How do you feel about your partner giving you a relationship ultimatum like either you do this or we break up?

[Anonymous]

[Finchie40]

The relationship is pretty much already over if they are giving ultimatums , They are basically telling you to change , just to appease them , You are best to tell them it’s not going to happen , unless you are doing something that is affecting the relationship you both chose to be in together? A relationship should start off with set boundaries , that you both set together and agreed upon , so if you are overstepping those boundaries , then you should really point fingers at yourself first and see if what you are doing is damaging those boundaries you set with your partner , understand you are no longer single and your single days are pretty much over when you choose to be in a relationship with someone , and understand , you can not always be right. Most relationships fail because of selfishness , Selfishness meaning Someone only thinks about what is best for themselves and not what’s best for the relationship they chose to be in with their partner . So if your partner is giving you an ultimatum because you are being selfish? Then you are best to work on that to save your relationship, if you can’t change your selfishness for your partner , then you are best to leave and realize you both aren’t good for each other. Always put yourself in your partners’ shoes before making decisions, think how you would feel if your partner was the one doing whatever the ultimatum is to you. Understand you can’t always have your cake and eat it to. Relationships aren’t hard work , selfish people make them hard

[magiusX26]

that is typically a form of manipulation. once a partner does that, either choice einds up as a breakup as it indicates tge relationship is already over, if for no other reason, it shows lack of respect for the one being given an ultimatum.

of course there are some reasonable versions of ultimatums but again, it most likely indicates a lack of respect. some readonable ones include things such as "stop oggling other people (what ever they are attracted to) or we break up" "get a job and help with costs or we split" and "sober up or we are done". as you can see, each of those indicates the one giving the ultimatum is being disrespected in some way though.

as a side note, when your partner starts "hypothetical" questions like "if i died would you remarry?" "do you find X more attractive than me?" and "would you still love me if?" are sort of the same thing. as are "testing" your partner for a relationship. the only "test" to a relationship is time its self as you can only truly know if given time. as well, the only way to find out such snswers, truly, is to be their in the relationship over time. there are no substitutions, shortcuts, work arounds, ifs, ands, or buts to it. cold, hard truth is only time will tell, and that is reality. trying any other way is guessing at best but more often than not pure folly and fantasy as you are basically trying to predict the future which can really only be known by being thete and experiencing it once its becomes the present.

[ihateTaylorSwift]

well I for one
wouldn't wanna be manipulated like that
though I understand
would where they're coming from
I just really cannot appreciate feeling constantly
restrained under control
like (I have no other choice
because they consider it as my end of the deal otherwise if I don't listen I'm just selfish
my turn to do something)
just to reassure them of my intentions just to show to them I really care
sounds like a very big lack of trust if that's the case
but people will do whatever it takes I guess just to not lose that special person

[777GgG]

I guess it depends on the ultimatum... but grand scheme it sounds too much like your parents saying you can't go out until you clean your room.

Besides there are better ways to address an issue than "Do this or we're over."

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach here to share some spicy insights, dealing with ultimatum situations can feel like a high-stakes game of chess. It’s important to ask, why the need for such an intense approach? 🚦 Ultimatums can feel like red flags, hinting at control issues or unresolved conflicts. Relationships thrive on compromise and open dialogue, not pressure tactics. If you’re feeling cornered by an ultimatum, spark up an honest convo and delve deeper into why it’s come about. Sometimes a heart-to-heart can extinguish the ultimatum flame! 🕊️

[OlderAndWiser]

If the ultimatum is, "Stop cheating or we're done," that makes perfect sense. If the ultimatum is, "Wear exactly what I tell you to wear every day, or we're done," then that is a quite different situation, so. . . some details would be helpful if you want any meaningful advice.

[AviatorTom]

Partners in a relation don't give ultimatums. If that happens, the relationship, if there ever was one, is over.

[Purpleronnie]

I’d say if your at the stage of giving or receiving ultimatums there is a few nails in the coffin already. They generally come from a place of fear or considerable uncertainty and that speaks volumes over the mind state of the person giving them or indeed the state or place the relationship is at .. it’s emotional desperation to provoke an outcome or sometimes about a desperate attempt to regain control
Me personally though I’ve never been given one in a relationship nor have I ever felt the need to give one

[Lliam]

I don't take well to authoritarianism, threats or ultimatums.
If my partner gave me an ultimatum, I would be incredulous like "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

I am very open to reason. If they can sit down and explain what's bothering them, I will listen and discuss. If their complaint is rational and reasonable, I will make every effort to find a mutually satisfactory solution because I want my partner to be happy.

For me to be obstinate would be just as bad as them being demanding.
Two reasonable people who love each other should be able to find agreeable solutions.

[Anonymous]

No one likes being given an ultimatum. Pretty much everyone resents it. But whether it is warranted depends on what behavior it relates to. If it's something like "stop using heroine or I'll leave you", that's warranted. Most things are not though. Women who are in a relationship with a man who they want to fundamentally change will make themselves and their partners' miserable, and will ultimately fail.

At the end of the day, find a partner you can love as they are, rather than a "fixer upper" you think you can change.

[lightbulb27]

generally doesn't work out, but it might.

how you feel about jumping out of an airplane when you are afraid of falling?

The problem is some hidden blockage/fear which requires some inner work. until that's done, at best... you get them to jump, and then work through the real emotional problems.

[admles]

I don't put up with ultimatums. They're just a way for the person giving them to get exactly what they want no matter what.

I'm not the type of person to do anything really bad that would require an ultimatum - ie things like "stop cheating or it's over" "stop doing drugs or it's over" - so there is no reason to give me one.

[PeachyPie93]

Depends whats the ultimatum is.. If its because I am doing something assholey then I will accept it but if he is just trying to change me then I'd let it end if that is what he wants.

[Cormac995]

Very, very, very contextual thing. In some cases, it genuinely can be justified, in others it's an incredibly inappropriate, disrespectful and rude.

[molonski2]

Anybody gave me an ultimatiim I'd politely and swiftly tell them to FCK off , who exactly do you think you are? Good on him.

[molonski2]

Ps.. I meant that the other way around on rereading.. he is giving you an ultimatiim, tell him to F off.

[RageBabe]

All of a sudden, the phrase compromise is eliminated.

[slickrick6600]

I think it’s too extreme and a little controlling, like a bulldozer driving through a delicate ecosystem

[Nikki1989]

Ultimatums can leave you feeling like your partner is trying to control your decisions and actions. It usually doesn't end well.

[ProbablyClueless]

Depends ENTIRELY on what she wanted me to do.

Some ultimatums are really fucking reasonable requests.

[Alwayreckles93]

I would see the individual is not really mature for a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

It's over. Relationships are balance if people can't figure that out the damage becomes to great to recover from.

[Drumlin2001]

It socks, is highly manipulative and in most cases should be the end. Sometimes its complicated

[GlowUpGirly5]

Depends.. what is the ultimatum? This is a vague question

[ihateTaylorSwift]

it's like a think fast relationship test
to put somebody you love on the spot and see if they'll listen to you and do the right thing give you the right answer kinda like a do or die moment for the sake of in hopes for staying together but only
"on my terms"

[Anonymous]

It would depend what that, "this" is. My question is why it got to the point that she felt she needed to issue an ultimatum.

[WhitneySnow]

Depends on what they want me to do

[Anonymous]

He would ultimatum himself out the door.

[MannMitAntworten]

I feel it is already over.

[Vasiliki90]

Break up sounds like hostage taking.

[Founding_Daddy]

@Vasiliki90 do you give advice? follow me if its okay?

[SweetDripp]

Bye!

[Agape93]

Bye 👋

[NicholasRedone]

It sounds great 😃

[Pterodon]

Its boundaries