Update I cheated on my partner of 8 years w a guy who I occasionally see at work - what do I do now?

[Winstah26]

So I cheated on my partner. He was away for work for 4 weeks. Before he left we had been fighting for months and I pleaded w him not to go. He earns a lot of money so I thought he could find something else for 4 weeks but he didn’t. I was really upset about it and had been debating to break off the relationship. I knew this guy at work that comes in occasionally wanted to fuck me. He would flirt w me, buy me things and he asked me one day if I had a partner and I said I do and then he kinda backed off. Fast forward a few weeks and I found out he was married. Which blew my mind because he was the one making all the moves not me and he had a wife.

My partner left and I got lonely so I hit this guy up. And yep he was down. I told him only sex and that we have a few weeks my partner is away. Coincidentally his wife was away for a few weeks too. Not gonna lie it was amazing the best I had ever felt in my entire life. We started meeting up in the morning before work and after. Started slowly just kissing and then things progressed. On the 2nd week we had sex and it was amazing the best I’ve ever had in my life - but things started to get more real for me like damn I think I actually like this guy but I knew it was only ever going to be sex because he had said in previous conversation that he would never leave his wife.
We were suppose to meet the next morning and I just couldn’t do it. After the first time we had sex I knew I couldn’t go back because I knew I really liked him. He stopped coming in for a bit which I was happy about because I needed to get my head straight but then he started coming in again trying to flirt w me and asking to hang but he would never text or call me. He would only flirt w m at work

It’s been about a month now and I still think of him. He comes in sometimes and still tries. I feel so guilty my partner knows something’s up and I know I’m not truly happy do I break things off?

[Finchie40]

Sadly your situation happens more than you think it does , I been in your shoes before and I am just going to cut right to the chase. You and you work lover both need to end your relationships with your partners’ and each other. before seeing each other again and fooling around again , you both clearly aren’t happy in your current relationships. Because if the both of you were , you both wouldn’t be cheating on your partners’ with each other. At this point you are best to end your relationship with your boyfriend and tell him the truth, that you cheated on him or you can just tell him you met someone else , whichever works best for you but end it with him. Do not keep it a secret from your boyfriend , thinking things will be alright , if you do, you will sadly be living a lie and you will never be happy knowing you are constantly lying to your boyfriend’s face. You don’t love your boyfriend period , you might care about him , but you don’t love him. You will be fooling yourself thinking that you do. The damage is already done by you cheating on him. Even if your boyfriend chooses to forgive you and wants to work things out , don’t do it , because he will hold the fact that you cheated on him over your head and make your life a living hell and put you on a very short leash , because the trust between you both is broken and there is no fixing that shit. So you are best to dump your boyfriend and let him move on and you move on as well. As for your married lover , you are best to not see him or sleep with him anymore until he ends things with his wife completely , tell him straight out what the both of you done was wrong and that you no longer want to see him or fool around with him unless he leaves his wife completely and proves it to you. Do not assume he is , cuz he already told you he isn’t leaving his wife , so you are best to back off of him as well and tell him No more. Do not be tempted to fall for his bullshit , he just likes the convenience of you if he isn’t leaving his wife for you. Sadly you are just a piece of ass to him unless he proves otherwise that he left his wife for you. But do not bank on that happening. I been the other guy a handful of times with married women that rocked my world on bed. That came on to me and treated me like Gold , telling me they were leaving their husbands for me and they never did. So again do not bank on this guy leaving his wife for you whatsoever. If you continue sleeping with him , just know you are just a convenience to him , if he doesn’t leave his wife for you period

[Winstah26]

I think I will leave my current boyfriend eventually. I’ve never cheated in my life before this. But I think I was unhappy in my current relationship that’s why I think I did it and I feel horrible that I did and I know I’m a piece of trash things will come to an end soon, its been very hard to be intimate w my partner since he’s been back I think because of all the guilt. As for my work lover we only slept together once and I knew if I kept seeing him I would start falling for him but we both had already agreed that sex was all it was ever going to be. He kept trying to come in and flirt w me and try to meet up I said no I can’t do it. He was also never really the type to text or call me or talk about where this was going. It’s really hard seeing him at work he doesn’t come in all the time but when he does he flirts w me every single time and I feel sad because I do want him but I know he only wants sex. I’ve realised I need a connection and whatever he was giving was never going to make things real. I know I made a mistake but I do not regret it. It was beautiful and that feeling I never want to forget that feeling ever it’s made me realise that I do want more than my current relationship. I know I should not have cheated but I am human

[Finchie40]

The reason you are having a hard time being intimate with your boyfriend , is because oh what you did and how you feel about the other guy that rocked your world. Honestly you should of ended your relationship with your boyfriend immediately batter you cheated on him , stringing him along is not going to fix anything , it’s just going to make matters worse than what it already is. I cheated one time on a girl and the sex was absolutely amazing as well, mainly because this other girl treated me like Gold compared to how my current partner was treating me. So immediately after I cheated , I confessed the truth to my girlfriend that I cheated on her and no longer want to be with her. And explained to her why I cheated on her. She honestly wanted to give me a second chance but I declined her offer and said she is best to find someone that wouldn’t cheat on her instead. She asked me if I was going to continue seeing the other girl , and I said probably not because she has a boyfriend as well , unless she breaks up with him for me then possibly. But at this time I don’t really want to be with anyone cuz I need to figure out myself , I am not. Proud of what I did cuz this is the first time I ever cheated on someone and why I went down this road when I never did before makes me question myself because I am not going to lie , I enjoyed it , she made me feel happiness again , the sex was that good. My girlfriend said she understands and told me to think about it and that was the last I head from her, until the following weekend she showed up on my doorstep wearing a long jacket and lingerie underneath it wanted to have sex with me again , so I ended up screwing her but the whole time I was having sex with her , I didn’t feel comfortable with her 100 percent , after we finished and confessed to her that let’s just be friends’ and nothing else. Sex with her wasn’t the same and all I thought about was the other girl. The other girl ended up staying with her boyfriend

[Finchie40]

She still wanted to have sex with me when it was convenient for her and that’s when I said No , I don’t want to be a convenience to anyone. She said if I change my mind to let her know. I never called or seen her again after that. At that moment I realized cheating was the most selfish thing I have ever did and I promised myself I would never cheat on someone again. And I haven’t. But when it comes to meeting girls’ that cheat on their husbands and boyfriends’ I meet a bunch of them lol. So much that I don’t even care whether she is or isn’t anymore if I am horny and in the mood and she is throwing herself at me. Most of them lie and say they are single but I figure that’s her problem not mine. All I know is the sex is amazing and these girls’ have rocked my world through the years. I won’t get into a relationship with them if I find out she already has a partner but o have no problem screwing her brains out. If she wants to cheat , that’s her problem.

[OlderAndWiser]

"So I cheated on my partner. He was away for work for 4 weeks." What's your time limit for remaining faithful?

"Before he left we had been fighting for months and I pleaded w him not to go." You were thinking about breaking up with him but, in the meanwhile, you asked him to turn his back on his job?

"I knew this guy at work that comes in occasionally wanted to fuck me." If you knew that, you had already crossed the line.

"He would flirt w me, buy me things" As I said, you had already crossed the line.

"Fast forward a few weeks and I found out he was married. Which blew my mind because he was the one making all the moves not me and he had a wife." So his cheating was worse than yours?

My partner left and I got lonely so I hit this guy up. And yep he was down. I told him only sex and that we have a few weeks my partner is away. Coincidentally his wife was away for a few weeks too. Not gonna lie it was amazing the best I had ever felt in my entire life. We started meeting up in the morning before work and after. Started slowly just kissing and then things progressed. On the 2nd week we had sex and it was amazing the best I’ve ever had in my life - but things started to get more real for me like damn I think I actually like this guy but I knew it was only ever going to be sex because he had said in previous conversation that he would never leave his wife." So. . . it wasn't a MISTAKE, was it? It was very deliberate and intentional.

"It’s been about a month now and I still think of him. He comes in sometimes and still tries. I feel so guilty my partner knows something’s up and I know I’m not truly happy do I break things off?" Why didn't you break up before he left?

[nron97]

Because she’s a piece of garbage, pretty plain to see, very generic example of a cheater, blame everything and everyone, every circumstance, but yourself. Fighting and her boyfriend leaving for a few weeks isn’t justification for cheating on someone who’s wasted 8 years of their life with you, with a guy that is married none the less. Oh but at least she thinks of him from time to time, so she must be a good person right… she’s a degenerate low life human, plain and simple. They’re everywhere.

[OlderAndWiser]

@nron97 I am not in any way defending cheaters. I am 70 years old, never cheated on a partner, but had two partners cheat on me

[Danielle93]

@nron97
Honestly the OP is the one losing. If anything the boyfriend (hopefully ex boyfriend) was smart enough to keep her at forever girlfriend status. 8 years and still just dating, lol. It would've been worse if it had progressed towards marriage and then go through the headache of divorce process or if they had kids. Besides romantic feelings and sex (you don't live on that forever), absolutely nothing is bonding them. He can easily ditch her.

[Danielle93]

So if you get into another relationship and your man can't be with you 24/7 then every single time you feel lonely, your solution is to run into another man's arm?

Do you really have any interesting hobbies besides attention from men and sex? There is a reason why your boyfriend has kept you at just a girlfriend to have a good time with but hasn't proposed. If he wanted to, he would've done that long ago. You haven't earned it.

I think you need to confess and break up. You were already thinking about breaking. The relationship has become stagnant by now. I'm willing to bet after he ends it with you, he might propose to the next women within 2 years or less.

[Vesuvius87]

It's time to go your separate way and take a break from relationships. At some time, I'm sure that after being in a relationship for years and it not progressing has become an old habit by now.

I really think you should seek help to find out why you feel the urge to seek male attention whenever you're feeling lonely. There are many things you can do to alleviate your loneliness and it doesn't have to be seeking men. At the same time, it wouldn't be fair for your boyfriend to be stuck in a dead-end relationship with someone that cheats every time he's not available.

[AI Opinion]

Hey, love dynamo! 🌟 You've stepped into a plot twist worthy of a rom-com, but it's time for real talk. Cheating brings a buffet of guilt, confusion, and longing (sounds like one intense dish, right?). It's crucial to figure out what you want. If your current relationship feels like a sinking ship, it might be time to part ways and focus on your happiness. But remember, starting something with someone already hitched is like boarding a rollercoaster that never stops. Prioritize open communication and reflect on what truly makes your heart flutter. You deserve a relationship that's as amazing as your wildest daydreams! 💖

[Summeroflove]

Number one you’re both bad people for cheating and both cowards for not either breaking the relationships off or fixing them. You can excuse your reasoning for cheating all that you want to that you were fighting, that he was away, etc. When the opportunity came up at the right time you acted on it which is probably something you have been thinking about doing long before you even did it.

If you feel bad for it then you need to come clean and make it right. Could it end the relationship? Yes, it can absolutely end that relationship but don’t waste that man’s life anymore then you already have. Don’t waste your own life either from a entirely selfish perspective.

What happens is that causal sex someone ends up getting too attached which may have been the case here. Now you’re attached to another man. Even if you’re too cowardly to confess to the cheating it’s time to break up. You obviously aren’t happy in the relationship you’re in

[PeachyPie93]

Break up.. You are unhappy and blaming your partner. You then cheated for at least 2 weeks.. Break up and stop being a coward, I think you need to learn to be by yourself since clearly you don't know how to be faithful. Plus you slept with a married man, like what is wrong with you?

[Fireguy17]

either tell him, or wait until he finds out and catches you, or just leaves then you won't have to tell him at all.

[Winstah26]

I do not see the other guy anymore. We only slept together once. He only wanted sex so I didn’t want to see him anymore

[Fireguy17]

good plan.
Hopefully you will find someone that wants to be with you for you, not just to get laid.

[Winstah26]

Thank u. I guess my plan is to break up w my partner and just be single he deserves so much better

[Anonymous]

First 3 sentences is you trying to justify the fact that you’re a degenerate “we were fighting I pleaded with him not to go” stfu already, you losers are all the same, sing the same boring song you’re a piece of garbage.

[Winstah26]

At no point was I trying to justify anything I did. Yes I cheated yes I know I’m not a good person I know I’m a shitty person

[Danielle93]

It's no wonder he hasn't proposed after 8 years. He sounds like a smart cookies. It's likely she's not convincing enough. 8 years and the OP is still a girlfriend that be dumped easily.

[FreyaRed]

What do you want? Avoiding consequences? Attention of your lover who bangs probably 5 other women?

[Nikki1989]

You play with fire, you will get burned eventually.

[Anonymous]

Yes do the man a favour and help him get rid of the trash: which would be you.

[chrissykerdock]

give him blowjobs everynight for a month

[Bklynbadboy12]

Does your partner know you cheated on him

[Winstah26]

No I only slept w the other guy once. I know it doesn’t make it better I know it’s wrong, I will end my relationship some time soon because I know I’m unhappy

[jahaims]

Trash