Females want only one man is a myth according to new research. Your thoughts?

[Crimsyjo]

So throughout history most studies and opinions have been created by the dominant classes- white males of social class. A classic example is Darwins theory of natural selection and the proposed theory that males have a genetic predisposition to spread their seed and females to prefer to be more selective and go for the "top" male for the optimum genes for procreation. The classic "top 10%" lots of guys presume get all the sex in the dating world.

Well one study, to illustrate this, on the buffbreasted sandpiper was revisited. Scientists observed that the males would compete and the "winning" male would breed with all or nearly all of the females. The bias these male scientists had - in liking the idea of being a dominant male getting all the females- concluded that this is how it was. However new technologies and research has shown that the egg cluster of the females (that can be fathered by different males) contained a mixture. With the successful male only fathering a percentage of chick's. Higher than other fathers. But certainly nowhere near the belief of the scientists from before. This is because the scientist failed to observe the females behaviour (as females are generally overlooked in history). So in fact females are less exclusive - or equally promiscuous- as males than is the adopted mainstream view. A view that colours society and our behaviour.

I used to believe in monogamy. I still like the idea but women- we have to ask ourselves is this just social conditioning drummed into us from birth as a way to control and suppress us. Why should it be considered "natural" for some men to feel need to "spread their seed" but the same sexual desire in women be villanised and condemned?

[Finchie40]

My thoughts is that people are going to do , what they want to do , mainly because we all come from different paths in life , and experience different things. Not everyone wants a 1 on 1 relationship and not everyone thinks only having sex with just one person is enough. Etc. Bottomline we all have freewill and we all can choose what we choose to do. Some people want long lasting relationships and some don’t , and some don’t want relationships at all. So it all comes down to each individual person decision of what they want and don’t want to do . Me personally is a 1 on 1 relationship kind of guy , I don’t get into a relationship with a girl and stamp her with an expiration date , I am choosing her the same way I hope she is choosing me , if not , then our relationship will not last whatsoever, and it’s back to square one of being single until I feel ready to put myself back on the market again , hoping to meet a better girl then my ex. Sometimes after a break up I will take a break from relationships all together and sometimes I will just have casual sex with girls ‘ because I am not ready to be in a relationship right away. Whichever girl I meet and I am interested in or is interested in me , I will be upfront and honest with her about what I am seeking or tell her I am not looking to rush into a relationship but I am down for FWB’s , giving her the option to say Yes or No , Most girls’ say yes , so it seems to be working for me until I feel ready to actually settle down again with a girl. Once I fall head over heels for a girl , then I know I only want her and no one else , hoping she feels the same.

[strateguy632]

But that is not the meaning of monogamy.

Sure she wants many men, same as men before marriage, but not while she loves one. Love is loyalty. Having many spouses at the same time is not love.

We can ask "would a woman want, to marry a married man to be his second wife"? I doubt any woman would want that? Do you?

[Crimsyjo]

Perfect answer. I think you deserve MHOfor that. Cos whilst seeking the one I'm finding only parts of what I need across many. But truly I do want love and when in love I am a one-man type of woman and I adore channelling all myself into just one. I guess love and emotion is a higher concept that many animals lack. So perhaps animal studies can not really relate to relationships. Only the biological component. Which as humans we have evolved away from in many areas.

[MrOracle]

I saw this question and I came here to give more or less this exact answer. Thanks for saving me a bunch of typing. Thumbs up, @strateguy632

[Anonymous]

These are birds. If you want to use animals as an example you could use the preying mantis that cuts off the male's head after sex or how about lions where one or two male lions dominant a pride of multiple lionesses, killing or chasing off weaker or younger males until being replaced.

Human women i believe choose the strongest male partner they think they can get. The only thing is maybe what we view as strength.

Monogamy existed for a reason in the past for women to both to get a husband and to keep him. That's why it was so important for a girl to remain a virgin until marraige. We mind view this as unfair when guys of the era were seeing their wild oats but in those days before contraception sex lead to pregnancy so monogamy was important because you needed assure a man that the child you were carrying and had was his and not some random guy. There was no DNA tests so if you had sex with multiple guys there would be no way of knowing the father. A good example of this is in WW2 when British men went off to fight for years at a time maybe say they left in 1941 for north Africa and came back in 1945 only to find their wife had a 2 year old child and that man had two choices.

[Apple1996]

Yep it's def a myth that women only want one man. It makes more sense for a woman to have many baby daddies so each kid can have their own provider/protector.

[Crimsyjo]

That's an interesting perspective! Also in terms of survival of the fittest.. many children wuth different genes/qualities to compete. If all your children aree from one father and he has a genetic defect there's a chance all your offspring are doomed. Instead of just one.

[Apple1996]

Yeah exactly like i have 5 kids with my husband but that's because I know he's a good provider and in today's world that is rare so there isn't the option to have many good baby daddies. If all men were good providers and protectors I could see myself having 100 babies with different men. Not even a sexual thing like just strictly mating and raising kids it's seems very ideal.

[Summeroflove]

People who cannot form genuine connections with one person are like this because they get bored as well as want other supply. Narcissistic men are doing the same thing it doesn’t matter how good you are you’ll never be good enough for someone like that.

[MrChinaski]

So... your argument is that a person who can form genuine connections with two or three people is inferior to a person who can form a genuine connection with one person? Yes, I'm mocking you.

[Summeroflove]

@bddddd it’s above your head

[MrChinaski]

I can assure you that it is not above my head. There are 999 chances in 1000 I am both smarter and more experienced than you are. But, sure, insult me if that makes you happy.

[MrChinaski]

You think you are going to make the world a better place by insulting people instead of listening to them and weighing their opinions?

[Crimsyjo]

@bddddd there's no point arguing here. There isn't really a right or wrong answer either as some people find genuine monogamous relationships that work and some have polygamous relationships that work. Each. ay criticise the other because they think what they have is so good. Why can't both be equally good?

I'll contradict myself probably here but I struggle to see true love if someone "loves" multiple people. I care about my multiple partners but I know if I truly loved one of them I'd only want him. But is that natural or social conditioning? Whilst not in love I enjoy my multiple connections and care about each guy and each brings something different to the table and that makes things interesting and fulfilling in a way that I do fear a monogamous relationship won't.

Is love overrated? Maybe that's the question.

[MrChinaski]

It's a fine point, well made. I don't come to forums to pick fight with people. A fight was picked with me. Your view is your view and I have no reason to argue against your view.

[Crimsyjo]

@bddddd nor I yours. I think people should be able to agree to disagree. Or see there isn't always a one way only answer.

[MrChinaski]

I agree 100% and I thank you for your intervention.

[Summeroflove]

@bddddd more experience in what?

[Summeroflove]

@bddddd more experience in sleeping around? Because that’s easy. Forming genuine connections is not

[Summeroflove]

Most people just don’t know what love is. They just perverted it and perverted it until they lost it

[Summeroflove]

@bddddd you did try to pick a fight

[Crimsyjo]

My connections are genuine connections even if more than one. People do it all the time otherwise how do you love more than one of your offspring or love your family as well as partner? Humans are capable of connecting and loving multiple people equally. Hence I do distinguish between TRUE love and just love. But my guys are not one night stands and I have connections with them and interest in their lives and personalities.

[MrChinaski]

You seem like a well-balanced and healthy adult that is making their way in the world.

[MrChinaski]

xx I wish you only good things.

[Crimsyjo]

@bddddd haha I'd argue the term "well balanced" tho I'm seeking balance in my life lol. Thank you 😄

[AviatorTom]

Biological research indicates that a female chooses a male who can make her pregnant, leading to a healthy birth, then the male can help raising the child That can involve more than one mate.

Females typically choose one male out of convenience. It's more difficult to have a child by one male, and another child by another male.

[sawno]

Isn't it that men are pretty careless who they mate with and women want to fuck upwards? Couple things at play. Men do not biologically need to care if they get anyone pregnant, the more the better as long as you commit to someone to properly raise a child perhaps one of the other kids survives. Its only in a society that forces you to take accountability that this strategy becomes a bad idea.

Women are bound to one guy's baby at a time and are crippled in the process. So you better make sure he sticks around or your chances of survival lower drastically in a non civilized world or you miscarry and now didn't have that offspring. But that doesn't mean you couldn't share one really competent guy or have a group of them share you. I'd assume both cases happened depending on the male to female ratio in that population.

So is it logical that its less rigid? Yes. But its also logical for women to seek reliability / competence and that monogamy strongly favors them. It ensures the child has a good father in the long run.

Underneath it all were all human with the same urges though, in modern society it matters less and is not like there's not a lot of women out there cheating on their partners.

[MrChinaski]

In evolutionary terms is to support child development. Women take at least 9 months to produce a child, whereas men can spend as little as 5 minutes... or so I've been told.

The whole purpose of marriage is to force women to divide up evenly between the men so that the men don't get restless and do stupid things. The natural state of the world is that some high-value men could be good husbands to multiple women and providers to many children... resulting in women further down the chain matching with higher value men. But then you end up with a pool of restive male dregs with no possibility of marriage.

So we invented religion and then law based on those religions that says 1+1 is the only option. That sounds kind of clinical. True though.

2000 years of history isn't predicated on a myth that women only want one man, or that men only want one woman. It's designed to maintain social stability.

You stop your car at red lights even when you can't see other cars around, right?

[MrChinaski]

It's one of those 'red pill' challenges. First you need to understand that monogamy is a nonsensical social construct. Then you are liberated. You get to choose for yourself whether you want to be monogamous, polyamorous, monogamous but with outside casual relationships, or whatever. I'm not saying that one or the other is better. Just that the social constraints that require you to be monogamous are nonsense.

Just watch out for the churchy types that will be angry at you if you choose anything other than strict monogamy. Speaking from experience, it has been a rough ride.

[TheSpaceGnome]

So studies about a bird species isn't even a reflection of other bird species, let alone a primate. Penguins and parrots mate for life, and when their mate dies, it can stress them into cardiac arrest, but female bower birds for example are very fickle, and only mate at all if impressed with shinies.

Most humans crave monogamy, its unusual for our species not to, its a nature thing, not nurture. Most chimpanzies are harem oriented, with the strongest male attacking the weaker ones to fulfill his greed.

There actually isn't a top 10% of guys, because women are individuals and want different physical and personality and social situations in a guy.

A shy gamer nerd who has 2 friends and hates parties and thinks polygamy is an STD breeding ground is not going to want a playboy rich actor who kisses people in acting roles and spends their time in the public eye.

My top 10% for women might be some other guys bottom 10% for women as well, so its not just women choosing where individuality reigns supreme.

[DomInDraper]

This is very poor reasoning.

Only human females seek 'men', and there were no human females in this study.
And when it comes to the biology of other organisms, female selectivity is highly variable. What you posted, frankly, sounds like it does favor the 'selective female' scenario, with females weighting their eggs towards the top performers. Something like 50-60% of eggs are fertilized by the top handful of males in closely related species.

Furthermore, the buffbreasted sandpiper is actually less selective in this way than most related species. So you picked a species that is particularly well-suited to your argument, and now you're trying to use it to describe a general phenomena, then apply it to humans, who aren't even in the same class (mammals vs avians).

On top of that, very few people have claimed that women only want one male in any reproductive capacity. However, many of them have claimed that women want the top handful of men and use monogamy as a strategy to secure one of their resources. This remains accurate.

But big picture, what you're doing here is:
1. Creating and attacking a strawman,
2. Using a single species with a mating strategy that goes against the mold
3. Generalizing it to all species as though it were a universal
4. Then applying it to one particular species as though their behavior were magically equivalent, and that species isn't even in the same class.

[Nik1hil]

Considering that Female Cats in heat will Bang 6-7 male Cats at a time..

Yes its a myth..

Actually it's a Decoy to make men think they can be enough for a women.. that way men keep improving themselves and keep building and Women Keep enjoy the Fruits of men's Labour..

In reality 🤫One man isn't enough 🤭

Only thing men should expect from a women is minimum 1 to max 7 years of Loyalty..

1 year of Loyalty so she can get pregnant and give Birth to any male child and 7 Years at maximum since It's the minimum time required for a child to grow up enough to take care of their basic stuff..

[Crimsyjo]

I kind of agree. Tho I was loyal to my husband. I did get what they call the "7 year itch" lol. So you may be onto something.

I don't think it's a malicious intended thing. And it's certainly not impossible that a woman only wants her one man and loves and cherishes him. But he has ri put the work in to keep her feeling that way and it's my experience from observation that most men just cannot stimulate and excite a woman enough to keep her longing for him. Society has conditioned women to either suppress their sex drive in such cases (and lead to depression which I'm sure everyone will agree is extremely common complaint) or they seek titillation through steamy books, movies and fantasies. I certainly needed to in my marriage.
Men likewise seek fantasy and visual titillation through viewing other women even if they too are conditioned to be loyal and faithful. But everyone accepts that a man's imagination can wander and he can lust and watch porn. But women are criticised for it.
Men definitely want to feel number one. I do too so it goes both ways. But is this a natural state or one we have learned?
Because live in a very independent (selfish) western society which has advantages but is far removed from the collective communal mindset that used to be needed for groups to survive. And such groups - it's been found studying tribes - live polygamy lifestyles much more openly. So I only question "nature" over "nurture" on women's sexuality?

[IslaTheWitch]

any link (s) to this mysterious research?

definitely, one man at a time is more than enough to deal with... but I never said I would limit myself to one relationship only :D

I also limit my man to be only with me when we are together, and I'm very open about me being territorial AF :D

in the end, I was in two long-term relationships and have kids from both... but definitely, relationships were monogamous :D

[Crimsyjo]

Same here actually. Two long term relationships. I am jealous type and I like my man to be jealous (but not controlling iykwim). I think if a man said I can go other guys that irks me. Like he can't love me and say that.
In casual relationships tho I feel differently. I have emotions for my guys but it's not the same. I view polygamy as being a step between the two. Not true love. More a deep care for a variety or small group of people. Certainly not impossible. Maybe even more sustainable? I don't know.
And the study was mentioned in my university text books. I can find the reference they list if you want. But it's a trusted source. I guess the point was also about viewpoints (the researchers focusing only on dominant birds behaviour) not sexual behaviour directly. As there are species that mate for life and prefer to remain alone if their partner dies.

[IslaTheWitch]

for me casual relationship doesn't exist... if there are no emotions and trust involved... I wouldn't waste my time :D

also territorial doesn't mean jealous... I set very clear boundaries... if he crosses them... sayonara loser :D

the good thing is that men in my life understood my position very well :D

[Crimsyjo]

How do you find them? I set clear boundaries in relationships (like I don't want to rush and not sex early on) but all guys seem to want is sex and not take time. Which is no loss true. But if I didn't fill the gap with casuals my 8 years alone and no sex or joy would be coming up to ten now. And I'm not exactly young with time to waste. So I like having fun whilst looking. I don't like one night stands. High risk for little reward. But I enjoy varied different connections with my guys which makes me look at polygamy different to how used to. And wonder if true love is a myth - or extreme rarity - these days. Maybe not in the younger years where both male and female pair to make a family. But it certainly seems like without that "necessity " men just don't want to settle down?

[IslaTheWitch]

I'm not in a hurry, all men who aren't patient enough just won't make it... I also don't have a need for a relationship... I never needed it... I just met my partners, and they took it as slowly as I did...

I also experienced true love... it just happened...

but I can't tell you how to achieve it... I'm definitely closed off and not a social butterfly, and men still pester me...

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Interesting convo here 👌🏼

Easy for me to relate to Isla since she describes the pattern of all my relationships since two decades, I usually need maybe... 200 hours of conversation? To truly relate romantically to someone. Speaking in convo hours because I find it more relevant and precise than any number of weeks/months/dates. Do you have 200 hours to spend @Crimsyjo? Jk, I'm not going to make it some kind of absolute truth. Also, aside from any number of hours together, that's still for you Crimsy, there is the thing with mental availability. Maybe you're just not available, in the sense that your taste for casuals prevent you from being mentally involved in the kind of involvement needed to develop a relationship?

[IslaTheWitch]

@Maybe_Maybe_not my ex husband talked to me on text and on phone for 4 months before we met the first time :D and it took me another 2 months of meeting him here and there mostly in my friend group before I was ready to admit... it's something more :D

[Crimsyjo]

@Maybe_Maybe_not I've no idea. I know I've chatted to a guy .. my age guy.. and it's gone super well. And because I know I like them physically, if we click in convo too, I get super excited. And I do want to focus on them. I do a little fear too - like I'll miss my casual guys unless they ok to just stay friends no physical - but so far things go wrong and it's not me. One was a cat fish (we were so great but he admitted using mates pictures). I convinced him to not do that. That its pointless feeling excited like we was only for there to NOT be that physical attraction. The other guy, well he ended up having some pretty big kinks. Which is fine. I don't judge. But not for me relationship wise. And any other guy? They just fizzle out. Or turn weird. Three guys matched with me this week. I spoke to two. All three unmatched after two or three days. They don't know me or my lifestyle. So.. unless I'm giving off a PSYCHIC vibe of unavailable? I don't even get passed the starting post with guys my age. My theory is starting to be that age 45 in a woman is seen as past it. That guys upto 50 want a woman much younger like in her 30's. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ guys who overlook my age to so only if they thinking just sex.
What else puts them off? I've been told being TOO independent? Too educated. Because I study, have house, car, job. Because I like going out and not afraid to do so solo. ? It's a mystery and frustrating and only pushes me further down the casual rabbit hole.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@islathewitch
Yep, that's the pattern I know of, except that I don't need the group of friends :)

@Crimsyjo
Too independent and educated, you're dating in Amish communities or what? 😄
More seriously, I've just thrown hypothesis at you, I think it's quite hard to really understand where obstacles really are for anyone. Could be psychological, sociological, concrete or a combination of everything. Evidently, I'm not going to tell you to compromise with any guy, because I don't really like to compromise about who I'm romantically interested in anyway

[Crimsyjo]

@Maybe_Maybe_not haha I have compromised a lot in my search. I know I can't look for the perfect build, height, physique, job etc. I'm really open to dating. I want to meet and chat and date. And unless we really dislike eachother I don't even expect to instantly like someone and would like to just meet and see if friendship is there first. I hear you thonthat maybe my focus is split to much to really feel a vibe with someone. Maybe that makes me come across surface level even early on? I'm not sure.
And your right.. it's impossible to know or tell.
A couple of guys I've matched with have been scams. They asked if I'm looking for long term relationship. I say yes definitely. They say great, can they have my phone number. I say I'd like to talk a few days on the app first. See if we connect more. That I don't give my number put to strangers. They unmatched. So that's fishy to me. Any guy looking for something real will be OK to put the time in right?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Anyone looking for something real will definitely put the time in, in my opinion. And not because they're patient, more because they like it this way

[Zack-Bann]

Nature should NOT overpower nurture as easily as it does today


We built monogamous societies for a reason.


Polyamory is a recipe for all kinds of problems for everyone involved


And the upside is what? Sex with a bunch of people as opposed to sex with one person?


It’s overrated as fuck. We all have similar genitals and in a vacuum one genital works as well as another.
There’s no upside in having many partners that you can’t get from one good one


so they can make a 1000 studies about evolution it doesn't change the immediate rational logic.
We developed a pre frontal cortex for a reason: and that reason is to control irrational urges

[Crimsyjo]

I like your thinking. I do like idea of one guy. But then men are not as they used to be. Or maybe they are? But women do not tolerate a substandard man like we used to?
I don't know.
I like nothing better than loving a man and him me and wanting nobody else and doing things together and having great sex as part of the package. But where are these men that want same?
Men under 30 seem to want to "play the field" just as much as men over 30. Over 50 even.
As a woman.. I have sexual needs just as much as men. I believe in equality even if as male/female we express it differently. So i am not going to remain devoid of sex waiting for some type of guy that may never come.
The outcome? I have discovered in answer to your question of one genital being just as good as any other? Well that's definitely not true. You could find a person you get on and are attracted to but the sex is bad. Likewise someone who is amazing at sex could be a terrible life partner to rely on emotionally.
In my haram of guys the sex is different and brings me different types of joy. Where one is wild passion like out the movies every single time? But we don't cuddle or hang out much. Where another I can totally chill with and we spend days cuddling and watching movies and enjoying each other but the sex is less wild. Even a little "same old" in workable positioning. And yes because of size different positions work better for different guys.
Of course again the ideal is to find all that in one partner.. but I'm not sure the wild passionate thing I have with my 19 weeks FB would last that long if we were chilling and hanging out? One partner gives you more in a lot of ways but at expense of sexual thrill.
Which is ok. I can do that. Although I would try to keep things interesting.

Anyways I'm rambling now. My mind is not set on this issue.

[Zack-Bann]

You’re a pretty coherent rambler.
It’s hard to disagree with you even though I thought I would.

Ultimately we’re saying the same thing: survival of the fittest can take many forms

I’m a big fan of the idea that we make our own luck in life.
No one is owed love loyalty or commitment.
But it is something worth building towards as opposed to just giving up and living in an endless orgy

Even though I have greatly partaken in that way of life as well

[Crimsyjo]

Aww. I have never stopped looking for love and loyalty and commitment. I crave companionship as much as sex. But I'll enjoy what I can get too. And there are aspects I find fascinating with the multi relationships I have. Each person is unique and interesting. I don't just have a fuck and say bye.

[Zack-Bann]

Yeah I get that
So long as you’re not deceiving these guys there’s nothing wrong with a little desire
It’s better than doing nothing

[Miristheiss]

Well, as society and culture moves further and further away from Church, God, honor, duty, respect and devotion and (after the BC pill and "free" sex of the 70's until now) it just becomes more and more hedonistic, selfish, depraved, self absorbed, broken and damaged.

It will just get worse. The truth is, people don't really even know what they really want or need or want is healthy for them. They only want what feels good in that specific moment.

That's why herpes, single motherhood, abortion are off the charts today.

[Crimsyjo]

If God is honourable why does his religion promote inequality between men and women and suppress women and expect them to be second class to man?
Why if God believes in monogamy does he not use animals to showcase this?
If religious texts were written by man - for men - and clsim to be by God how do we know it truly is the word and wishes of God? Why did God make it so hard to find love? To be in a loving faithful relationship? Most women did not love their husbands but were forced to accept them or not be able to survive.

[Miristheiss]

Ah, someone more wise than God. Getting on the BC pill sure has women full of themselves. Wisdom is justified by it's children. Is society getting better and more healthy and stable, now that marriage is falling apart, kids are born out of wedlock to single mom homes, women are fucking around like crazy, getting Herpes, not marrying at all or waiting until 33 and then divorcing after 5 years because hubby can't give her the tingles like Chad did at the club when she was 22, women no longer love babies and families, they think the world needs them in their MEANINGLESS office cubical jobs sitting at a computer, while MEN still do all of the society building stuff, building everything, getting all the food and growing it all, getting all the energy/gas, electrical grid, water system, sewer and gas, HVAC, make almost all of the technical/medical innovation. Women becoming whores and sluts and abandoning families, marriage, children (what their bodies were designed for) to work 40 hours a week as some HR girl at a company.
Well, any honest rational person can see which society ran better and was more healthy.
Now we have a society full of ran through, single moms bitching on Tik Tok about how there are no good men and all men are crap. They start screwing at 16, go to clubs and sleep around all through their 20's, work some office job and builds nothing and then end up bitter, men hating women with herpes.
Marriage and children. Wow, God doesn't know anything.
Ok.
You sold me. You are wiser than God.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Women want to fuck around and then find out... it's just they don't make great partners after that process has gone down for like 30 times and they run into a man that is just trying to build a family. She'll cheat on him for dip shit reasons and the family situation goes to shit.

Disclaimer: Exceptions to the rule do not make the rule. Yes, I understand not "all" women. And fuck you if you're so triggered by a general statement that you have to respond with bullshit like "You can't get laid" just because I pointed out some facts. Get ahold of yourself bitch.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm basically saying they wasting their time with fuck boys instead of going for family oriented mother fuckers. I don't feel bad when they old and alone complaining where all the good men have gone. The good men were there but you choose fuck boys instead. Accept that fact. Bitch made a choice and it was sex + drama over family making shit. Simple to understand.

Teaching these young dudes and girls how to avoid all that is the real challenge. Alpha bro chad is going to easially convince 13 year old Kelly to sleep with him with no condom on... especially because Kelly didn't have a dad there that told her what dudes will bluff just to fuck some hot young pussy.

[Joshydavid25]

I agree that women aren't a monolith and don't only want one type of man.. But scientists and researchers are often agreeable people and so if you actually look into studies often times you can find the answer.. I don't think they over looked women, and I don't know if a study about birds really leads to anything about human behavior. Humans can only. be social conditioned so much before it clashes with our natural tendencies.. Men and women are both naturally monogamous, it's just that we're also naturally very selfish as well, which can lead to self destructive behavior..

[Anonymous]

polygamy and hypergamy are not social conditioning. it's biological hardwiring

a man can impregnate multiple women and never be physically vulnerable. his sperm is constantly regenerating therefore making him disposable with competition but valuable with scarcity

a woman can only be impregnated by one man regardless of many she sleeps with and be vulnerable for up to 9 months with a limited number of depleting eggs

monogamy isn't forced upon women. it's forced upon men to give other men a fighting chance rather than create a restless society where a small number of men get the vast majority of women and everyone is disposable

[Crimsyjo]

Women don't get pregnant by the first sperm that enters them. It took me 16 months of daily frequent sex to get pregnant by my husband. Obviously inferior sperm. So it would make sense biologically for men and women to have lots of sex and "best sperm wins" lol.

But society isn't made to support such a thing. And probably lots of good reasons for it. But men shaped it to be more of a one man arrangement (wife) where he is then responsible for her and the offspring. And to force this upon women - made a society where women could not make income and support themselves without needing a husband.

I am not supporting or unsupporting monogamy or polygamy. I am kind of all over the place in my decisions haha. But I found the study interesting and can see how men in older times didn't see women's perspectives and I bet had no clue how unloyal their wives really were. The people who say now that life worked better when women were "homebodies" and marriages lasted longer perhaps only have the male viewpoint of believing it was bliss. Maybe marriages lasted longer because of codependency yet also a secret freedom sexually. There's a lot of reasons why women of old didn't complain their husbands were away so much. Overseas or working or soldiering. You think they were spending months celebrate lol

[Opinion Owner]

best sperm wins? why are you promoting cuckoldry?

society is made for monogamy because there's roughly equal numbers of men and women

if men vastly outnumbered women or women vastly outnumbered men, then a case could be made for polygamy but that's not the case

there's no forcing going on. it's widely encouraged to keep society stable that couples remain monogamous and give singles a blueprint to become desirable. civilizations throughout history have toppled due to sexual access inequality

wives being unloyal is nothing new. it's blue-pill programming that has men believing women can do no wrong and are blindsided when they discover women's disloyalty

[Crimsyjo]

"Society is made" exactly. It's not mother nature.
In a polygamous community numbers wouldn't matter. As one woman can have five men. And those five men five other women. Numbers IS only a problem BECAUSE of monogamy. Because each woman or guy in a relationship is "off the table" there is a presumption that there can only be an equal number of pairings for nobody to get left out. But life of course doesn't work like that. And many people are left alone and lonesome.

Best sperm wins is evolution. And many animal species rely on this. I'm not promoting it. But as part of my philosophy degree questioning how much is nature and how much is conditioning through changes in society based on humans evolving away from nature's construct. And is this good or bad? Many men claim women have lost their sexual desires and feel frustrated - and exonerate sexually free women- yet also fear them.
I think monogamy is more for raising children. But after that? Does a man even care? It feels like if a man doesn't need or want children he has no interest in a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

social conditioning comes from biology too. entire communities have been wiped out by STDs in the past. society isn't generally anti-promiscuity because of social conditioning

men don't want to raise another man's offspring and women don't want to be disposable. social conditioning is actually being used to destigmatize promiscuity

[FreyaRed]

The theory of 10% is surely BS because this would eliminate all those genetic dead ends over few generations we can see daily on the streets. We all would look like AI generated.
This makes me two conclusion.
- genes of top males are as much worth as the genes of next Quasimodo
- sexual selection is rather a social concept than real one. everyone has the experience that weird things happened after two glasses too much, lol.

[PrincessC16]

I have asked this same question many times before. Why should men have all the fun? Yet the thought of sharing my boyfriend sends me over the top. I'm a hypocrite, I know.

[Crimsyjo]

No same same. If I am in a relationship I need to be number one. So I don't want to share. But I think that's something to do with love and hormones. And if a guy can give you everything amd you him then why would either of you want to go elsewhere? But when u don't have that connection... it's like when single why can guys run around having all the fun but saying single women having fun lowers her value?

[PeachyPie93]

I don't fuck men who I wouldn't breed with is how I see it. If I think a man is a loser or his kids will be ugly or he has diseases like cancer in his family he isn't one to have sex with. Personality and all that play a part but breeding is how I chose a guy. So if I wouldn't breed with him I sure as fuck ain't handing out free pussy to him lol.

[Crimsyjo]

Total get that. But say - as an example - you choose your mate and have kids and raise them - then he is killed or goes off or something. Your requirements for a mate are now for companionship and sex? Are they not? Not for any genetic reasons? That doesn't mean you sleep with people who r losers/ugly/damaged. But what about choosing someone gorgeous and sexy and fun? Don't you want fun?

[PeachyPie93]

If my partner died or left me I would just be looking for someone Id like to grow old with. I don't know what I would do at that point.. Sexy, cute and fun is great but at that stage in my life I doubt there would really be anyone worth while to try to date and I sure ain't fucking dudes for free cuz NO guy deserves free pussy since they are assholes lol

[OneViewpoint]

I see no reason to vilify women for the same behavior men participate in. Or even absent men's behavior, if a woman doesn't want to be monogamous, that's her business. It doesn't make her a bad person.

[MisterWack]

Women want what women want, it is the individual that makes it true.

Men want what men want, it is the individual that makes it true.

If you want a life partner, go for it. If you want to have sex & party with a bunch of hookers / sugardaddies you do you. If you want to be on a dating app then sure. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone and you’re happy, have fun!

[Pohjolan]

Humans are a mix of a polygamous and monogamous species.

Monogamy has become a norm in various cultures due to the social strife present in more polygamous societies giving monogamous societies a edge in competition between civilisations.

We'll see if porn/hentai and future companion bots are a viable alternative.

[Shiprex]

The mechanical spreading of genetic material does not account for the social nature and emotional connection people have between them when they are attached.
STIs are a thing for this particular reason and thus promiscuity is not the wisest mode of action IF REPRODUCTION is the purpose of relationships. Humans are not that kind of species though.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's men changing that is forcing a change in woman. If this is even happening.

[Crimsyjo]

I'd like one man yes but can't find one that is willing to put the work in to have a good relationship so maybe ..

[Crimsyjo]

Women won't settle anymore but in times of old - not even that long ago old - women had little choice.

Example: this old lady I know. She's 97. She told me she married this man (as was expected) and had children. He worked and provided and they hardly saw eachother. He had no part in raising the children directly. But then he died. She said she had no money or means without him and the kids would starve. So her husbands best friend married her.
Where is love and choice and choosing in this tale? She doesn't talk of love. She talks of survival and acceptance. It just was. Now us women want to actually be attracted to our man. Leaving many "undesirable " looking men to the wayside.

[Opinion Owner]

We've learned we do not have to by kept.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

With humans as a subject, I would only trust multidisciplinary studies to approach such a complicated topic, because there are many perspectives to take into account. Social, psychological, biological, neurological, anthropological etc.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I don't think that's true at all that's why in nature makes have found a way to out smart females like dogs when they have sex with a female doge they get stuck why do you think that is. So they can give there sperms a headstart fertilizing the egg just like certain birds and insects make a plug and plug the vigina up so she can't give it away. Female have always gone for the biggest and strongest and they rings true to this very day

[Crimsyjo]

Haha doesn't that prove my point? If women were selective and chose only one there would be no need for the males to adapt and adopt methods to try compete with the sperm that (likely) is going to enter the females next. Cos first sperm is not always the most successful sperm. 16 months trying to get pregnant with my husband proves cum isn't magic. One dose (or 100 from same doner) is no guarantee.

Look at those paternity test shows lol. The woman has sex every day with her boyfriend for months but it's the one night stand she fucked once that impregnated her lol.

Hence MEN invented marriage and concert of loyalty to insure their seed. Then complain about the restrictions cos we say what's good for the goose is good for the gander. 😄

[Crimsyjo]

*concept

[pierre7i]

Is it a sexual thing @Crimsyjo, for example because you like to enjoy the different sexual sensations of a different/ new penis inside you, or is that not a factor?

[PrincessC16]

Yes my ex husband was small. We were high school sweethearts and got married right after high school. We were each other's firsts. I wanted to know what it would be like to have a bigger cock. This eventually caused problems in our marriage.

[Crimsyjo]

For me no. Its not about cocks. It is about variety tho. I fear a boring routine sex life. I want a man who is as spontaneous and adventurous as me. And the more I go down this rabbit hole (enjoying adventurous sex) the harder it is becoming for me to think I can give this lifestyle up. But I do want love and companionship.
So an open relationship sounds pretty appealing. Or I need a gay best friend again.

[pierre7i]

How would having a gay best friend again help you @Crimsyjo?

[Crimsyjo]

Haha I had a gay best friend I loved. We slept in same bed, cuddled at night, went shopping, day trips, cooked meals, went out, bars, phoned each other. We would watch tv and I'd sit on floor between his legs and he would play with my hair. We laughed. We omg had such fun. Just vibes off eachother perfect. We loved eachother. But.. well.. he was gay. So we both had casual sex lives. Then could tell each other all about it too. He even helped me pull a few times. So yeah. The love and companionship side. He was my soul mate. Now if only he hadn't been gay lol. But I can't find that type of guy in a straight guy.

[alice55]

I must be different then I'm only able to bound with one person at a time even with friends I was unable to truly bound with multiple friend at the same time I can only bound with one person

[Oinkophobic]

You just have a Cluster B personality disorder, white woman. Your defective brain isn't exactly the ruler to measure everyone...

[Crimsyjo]

Guess that personality whatever it is is better than your racism and sexism problem lol

[Oinkophobic]

Dear white woman,

It's neither racist (one cannot be racist against white women anyway) nor sexist (sexism is the prejudice directed against all women or all men) to point out your Cluster B BPD brain.

I hope it helps!

[Crimsyjo]

Ignorant too I see? Can't be racist to whites? Wow? Your so dumb

[RedThread]

I'm a guy and I have a difficult time managing one relationship at a time never mind multiple ones.

[Oldschool1981]

My wife currently has a side guy. She also loves sex. She claims to have had at least 700 guys, 300 of which since we married, so yeah.

[molonski2]

Its an absolute myth they want just one guy , have slept with many married women , always they are frustrated , the sex is boring if its happening at all.

[Kelley1]

Since men will f**k down but marry equals, for marriage, women have to marry equals but they can and do cheat with much better.

[NathanDavis]

studies and research are wildly misinterpreted all the time...

by sensationalists too...

[NicholasRedone]

Lust / love at first sight sure does make the brain switch on switch off 🧠 so where would that fit I'd wonder 🤔

[KostasKouvalis]

Birds aren't humans. Though I saw a study years ago that found the average human gets bored with their partner after 12 years.

[Crimsyjo]

Haha my relationship from start to finish with my husband was 12 years!

[KostasKouvalis]

OMG, seriously? There you go!

[kellytheman]

I think women want a man but they want the perfect man which is not easy to find. I think the perfect man is a myth and if there is a perfect man I think a woman could settle and love one man.

[DrPepper12]

Both sexes benefit from promiscuity as does the species.

Monogamy is UNNATURAL RECENT & ANACHRONISTIC.

Don't know why that's so difficult to understand

[Manuelwe]

Women want

1- friend without benefits
2 - friend with benefits
3- friend with money
4- friend for advice
5- A Man they want to be the father of her kids.

[Crimsyjo]

What about love and companionship? I want that. Friend with benefits is just the substitute not the goal.

[Manuelwe]

You read the list. Each covers all types of Love. But women hate to admitt

[Crimsyjo]

Then it's wrong. Cos I've had my children. My husband was that. I've never been interested in money or a man with money. Most are arrogant anyways.
Friends without benefits are females in my world mostly. Advice? I go to my mum. Or here. Or Chatbot. That only leaves friends with benefits. Which is what I do. But as I said not my ultimate wish. So you are missing one. Cos friends with benefits don't love eachother.

So 6: A man who loves them.
Many women want that 100%.

[HungTexan]

Some women only want one man, and I think it’s a great concept, but it often doesn’t work out.

[Chargirllll]

@HungTexan exactly

[Anonymous]

I don’t want more than one man , having multiple partners is a lot of work plus I have a difficult enough time keeping one.

[Opinion Owner]

Correction : I can’t even keep one.

[Crimsyjo]

Aww. Way men are these days? That's not on you!!

[Opinion Owner]

thanks , I guess I’m not attractive enough for most men or it’s difficult for modern men to keep a conversation going for long periods of time.

[Staximus]

Why would anybody male or female love, trust, or support somebody who is not loyal to them?

[Crimsyjo]

It's a good point but why throughout history has it been thought acceptable for males to not be loyal and only females expected to be?

[Staximus]

That depends on what country you're from

[Staximus]

Cheating might be cool in Europe but it's not here

[Chargirllll]

Some do, some don't

I think it's just a myth

[MasterKS]

Social rules converted women otherwise naturally human are polygamy and same with female they like multiple men not just one, its big myth.

[NicholasRedone]

And of men? Converted also? However yes I did hear of this that humans evolved to become what they are

[NicholasRedone]

Emphasis humans (all)

[PaleDale]

I think it's true of both genders, but not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

They usually look for a man who is either rich, or very good looking, or both.

[Jennz6]

I want a female too

[LunarEclipse433]

I love that!!!

[oldpigg]

Promiscuous women disgust me.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I'm not surprised, women cheat too

[Anonymous]

Birds are not humans.

[elizamichale1]

It is true for most I think but not all

[MK1997]

Depending on the woman

Hard to say

[NicholasRedone]

Ditto like my above

[seeyounexttuesday]

Conclusion: Women are bird brains

[PrincessC16]

Ha.. ha

[Crimsyjo]

And men are just the seeds we peck peck peck upon lol.

[KittygosMeoWW]

I don’t want multiple men

[RageBabe]

I do.

[Maria90_]

I’m female I like women though.