Do you feel fear when things get too intimate?

Question

The other day I expressed jealousy, which was - for me a very deep expression of my strong feelings and even though, I felt deeply guilty, because it was ungrounded, I also felt extremely vulnerable.

After that - I feel like I made a mistake, I was too intense and I got afraid, my fear of being hurt activated - I haven’t been close enough to anyone for a long time for me to feel this afraid.

But now I feel scared, I feel a mix of emotions, that is fear, guilt, vulnerability, anxiety and all these feelings make me so scared that had I been my young self, I would probably disappear once again.

To the contrary though, I contacted a therapist and decided to address the fact that I get afraid when I feel the fear of getting hurt or vulnerable and I’m going to make it my goal to work through that.

I am just not sure - are my fears ungrounded or am I afraid because I really did anything wrong and now I am scared of consequences? Don’t know… I didn’t do anything that bad, I just was jealous and that lead me to a passive aggressive remark, that I would in other case never say.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Not fear , but I sometimes feel lack of trust , if a girl is constantly saying nice things to me , like it’s too good to be true , I don’t tell her how I am feeling , it’s just thoughts that run through my head on whether she is being honest with me or not. I still accept her and give to her the same way I want to receive from her , hoping she is telling me the truth , I just have doubts that she is, because I have exes that I thought I could trust , that blind sided me before , so I tend to protect myself from being lied to and back stabbed again, I now tend to analyze shit in my head , which I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing , like I have these invisible walls protecting my heart from being lied to and back stabbed. I pretty much observe her words and actions. I know I wasn’t like this when I was younger , when i first started dating girls’ , it pretty much happened after I had my heart shit on and broken by a lying selfish girl , that only cared about herself. Why I no longer rush into relationships with girls’ I tend to be friends with her first to really get to know her, before even considering a committed relationship with her , even if we have sex , I am still hesitant if she is telling me the truth or not. I still treat her the same way I want to be treated I just protect myself from being lied to and back stabbed. For me to fully love a girl , she pretty much has to be on the same page as me when it comes to relationships, Honesty is important to me

superchan2011 · Accepted Answer

Oh it's much more normal than you would think. Especially when you fear being hurt again. Or have been hurt in the past. In fact that's why some people don't let themselves fully dive into a relationship. I honestly feel like that now. While I still try to be open to the thought of a new relationship I feel more guarded against it after my last relationship ended. And that relationship had lasted 4 years. I feel like I put everything into that relationship only for it to come crumbling down. So yes it is normal to feel that way. But ultimately everyone needs someone, it's better than one day dying alone.

Account · Accepted Answer

I actually feel the need to get out of the situation if it gets too intense because it can be unbearable. But I am avoidant. I do not give empty promises though. They know what they get. I am not an easy person to get along with. In fact, even my own friends call me difficult.

MemeSupreme · Accepted Answer

sorta?  i feel like my brain processes it as feeling overwhelmed or just uncomfortable period instead of fear, but it probably stems from it. it always makes me feel like a child when it happens lol

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Emotions, huh? They’re like a rollercoaster through Candyland sometimes, aren’t they? 🌈 It's completely natural to feel fear and vulnerability when things get too intimate. Showing jealousy can indeed be nerve-racking, especially when you’re used to a fortress around your heart. But hey, taking that brave step to acknowledge your emotions and reaching out for therapy? Smooth move! 😎 Remember, feeling guilty doesn't mean you're wrong, it means you're human. You're on the right path, and your strength lies in facing these emotions. Keep that courage up, you’ve got this! 🦸‍♀️

1

AviatorTom · Answer

I don't think I've ever experienced "too intimate". If I was intimate with someone, it was mutually accepted and enjoyable.

NathanDavis · Answer

never afraid, no...

no at this point of my life

at my first relationship ever, when I was age 16... I was absolutely terrified about few things, but not too afraid that I would not just give in, into all of it

perhaps, one of the best decisions I ever made... to just trust

trust is key...

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

You do a lot of feeling when you should just be feeling some penis.

Do you feel fear when things get too intimate?

Or fingers... whatever is there to feel besides your feelings.

Have you tried feeling your titts? It might feel better than some of your feelings.

spartan55 · Answer

No, that's one emotion I would never in that situation.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I did earlier in life. Not anymore though. I think just needed to reach a certain point of maturity.

Ladsin2 · Answer

I don't know that fear is the right word... Uncomfortable might be better wording. I like it and get used to it, but I don't like the initial part of dating where you're trying to figure each other out. I wish every relationship could start a year in so you're already comfortable with each other.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

no... but I give myself enough time to feel safe with whomever I'm getting closer to...

MEAZPAPop · Answer

Recently I was advised how to deal with the understandable discomfort you express. #1 Have your own back, don't get on the "thought train", but also take responsibility for feeling the discomfort you feel, by owning it as yours and not caused by "the other".

jojouzumaki · Answer

I shies away from all things sweet and intimacy as such. I withhold, and put up barriers to both emotional and physical/sexual affection. I cannot seem to allow myself that vulnerability.

ManInChains · Answer

Yes. Which is why I avoid intimacy at all costs. I purposefully do not interact with women outside of work unless they are family

TWO_EYES_119 · Answer

I like it when relationships get more emotionally involved

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You didn't do ANYTHING wrong! What you did was perfectly normal! And I understand your fear. But please don't be afraid. I believe in you. You can do this. ❤️

DtMe89 · Answer

The only thing I TRULY fear in life, are evil clowns. Not clowns, but, EVIL clowns. Other than that, there's nothing that really scares me

RingOfFire · Answer

I think a mental therapist is the right course for you.

Anonymous · Answer

I fear the whole relationship that they will leave me.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Yes I've felt like that before usually it's when I feel like things are happening to fast

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Absolutely. Everyone does

TsundereMatrix · Answer

I’ve definitely gone through this.

Nikki1989 · Answer

No, there is nothing to fear.

LiamJHayden · Answer

No, that does not scare me at all.

DerekC321 · Answer

Yes, hard to be vulnerable

Anonymous · Answer

Jealous about what?

kaucky1 · Answer

What if we never met yet

Effie1998 · Answer

Nervousness the first being intimate.

Do you feel fear when things get too intimate?

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