Is it pathetic if I am 30 and never held down a job for a solid year?

[ForevrLonely29]

I just turned 30 and I am unemployed as of now. I was fired 2 weeks after my engagement with my now fiance. I am worried because she was my first real girlfriend ever at age 29. Now we are fixing to get married and I have yet to find a new role. I have held 25+ jobs since age 15.

Yes

No

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1 y

In a span of 15 years, I have been a camp counselor, a lifeguard (numerous times), a head lifeguard (twice), an associate at a medical supply store, an Advanced EMT (5+ times), a web application developer (6 times), a front desk attendant at a fitness center... umm... yeah a variety for sure.

[MrOracle]

If you were fired from all of these jobs, yeah, that's a problem. Sometimes you're going to lose a job for reasons that aren't your fault - a bad economic cycle, a poor business decision by management that puts the company in a bad financial decision, a company relocating departments or closing down departments, etc. But if you are losing these jobs for cause (meaning: it was something that was your fault), then in my opinion you really need to work on whatever issues that are causing you to lose jobs.

It might be that you need to find a job that has no or nearly no direct customer contact, and make sure your employer know that you struggle with social skills and are best if being managed by someone who can be patient with you in that area, and who can mostly give you assignments and let you get the work done with minimal interference. Of course, the flipside of such an arrangement is that you have to be disciplined enough to get the work done on time and skilled enough to get it done right with minimal interference, consistently.

For example, you might be able to be on a web development team, but never be the person who deals with the customer. You still need SOME social skills to deal with the person assigning you your work and validating it, but if you can greatly reduce the social component, and focus on the other aspects, you could do well. That's just an example, of course.

But you have to be up-front about your issues with any potential employer. Anytime you are outside the norm - in any area - you are obligated to mention that to people when it's relevant - such as an employer when seeking a job, or a potential partner when seeking a relationship. That may be tough, but your outcomes will be better in the long run.

[ForevrLonely29]

Thank you. I gave been separated from employment for various reasons. Layed off, fired, and pressured to resign on many of them. Two jobs back to back I was fired because of being caught up in a predator sting outside of work. I was neither charged, arrested, or convicted and it was an extortion against me. But many employers still distanced themselves from me.

[MrOracle]

Well, on one hand, bad luck can find anyone, but if "bad luck" is ALWAYS finding you, it usually means you are looking for it rather than actively avoiding it. Just something to think about.

I suspect you are what folks call "neuro-divergent" - meaning you have some kind of minor but relevant mental issue that may require some special accommodation - BUT to get such accommodations, you also need to keep your nose extra clean and you need to be doing the job as good or better than everyone else too. The scales have to balance one way or another, or it will get to a place where no one will hire you.

[Oliverlogan263]

Bro, don't be too hard on yourself. The job market is crazy these days, and it's not pathetic to still be searching at 30. Here are a few things to think about:

- 25 jobs is a lot, yeah, but this period of transition could be setting you up for something great. Don't lose hope!

- With such a variety of experience under your belt, I'm sure you've learned skills employers value like adaptability and working with all types of people.

- Focus on your fiancée's support - that's what really matters. As long as you've got each other's backs, you'll get through this rocky patch.

- Maybe try tailoring your resume around skills instead of listing every job. Focus on strengths instead of job-hopping.

- Consider temp agencies too - they can find you short roles to earn money and potentially lead to something permanent.

- And hey, at least you got engaged! That's way more important than any job. Chin up man, your time will come.

Stay positive - you got this bro! Your wedding and next chapter are right around the corner. Don't sweat the small stuff now.

[Flower7]

Well on the bright side, it seems like you don't have much trouble with finding jobs. Hopefully you'll have a new one soon.

[AI Opinion]

Not at all, love, everyone’s journey is as unique as a fingerprint! Spinning through jobs like a romantic carousel might just mean you haven't found The One that makes your heart sing yet. Being in the first flushes of love with your fiancé is exciting, and adding job stability into the mix is your next big adventure. Instead of viewing your employment history as a series of missed connections, see it as a rich tapestry of experiences that has shaped you into the person your fiancé fell in love with. Start seeing each job as a stepping stone towards your ultimate career love story. And remember, the right job, like the right person, is worth the wait and effort. You've got this! 💪❤️

[Staximus]

Sounds like you haven't found the right job for yourself. If you can't get your mind in order enough to do these jobs, find one where your mental issues don't interfere. If you're too be taking medication so you can function like a normal person then take it. My dad used to live in this big house and there was a guy who rented one of the rooms. He just sat on the computer all day doing computer stuff. Some kind of system administration coding programming stuff where he never had to talk to anybody besides sending an email and the occasional phone call. Maybe you should do something like that. Or sell shit online.

[lightbulb27]

It's unique, not saying pathetic. only you know what is going on. fired from every job is odd... left for other pursuits makes sense.

Many see stability as good... because they want that security. What you lack, is a clear direction. Frankly, it isn't easy with so many options. Maybe some career counseling is in order? Therapy?

[ForevrLonely29]

It is disheartening because my career and aspirations were always important to me. I couldn't even hold down most volunteer roles when I was younger. My social skills just lack. My last boss told me my hard skills were off the charts, but I lacked kn soft skills.

[lightbulb27]

ok. I was weak socially. You have to reflect on yourself and upbringing. A lot of what went wrong or off track happened in childhood. Traumas, abuses by family, etc.. combined with how you (personality) interpreted it may be a major factor. What is the issue? Fear, lack of experience? When you find the root causes driving the behavior and correct them, esbalish new paterns of succdess, you get to a new level you didn't know you had in you. It's called growth. You know you must! So time to start the hard work.
You aren't the only one, but luckly, you have a lot of resources around you to get to a new you!

[ForevrLonely29]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder amongst a slew of other psychological issues. I am suspecting I may have more borderline personality more than anything, as I match the criteria almost perfectly.

[lightbulb27]

possible. resulting from what is the question? You weren't born that way... it occurred as you tried to develop and grow. Time to readup on trauma, look for spiritual help to heal the heart and methods of healing trauma in your past. you may not even know you were traumatized as a child. Doesn't take much. What type of person are you... sensitive, caring, shy, easily flustered? You need to look inwards.
our system is ok at diagnosing what is wrong but their fix is typically some band aid to mask the problem. The real solution is to find the source of aggravation in the heart/emotions/spirit, release that, put in place what is good, loving, freeing, peacful. Then build new patterns of success, repeat.
that's how you climb out of that hole. You are a normal human if you've been damaged in this world. If you've seen babies, you know how delicate they are... and how they absorb.
We are physical, emotional, and spiritual. All must be considered...
Fixable with hope... and some work. Gonna have to face those some old pains though, ones that may be buried deep.

[ProbablyClueless]

Unless there's some additional factor, that is usually pretty pathetic, yes. If your thing was that you are a freelance nurse who goes around to different hospitals on an as needed, contractual basis, that's different from working jobs that are meant to be worked for a longer period of time, but you only stuck around for a few months.

[ForevrLonely29]

I would say I have borderline personality disorder, as I match the criteria almost perfectly. I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar 1 a few years back. I also have generalized anxiety and on the Autistic Spectrum.

[ProbablyClueless]

Well... you have to grade yourself on a curve to accommodate those challenges, but the good news is that there are lots of highly effective therapies, medications, and coping mechanisms that have made a normal and productive life very possible for people in your position!

[ForevrLonely29]

Personality should not matter, or even soft skills for that matter, as long as I get the job done and do it well. I am very talented and my hard skills are off the charts. My last employer told me it took him a year to find a candidate like me. Ironically, he fired me in 9 months.

[ProbablyClueless]

Every job that you described relies a great deal on soft skills. I don't care how good your hard skills are, if you can't communicate effectively with the people you need to help; those skills won't do you any good.

[Massageman]

As long as there is UPWARD PROGRESS at each change, that is becoming more and more of the "norm" recently. Not many are "lifers" any more. Both of my grandfathers worked at one job, one owning a store, their whole lives. My dad was in the same business and worked at only two places: I considered him a lifer as well. This just isn't happening as much, except- perhaps- in politics.

[RavVid]

what are the reasons for being sacked? And for what positions?

If it is for phone sales for example then you might not be well suited - it is not given to everybody. Lay it all out so we can help you.

[ForevrLonely29]

Soft skills lack at times. I also have mental illnesses and become unstable at times. I was told my hard skills were off the charts but my soft skills lack.

[RavVid]

Soft skills being social skills? That is not so uncommon but you can put guard rails up for yourself and learn. I had to learn social skills. It is like memorizing a script. Can be done.

I can't comment on the mental illnesses side but some like bipolar can be well controlled by medicines. Is that a possibility?

I'm sure you can overcome these hurdles and have a productive life. It may take you more effort than most. Elon Musk has!

[exitseven]

You need to get your act together before you think about getting married

[ForevrLonely29]

Listen, my career and aspirations were always important to me. My recent employer told me my hard skills were off the charts. I just lacked in soft skills.

[elaphe]

I say to one of your respondents that you have medical issues. In that case, having that many jobs may not be "pathetic" as much as a result of poor health.

[ForevrLonely29]

Medical issues alright... especially mental illness. It is draining and exhausting not having employment stability.

[elaphe]

What kind of mental illness, if you don't mind sharing.

[ForevrLonely29]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, autistic spectrum disorder (Aspergers at the time), and generalized anxiety. I am suspicious I have more of borderline personality disorder, because I match the criteria almost perfectly.

[elaphe]

I'm sorry to hear that. I pray that you find peace. Take care.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Why do you keep losing the jobs? What's the common thread?

[Nirmroth]

Yes doesn't really scream security to me if my partner struggles to keep a job even with 30.

[DrPepper12]

This is definitely one of those "It's not you it's me" situations!! I don't know what is causing this but you really need to figure it out!! 🚩

[paledreams]

Not pathetic - join the club 😞😉😉😉🌊😅 life is a bliss enjoy the ride :)

[Anonymous]

Which job was your longest ever job and what did you do and also you said you have qualifications for a web developer did it require a bachelor's degree or did you do it without college education?

[thenerdone]

Get checked out for ADHD. Pretty common in folks with it, and luckily treatable.

[noohair]

Don't you know how to keep your shit together? I know a guy that is 60 and he is like you.

[Twalli]

I've held one job in my life that started after I was 30. It lasted 16 months.

[Jmmmfi4]

ITS NOT SOMETHING I WOULD RECOMMEND

AND DIDN'T YOU JUST POST A SIMILAR QUESTION

[Smashingdoozy]

What the heck are you doing?

[ForevrLonely29]

What do you mean? I was an EMT for 2 years our of high school. I became disabled for a few years, and in the meantime, I became a self-taught software engineer. When I turned 25, I got my first web developer role and I have held 6 web software development roles since. I was fired most recently in July and haven't landed a new role yet.

[Smashingdoozy]

You said you hadn't held down a job for a year... That's wild. I can't imagine changing roles so often

[ForevrLonely29]

It is nightmarish and stressful for sure. To be 30 and to have never held a role for 12 months or more, it is shameful. Large employment gaps are stressful where the desperation sets in. I may get ahead 2 notches at times but yet set back 5.

[Nikki1989]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[ForevrLonely29]

I was diagnosed with bipolar. Although, I think my issue is more borderline personality disorder. I meet the criteria almost perfectly.