What if you've already met your person and you can't be with them because of circumstances?

Question

What if they made a mistake and realized that you were the one but now they are getting married to someone else? Like in the Notebook. Would you fight to get them back? Or let them go?

I was so healed from this relationship until he called me last night and confessed that he still loves me and misses me and it got me to thinking what if he is making a big mistake? What if me letting him go is a big mistake? I wanted to be done, I really did but I feel I've been drowning myself into this new person to mask my true feelings for him.

https://youtu.be/kPa7bsKwL-c?si=b5ra0VFvTLnwYzR7

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Ooooh, I wouldn't buy it. He's most likely using his knowledge of your empathy because something went haywire on his end. Not cool.

Based on some things you've shared about yourself, you might consider this as a good practice opportunity for protecting yourself and setting boundaries. Remember, boundaries have gates, but only you get to decide when to open them. I think it would be good for him to know that you have the strength and self-respect to tell him no.

Imagine this scenario. You decide to give him a chance, things fall apart again. You are left dealing with the same heartbreak a second time, alone and vulnerable. Do you really want to go through that again because he decided to come back on his terms?

Now, imagine all your dreams come true and you get married. You'll still have the same challenges with him that existed before, only now you are committed to them. Are they the kind of challenges you can live with forever? Are they the kind of challenges that are due to immaturity and lack of experience? Or are they fundamental to his personality?

What I am trying to say is to be very, very careful. Don't be the available ex-girlfriend with no life. Don't be the one he can call between relationships to hold him over until the next opportunity comes along.

Also, I'd gently suggest rejecting soulmate ideology. It's unhelpful and not true. No one has only one person they can be happy with. Maybe they believe that, but that's a belief, not a fact. It's what people choose for themselves. You will not face a barren desert of unhappiness and longing because you decided to have some self-respect and reject this particular guy. You will heal, whether you want to or not. Remember that any longings you have about a life with any particular person are based on your fantasies, not reality. Enjoy the fantasy, but act on the reality.

Now, you may as always do whatever you want! These are just some things to think about. You alone know all the details; this is simply one perspective to consider. Hope it helps. :D

DishLady · Accepted Answer

No, don't fight to get anyone. They have to CHOOSE to be with you and WANT to be with you. Every fiber of their being has to want to accept, choose and nurture this connection with you. From that you can grow a life together, a family, etc. This isn't what you'd get from this person. @TheRealPepperPotts is absolutely spot-on with her assessment (as always).

Also... you weren't healed. You were like "Sally" ("When Harry Met Sally") when she finds out her ex "Joe" was getting married or "Harry" runs into his ex "Helen" singing karaoke in front of Helen's new guy, "Ira"... You thought you were over him but you weren't. The guy "left you with a couple of cracks" (Gym Class Heroes, baby...).

If *HE* is making a mistake, it's on HIM. Don't get all tangled up in it. He's not your responsibility... and doesn't deserve you. If he's willing to do this to this person he's about to married then he'll be willing to mess with you (again) just as easily... which by the way is what he's doing to you right now.

Next, if you're feeling like you're doing an injustice to your NEW person, take a short break to examine your life and priorities, go out with the new person a little more and assess if this is, in fact, what's going on or if you were just having a vulnerable moment of doubt because the jackass called you out of the blue.

Good luck, missy.

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry but this is something I genuinely don't know what to do. On the one hand it's going to break his fiancés heart when she finds out on the other it will never be a happy and successful marriage if he's still in love with you while married to her. That's a recipe for disaster and divorce.

If he calls it off now it will break her heart but she can still possibly heal and recover but if something happens and he's unfaithful and she finds out it will break her heart beyond fixing. He won't be happy in a marriage where he loves her less than someone else.

All I can think to say is ask your heart and your head what's the right thing to do is and hope your conscience guides you. You need to decide fast though you're running out of time I don't think there is any way that his poor fiancé doesn't end up badly hurt. It's basically deciding what can you do to hurt her as little as possible and comfort her because God she's going to need it.

I know you'd probably try not too but if you're really attracted to him and he's really attracted to you then you need to cut him out of your life completely if you decide you don't want him because otherwise all it's going to take is one moment of weakness and then you've done the 4th worst thing you can do to another person to his poor wife.

The clock is ticking

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

I don't believe in these things. If 2 people both believe they've found the right person to spend their life with then it will happen. If there's always some problem that pops up that's preventing it, then it's probably not as serious as someone is saying.

I have this attitude either you're in or you're out, that's it. And I also say when I'm in or out to the people I'm dating. If that's not possible then there's something wrong. I know we live in the age of situationship and everything but it doesn't mean you have to play along with that game. You can set your own rules on who you're willing to interact with.

It's up to you.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic dilemma of love and timing! So, your heart's doing somersaults, right? Here's the spicy part: if you truly believe he's your person, sometimes it's worth fighting for love like you're in your own rom-com. But remember: this involves storming the gates of possible chaos! However, if you're drowning in "what ifs," flirt with the idea of living without regrets and see where your heart leads you. Love isn’t always about holding on; sometimes it's about letting go and trusting the universe. Whatever you choose, make sure it's for you, not just to win him back. 😊❤️

Finchie40 · Answer

All you can do is express your feelings to them and let them decide on what they want to do. If he ends up marrying the other girl , then that’s your answer to walk the other way , because he chose her and not you

Shiprex · Answer

It's complicated and probably unlikely to end without heartache. That he couldn't hold on to you, went to someone else is a sign he's not really ready to have a marriage that will last (maybe there should be a marriage cut off like a passport or driving licence) as he sounds like he may be having regrets and unsure about his future betrothed.

That he's "settling" is clear and maybe he realises this that there's something missing in what he's getting into. That's not to say it can't work as relationships and marriage are both occupations that require commitment.

I would let him go, you're probably going to find someone else and be happy instead of pining for him (if that's where you are) as you're not compatible it seems.

WhitneySnow · Answer

If they are getting married to someone else, I would tell them how I felt and see if they were willing to call off their marriage and be with me. If not, I would not listen to any complicated reasons about why they couldn’t do that. I would wish them well, block them and move on.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd let them go. I don't care how much I feel for a woman. If her ego supercedes her feelings for me it'll never work. This is a harsh lesson every guy has to learn. Nobody ever really LOVES anyone. There are just good situations and better situations. And it doesn't matter if you've been with that woman for 5 days or 50 years. If she sees a better offer. She will cash you in like a bottle return. So as a guy you have to learn to just live in the present, enjoy the moment and always be prepared for it to end at any moment.

lightofdarkness · Answer

I'd change the circumstances because i dont want to lost. So i'd try to whatever i can. But i dont believe that wrong time right person thing. If you are right person (you really believe it and know within) then there's no wrong time and guys. Because when you be right i'd know who is the you need

Ferngully2000 · Answer

It comes down to who you really love? Don’t marry someone because you think you should settle or don’t want to hurt them, as you will end up regretting it and ruining their life too.

if your ex is that one that got away, then that’s probably your answer, but you should also consider how he got to be your ex and the problems that led to that.

exitseven · Answer

Damn, you need to forget this guy. Sometimes you just have to move on.

Valdemort · Answer

You might have met the person, but they might not yet be the version they aught to be - for things to work.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i've been there. as much as i wanted her to leave i told her to stay

BriannaLidle · Answer

Ur boyfriend calls u? 😨

NathanDavis · Answer

if you can't then they aren't...

kaucky1 · Answer

I'd bribe them trade existences if not just execute him after asking hard what I need to know

Anonymous · Answer

just have to wait or move on then

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

No one can take what was meant for you

Anonymous · Answer

All you can do is to wait and be patient.

Ilovehimx1 · Answer

Follow your heart not your mind

eagle1951 · Answer

been there

What if you've already met your person and you can't be with them because of circumstances?

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