Just the question as you see fit to answer ⬆️
The poll question applies to if you’ve ever been in love.
but if you want to expand on what you think the difference Or if you think there’s a difference at all, between, “in love” and “to love”, feel free 🤝
I'll stick to romantic relationships as opposed to loving one's parents, siblings, children, friends, pets, music, nature, sex, chocolate, physical activity, and any number of other things.
For me, "be in love" is infatuation, a "crush", or puppy love. You think that person is the most desirable person in the world. They make you ache with desire. You project your dreams of perfection onto them. You can't get enough of them. You want to merge into them physically and emotionally and give yourself to them completely. Your brain and body rages with euphoric hormones.
The feeling of infatuation is what people associate with love. It's what is portrayed in songs about teen love and romance movies. It is a fantasy, but a wonderful, blissful fantasy. The pleasure can't be overstated.
"Infatuation fades because it's a naturally intense, initial stage of attraction fueled by novelty and a limited perception of the person, where high levels of dopamine and other chemicals in the brain gradually decrease as you get to know someone better and the "new" feeling wears off, allowing for a deeper, more stable form of love to potentially develop if the relationship continues."
True love is something that grows. Once you get to know someone for who they truly are, you idyllic projections fade. You realize that they are not perfect, but you adore them anyway. If you can imagine spending the entire rest of your life with them and realize that you can trust them completely, your bond strengthens and turns into devotion.
Infatuation is like a raging bonfire. Love is like the glowing embers that remain in your heart afterwards and keep you warm forever. Your passion and desire for your partner remains, but it becomes cozy, comforting and secure.
I had infatuated relationships from the time I was 16. I adored those girls and they said they loved me. They would have married me. But I really didn't know what love was and I didn't want to get married or have kids. My infatuation eventually faded and I moved on because I wanted to experience more of life. I didn't want to get tied down.
I hadn't been their first boyfriend and I wasn't the last. They went on to live happy lives.
It wasn't until my earlyish 30s that I started thinking about finding a partner to spend the rest of my life with.
When I was 36, I met a 30 year old named Petra who was the first woman I ever loved with my heart and soul. We lived together for almost two years and my infatuation never faded. Unfortunately, because of trauma she had suffered as a child, she was incapable of trusting completely. Because of that, I didn't feel like we could make it through thick and thin for the rest of our lives.
When we separated it was the greatest pain I have ever experienced. We still loved each other but I couldn't bear the possibility of experiencing such pain again. And I wanted to find a secure partner for life.
I still love that lady and will never forget her. Our time together was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I am in debt to her.
I met my (future) wife when I was 40. We have been happily married now for over 28 years. She taught me what perfect love is. Our relationship was never the raging bonfire that I had with Petra, but I adore her. I feel happy and secure spending the rest of my life with her. We are best friends, trusted partners and lovers. We are completely dedicated to each other.
Being in love is a specific feeling that occurs pretty much exclusively in sexual relationships.
Love on the other hand is a more universal motivation that is frequently found in the context of family and platonic relationships i. e. in the absence of sexuality e. g. parents caring for their children (or the other way round).
One important element that is a bit more often linked with love than with being in love is the focus on the other person's happiness and wellbeing. Usually at the expense of one's own i. e. sacrifice.
Sometimes love and being in love can occur at the same time, which can make a distinction difficult. In the movie Titanic we see Jack sacrifice his life for Rose. The question is whether the sacrifice was that of a man for a woman or that of a person for another person regardless of gender and sexuality (or both).
Would Jack have made the same sacrifice if Rose hadn't reciprocated his feelings or if she had been his grandmother, best male friend, an orphaned child or even a complete stranger? If the answer is yes (and I think it probably is) then the origin for his sacrifice was more love (universal) than being in love (specific). More than that. It would mean (especially in the case of the orphan or the complete stranger) that Jack's actions were more indicative of him than of his relationship with other people. Meaning he loved not because of who the other person was to him but because he was someone who is willing to give (love and life) more or less irrespective of the other person.
Which highlights two more aspects of love that set it apart from being in love:
First, it has less to do with the other person but more with oneself while being in love tends to be all about the other person (the object) and how he or she makes you (the subject) feel i. e. universal vs. conditional.
Second, as such love could be characterized as a general practice that is not (or not entirely) created by or dependant on feelings whereas being in love is typically recognized as a feeling that might or might not lead to acts similar to love.
The distinction is not black and white but still clearly recognizable.
One last point of distinction that I would like to add without relying on popular movies is that of time: Being in love in its strictest form has an expiration date, inevitable and rather short. While love is definitely not neverending as we would like to believe, it certainly has a longer shelf life.
Many more things that can be said about this topic and many have done so far better than I have but this is my immediate response to it.
I can love someone without being *in love* for sure.
There are many people I love, whom I'd go to the ends of the earth for, but I wouldn't date them. That's a different kind of love.
You can't force love and regardless of how much *in love* you are, and you'd want to be with a person, sometimes loving someone is accepting they want to live a life without you.
Nice observation. I initially added another paragraph but deleted it.
Came down to the idea that, to me, loving someone is without the expectation of reciprocation, whereas when you're in love, that desire (I'd assume) is there - because you'd hope the other is in love with you too.
And when it isn't, either the feeling fades or you love from a distance.
I'd say being in love is more of a feeling and love is more of an act.
If that makes sense
I thought I was in love many times but now I know it was all infatuation. So, I'm still waiting for the day I'll fall in love.
I honestly don't know what's the difference between "being in love" and "to love".
As a relationship coach here to sprinkle some love advice, being "in love" is that giddy, head-over-heels feeling where butterflies have a 24/7 party in your stomach. It's like a romantic rollercoaster. "To love" is deeper—it's that steady warmth and commitment, like wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket. I've definitely been "in love"! Each stage has its own magic, much like those energetic dance moves your heart does! 💃❤️🕺
Opinion
20Opinion
Love is a choice , you are choosing someone the same way you want or hope that loves you back the same , yes you can be in love , but it doesn’t mean the other person loves you back the same. Just because you feel you are in love with someone , it doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with that person , you can still choose to love someone that isn’t by your side , I thought my wife and I would be together until death do us part , but unfortunately after 20 years of being together , she decided to be selfish and no longer wanted to be committed to me , I still love her , because she was a big part of my life and she is the mother of of our children , but now that I am single again , I feel lost in todays’ society , thinking to myself if I could ever love and choose someone again the same way I chose my wife? It’s definitely a big kick in the ass that made me realize the only person I can truly love is myself , and my kids , unless I meet an amazing girl that chooses me the same way I choose her , We can’t force someone to love us , all we can do is choose them the same way we want to be chosen in return. , unfortunately it doesn’t always work out that way, because every single one of us has selfishness inside of ourselves , if you can’t remove that selfishness for your partner , don’t expect them to do the same for you. Love only grows when 2 people choose each other no matter what
u I have had a girl tell me that she loves me and, later, when she wants to break up, she “explains” that she “loves” me but is not “in love” with me. It sounded like a silly word game for her to avoid the accusation that she had lied or misled me. I think if you have a sexual relationship with a partner and you say you love them, they are going to think that you mean you feel romantic love for them.
Platonic love is clearly different from romantic love and when someone has given you their heart, you have an obligation to communicate your feelings in a way that is clear and not ambiguous.
Beautifully said, that last bit.
I’m wondering also, from the first portion where you mentioned your expertise with the girlfriend who professed love then claimed to not be in love..
do you think if partners were not having sex but said “I love you” it would hit different?
Is sex an important component in experiencing love for you?
Sex is still important for me in a committed relationship but not the most important thing. I think affection, trust, and respect are more important.
It's very different. Being in love or falling in love is mostly an irrational thing. You can't really explain why. It defies logic and yet, it occupies your mind from dawn to dusk. You'd be hard pressed to explain exactly why this particular person has all your attention, while there may be prettier, sweeter or better girls out there. It also implies passion and desire.
To love implies knowing the person in and out, accepting her qualities and flaws. A bond that goes beyond words. Loyalty through good and bad. Loving someone truly puts my mind at rest, quite the opposite with being in love.
I've been in love and I've loved.
Love is a projection from inside your emotionally programmed sub conscious. We perceive something that we developed emotional attachment to... which could be good or painful... it's all emotional. A lot of it, could be imaginative. From that, we have "feelings" of belonging and familiarity.
This is the vibration.
Choosing to love is willingness to put your needs aside and value the other person, even when it hurts. There's many areas for such need... like when dealing with children, obeying God and your own heart.
I think there is a higher calling in each person, and that love is resonance from what was instilled in them either when created or by development from the parents/environment.
Something like that... each brain, is going to function differently. Other brains may translate reality... differently...
I remember when i rescued Bella 🐶
She had been abused and was terrified. And we never met before that moment but I told her I loved her
and I wasn’t lying in the sense of trying to recurve but I also wasn’t even really sure what I meant. It grit strange but I genuinely cared and I _acted_ as if I did live her
and basically.. pretty soon I did. For real. She’s a complete pain and a half 😛 but I can’t remember not loving her.
do you think attachment for adults -not children because I know there’s attachment theory in childhood development-
But in the way that adults talk about attachment, do you think getting attached is part of Love or it’s like a precursor… a building block.
I’m never sure what people mean when they talk about getting attached and I think probably part of that is due to the fact that people mean different things when they say it.
Since you brought it up , I’m curious how you see it. 🙂
I think your mind is very logical and structured and you think a lot about how things work. Like you are an engineering mind but in a soft package. I doubt most people think about such things, they just let their emotions flow... until they get into trouble and have to evaulate what how why.
Getting attached I think means the heart of the person is given to the other. I see this as emotional/heart... the Bible to me eludes to this and I can dig up where I found that. In essence, you open your heart (emotional core... not just the muscle) and resonate to the other. That is a projection from inside... where came from, not sure... either passed on or something you resonated with earlier in life.
Some people I think avoid attaching (me) and some attach instantly without thought (less barrier... maybe needy?).
Bella is a dog?
Don't understand the first sentence... neve thought about child vs adult. Children develop... look at Erickson Clark chart for an idea how a child is developing in stages based upon needs.
Good question to dig deeper. you really are a thinker!
u I don't bother myself with the semantics... lol
and I will ONLY call it love, if our feelings are mutual and reciprocated too... mine and hers
and only then... love is love
How do you get to the point of finding out if it has to be reciprocated for you to say it?
Oh nvm you said call it
but still how can you say if you can’t call it love and how would you know if it’s just reciprocated if you can’t express it to find out what the other person feels? Do wait for her to say it?
well... now I do have to cycle back to what @Maybe_Maybe_not said in his post, because it is a similar situation
how do I get to that point and how do I know for sure sure? I don't really have ways to confirm for sure, because we people are so complex and so are feelings, especially one that is as vague as a term and so complex in reality like love, affection, interest, desire, lust (and more) are...
based on my previous experiences with the people I've been in love with... I don't really need "to know" I just know it is that way... because that feeling and emotion, mine and theirs I just can't mistaken it for something else
yes, there's infatuation... and I know how that infatuation feels as well.. whether is mine with them, or theirs with me... the "feeling of love" it's just a very distinctive one and since I know how it feels, I just don't bother anymore to describe or label it
becase my perceptions will be mine and unique to me... as my feelings are mine as well, and others just might not perceive them the same way
hehe, right, similar situation indeed !
Even more similar if you mean you're predicting, or trying to predict if feelings are mutual, before bringing them explicitly to the table
@Maybe_Maybe_not well, I've never told anyone that I love them without being 100% absolutely sure we were both in love... or they just said it first, lol
HA! Then we proceed the same way entirely. Still a difference perhaps? I'm forced to say that one time, one prediction has been going wrong or at least not really right 😬😆
@Maybe_Maybe_not I rather not predict, gamble or assume... lol
I need to be sure sure, and it should come from them
@NathanDavis
Ah, so okay, it seemed unclear to me in your previous post, you are waiting for the girl to be explicit about her feelings then
I've been considered classifications over the course of time, to be in love, to love, to truly love etc. At some point, it started to look like a philosopher's task, decomposing everything, hoping to find something quintessential, juxtaposing arguments... What?
... Well, full circle or back to the roots of simplicity. What is love? It's love, I know the sentiment inside, I don't need to speculate, I just need to feel. In short, I stopped bothering with the semantics, like @NathanDavis said. However, about reciprocity, my feelings don't have to be requited to exist, my feelings are mine. If they are shared then I see mutual love, two personal feelings from two persons.
Yes, I have been in love with someone in the past.
As for your other question, "in love" and "to love" are different.
As "in love" is a feeling it can be with anything like you are in love with that song, or that movie or that person.
Where as "to love" is to express your love Or share your love with someone or something. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft
i loved my dog entirely with all of my being. i will never love again.
It's not the same. You can love your parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.
Being in love is quite different.
I've been in love, several times, all unrequited, no girl wanted me :(
that just means you’re getting closer 😇
How did you Identify the feeling?
I hope so.
It was a very deep feeling, and it lasted for years.
I don't see myself having a girlfriend anymore. I don't want to spend double the price when eating in the restaurant while being mistreated. I'm currently enjoying my hobbies and my own hard-earned cash and I do believe that a man enjoying himself isn't immature. I also don't enjoy being treated like an ATM in a relationship wherein the man's role is only financial provision. No hate, I'm just simply saying that not all men enjoy providing and being abused.
There's plenty of definitions of love, however don't fall for the one in which hollywood romanticizes because that's both creepy and not real. Love is more like having a strong connection to someone in which the type of connection brings you both happiness and admiration for them. You'll never have a better definition of love handed to you on a platter.
I think love between two strangers is just a imagination or expectation. I think you need to see the shortcomings and if you can embrace those too, then it’s true love. I think family love is only true love
@Crazzyyworld Perhaps but there are many definitions for love and lust is one i of them. I'm not stating whether it's true or not but the is an element of it that is necessary whenever romantic love is involved and it's very easy to lust after someone who is a complete stranger
It’s just hormonal thing
For me in life people are very mean and bad for the most part so when you find someone nice who you can enjoy your time with it’s a blessing
I think the English language is the WORST to express emotions. How can you "love" pizza and your spouse too? Greek has 5 DIFFERENT WORDS for types of love.
To be in love means
I want you no matter what
Your face and personality are my favorite above all
To just love means I care about you but not that much
But I wouldn't let u just die
To me "in love" is emotion-based. "To love" is the choice to seek the better for another. I have never been "in love" but I have loved.
A lot of people see a difference, but I don't see imany difference. To me, they're both the same thing. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft
But I guess you could love someone platonically that you're not romantically attracted to. But I don't know if we're talking about that kind of love.
Oh, sorry - I didn't answer the first question.
But I don't really want to describe love, because it's too emotionally painful to think about it.
Those are holding out but ground is sinking for goldmaking fused diamo ds rubys multi dimensions above up they forget another wormhole but goes down upper goes to another multi galaxy
It means this Vivian
https://www.youtube.com/embed/AGTUSYMTbIcNothing. It just means "the government says you are"
I agree with what one female comedian said, "I've never fallen in love. I may have stepped in it. . . "
They are two different things.
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