What are the reasons you wouldn't want your spouse to have friends of the opposite sex?

[marish01]

I have to admit, men who have female friends are unappealing to me. The dynamic between male and female friends just doesn't sit well with me, and I find it cringeworthy. As an adult, I've drawn a clear line – I won't have male friends.
I'm also turned off by the idea of a female 'talking head' telling my boyfriend what I supposedly want or desire. It's like she's trying to dictate my thoughts and feelings. And don't even get me started on the idea of a female 'talking head' giving advice on how to solve problems in our relationship. If he needs guidance, he should come to me directly, not rely on some outside opinion. Although I wouldn't say anything to my boyfriend about his having a female friend, I would be turned off by the idea. If he thinks he needs someone other than me, that's his choice. However, I do have one non-negotiable request: he shouldn't demand that I meet this person or even be friends with them. His interactions with this female friend shouldn't involve venting about me or seeking her opinion on our issues. And I don't want him to talk about her either. Some might suggest that she could help him choose the perfect gift for me. But let's be real – just because she's a woman doesn't mean she automatically understands what this woman wants. And honestly, even if she did, the only reason I'd be happy with a gift is if my boyfriend chose it himself. It's not about the gift itself, but about the thought and effort he puts into it. The fact that he took the initiative to get me something special would mean more to me than the gift itself.

After all, he is my boyfriend – I date him, not her.

Updates

1 mo

I am single and I refuse to have male friends. That femqle male platonic friendship is cringworthy
So it is stupid of you to think my reason for not wanting my future boyfriend to have female friends is because I don't trust him or because I am jealous. I am turned off by a man who needs female friends. Why wouod I want to date a man that is a turn off? I want a masculine man as my boyfriend. Like I said I refuse to have male friends even though I'm single.

[ohsheeT]

For me if I'm not in a relationship and I'm hanging out with my female friends it's because they are my friends and that's it bottom line nothing else to do with it but if I get into a relationship

I have to stop hanging out with them because I don't think it's right to be doing that when I'm in a relationship and the girl that I'm in the relationship with this not know who my friends are so to make everything go smoothly I kind of just back off hanging out with my friends and eventually one by one in the right circumstances are just wherever I might see them if I'm with the girl I'm with I will introduce them and if they become friends great if not great doesn't matter to me

The part that does matter is I wouldn't want the girl that I'm with thinking anything else but the truth and the truth is I'm with her and I don't want to make her think anything else and so I have to be responsible and say no sorry I'm not going to hang out with you anymore because I'm in this relationship and I really like her and blah blah blah and of course my friends will say you big pussy. And I will say yeah you're probably right but I also know what keeps the peace and I also know that it's not right to put the girl that I'm in the relationship with into thinking anything different than what our relationship is and it has to be real and the only way it's going to be real is to back off so I mean I respect the girl that I'm dating or will be dating or whatever I'm single but yeah now I wouldn't I wouldn't treat my girlfriend that way by doing that I think it's wrong I wouldn't want them to me if it was vice versa and her hanging out with her male friends this is not cool

Now with everything I just said All the above

And somewhere down the road when our bond and our commitment and the level of us getting to know each other and if she wanted to go out with her friends or whatever I would say yeah go and if there was a guy there or something I wouldn't worry about it because I'm just not that person I would have 100% trust and respected she would have the same thing for me because I'm just not that person I'm very loyal caring person so I agree with you I think it's wrong just because it's just there's easier way and that is to just be with your partner and not make them think anything different

[Purpleronnie]

I think “friends’ has different meaning to a lot of people and in my opinion it’s generally misused. So much in the last 25 years or so has been done to damage the idea of what a friend is … social media , a friend with benefits , etc


Friends are not casual acquaintances , and they are not the folk you sometimes hang out with from work or the guy or girl you may have got talking with on the train home.


A friend the way that I understand the term it’s a person who offers you support and understanding unconditionally , one who is honest and objective and encourages me to do better and be better.


I know that I am at least that man to my lady , additionally her lover , her confidant and much much more besides.


So I’m not going to become threatened or jealous if my wife or girlfriend also has another “friend” that can offer that quality to her life that a true friend brings, why would that be a bad thing for me , if I trust her and she is honest , the qualities of a true friend , then I don’t have anything to worry about.


People , in my opinion , tend to skip over the part where you define a person as a friend in the quest for a meaningful relationship and then get all broken up when they get shit on. That’s not on them , that’s on YOU ! For not even making them pass the basic friendship or even “ are you even a decent human? “ test


Those that are threatened by this , perhaps it’s because they themselves feel inadequate and unworthy of friendship , and the thought of their partner finding that in another makes them fear that they are so utterly and easily replaceable.


That’s just my opinion folks , take it or leave it

[marish01]

That doesn't scare me. I view such man umattractive. That turns me off.

[Purpleronnie]

Scaring you wasn’t my intention. I’m expressing my opinion. I don’t need anyone to agree with it. Additionally I do not care what type of man turns you on or off. You asked a question and I gave my opinion … that’s it

[Screenwriter]

I think it's restrictive of you to cut out interactions between your boyfriend and a longtime friend of his who happens to be a woman. You wouldn't do it with his male friends, What if he has gay male friends. Is it the same?

You cite the facts that you don't want him venting to this woman about you and him, or asking for her advice about your relationship; that you don't want to meet her or hear him talk about her. However, you don't feel this way about his male friends.

This sounds like insecurity and jealousy: two issues you might want to work through.

You don't think your boyfriend discusses you or asks for advice about his relationship with his male friends? Of course he does. LIkely they discuss what they're getting their woman friends for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries. Men talk about everything in their relationships just like women do. There isn't any difference.

The only reason for you to dislike a woman friend is if she ISN'T a friend. And that's a different issue entirely.

I've had good male friends all my life. Just as I've had good women friends. It's a different kind of interaction and spices up your life. It's not romantic, but platonic.

Maybe some people CHOOSE not to do so because they can't see this. It's too bad you can't get past the sex issue. IT's worth doing.

[marish01]

If he thinks he needs someone other than me, that's his choice. I won't stop him.
And I don't want another woman to collaborate with my boyfriend. I want to date only one person, that is a man.
I wouldn't want anyone other than him and me to know what is between us. Showing my texts, telling them what I said to him is not nice. I shouldn't be a hot topic. Lol

[Bethany22]

Consensus among men is that men usually are not friends with women unless they want to have sex with them. A woman wanting to be friends with a guy usually is more trustworthy than a guy being friends with a girl.

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to offer some guidance in this dating adventure! Feeling turned off by the idea of your partner having friends of the opposite sex is more common than you might think. It's like dealing with relationship red flags you've planted yourself 👀. Trust issues and jealousy can create emotional turbulence. It's about understanding your boundaries while ensuring open communication with your partner. Feeling like you need to be the primary emotional support is valid! Just remember that healthy relationships thrive on trust, mutual respect, and respecting each other's social circles. Love is a dance, not a solo performance! 💃🕺

[AviatorTom]

My wife can have, and does have, male friends. Most of them from before she knew me. Similarly, I have some female friends, most from before my wife knew me.

There are many benefits of other-sex friends. They give a different, and often helpful, opinion on things.

[marish01]

They can as long as those opinions don't relate to me

[Finchie40]

I prefer girls’ that do not have opposite sex friends’ but if she does , will set boundaries with her if she wants to be committed to me and wants our relationship to last the long haul

[CuriousMoonFox]

My soon-to-be exwife once told me that every woman needs a gay guyfried 😂 And she generally seems to have an easier time talking to guys than girls. For whatever reason I seem to end up in similar situations 🤷‍♂️

By what you have written I assume that in your view the ideal relationship between spouses is that of not only lover but also best friend?

[marish01]

Yes. I love the idea that a man sees no appeal in having a female friend unless it is his spouse

[CuriousMoonFox]

That would put you up against all the women who accuse men of being unable to see women outside the context of sexuality.

Personally, I'd love the idea of having a platonic friendship with a women. Sadly or rather to confirm your point I suspect I'd probably be unable to have much time for her once I have a girlfriend 😂🤷‍♂️

[marish01]

He can still have platonic relationships with women. (Mother, sister, relatives)

[CuriousMoonFox]

I wonder whether there are that many men with platonic female friends who are not related.

[marish01]

Classmates, neighbors, coworkers

[asarjam]

Well I'm married, old, and I'm a hotwife, so maybe my life exoerience isn't a good example LOL. But I think if I am committed in the relationship, his time is shared with me, so how he spends it I have a say in. Emotional time, fun time, intimate time... that's for me. Guy friends can fill the role of "his time."

The flip side, I would probably give him the trust to make the right decision on who he spenmds his time with.

[exitseven]

When i was in college my closest friends were female. I do not know why but it just ended up that way. I valued these relationships. One person in particular was really my best friend for a few years. These relationships caused a lot of friction in my marriage and i sort of drifted apart from these people. Now that I am older I wish that these people were still in my life.

You need to let this guy choose his own friends.

[marish01]

I said he is free to have female friends. It will turn me off for sure. My desire for him will decrease

[exitseven]

@marish01 so you give him permission but he will be shut off? That is a choice?
Unless he had previously dated or had sex with them you need to take his word that they are just his friends. It is a show of trust.

[marish01]

Shut off?
He can spend as much hours as he wants with them. Isn't this a choice?
Read my update

[Jakefromstatefarm6]

He means you would shut him off sexually because your turned off.

[marish01]

@Jakefromstatefarm6 my desire for him would decrease for sure. Therefore I rather not date such a man

[exitseven]

@marish01 well, okay- everyone has things that are deal breakers. I certainly have them.

[marish01]

That is true

[PeachyPie93]

I always vet the guy to see who he hangs with and what he is like before I would consider dating him.. a guy can have girl friends but they best be only as good as acquaintances and not hanging out alone together..

[itsannalee]

I don’t mind my man has female friends, but close friends I wouldn’t like it. Meeting with group of friends is okay, but if hangout together only 2 people wouldn’t like it. Everything is okay, just don’t cross the line.

[MicahRaine]

My partner can have male friends, but she shouldn't have close male friends. It should be "hi how's your wife is the baby sick?" at church.

There just is no point in having a lot of contact with friends of the opposite sex when you're married or dating.

[nawtee_me]

Personally I don’t mind if she has male friends. I would trust her with them. Relationships are built on trust and if you can’t or won’t trust your partner then the relationship won’t last anyway. Jealousy stems from a lack of trust. So jealousy or just not being able to trust is a deal breaker for me.

[marish01]

It is not about lacking trust

[Oldschool1981]

I'm actually okay if my wife dates other guys. She doesn't do it very often but it's no problem when she does. So long as she doesn't get pregnant, she can sleep with whomever she likes without worrying about having to hide it.

[Nikki1989]

I could never be that insecure or that controlling. I have many male friends, just like my husband has many female friends.

[EmmaMary]

@Nikki1989 My sentiments entirely.

[marish01]

It is self respect and high standards not insecurity. Plus you are not in a monigamous relationships. Having many male friends is not surprising lol

[DryGermanGuy]

I don't have any reasons, as I'm not controlled by such insecurities.

[marish01]

It is self respect and high standards not insecurities

[DryGermanGuy]

Not from where I am standing. I don't live in some ancient sultanate or caliphate.

[marish01]

Ancient or not sel respect and high standards are good qualities

[DryGermanGuy]

Yeah, as long as they don't maneuver you into some silly fantasy-land. Which is, quite frankly, where a lot of your dogmatic armchair theorizing already lives. I'm repeating myself - go out and smell the roses.

[marish01]

What fantasy?

[DryGermanGuy]

The fantasies of these highly regulated and ruled sort of relationships that only happen in someone’s head.
While everyone else pursues what is possible in reality.

[marish01]

There are many men who don't have and don't want female friends

[DryGermanGuy]

I’m very happy for you. Are you going out with any of them?

[marish01]

I said I don't want male friends.

[DryGermanGuy]

Do you plan to find your future boyfriend in an Easter egg or are there stores that sell boyfriends where you live…? Just curious.

[marish01]

Latter

[marish01]

But not where I live

[Funnygirl1500]

Why? Because men and women that hangout together will end up fucking.

[Nikki1989]

What lowlife animals do you associate with?

[Friendlybro79]

If I were untrusting, anti social, and controlling. Those would be the reasons and the same reason why I wouldn't mind this at all.

[Friendlybro79]

Insecure would be another reason that I forgot to add.

[marish01]

Explain that insecurity

[Friendlybro79]

Insecurity potentially could stem from lack of trust that they can't just be friends and will form a physical or emotional infidelity. And this insecurity could make one want to control the other person so this is removed as an option. It's unhealthy in just my opinion. If you can't trust someone unless you can lock them down into who they can and can't associate with then you're not ready to be in a relationship

[marish01]

Read the update

[Friendlybro79]

Oh sheesh. You must be a blast to deal with irl. Have a good life

[Friendlybro79]

Seriously if you know exactly what you want, aren't open to other people's opinions, why even ask? Is the purpose of your questions to understand different opinions or to just argue anyone who doesn't see things your way? You seem to ask the same questions over and over and in just realized that.

[Friendlybro79]

Also you should block all men here since you don't want to associate with any. You sure like to talk to men here and tell them off lol.

[marish01]

I like to talk to men on social media for sure. Is that what hanging out is?

[Friendlybro79]

Go live your life as you see fit. You don't need to argue with me about this topic. I shared my opinion and answered your question as you requested. Have a good day and I wish you well.

[ceirra22]

This is why I stay single because I want my guy friends too

[soe11]

• Me and my girlfri6end never mind having opposite sex.
• In fact we both have.

[gintare_370]

It does not matter at all. He can have and I don't mind even they slept too but all I want to say be ready for the reaction as well.

[SolitarySolace]

Cheating is the main reason why any man wouldn't want his woman to have male friends. Women don't even know they're doing it

[Lightning8]

Do you mean best friend or just any level of friendship?

[Strongballs38]

Yeah, I always want female friend and they must talk freely we talk with our guys.

[queenbecca]

i dont mind them having friends of the opposite sex

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

She can openly as in a social gathering but the primary reason is her safety.

[RedInnocent69]

That they would fuck them

[KrakenAttackin]

I agree completely.

[Guanfei]

If said friends want to fuck her.

[eagle1951]

fear of cheating

[kaucky1]

They might be gay