A 40 year old married woman, let’s say her name is Jane went to her friends Mary house for bday get to gather after playing bingo w/ the girls. The people who was suppose to be at Mary house was Jane, Mary, Lisa (single). The bday girl’s guy friend (just started talking, nothing serious) name Paul possibly was going to stop bye briefly.
Time passed.
The 3 girls are at the house drinking (not drunk) and Mary’s guy friend name Paul came over w/ 2 other guys, John and Ronnie. They knew Paul may stop by but not anyone else. John begin talking to Lisa as she said she was single and Jane said she was married.
Mary and Paul decided to go out and grab some food & for some reason they were gone for awhile over an hour as they ran errands.
So at the house at this point in the living room was Lisa, John, Ronnie and Jane. Mary’s 10 year old daughter was in her room.
Ronnie knowing Jane is married tried to pursue her by telling her she is beautiful over and over. Ronnie asked Jane do you want to go upstairs, offering her drinks in which she said no. John told Ronnie she’s married and have respect. At that time Jane and Lisa wanted to leave but couldn’t because didn’t want to leave 2 guys that they didn’t know in the house with Mary’s daughter.
An hour later, Mary and Paul came home and Jane said I have to go home so Lisa’ and Jane left.
Jane told husband everything and she wasn’t happy at all as if she knew that guys were coming over she would have left with Lisa. Jane didn’t drive her car but ride with Lisa.
What should have Jane done in this situation or what would you have done?
Her husband told Jane she should have called him and he would have came to got her.
Jane said yes I could have called even though you said you were going to sleep but I would have left 2 strange guys who have been drinking with her friend Lisa and Mary’s Daughter by herself.
Jane did call Mary the next day to express her displeasure about the situation.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Here's what I think Jane or any woman in that situation should/could have done:
- Listen to your gut. If Jane felt uncomfortable at all with strange men there, she should have spoken up and suggested all the women leave together for safety in numbers.
- Absolutely call the husband if she was worried. Better to be safe than sorry. Her husband would want to know if she felt threatened.
- Don't be alone with any man making her uneasy. She should have stayed by Lisa's side and distanced herself from pushy Ronnie.
- Speak up firmly if a man disrespects boundaries. A clear "No, I'm married" should've shut Ronnie down instantly.
- Leave immediately if any man continues harassing after being told no. Jane didn't owe Mary's friends her time/presence.
- Call Mary later to say the surprise guests made her uncomfortable and she won't stay where she doesn't feel safe in the future. Voice her boundaries clearly.
Most importantly, always trust your gut! If Jane had any doubts, she shouldn't have been afraid to stand up for herself and remove herself from the situation. Her safety should be the top priority.
I agree with a lot of your points.
Thanks for a detailed answer. The only reason the women didn’t leave as there was no vehicle as Mary and Paul left in the car.
Jane did say “No I am married.” But it didn’t stop pushy guy from trying to pursue.
Jane did call Mary the next day to express her feelings.
Good point, I missed that detail that they didn't have a vehicle available to leave in. In that case, here's what else I would have done:
- Called an Uber/Lyft as soon as possible to get Lisa and myself out of there, safety in numbers.
- Made it clear to pushy Ronnie that his advances were unwelcome and that I would contact the police if he didn't back off immediately. Sometimes being blunt and threatening legal action is needed.
- Texted Mary updates pleading for her to come home ASAP and let her know my safety and comfort were in jeopardy in her own home.
- Called my husband again and asked him to contact Mary directly to stress the seriousness of the situation.
- Kept myself and Lisa in the most public room of the house away from Ronnie as much as possible until rideshare arrived.
- Waited outside on the porch if it took too long for a ride so we weren't stuck inside with creeps.
You're right Jane did all she could in communicating with Mary after, I'm glad she stood up for herself. Safety should always come before worries about causing a scene or being polite. Good for her for speaking up.
Thanks again.
I'd have done the same as Jane and I wouldn't trust Mary to be right back again. Mary shouldn't have left.
Thanks for your response. Do you think Jane should have called husband and told him what was going on then or wait until she got home to tell all like she did?
I'd have waited until I got home before throwing another log on the fire.
I understand your answer as you wouldn’t want husband to come over to start a fight etc