Boyfriend said his 'exes were "nice" during a fight while I am not', when I called him out he said he was kidding, am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

So we were fighting since some days about some not so serious issues but all of a sudden during the time we were trying to solve it he said his exes were nice while I'm not during arguments, now that struck a nerve I don't know why I feel so bad but he did clarify that he was kidding but I just didn't feel so. And I was angry too as I wasn't really happy with what he said even if it's a joke. Then he shortly said I'm jealous. Which I denied.. I don't know what I should feel about this. Am I overreacting?

[Summeroflove]

Fighting over not serious issues indicates mush more serious issues that need to be addressed… You’re not opposing teams a relationship should mean you’re on the same team. Fights happen…. But when people start saying stuff like that it’s not normal.

Saying he was kidding is gaslighting and I assume he has some dark personality traits. When people make comments about their exes it’s either to hurt you and/or because they still are attached to them in more cases then not. I can’t read his mind so I don’t know but that’s common.

There comes a point where people can’t communicate in a healthy way so it turns to fighting. Fighting is absolutely exhausting for both people it will make a relationship and especially if that relationship turns into marriage at some point absolutely miserable and exhausting. Imagine yourself coming home from a exhausting day of work… Just to end up in a argument over stupid things.

He’s gaslighting you then he says you’re jealous. If you don’t feel it was a joke it probably wasn’t. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean for no other reason then to hurt the other person. But more often then not they are loosing their filter and saying…. What they really think, feel, and say behind your back.

You need to consider if this relationship is worth it or maybe you both would be happier finding someone else. Maybe if his exes are so much better he can go back to them.

[Asker]

So is it that he's just framing all of it as a joke when he actually mean it I don't know what I should do at this point. The reason why we were fighting because he ignored me when I told him I was upset which we talked about today but he has excuses for that he kept saying he was also upset and that's why he ignored me. Then he went on to say that his exes were nice but I'm a tough person to deal with by that time I lost it , then he kept saying he was kidding. I'm really sorry for typing all this I'm so overwhelmed. Thanks a lot for replying to me

[Summeroflove]

So he’s not communicating it seems you’re trying. When you’re upset you don’t hold resentment inside you communicate like a adult.

Maybe you’re both not meant to be along with he may be a dark personality such as a narcissist at best. I can’t give a medical diagnosis but

[Summeroflove]

No you’re right to feel overwhelmed a toxic relationship is absolutely a exhausting thing to deal with.

A real relationship should be adding value to both persons lives. Not just one…. And if you’re miserable don’t you deserve better?

Even if you feel that’s selfish which unfortunately some people do when it’s not. Imagine it this way…. Isn’t there someone more deserving of your love. Attention patience kindness who will give it in return?

[Summeroflove]

Part of a relationship is emotional support as well. Two people should be there for one another when you’re going through stuff.

[Asker]

He don't try to solve issues instead he goes silent and then I have to put in the effort to. solve the issues which I did because I didn't see it as a competition. But it hit me when recently he just left me when I said I was upset. And then popper up after a few days as if nothing has happened. And today when I called him out for it he said he was upset too and tired of "explaining" when I don't "understand " him.
The problems is today I was honest and asked him where does he stand, then he said he's still committed.. this is where I'm getting more confused. On one hand he's bringing up his exes and how nice they were and calling me tough on the other hand he see us marrying in the future. Also to add , he has not shared with ne the details of his past. So I have no idea how many he's been around with (he claims it's less than 5) which I doubt due to the questionable things he td me today about his past.
while my body count is zero.

[Summeroflove]

This is a one sided relationship. It seems you’re being more honest with him and he’s using you. Especially if he’s probably slept around and he doenst want you to know that or even is cheating.

I don’t think this relationship is worth it. There is no communication. You’re solving relationship issues by yourself and not as a team. You’re not getting emotional support. You’re being gaslighted

I think it’s best you just tell him that we are working out. That we don’t communicate well and there isn’t much emotional support. Tell him he probably needs to find someone whose a better fit so that he’s happy as well.

But you need to
Find someone else I feel like

[Asker]

Thanks for your advise. We talked once again and I asked him to explain his statements but he was trying to gaslight me by Licking my words and turn it against me and then says he won't answer my question due to that, and then when I tried again he said he already answered (he didn't) and said he won't answer again. Then he broke up with me saying he's done with me and left me. I asked him if we can fix it (I know I was being stupid) but I was overwhelmed, but he refused and left me

[Asker]

*Picking my words not Licking

[Summeroflove]

Lol spell check

[Summeroflove]

Just take time to grieve it asker. As happy as you’ll be later down the road that this relationship is over. You do need to take time to process this.

You did love and care about him because you have a good heart so it’s okay to go through the anger and sadness. But you don’t want to stay there by not processing this or much more taking him back.

[Summeroflove]

I will say that… Not always but sometimes these people break up or threaten to as a means to make you call their bluff. They want you to beg them to stay. They want you to take them back.

If he does that don’t…. It’s over and you’ll be happier with someone else. Even being alone is better then being in a toxic relationship.

[Finchie40]

I can’t stand when a partner compares me to their exes , they usually become my ex as well. You have every right to be upset at that comment. Partners’ that hold on to the past aren’t good partners’ for the present and future period

[gemb00]

I think he only said I’m kidding to not upset you further. He probably meant what he said when he said that and you’re not overreacting. It’s a sh/tty thing to say to your current girlfriend. Maybe talk to him and explain you didn’t like what he said and it was a stupid argument and don’t bring his exes into this in the future

[Asker]

I kept explaining that I don't like this comparison infact I asked if they were nice and I am a tough person, why is he with me , then he kept saying he's kidding. I feel this is pushing me into depression

[Ms_Facesitter]

I would laugh. Your exes were nice? Yes, "Were", until the breakup, right? That's what I would have said. I will not stand for those bs insults and comparisons. If he wants to compare, he's living in the past and he can go.

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to help you decode this! Comparing partners to exes is like comparing apples to oranges—it generally doesn’t sit well. It’s understandable why you’d feel hurt. 👀 Even if he said it was a joke, this is what I call a red flag waving proudly. It’s crucial to talk about how this made you feel, ensuring both of you are on the same page. Trust and respect are the cornerstones of any solid relationship, and this moment is a perfect opportunity to reinforce them. 💑💕

[Anonymous]

My reading of this was during a time when you were making up he made a joke you didn't like. Probably because you were feeling vulnerable after a fight and he compared you to his exes.
What he said could be considered a compliment and respect if you consider being an aggressive and robust fighter in an argument beneficial. Perhaps he could easily subdue his exes.

[hello4433]

He's telling the truth

[Asker]

Yeah but he said he was kidding also is it normal to say something like that

[hello4433]

Yes, he hasn't done anything wrong