Is being given an ultimatum by your partner a deal breaker in your relationship?

[Anonymous]

[AviatorTom]

It depends what the ultimatum is.

If your partner demands that you do something you really do not want to do or do something illegal, that could be a deal breaker.

If it's deciding where to have dinner Friday night, your partner's choice or stay home, that you can live with.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

personally, deal breaker. no exceptions. I do not make such ultimatums and will never accept anyone demanding it of me.

To clarify, everyone has preferences and expectations of a partner in a relationship. You do not have to agree with those meaning you each have a choice to continue or dissolve the relationship based off those differences. But no one has the right to force a partner to fundamentally change theirs beliefs or behaviors to match.

[Anonymous]

Ultimatums can be a red flag. Healthy relationships are about open communication and compromise. Being told "do this or else" can feel manipulative or controlling. If something major is bothering you, talk it out calmly. If your partner isn't willing to listen or work on things together, that might be a deal breaker.

[jennifer_bloom]

Basically every couple I know had a struggle phase where they were at risk of never marrying or at risk of divorcing after marriage. Others that did not divorce struggled with fighting or health problems. The universe created a world where good things require sacrifice.

[Finchie40]

Depends on the ultimatum , usually ultimatums can cause resentments in a relationship if the ultimatum is extreme and it feels more like control than anything

[Pinay_ako]

This is the point, take it or leave it kind of time when you were given by them so many chances to change or work on your issues but you still haven’t. It will be THE dealbreaker.

[At3mis24]

No one should change for others, individuality is the best way, so yes, this is a dealbreaker!

[wiltingrosepetal]

Depends on how reasonable it is. Is he telling me this because he feels insecure? Say, I had a close guy friend that I'd never think of dating. If he told me 'it's either him or me' just because he's too insecure to handle another man being around me, that's an instant break up.

If there is a logical reason for it then no.

[FreyaRed]

Entire interaction between humans is a negotiations and ultimatums are part of it. Just pointing explicitly out it's an ultimatum is often completely foolish. Some things don't need to be outspoken if there is minimal amount of respect among two people.

[sawno]

Not if its warranted. But it's a dangerous thing to do with me because I will choose one of the options and it may not be the option you want.

[AmyHew1tt]

It depends on the situation. I support ultimatums if say, one partner is sunk in substance abuse, is abusing their body, refusing to get or allow help, or putting off an important decision.

[lightbulb27]

no, it's a point of negotiation. which means a time of reflection to figure out whether you accept the challenge and forthcoming change.

[Asker]

What if it's just a BS ultimatum, one clearly motivated by jealousy, ego, need for control of you?

[lightbulb27]

Get several therapists (not all are good). You want me to solve your complex emotional relationship issues in a few sentences? Most things can be figured out, but these are matters of the heart and can be complex. In essence, you are running into an emotional boundary in the other person and either don't love them enough to accept it, don't trust them and think it's a game, or it collides with your own boundary.
It's like a mouse in a maze...
I've had ultimatums and it wasn't the end because... we'll, if you want to know, you can ask.

[IslaTheWitch]

I want to say yes... but in the end, I value relationships much more than anything else...

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Yes.

Bad communication is not something I have the patience to repair.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I see some people talking about valuing the relationship. What relationship? If you let your partner hold it hostage and succumb to their demands, what relationship is left? They can do that any time now and control you. Persuasion of a peaceful sort has flown out the window.

You are now their ass-kissing toe-licking bitch. And I'm not anybody's bitch. So they give me an ultimatum and hold the relationship hostage and I'm shooting the hostage. "Your move, punk."

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I'd encourage my wife to do the same if I become a terrorist presenting ultimatums to her. Never negotiate with a terrorist asshole. It's a lose-lose situation.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

You take pride in your individuality and critical thinking and if you're reasonable, you can be persuaded, gently nudged, supported in your good decisions and not supported in your bad ones, and you can be left to take responsibility for your ultimate mistakes.

But if you have even a semblance of this pride, you can never have your decision forced by anyone. This is bullshit. And you'll die on that hill and still be right because anyone who presents ultimatums to try to get people to change is wrong in this world view.

[82lynx]

E

[bobby_bush_eater]

No. Sometimes in very specific situations an ultimatum is absolutely necessary. Over use of them or creating drama with them is a massive red flag tho

[Jamie05rhs]

That really depends what the ultimatum is. If it's something that seems reasonable to me and something I can accept, then no.

[jahaims]

It depends on what it is obviously. If you say don't cheat on me or I will leave that is reasonable.

[Asker]

I mean, if you have to be told that...I think there is a bigger issue there.

[jahaims]

Obviously, I was giving an extreme example, so even the dumb people would understand the point of the statement. Since you don't understand, I will spell it out. Not all ultimatums are the same. Some are acceptable, and some are not.

[Xia1994]

Depends on the ultimatum sometimes they can be a way of setting boundaries.

[JacobJordan]

If anyone ever tells me "it's me or (literally anything that makes sense)" I am picking the second option 100% of the time

[Nikki1989]

Ultimatums are an instant dealbreaker.

[msc545]

I view an ultimatum as a threat, and I don't tolerate threats from anyone. Definitely a dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

There's only been one woman who ever gave me an ultimatum. I heard recently she's engaged to another guy now. I wish him the best of luck.

[Kaneki05]

Of course depends what the ultimatum is.

[BadApple69]

Absolutely a deal breaker.

[Sameone]

It's depends on what the ultimatum is

[Bklynbadboy12]

That all depends on what the ultimatum is