds horrible. And yh... with hindsight we really learn that the signals were there all along. Hopefully we can help other people on here see the signals sooner with our posts!

[FunkyMonkee]

@Crimsyjo Well, I just figured it was a kind of phase she was going through and would eventually snap out of it. Except the marriage thing, it wasn't `til about a year before I caught her cheating on me that I caught her lying to me and stealing from me!
We took a walk one afternoon and, on the way back to her apt. I distinctly recall (and can ever pinpoint where we were when she said it!) her telling me that she'd had enough of men but, if she ever wanted to get involved with one again, it'd be me! She was already fucking her "FRIEND" David by that time but, I never knew it `til over a year later. When I found out, I told her about her saying that to me and she flat out said, "I never said that."

[Crimsyjo]

Yeah a phase isn't gonna last that long. And I think it's really unkind and unfair when one partner changes so much or loses feeling and expects the other person to cope feeling unloved and no physical affection. And yeah sometimes relationships go through "stages" for instance if she had a baby and parenthood in general is tough on relationships. But even if sex is off the cards their should always be affection and respect and open communication.
Just be glad you are free of that now. And certainly wiser!

[FunkyMonkee]

@Crimsyjo I am glad. I'm just pissed that I had to waste 10, or even 5 years of my life to find out what she was really like. Especially when I had other offers shortly after we started seeing each other. I guess you could say my sense of loyalty kept me from exploring them. But, who's to say either of them would've been better than what I ended up with?
She left him a year after we broke up! So, it's like, I wasted 10 years of MY life against just one or two of his.

[Crimsyjo]

Yeah I wasted 3 years with my abusive ex. Well. I was trying to get rid of him for 2 of those. But he blackmailed me into fearing calling the police. Tho eventually I did and got rid of him. I'm just gutted cos that 3 years I was single mother at home I could have done my degree in 3 years. Now as I'm working and doing my degree part time it's gonna take me 6 years.
But oh well... all we can do is be better and stronger and wiser and move on.
My recent boyfriend started showing abusive tendencies. Ended it with him after 3 months. So much better than 3 years!

[FunkyMonkee]

@Crimsyjo What the fuck is wrong with these guys that they have to do that shit!! When my ex & I broke up, she said she had no regrets at all about our relationship. I NEVER hurt her!! (The ONLY time I ever came close was when I had a REALLY nasty cold and she was, basically, making fun of me for it! I got really pissed, we had a fight and I came close to hitting her.) I guess you HAVE to be a kind of beggar to really appreciate what you've got in a relationship!! I mean, I've only ever had 4 girlfriend's and my first was when I was 25!! None of the first 3 lasted more than 3 months! After the third one, I went 8 years with NOTHING before I met Madame Ex-to be! So, to me, it makes NO sense AT ALL to abuse something you've got when you so rarely CAN get it!! Does it REALLY take a rocket scientist to figure out that you DON'T abuse something you love, need and want in order to be able to keep it? I REALLY CAN'T understand how you can beat someone up and expect them to say, "I love you"! (Sorry, I didn't intend on stealing the title of a Murray Roman album but, it's just LOGIC!!) https://www.45worlds.com/vinyl/album/no101

[natured]

I'd walk away and never come back, sadly I didn't , and walked away after 5 years... so I wasted a lot of time fixing something that cannot be fixed

[blueonblack22]

Hindsight is 20/20.

There is one ex in particular I wish I could have 20 mins of closure with though. But it will never happen.

[Texaskid1]

I would of told my younger self that she is not the one for you.

It would of saved me so much pain. And perhaps I would not be as jaded and cynical about love as I am now.

[sage2021]

I would have spoken up LOUDER about his wandering heart! He loved the women!! 😛

[slatyb]

I would have dumped my crazy ex-wife a lot sooner.

[Unap0logetic_]

I would’ve taken their advice and broke up with the guy.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I would have left sooner. Nothing would change. Advice fell on deaf ears.

[DrPepper12]

Sorry. Haven't developed the skills or courage to go back there yet

[noohair]

Since I am at the best space in my life, I don't think about the past. What ever I did got me here into the now.

[jackieistired]

He literally would get mad at me no matter what, didn’t matter what I would say

[legalboxers]

I wouldn't let friends or people get in my way

[Fireguy17]

I would have kicked her ass to the curb long before I actually did it.

[Walksbehindtherows]

I think I would be slower